lovestruckloser needs to keep the woman of his dreams

[lovestruckloser]

"The One" is getting away and I can't take it. My girlfriend is graduating from college and moving a very long distance away. I, however, still have at least a year and a half of school left before I am ready to move and even if I was in the position to follow her wherever she wants to go, I kind of get the feeling she wouldn't want me to. I am trying to get her to at least try a long distance relationship, but so far I have not been able to convince her. I want to give her the space she needs without losing her. I'm afraid that if we don't try a long distance relationship she will meet someone new or possibly forget about me and we will never be together.

 

I want to convince her that long distance can work. I need some help before I lose my everything.

[Merin]

She could find someone new and forget about you even if she stayed right where she's at..

 

I'm not saying that it would happen, I'm saying that the possibility of loosing is there every time you get into a relationship with someone.

 

IF your GF is telling you she isn't down for a LDR, My guess is that while she may care for you, right now she is wanting some freedom and room to grow.. AND from the tone of your thread it seems you're pretty desperate to keep her (don't think this goes undetected by your GF) Honestly it could be making her feel smothered.

 

You didn't say she straight up told you she doesn't want you to move to where she's going so unless she's told you that don't assume it, ask.

 

IF she says she would be about you moving there, then make a plan of action as to how often the 2 of you could see one another while LD and when the 2 of you could expect to be together again...

 

Good Luck

[ConfusedInOC]

Well bro, I know exactly how you feel.

 

I wouldn't let mine go and consequently, she pushed herself away.

 

I hate to bring up an old saying, but I will:

 

"If you love someone, set them free.

If they come back, they are yours.

If not, they were never meant to be."

 

She just might want to see what life is like without you. If you give her the space she wants, she will most likely miss you and want you to visit.

 

Try not to crowd her, be clingy or take too much space. She can't miss you if you never leave her side.

 

Trust me on this. Read any of my threads. I speak from experience. Give her the space she wants and you might keep her. Don't give her the space she wants and I can almost guarantee you will lose her.

[lovestruckloser]

My head knows that I need to give her her space, but my heart is telling me otherwise. I definitely don't want to push her away. She told me that she feels like I will always be there for her when she is ready. And that may be right, but to me that means she is perfectly fine leaving me because she has security and I can always be a fallback. I don't have that kind of security and it scares the living hell out of me.

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by lovestruckloser

My head knows that I need to give her her space, but my heart is telling me otherwise.

 

Been there. Listen to your head. Trust me.

 

I definitely don't want to push her away.

 

Then let her go and come back to you when she is ready.

 

She told me that she feels like I will always be there for her when she is ready.

 

That's bad. That's like saying "You'll be there for me when I screw up another relationship..." Don't be her crutch. Be a ROCK.

 

And that may be right, but to me that means she is perfectly fine leaving me because she has security and I can always be a fallback.

 

Then by trying to cling to her, you will prove her right. Get it?!

 

I don't have that kind of security and it scares the living hell out of me.

 

Then you have lost her already. Because if you can't stop yourself from crowding her, being there every second she wants you, being at her beck and call, she will push further away.

 

But if you can reach deep inside you and find the strength and have the self confidence to let her go, you may surprise her and she may come running back to you.

 

Your choice.

 

Learn by example or ignore my advice (and I am sure many others will agree with me) and lose her for sure.

 

Again. Your choice.

[lovestruckloser]

How do I take that security away from her without losing her altogether? What if I tell her that, "you know what, I may not be here forever waiting for you" and she says "that's fine. then i'll never come back."

[Merin]

Originally posted by lovestruckloser

How do I take that security away from her without losing her altogether? What if I tell her that, "you know what, I may not be here forever waiting for you" and she says "that's fine. then i'll never come back."

 

Why would you need to tell her this?

 

Why not tell her that you care about her and want her to be happy.. that you hope it will be with you but if it isn't you will BOTH have to be okay with that as well.

 

People don't respond well to threats (especially when you don't mean them) OR being guilted..

 

Your Romantic relationships should ENHANCE your life not define it.

[ConfusedInOC]

Originally posted by lovestruckloser

How do I take that security away from her without losing her altogether? What if I tell her that, "you know what, I may not be here forever waiting for you" and she says "that's fine. then i'll never come back."

 

Well you know what? If she says that, she was going to leave you anyway! So why not find out now so you're not having a doomed relationship and having things drug out much longer than it should?

 

Here's my advice. Take it or leave it.

 

You tell her: "I've had a lot of fun times with you, but you have to do what you have to do. Take care and good luck!" (She is secure that you will be there, so she will be happy that you are confident in yourself and not begging, pleading, etc.) You will gain RESPECT!

 

That's it. No crying. No pleading. No begging. And when you say it, say it with confidence.

 

The thing is, if you show her you are strong and can live without her, you will prove to her you are not insecure. Trust me on this. I lost the love of my life because I was insecure. But now I have to stick to no contact just to get over her. The chances of getting her back are remote, at best.

 

But you still have a good chance. Let her go, man.

 

Tonight I said a prayer to God and I gave my ex up to Him. I put things in God's hands now. I know what to do if she makes contact but for now, I have to move on a live my life.

 

So do you. I hate to sound like alphamale, but this is a test of your manhood! If you fail it by clinging on, I will almost guarantee you will lose her.

[lovestruckloser]

Well, it looks like I'm going to lose "the one" after all. I wasn't accepted into the college I was trying to get into which means I have to apply again and wait another six months. I was counting on getting into that college so I could finish up in a year and a half and go to be with her.

 

now that option is gone. the minimum has changed to two years now and as it is I am not getting the feeling she wants to try a long distance relationship, but she has mentioned that it would just be "a break." The problem with that is I don't want to take too long of a break or she will probably move on.

 

Anyway, I messaged her and she hasn't messaged me back or even called me to see how I'm feeling. She knew how important transfering this semester was to me. does she not care? or is she trying to distance herself from me because she is leaving soon?