Body image / Self-esteem issues...

[hellohellohello]

Hello, I'd like to hear more assurance on how men are individuals who don't all want size 6 women.

 

I'm slightly overweight (size 10-12) and usually OK with my body, but EVERY TIME I have a crush on a man my concerns revolve around how I'm not thin enough for him, how he can't possibly choose me over that thinner woman over there, etc. etc. It's possible I only think this way because I have no dating experience whatsoever and will develop more confidence as I get to know more men, but in the meantime...

 

...there's a man who I'm interested in who I'm 90% sure is also interested in me based on our interactions. But, he's good-looking and in decent shape, and whenever I see him talking to a woman who's more conventionally attractive than me I can't help but wonder if I misread all the "signs." He also has a few female friends/acquaintances who he'd look good with, and I have no idea what I have to offer that they don't.

[thunder777]

i dont mind heavier girls, size 12 maximum

 

but if they are a person who has not even gone for a jog in 10 years that is an immediate turn off

 

if the girls has no concern for her athletism, happily calls herself a fat arse, then im turned off

 

if she is a bigger girl but puts an effort into maintain her health then thats admirable & attractive

 

slack arses who do nothing or have no desire to feel sexy within themselves, simply are that...."not sexy"

[hellohellohello]

So, you admit that you are overweight, but the one guy you are interested in is not overweight. What does this tell you?

 

That I am currently interested in a guy who happens to not be overweight?

 

I realize, from another thread I was just in, that you have your own issues and meant to imply I'm a hypocrite for wanting someone who's not overweight when I'm overweight myself. That's just not the case, though.

[Grumpybutfun]

I think this issue is about how you feel about yourself. We are loathe to think others can be accepting when we are not accepting of ourselves. You feel some sadness or judgment about your size...perhaps you are comparing yourself to media images. Perhaps you need to evaluate your self esteem. Body image issues are usually due to unkindness from peers or parents....and are a dynamic of self loathing. No matter what anyone tells you about men liking a certain size, you aren't going to believe it because you feel self conscious about it. I don't know much about women's sizes except what my wife wears, but I do know that this is about you, not him.

Good luck,

Grumps

[craw]

First of all youre not big! Just wanted put that out there.

 

Also, dont underestimate the power of the booty.

 

That includes having a cottage cheese booty. IMO most guys really don't care about these things.

 

Ok maybe he *might* only date girls who are like him, but that's not necessarily true.

 

Just wanted to add my 2 cents.

[ThugLifing]

You need to gain confidence within yourself. Just go for it and see if he likes you. He might reject you, maybe he won't. Either way, you'll be okay. Everyone in the dating world gets rejected, overweight or not.

 

I do think it's annoying when a woman is insecure and talks about her weight non-stop. It feels like I have to be a counselor. Lack of confidence is less attractive to me than a little bit of extra weight.

 

I'm a boob and ass man equally and sometimes the curvy ladies catch my eye. I'm 6'3" 180 and active. I just love women and won't count one out because of her size. Plus weight is never permanent.

[PrettyEmily77]

1. Size 10/12 is fine, esp. if you're healthy.

 

2. Wrong place to ask, I'm afraid. A worrying number of guys on here (mostly single, naturally) are looking for inexperienced, hawt, earning enough to cover expenses but not enough so it doesn't dent their ego, in shape, who would look at them like they're the second coming regardless of what they themselves have to offer.

 

Luckily, things are very different IRL. If this guy likes you, don't question it. If he's not interested, don't assume it's to do with your jeans size and if it is, he's simply not the guy for you.

 

Guys are drawn to confidence I've found, mostly - those that are worth it, anyway. Work on that, and you'll be fine .

[Siquijor]

I can find size 16's who are feminine and dress appropriately incredibly attractive but then again I could meet someone of your size who I initially find attractive but because they're too preoccupied about their weight it can be detrimental in my eyes.

 

 

I tend to go for size 12 to 16 but anything less than a 10 wouldn't be an option. I just don't find women this thin physically attractive.

[regine_phalange]

I'm a size 8 and I have better self image than when I was a 6. Both may seem "small" to you, but if you don't have a model-like appearance it can easily get to you. It's not about size but about proportions. I'm not crazy about my proportions, so in my bad days I think 1) what is my job (non beauty-industry related) 2) what is more important, health or beauty (health! I exercise and eat healthily), 3) is there only one mould for beauty? (I don't think so, I find women of many sizes and types pretty), 4) is my body good for carrying a fetus? (yes, and with the omega-3 from my thigh fat it's going to be smart as well )

[thefooloftheyear]

I'm gonna go against the trend and say that it doesn't matter if some guys like it or not...Truth is a lot of guys will go for anything if they think they have a chance..

 

Its obviously an issue for you so maybe address it?

 

In life there are a lot of things we cant control.....This area isn't one of them...If I were you I would attempt to lose the weight so I don't have a hang up over it...You never know, it may wind up opening other doors in your life you never knew were even there...

 

If it winds up just being too exhausting or difficult, then fine...or if you realize what you are is what you are, then fine...But you obviously have an issue with it..

 

TFY

[d0nnivain]

You are being brainwashed by the media. Marilyn Monroe was a size 12.

 

 

What clothes size you wear is NOT the issue. What is your BMI? If you are carrying too much fat for your height, do exercise but stop stressing.

 

 

I am a size 10, the heaviest I have been in my entire life. I have issues with it all the time but DH, God bless him, tells me I look so much better naked then when I was a size 4 / 6. At my height I was considered anorexic. I look at old pictures, remember lamenting how fat I was and now wonder why somebody didn't hospitalize me.

[hellohellohello]

Thank you everyone for the kind and constructive responses.

 

I've been "pudgy" my whole life so I've always been conscious about my weight. I've improved somewhat and have become more accepting of the fact that, unless I plan on starving myself, I'll never be as thin as most women in the entertainment industry. But like I said in the original post, the insecurity still rears its ugly head when a man is involved. Hopefully this will get better with time.

 

Thank you again for taking the time to give your two cents.

[GoodOnPaper]

In the 20+ years I have been with my wife, her size has fluctuated back and forth between 16 and 28 -- it was about in the middle of that range when we met. She's very pretty, has great skin, great chest , an incredibly bubbly personality and she is the most feminine woman I have ever met -- so much so that if she was at a thin weight, there would be so many alpha-male types all over her that this science professor would have never entered the picture.

 

I did go into the relationship rather conflicted -- her interest drove things forward and I do regret that I robbed myself of a honeymoon period, but over the years I have learned this: Her weight has nothing to do with any issues we have in our relationship -- it's the insecurities and hangups that create barriers. I would rather be with a 300-pound woman who is completely open and uninhibited than with a fitness model whose insecurities and hangups are always front and center.

 

Your concern about the "competition" is something just about everyone experiences, male or female, overweight or thin. And just about all of us have areas where we feel we fall short in. All you can do is trust your instincts about the signs you are receiving from this man and see where it leads.