A cage of lies/NC impossible

[Stilnaught]

Sorry for the long read, i'm just going to to write my story to get it out of my system. If people would like to give advice on how to handle the situation (last section), i'd be extremely thankful.

 

At first, my ex thought i didn't like her much. I thought she was an socially overcompensating person, the type that's trying to become friends with everyone and doesn't really get to the deeper-connection-part with anyone. But we became friends through the same student union, and as we became president and secretary, we had to work together a lot, and actually started to talk more, and more, and more.

 

I had a nasty breakup last christmas. My then-girlfriend had serious trust issues, and ended up pushing me away. At first her friends dropped me too, but they started coming back and even understood how i felt after they noticed that she wasn't telling the truth about the situation.

In the meanwhile, i had my now-ex as a shoulder to cry upon. She had been recently single too, after discovering her boyfriend had cheated upon her various times. She was in a much worse shape, and so i started taking her out, so that we had fun instead of whining all night about the past.

 

In the end, i ended up kissing another girl at a student party. A few months ago, she confessed that she started actively pursuing me at that time because it made her realise she liked me. And she threw in everything she had, and i gave her a chance after 6 weeks, in which she practically seduced me.

 

I had ignored red flags at that time. She trashtalked her parents, her exes, did not seem to have stable friendships with anyone, had an absurd FWB situation straight after her ex, ... But i gave her a shot, because she blamed her mental status after the discovery of her ex's cheating. And for 2-3 months, things went great.

 

Then "sh*t hit the fan". I found out that she was more or less emotionally cheating on her ex with her future FWB, which is probably also the reason she was between the sheets with her FWB within a week after the breakup. I also found out she had lied to him, making him feel like he was in a relationship, while she was actually saying to everyone she knew (like me and the student union people) things like "he's a nitwit, but he's so good in bed" and "this has no future, but i enjoy the attention".

It shocked me. And to make it worse, she wanted to reinitiate contact with him (saying "i miss talking to him, he makes me feel understood about begin cheated upon, as he has been cheated upon too"). I told her i couldn't stop her, but that it would severely damage my trust if she did so without at least involving me. 4 days later, she contacted him behind my back, informed me afterwords, and he defriended me on facebook because she told him that she hadn't been in contact with him because of me (she was okay with that, and told me to "accept it and trust her").

 

Obviously, it got me into a ramping mood. She got mad because i didn't understand. She went on meeting her best friends (people she barely sees), calling me controlling and smothering, and that i forbid her to see her friends(I had been pushing her to finally meet her best male friend again, since she was sad about not seeing him, and she had been putting it off for a month!). In the end, i went to her house, saying that i wanted to talk to save our relationship. She smsed me she was out, and didn't want to see me. That was breakup 1.

 

Within a week later, she wanted to meet. The meeting was bad (she insulted me all the time), but in the end she cried, got reasonable and we got effectively talking. I decided to give her a second chance, to honor our history, because i loved her and because i wanted to prove to myself that it was all her by behaving 101 % as i should.

We went on a few dates, pretty awesome ones in terms of what we did and how it felt. And then she suddenly raged. About me saying insulting things about a building on our last date, about how she was never even a day happy with me, and how she didn't care about hurting me. Breakup 2, and i never want to see her again since.

 

The big problem: the student union. We're both active, we have a lot of mutual friends, we see each other the entire time. I already had people "picking my side" without me wanting it, so it's affecting the union. She also has no intention of behaving professionally, it seems, so i want to have a conversation with her about this. But since talking to her has been hell all the way through, and she "hates my guts" for whatever reasons she has, this is nearly impossible. She'll just start throwing the same lies again and again and again, not solving the real issue. Has anyone got advice on living in a situation like this, not being able to cut her out?

[15Love]

I wonder if she has borderline personality disorder

[Mrlonelyone]

I wonder if she has borderline personality disorder

We can't diagnose a mental issue but the way she is acting sounds at least immature. Truth is a persons brain is still developing up to age 25. Don't expect true maturity before that age.

 

Your best course of action is to stay professional, let a coalition form around you then watch as people realize she was in the wrong. Sad an it is in a break up like this one you need to think about your self and protect yourself.

 

If you're in college in the United States of America document all you can.

 

Screenshot all FB messages, text messages, and emails. Try to save them as both images and text. Save receipts. Get photos by hook or crook. If you are accused of some non consensual behavior, rape, stalking, harassment based on behavior when you were clearly dating those records could save your freedom. Don't think it cant happen.