Ex Texting and Sending Pics

[DonaldTrumpsWig]

Thanks in advance to anyone reading this. I'm unable to be objective here so I'm seeking outside opinions. I'll give you the cliff notes and then the details of my situation.

 

QUESTION: My ex-girlfriend and I broke up 3 months ago. She's been texting me, telling me about her life and sending me many pictures of her, asking me how she looks. I don't understand why she's doing this. Any help you can give me would be greatly appreciated!

 

DETAILS: Together for 2 years, she (21) and I (28) broke up 3 months ago because she wanted the relationship to move faster than I did. She's immature (duh, she's 21). I could go on about the money she's stolen from me, the female friends I've know since before I met her who she told to stop talking to me, the times she gave her number to guys she met after we got together, or her failure to accept any responsibility and how literally everything was my fault, but I'll just say that I tried my best and it wasn't good enough.

 

After 2 months of no contact, she texts me. After some small talk, she says she misses me. Then she says she has a new boyfriend. I tell her it's not a good idea to text me saying how much she misses me while she has a boyfriend. Turns out the new guy doesn't even know she's in touch with me. I say we need to stop talking because it's wrong, what she's doing behind her boyfriend's back, and she says she doesn't care; they've only been together for a month. I was hurt that she'd gotten a new boyfriend one month after we broke up, so I said, "Look, I'm sorry things aren't perfect with your boyfriend so you're running to me, but I have nothing to say to you anymore." She said she's happy with him and sent me a picture of them kissing. I stopped replying. She texted me for a few days after that but then gave up.

 

A few weeks later she texted me again. I was still upset from the break up and from her getting a new boyfriend one month after it, so I didn't respond for 2 weeks. Then I asked her what she wanted. She wanted to talk. More small talk, mostly from her. She would talk about her life and apparently she's forgotten a lot about me, including where I work. We talked on the phone and in text for a few days, and today she sent me a ton of pictures of her, asking me how she looks now, how do I like her new hair, etc. I don't feel obligated to answer those types of questions, so I didn't. She sent me some pictures of her room, and things I got her during the relationship are all over it. She also sent a picture of her wearing a ring I had gotten her, saying she always wears it.

 

As I said earlier, I'm unable to think objectively about this because I still have feelings for her. I think she's not over me and is either trying to get back together with me or figure out if she wants me back. This might just be wishful thinking on my part. She might be trying to lash out at me in a "look at what you don't have anymore" way (which explains the pictures of her and the picture of her kissing her boyfriend), but would someone really spend the time and energy to do that if they're happy? I also wonder if she might be using me, whether it's for an ego boost, attention, emotional support, whatever. I'm just not sure why she's talking to me or sending me pictures of her. What does she care what I think?

 

I'm about 80% sure I don't want to get back together with her. We were friends first, and I do miss the friendship we once had. I think I'd like to have her in my life as a friend, if not now then in the future when my feelings are platonic. If she's playing games with me, however, I want no part of it. Really I just want to know what's going on. Unfortunately I don't think I'll get a straight answer if I ask her.

 

What do you think? Is she up to something? Thanks again for reading this and have an awesome day.

[starpower]

Whose decision was it to break up?

[DonaldTrumpsWig]

It was her decision.

[qubist]

she wants to explore the other world beyond a committed relationship. she wants the freedom to go out and date other guys, she wants to be silly at times like all other girls her age, but she still wants you and hope you would allow her the "temporary" selfish freedom. we have seen this here many times. she is 21 and she hasn't grown up yet. she fears that her commitment to you would take away her freedom to be a 21 years old girl. I actually respect her breaking up with you because others cheat in similar situation.

her ideal fantasy would be you sticking around waiting for her to grow out of her immaturity, she knows this won't happen so what she does is breadcrumbing you the best she knows how which in her case is sending you those silly pictures

[greenleaves54]

Oh, man. She's using you. She is very immature and disrespectful.

 

You need to cut contact completely. Block her and dont respond to anything. This is the only way you'll heal and move on. And you need to show her that doing what she's doing is not OK. Set some boundaries.

Edited September 27, 2015 by greenleaves54

[MrBojangles]

DonaldTrumpsWig- You just won the award for the best member name! :lmao:

 

Seriously, it sounds to me like she is trying to keep her options open. If you continue to communicate with her as you are doing now, she will gladly string you along while she keeps her new dude. She wants to maintain you as her backup (Her Plan B Guy).

 

Worse yet, in a way she's could be viewed as a cheater too, going behind her new dude's back to keep in touch with you. Should you get back together with her, she will likely chat up other guys behind your back also. You said it in your original post, she's immature.

 

I'd go NC with her, and move on with your life.

Edited September 27, 2015 by MrBojangles

[DonaldTrumpsWig]

Thanks to everyone who read and responded; I appreciate the feedback. The general consensus seems to be that she's keeping me on hold while she sows her oats. I agree and it helps to hear it from others who can look at this from the outside.

 

qubist - I understand she wants to act her age and there's nothing wrong with that. It's great that you point out that she chose to break up with me rather than cheat, and that makes me feel better. Thanks for that.

 

greenleaves - I didn't want to block her and go NC because, for the most part, it feels good to be talking to her again. But when you say she's being disrespectful and that NC is the only way to heal, it makes me think. Even if I were to maintain a friendship with her, what's the point? A friend wouldn't send hurtful pictures like the one she sent of her kissing the other guy (and yes it did hurt to see it). And as long as I stay in contact with someone who disrespects me, I won't fully heal. This was very insightful. Gracias.

 

MrBojangles - Thanks and that's a pretty sweet profile picture you have there. I'm definitely not cool with being anyone's Plan B, which is what I am as long as I stay in touch with her. Even if we did get back together, I would definitely wonder if she's telling her ex she misses him and sending pictures to him behind my back. And without trust, there is no relationship. NC seems to be the best course of action.

 

Again, thanks to all of you for the solid advice. There doesn't seem to be a point in talking to her anymore. I think it's time to go NC but first I'm going to ask her why she's doing this. Regardless of her answer, I'll be able to block her after that. Many thanks.

[qubist]

Thanks to everyone who read and responded; I appreciate the feedback. The general consensus seems to be that she's keeping me on hold while she sows her oats. I agree and it helps to hear it from others who can look at this from the outside.

 

qubist - I understand she wants to act her age and there's nothing wrong with that. It's great that you point out that she chose to break up with me rather than cheat, and that makes me feel better. Thanks for that.

 

greenleaves - I didn't want to block her and go NC because, for the most part, it feels good to be talking to her again. But when you say she's being disrespectful and that NC is the only way to heal, it makes me think. Even if I were to maintain a friendship with her, what's the point? A friend wouldn't send hurtful pictures like the one she sent of her kissing the other guy (and yes it did hurt to see it). And as long as I stay in contact with someone who disrespects me, I won't fully heal. This was very insightful. Gracias.

 

MrBojangles - Thanks and that's a pretty sweet profile picture you have there. I'm definitely not cool with being anyone's Plan B, which is what I am as long as I stay in touch with her. Even if we did get back together, I would definitely wonder if she's telling her ex she misses him and sending pictures to him behind my back. And without trust, there is no relationship. NC seems to be the best course of action.

 

Again, thanks to all of you for the solid advice. There doesn't seem to be a point in talking to her anymore. I think it's time to go NC but first I'm going to ask her why she's doing this. Regardless of her answer, I'll be able to block her after that. Many thanks.

I know you don't want let her go and still hold hope she would come back,but you still should go NC. why?

1- she will only do enough to keep you around on the shelf waiting, if you don't show her that you are moving on she would continue in her fantasy.

2- you should be prepared for all scenarios, if she decide to leave you for good you would be in the position to cope with it.

If you have any chance to get her back it will have to start with you going 180 on her even if you have to fake it. I suggest you send her a letter ( email or txt) and let her know that you can tolerate her behavior and that you ask for no more future contact.

[ManyDissapoint]

Dating a young woman like this is always a risk that it can explode into an immature mess during the relationship or after. I guess you have your proof that your ex belongs to that statistic.

 

Block, no contact. No need to entertain people in your life who have shown you disrespect on disrespect.

[DonaldTrumpsWig]

Hi again, qubist, thanks for the advice. Although it will be difficult to recommence NC, I do agree with you. I'm in this kind of limbo right now, where I keep thinking back to the relationship and all the good things, but then I realize I can't and don't want to go back to it. I really don't want to go NC again, but I was doing great before she contacted me. Now I'm all confused again and it's not a good place to be. I read what you said but I don't want to be prepared for anything, you know? I just want to live my life and I think if I'm in contact with her, I'll be stuck in some sort of pause. She said she wants to meet up in person with me but I really see no point to it. What could happen? She doesn't want me? And that would suck. Or she wants me back, and at this point I don't want that. So I'm going to take your advice and let her know I don't want to hear from her anymore. I appreciate your insight. Take care!

 

ManyDissapoint - We hear all the time that "age is just a number" but it's so much more than that, as I've learned. Thanks for pointing out the disrespect angle because that helps me remember that it all needs to stop. I think I was making excuses for her, passing off certain things because of the age difference. You can't be with someone for their potential; you have to be with them for who they are. Thanks for your input; I see now that it's time to prune this dead branch so something fresh can grow. Have a great day!

[thora-tiki]

Hi, DonaldTrumpsWig

 

Or Wiggy, (can I call you that?)

I read your post before bed.

I live in Norway, so different time zones.

 

I see you have seen the light,

but I still wanted to write you, and make sure you keep your resolution.

 

You seem great, kind, funny, reflected - hell, I want to date you!

 

So if you ever are in Norway, look me up, I live in a pink building - true story - third floor, you can’t miss it!

 

Ok, here we go:

About being friends with this nutjob:

With a «friend» like that who needs cancer?

 

She is in no state, at the moment, to be low contact/friends with you - just read your own post,

and you'll see what I am talking about.

 

By the bye, thank you for sharing the crazy, your post about her pictures and texts gave me a good laugh,

seriously, I have not laughed in weeks. Thanks!

 

And your responses were gold.

You played it cool and she can't stand it.

 

I mean, do you really think she'll change from cold, heartless, ex-a*shole.
To warm, loving caring friend material in a few months, just because you are around, doing low contact?

 

Yes, even cold, crazy girls have feelings, but only for themselves.

People say... «Love is enough» out of desperation.

 

It is because we can’t stand the feeling of rejection and are basically saying that nothing matters but what I feel for you...

Well... It is bullsh*t.

When you are in a healthy relationship with a partner that respects you (so not our exes - ha!) and treats you as you should be treated,

love is just one of many factors that make that relationship work.

Trust, consideration, respect...

All go hand in hand in making a couple. If you don’t have those things you will find that love will fall short.

 

No contact is your time to reevaluate yourself and your partner to see where the problems really were.

 

To find your faults and fix them.

Now you can't fix hers,

but you will see them more clearly and will be able to make an objective decision on how to proceed with this ex.

 

In your case, cut all contact, she seems toxic.

 

Don’t let her see or feel you sweat, that means don't show her anger, answer her text, giving her ultimatums,

telling her to prove herself to you, etc.

 

Doing this will only serve to validate her decision to walk away.

 

This is your time. Fu*k her and the horse she rode in on.

 

Get you back - FIRST!

 

The reason she is reaching out, sending you lame pictures of her kissing her new toad, I mean guy, sorry, I mean new boyfriend,

with added text: «remember my tongue?»

 

Bahaha! That would be fantastic if she had that text with the kissing picture, and I would maybe not be so harsh on her a*s,

but she didn’t, instead she was just being a #dick…

 

So kick her fu*king a*s out of your life. I’m so pissed at her right now that if she was within my reach I’d give her something to cry about.

 

You are too trusting and too nice of a person to let this a*shole continue to fu*k with you…

 

Next time she comes around you and starts this bullsh*t, and if I’m around, I’ll grab a bat and put her out of her misery.

 

As you can read, I am at the angry stage - fu*king love this stage.

Back to you:

Rather than being confused about her behaviour, why not focus on yourself and your behaviour to make yourself feel less confused.

I need to do this myself.

 

We can’t read another person's mind so we are wasting your time even trying to do so.

I would think, if my ex-hole, or dildo face as I call him, sent me something, I would think:

« Eughblegh! How thoughtful of him to worry about me. As much as I would love to respond as I have so many nice things on my mind that I would like to tell him (like fu*k off).

He has a better chance of getting hit by lighting…»

 

I really don’t understand why you think you can’t re-start no contact again.

Explain this to me.

 

And I will explain that no contact is not just about trying to get your ex back... It is about getting your self esteem back, getting your mojo back,

basically getting yourself back so you can truly decide if you want your ex back or not. In your case not, and that I agree 1000%.

 

No contact!

Just keep the faith and heal yourself and forget about the old failed relationship till you no longer feel this crap you feel.

Then everything will look different, and then you decide what to do.

 

This personal evolving process takes time (months/years) and there will be ups and downs,

but you have to hold on and stay the course, or your ship will crash on the rocks, understand?

 

Remember:

You are feeling this way because you are evolving.

That is what feels so strange (or other adjective).

 

No contact will reveal your ex's true feelings (mental state/personality/character).

No contact is simple... it's people who make it complicated.

 

Use this no contact time to become the person you are suppose to be.

Your ex-hole seems like a fu*king nutjob, and only guys she should date are guys like the one she is with now,

and if any other, maybe dildo face.

 

Not you, you are just too great, funny, cool, reflected, and handsome to be dating someone like her.

 

And aren’t we going on a date in the near future...?

 

Sometimes people decide that they do not want to reconnect with their ex, and others, like myself reconnect with their ex,

and realise that there ex was an a*shole, and since I already have an a*shole of my own, why would I need another one...?

Muhahaha!

So no contact is about personally evolving yourself.

 

There have been many top tips on here for you to follow, I would also add to keep yourself busy, not too busy, you also need time to reflect, to focus on yourself,

your own health etc, get out with your good friends and talk about things other than your ex-hole...

good luck with no contact and whatever the outcome - it will be the right one for you.

 

This is battle!

This is SPARTA!

[qubist]

Hi, DonaldTrumpsWig

 

Or Wiggy, (can I call you that?)

I read your post before bed.

I live in Norway, so different time zones.

 

I see you have seen the light,

but I still wanted to write you, and make sure you keep your resolution.

 

You seem great, kind, funny, reflected - hell, I want to date you!

 

So if you ever are in Norway, look me up, I live in a pink building - true story - third floor, you can’t miss it!

 

Ok, here we go:

About being friends with this nutjob:

With a «friend» like that who needs cancer?

 

She is in no state, at the moment, to be low contact/friends with you - just read your own post,

and you'll see what I am talking about.

 

By the bye, thank you for sharing the crazy, your post about her pictures and texts gave me a good laugh,

seriously, I have not laughed in weeks. Thanks!

 

And your responses were gold.

You played it cool and she can't stand it.

 

I mean, do you really think she'll change from cold, heartless, ex-a*shole.
To warm, loving caring friend material in a few months, just because you are around, doing low contact?

 

Yes, even cold, crazy girls have feelings, but only for themselves.

People say... «Love is enough» out of desperation.

 

It is because we can’t stand the feeling of rejection and are basically saying that nothing matters but what I feel for you...

Well... It is bullsh*t.

When you are in a healthy relationship with a partner that respects you (so not our exes - ha!) and treats you as you should be treated,

love is just one of many factors that make that relationship work.

Trust, consideration, respect...

All go hand in hand in making a couple. If you don’t have those things you will find that love will fall short.

 

No contact is your time to reevaluate yourself and your partner to see where the problems really were.

 

To find your faults and fix them.

Now you can't fix hers,

but you will see them more clearly and will be able to make an objective decision on how to proceed with this ex.

 

In your case, cut all contact, she seems toxic.

 

Don’t let her see or feel you sweat, that means don't show her anger, answer her text, giving her ultimatums,

telling her to prove herself to you, etc.

 

Doing this will only serve to validate her decision to walk away.

 

This is your time. Fu*k her and the horse she rode in on.

 

Get you back - FIRST!

 

The reason she is reaching out, sending you lame pictures of her kissing her new toad, I mean guy, sorry, I mean new boyfriend,

with added text: «remember my tongue?»

 

Bahaha! That would be fantastic if she had that text with the kissing picture, and I would maybe not be so harsh on her a*s,

but she didn’t, instead she was just being a #dick…

 

So kick her fu*king a*s out of your life. I’m so pissed at her right now that if she was within my reach I’d give her something to cry about.

 

You are too trusting and too nice of a person to let this a*shole continue to fu*k with you…

 

Next time she comes around you and starts this bullsh*t, and if I’m around, I’ll grab a bat and put her out of her misery.

 

As you can read, I am at the angry stage - fu*king love this stage.

Back to you:

Rather than being confused about her behaviour, why not focus on yourself and your behaviour to make yourself feel less confused.

I need to do this myself.

 

We can’t read another person's mind so we are wasting your time even trying to do so.

I would think, if my ex-hole, or dildo face as I call him, sent me something, I would think:

« Eughblegh! How thoughtful of him to worry about me. As much as I would love to respond as I have so many nice things on my mind that I would like to tell him (like fu*k off).

He has a better chance of getting hit by lighting…»

 

I really don’t understand why you think you can’t re-start no contact again.

Explain this to me.

 

And I will explain that no contact is not just about trying to get your ex back... It is about getting your self esteem back, getting your mojo back,

basically getting yourself back so you can truly decide if you want your ex back or not. In your case not, and that I agree 1000%.

 

No contact!

Just keep the faith and heal yourself and forget about the old failed relationship till you no longer feel this crap you feel.

Then everything will look different, and then you decide what to do.

 

This personal evolving process takes time (months/years) and there will be ups and downs,

but you have to hold on and stay the course, or your ship will crash on the rocks, understand?

 

Remember:

You are feeling this way because you are evolving.

That is what feels so strange (or other adjective).

 

No contact will reveal your ex's true feelings (mental state/personality/character).

No contact is simple... it's people who make it complicated.

 

Use this no contact time to become the person you are suppose to be.

Your ex-hole seems like a fu*king nutjob, and only guys she should date are guys like the one she is with now,

and if any other, maybe dildo face.

 

Not you, you are just too great, funny, cool, reflected, and handsome to be dating someone like her.

 

And aren’t we going on a date in the near future...?

 

Sometimes people decide that they do not want to reconnect with their ex, and others, like myself reconnect with their ex,

and realise that there ex was an a*shole, and since I already have an a*shole of my own, why would I need another one...?

Muhahaha!

So no contact is about personally evolving yourself.

 

There have been many top tips on here for you to follow, I would also add to keep yourself busy, not too busy, you also need time to reflect, to focus on yourself,

your own health etc, get out with your good friends and talk about things other than your ex-hole...

good luck with no contact and whatever the outcome - it will be the right one for you.

 

This is battle!

This is SPARTA!

I could never say it any better. In a funny sarcastic way but full of wisdom . Thanks Thora tiki you are my new favorite member I don't care if you live in a pink house in Norway you have just summed it up nicely