How to cope with the aftermath of infidelity.

[Kimm80]

Just want to see how many people have been cheated on, and what the outcome was. I just got married to the father of my children, and and partner for 17 years in August. Just found out last week that he messed around with a stripper in June, causing him to catch an STD. I'm devesrated to say the least. Part of me is ready to end the marriage, but another part of me is not. I've never been on my own, and I'm responsible for 4 little children's lives. He wants to make us work, but says that I deserve better, and that he's nothing but scum. We haven't really spoken since, and he's been sleeping on the couch. I just want to hear from other people who have been in a similar situation, and how they coped with the aftermath.

[MJJean]

It took him 17 years and 4 children to marry you. That's a red flag to me. A person who wants a committed relationship and a family doesn't take that long to make it real.

 

Then, shortly after the wedding ceremony, he cheats and brings home an STD while telling you how he's so terrible and you deserve better... Here's a pro tip...if he honestly believed you deserved better, he wouldn't have done it.

 

Either he's manipulating you into forgiving him and staying around or he's trying to tell you he doesn't want to be married to you in a passive aggressive way.

 

Personally, I don't see what the draw is. He ****ed a stripper and brought home an STD. Nuff said. I'd be going through everything from the last 17 years and looking for the other women he screwed and didn't catch anything from.

 

I got cheated on before and after my first marriage. We were 16 (me) and 18 (him) when we met and started dating. We married when I was 19 and he was 21. For a while, I decided what was sauce for the goose was sauce for the gander and I had my own affairs. 5 years into the marriage, I met a wonderful man, fell in love, took my kids, got a divorce, and got remarried. My two from the first marriage were 6 and 1 years old at the time. I've been married to DH for 12 years now, together for 15. He raised my 2 from my first marriage and we had 1 together. Leaving that marriage was the best decision on my life!

Edited September 26, 2015 by MJJean

[LoveMyCat]

It may seem too scary to be on your own but nothing is worse than staying in a bad relationship. How can you ever trust him again? I know I could not. How can you dare have sex with him? You should not have to worry about protection with your husband.

[Dutchman1]

Dear Kimm80,

 

When he said he was scum! Believe him.

 

Sorry for your pain. It must be so hard.

The father of your children, such a looser!

 

Maybe you wish his D..k rotts of from the STD ( I would )

 

Are you sure this was his first rodeo?

 

Every morning when mrs Dutchman comes for coffee ( no make up , hair a birds nest )

My heart warms and my whole me is happy. I'm married 30+ years.

Deeply in love.

 

I believe cheating is a choice, never a mistake.

 

I wish you strength and wisdom, and a man devoted to you alone.

 

Look after yourself and the children

 

Dutchman 1

[MJJean]

I believe cheating is a choice, never a mistake.

 

Dutchman 1

 

Especially with a stripper. If he went to her place of work, money was exchanged, and they did the deed there, that is nothing short of a premeditated sexual encounter. No if's and's or but's.

 

As someone who did cheat in my first marriage, I can tell you all from experience it was a choice. Actually, it was a series of choices.

 

I clearly remember the first time I cheated after the wedding. It was a ONS with my friends BF's friend, who lived next door. We were hanging out after work, her BF and his friends came home, we started chatting and goofing around, everyone went to bed but me and the friend, and we ended up having sex.

 

During the course of that evening, I had multiple internal warnings that I was entering dangerous territory and should leave. I chose to stay. Once first physical contact happened, I knew we were likely going to have sex unless I put a stop to it. I chose to continue.

 

Each and every extramarital sexual encounter I had, be it a regular lover or a ONS, afforded me multiple opportunities before anything serious happened to recognize the situation for what it was and walk away. Not once did I find myself naked in that blissful post-coital state and not know exactly how I got there.

 

No one accidentally cheats. People either plan it, deliberately ignore red flags so they can do what they want to do, or simply end up in a surprise compromising situation and chooses to let it happen. No matter how it happens, it's not a "mistake" or an "accident". It's a choice or series of choices made with full awareness.

 

Make no mistake, OP, your husband knew exactly what he was doing when he was doing it. No one has ever tripped, fallen, and suddenly found their penis inside of a vagina. Ever.