Nemetona Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 If a man is intelligent, interesting and kind and you connect mentally, how important are his looks to you?
mrldii Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Whether or not at first glance his looks attracted me, chances are real good that if he's rocking it in all those other departments, his looks are gonna *grow* on me. 13
jam.over.jelly Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'm young, and maybe I'm a tad bit shallow, but in order for me to consider going out on a date with a guy, I have to find him attractive.
Guyouthere Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Whether or not at first glance his looks attracted me, chances are real good that if he's rocking it in all those other departments, his looks are gonna *grow* on me. Lets be honest here…… The large majority of women out there go for looks first. I used to look "worse" in the past, still had my intelligence back then, and now I have changed for the better (in looks), and now I have women flirting with me a lot. I have just been off the market because I was involved/married. So, from observation,,,, it is looks that women really go for (whether they want to openly admit it or not)
Guyouthere Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Maybe it has something to do with the fact that I'm young, and maybe I'm a tad bit shallow, but in order for me to consider going out on a date with a guy, I have to find him attractive. Yep, shallow alright. My ex wife was not pretty at all. I married her for who I thought she was as a person. Her inside matched her outside. Therefore nothing was worth it with her.
mrldii Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Lets be honest here…… The large majority of women out there go for looks first. I used to look "worse" in the past, still had my intelligence back then, and now I have changed for the better (in looks), and now I have women flirting with me a lot. I have just been off the market because I was involved/married. So, from observation,,,, it is looks that women really go for (whether they want to openly admit it or not) Of course we're attracted to looks, first...it's the first thing we see; we are after all humans, too. That's not what the OP asked. At first sighting, NO ONE (male or female) is going to know if a person is "intelligent, interesting, kind and (we) connect mentally", unless that person is wearing a sign that says so. I don't believe signs that people wear around their necks. In my defense, I am extremely dubious when I see 'homeless' people who "just ran out of gas" and just "need a couple of dollars to get back home", too. To be aware of the things the OP mentioned, I will have had to have interacted with him. Even if I wasn't initially attracted to his looks, those other things would make him extremely attractive to me. Only one of my 4 serious LTRs was a drop-dead-gorgeous-at-first-sight kind of guy; the rest - while by no means hideous - were NOT considered 'gorgeous' by other women's standards...but, they became gorgeous to me. And, that was 'good enough' for them. 3
jam.over.jelly Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 OK on second thought, I have more to add. I have dated 2 guys that aren't exactly "my type"; so I wasn't attracted to them at first. But they were all friends with me for a while before we even developed feelings for each other. Although they weren't physically what I would typically go for, I still found them very charming. But that only happened because I knew them as friends first before we dated. As for strangers, as in OLD or just a random guy asking me out, I have to find them attractive.
Guyouthere Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Having both is "where its at" Ladies take a number. lol Applications for my online harem will be offered here tomorrow at 7 AM Bring resume (and pic of shark fishing capabilities). 1
Gaeta Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 I need to be attracted, what attracts me changes all the time. I have dated men that were not 'pretty', or hot, or fit, but to me they were super attractive. 2
kilgore Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 I need to be attracted, what attracts me changes all the time. I have dated men that were not 'pretty', or hot, or fit, but to me they were super attractive. I never went for women who were objectively the prettiest, but I found them attractive so I get that 1
mrldii Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Having both is "where its at" Ladies take a number. lol Applications for my online harem will be offered here tomorrow at 7 AM Bring resume (and pic of shark fishing capabilities). Hmmmm. OP mentioned four things, yet you're proudly proclaiming you have "both". Double hmmmmm. Alright. I'll be back at 7AM for the application. Word of warning, though: the toughest fish I've ever caught was a goldfish at the State Fair when my ping-pong ball landed in his (her?) little glass bowl. BUTTTTTTT, I did just stay at a Holiday Inn, so I hope that'll bump me up in the selection process.
katiegrl Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Looks are subjective ...but yeah he has to be attractive "to me." As for how others would rate him on the attractiveness scale, I couldn't care less. 7
Guyouthere Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Ill give this story, what happened to me back at the end of last year. I had an online date, was supposed to meet at a beach down south of here. I arrived early, and while standing at the top of the stairs, had noticed a lady walking down the stairs to the sand, and then the water. She came back up when she was done, and I asked her how the ocean was. it was nearly pitch black. Conversation began, we could barely see each other as it was so dark. I told her who I was, why I was there. I kind of liked her, and evidently she felt the same. I took her number, kept it, then my date shows up, they actually meet each other. I introduce A to B. I spend time with my date, it is a no-go, nothing there. I drove home, and sent the other girl an email, she asked me how it all went. Over the course of a week or so, we continued talking. We eventually got pretty close for a while. One thing she specifically told me,,,,,, that it was my "intrigue" and personality that she was captivated with, and it was. We had deep discussions and I found her very intelligent as well, at my "level". It got to the point where she wanted sex, but I told her I didn't feel that for her yet, and I am not the kind of guy to just take advantage of it. She saw me as "hard to get", and kept trying to push into a serious relationship. We just weren't compatible for other reasons,,, so we went our separate ways,,, but we still spoke to each other, and still do. She is now in France and happy with a guy, and I am happy for her. She is very pretty too. But it goes to show…. that first night….. it was near total darkness,,,, and it was my personality that she couldn't resist not wanting to see me again. Overall she is very respectable, not a slut, and very high class. So yes, I know what I am worth too. I am also not ugly, and have been told I am better than average ( i am tall, thin with muscles).
TheBathWater Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Although I'm male, I feel I can speak with some authority on this question because of I have dated hundreds of women and had these kind of conversations endless times. There is a big difference between being good looking and attractive, and they are not synonymous. Ask a girl you know if she's ever known a good looking guy who she was repulsed by once he started talking. There you go. Sure, looks can often 'spark' a woman's interest, but there needs to be something more for it to truly ignite. Finally, some of the guys I've known who are the most successful with women look nothing like what any of us would objectively describe as good looking. For example, I have one friend who is in his mid-thirties, lives at home with his parents, has only a few teeth left in his mouth due to smoking (doesn't even wear dentures), is overweight, eats awful food, has a crappy car, is usually sweaty, curses constantly, drinks irresponsibly, looks like a mountain man/lumberjack, and plays video games all night. Guess what? He consistently pulls gorgeous women who are in their early twenties and has slept with more women than any guy I know. Here's the thing: He is FUNNY, FUNNY, FUNNY, really smart/conversational, and he knows how to flirt. This guy should be featured in some kind of documentary or something. Really. He is damn good, and living proof that you do not need to be good looking to be attractive to women. 3
Guyouthere Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 Although I'm male, I feel I can speak with some authority on this question because of I have dated hundreds of women and had these kind of conversations endless times. There is a big difference between being good looking and attractive, and they are not synonymous. Ask a girl you know if she's ever known a good looking guy who she was repulsed by once he started talking. There you go. Sure, looks can often 'spark' a woman's interest, but there needs to be something more for it to truly ignite. Finally, some of the guys I've known who are the most successful with women look nothing like what any of us would objectively describe as good looking. For example, I have one friend who is in his mid-thirties, lives at home with his parents, has only a few teeth left in his mouth due to smoking (doesn't even wear dentures), is overweight, eats awful food, has a crappy car, is usually sweaty, curses constantly, drinks irresponsibly, looks like a mountain man/lumberjack, and plays video games all night. Guess what? He consistently pulls gorgeous women who are in their early twenties and has slept with more women than any guy I know. Here's the thing: He is FUNNY, FUNNY, FUNNY, really smart/conversational, and he knows how to flirt. This guy should be featured in some kind of documentary or something. Really. He is damn good, and living proof that you do not need to be good looking to be attractive to women. Some guys don't want to have a lot of women, me included. One good one is more than enough. 1
Grumpybutfun Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 I need to be attracted, what attracts me changes all the time. I have dated men that were not 'pretty', or hot, or fit, but to me they were super attractive. We understand attractive...not all the kids do so explain the difference...they think you have to be uber hawt to be attractive.... I'm too tired... G 2
MissBee Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 If a man is intelligent, interesting and kind and you connect mentally, how important are his looks to you? For me, I've found that when I connect with a man and we have chemistry then looks are secondary. I have to be attracted to you physically and sexually to date you, but what I am saying is that I tend to be able to me attracted when those other non-physical things are in place. Whereas if a guy is good looking but we don't connect,nothing will make me sleep with him. 4
Guyouthere Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 For me, I've found that when I connect with a man and we have chemistry then looks are secondary. I have to be attracted to you physically and sexually to date you, but what I am saying is that I tend to be able to me attracted when those other non-physical things are in place. Whereas if a guy is good looking but we don't connect,nothing will make me sleep with him. Very well said. Now sleep with me, or I will ensure you have a piñata full of bees at your next birthday party
Guyouthere Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 For me, I've found that when I connect with a man and we have chemistry then looks are secondary. I have to be attracted to you physically and sexually to date you, but what I am saying is that I tend to be able to me attracted when those other non-physical things are in place. Whereas if a guy is good looking but we don't connect,nothing will make me sleep with him. Chemistry is when you ask your date to put some Mentos in a bottle of soda
Terry8889 Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 If a man is intelligent, interesting and kind and you connect mentally, how important are his looks to you? Looks are not everything especially for us girls, guys are more shallow. But it doesnt mean we will just go out with any ugly guy. A guy doesnt have to look like brad pit but at least be mild good looking. Even if the guy is super handsome and has a nasty personality, we will just run away. Anyway I think a mild good looking guy with a good personality and that knows how to make a girl feel especial is enough.
casey.lives Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 I think life is perfectly balanced, so are people. i want a balance. I think overly good looking makes for some personality problems ie, entitlement.. not hard working.. easily bored. so.. i want a 7, across the board.
Els Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 If a man is intelligent, interesting and kind and you connect mentally, how important are his looks to you? Not important (assuming basic stuff like not being morbidly obese). But while intelligence etc is incredibly important to me, I do have other non-appearance-related requirements beyond just the traits you mentioned. That being said, I've noticed that most of the time when this question is asked, it's because the guy THINKS he has a connection with a girl and thus she 'should accept him otherwise she's a shallow bitch who only cares about looks!'. Besides the fact that this attitude of entitlement is extremely unattractive, what you perceive as a 'great connection' might not be all that great to her. If you have a crush on someone you will naturally be biased and assume that the connection goes both ways, when in reality she might not feel much of a connection to you at all. Apologies if this isn't the case with you OP, but it's been the case in 99% of the times I've seen this mentioned. 3
Lois_Griffin Posted September 26, 2015 Posted September 26, 2015 A few years ago I met a lovely man on a dating site. Intelligent, kind, polite, great at conversation, generous, and an all around good guy, from what I could tell. I wasn't physically attracted to him even though he was pleasant enough looking. Its not like he looked like he belonged under a bridge or something. I went out with him a couple of times because I liked him and respected him and thought perhaps the chemistry would grow for me. I even tried to drink him pretty one night, to no avail. I just wasn't attracted to him physically. We can't control that - it is what it is. Great guy, had to let him go. 1
Author Nemetona Posted September 26, 2015 Author Posted September 26, 2015 Not important (assuming basic stuff like not being morbidly obese). But while intelligence etc is incredibly important to me, I do have other non-appearance-related requirements beyond just the traits you mentioned. That being said, I've noticed that most of the time when this question is asked, it's because the guy THINKS he has a connection with a girl and thus she 'should accept him otherwise she's a shallow bitch who only cares about looks!'. Besides the fact that this attitude of entitlement is extremely unattractive, what you perceive as a 'great connection' might not be all that great to her. If you have a crush on someone you will naturally be biased and assume that the connection goes both ways, when in reality she might not feel much of a connection to you at all. Apologies if this isn't the case with you OP, but it's been the case in 99% of the times I've seen this mentioned. Not sure if you realise that I'm a woman?
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