Jmarie Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 (edited) I recently got back together with my ex after a month of NC (he broke up with me) when he contacted me telling me he realized that, he didn't want to lose the most important person in his life. After a week and a half went by, I asked him how he felt towards me because we barely talked and he seemed very distant, making me feel as if I wasn't important to him at all. He told me he loves me and wants a relationship more than anything with me, but he feels like he needs to connect with me again. For this he needs time. I thought that connecting with someone came from being able to talk about and understand each other's feelings on a deeper level, but I agreed to give him time. I'm still basically waiting for him to come around, but I found out he's attracted to one of his friend's coworkers, and has told him to speak about him to her, and maybe hang out. Am I just waiting around for someone who really doesn't even want me despite what he's said? Edited September 27, 2015 by Jmarie Link to post Share on other sites
Qboro90 Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 Um... Duh. He's keeping you on the backburner and feeding you little lines of hope and promise without any substance behind them. "Yes I want to be with you... But in order to be with you... I need to be away from you". Lol, cmon now... Please don't let this guy manipulate and use you like this any longer. Hes actively pursuing/interested/attracted to another woman he works with... What more do you need to know? Unless you are ok with letting him chase other women and when they reject him or it doesn't work out, be waiting with open arms. If he wanted to be with you, he'd be with you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 Agree, he's not serious. How long did you first go with him and how well did that work? Sounds like he's not ready for any LTR and wants to date others. Link to post Share on other sites
greenleaves54 Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 If I had doubts in my relationship I'd just man up and break up OR decide to stay and work on the problem. Anything in between is just a coward's move and totally disrespectful to the other person. Cut contact and move on. He wants out - he gets out. Link to post Share on other sites
pidgeon1010 Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 You're wasting your time. He is actively pursuing other women (his friend's coworker may not even be the only one) and wants to make sure that if he doesn't succeed in finding what he wants, you'll at least be on the back burner waiting. But even if that happens and he comes back, it won't be for the right reasons so it is doomed to fail. Move on and find someone who genuinely wants to be with you and shows it through both their words and actions. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 ...but I found out he's attracted to one of his friend's coworkers, and has told him to speak about him to her, and maybe hang out. Do you need an interpreter to understand what this means? Maybe you could bake him a cake while they're hanging out? If I were you I'd be furious! Why aren't you telling him where to stuff it? Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted September 27, 2015 Share Posted September 27, 2015 I recently got back together with my ex after a month of NC (he broke up with me) when he contacted me telling me he realized that, he didn't want to lose the most important person in his life. After a week and a half went by, I asked him how he felt towards me because we barely talked and he seemed very distant, making me feel as if I wasn't important to him at all. He told me he loves me and wants a relationship more than anything with me, but he feels like he needs to connect with me again. For this he needs time. I thought that connecting with someone came from being able to talk about and understand each other's feelings on a deeper level, but I agreed to give him time. I'm still basically waiting for him to come around, but I found out he's attracted to one of his friend's coworkers, and has told him to speak about him to her, and maybe hang out. Am I just waiting around for someone who really doesn't even want me despite what he's said? Listen very carefully: He has relegated you to being a possible option, at some distant point in the uncertain future. Maybe. Possibly. Perhaps. Still keen on hanging around for him to make his mind up and actually say - "Er, thanks for hanging around as a second option, but I've found a new GF so... So long!" ....? I'd go total No Contact and refuse any form of communication from him whatsoever. He's toying with you, for his convenience. Man, he just offloaded so many breadcrumbs onto you, you could open your own bagel shop.... Detach, deny and walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jmarie Posted September 27, 2015 Author Share Posted September 27, 2015 Agree, he's not serious. How long did you first go with him and how well did that work? Sounds like he's not ready for any LTR and wants to date others. We were together for a year and a half before any of this. We've never had these issues until really recently in the past 2 months. I guess the time frame of our relationship, and our shared memories/feelings is what's making me so reluctant to call him out and walk away. Link to post Share on other sites
ManyDissapoint Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 I recently got back together with my ex after a month of NC (he broke up with me) when he contacted me telling me he realized that, he didn't want to lose the most important person in his life. After a week and a half went by, I asked him how he felt towards me because we barely talked and he seemed very distant, making me feel as if I wasn't important to him at all. He told me he loves me and wants a relationship more than anything with me, but he feels like he needs to connect with me again. For this he needs time. I thought that connecting with someone came from being able to talk about and understand each other's feelings on a deeper level, but I agreed to give him time. I'm still basically waiting for him to come around, but I found out he's attracted to one of his friend's coworkers, and has told him to speak about him to her, and maybe hang out. Am I just waiting around for someone who really doesn't even want me despite what he's said? Your instinct is correct. If you love someone and want to make it work, you stay with them and don't give them cause for grief. Everything he says is a smoke screen, hiding his true intentions because he's a coward. Start moving on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thora-tiki Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Welcome to the forum, Jmarie This thread is going to be so exiting! He'll squirm, and we all need to make some popcorn, because the show is about to start! Because you will kick his as*s with no contact. He'll be wondering if he pushed you too hard this time, being all wishy-washy... You wrote: After a week and a half went by, I asked him how he felt towards me because we barely talked and he seemed very distant, making me feel as if I wasn't important to him at all. ...and has lost you for EVER, when he can't reach you. Because you are in kick-a*s-no contact mode! And won’t reply to lame texts or calls or smoke signals. OR ANYTHING! So this is not the last time we’ll hear from this selfish, idiot ex-hole. Fu*k him if he doesn't want you... there are plenty of others that do, and when you don't care about getting him back... he will want you back... but will you want him? You never personally evolved, and you have just been going through the motions for a month of no contact hoping he would come back. You are treating this no contact like it was some fu*king recipe. - Wait one month, - and then reconnect 30 days is not enough time. If you feel that your ex is not responding it is probably because you, and your ex are not ready to reconnect, but you will force things anyways... won't you. And then you will wonder why it doesn't feel right. You need to really be ready to live without your ex, and prove it by evolving past the old failed relationship and not worrying about reconnecting (this is the hard part)... especially if you have already tried and failed. You usually don't get someone's attention because you want it, you usually get when you don't want it. No contact was never about making your ex love you, and come back. It was about revealing his true feelings... I guess you know now, right? If you do break no contact before you are ready, and/or just because he said: «he realized that, he didn't want to lose the most important person in his life.» 99% of the time this will happen, and we will read page up and page down on the forum the next day: «Argh! He doesn't know what he wants.» «He just wants sex, but nothing more.» Or your own: «He told me he loves me and wants a relationship more than anything with me, but he feels like he needs to connect with me again» «he's attracted to one of his friend's coworkers» Yes, maybe he'll still say all these things even after a long no contact period, and even after all your hard work on yourself, and even when you are ready. Focus on yourself, and the rest will fall into place. I have been thinking about the exes making random contact. I think it is their way of keeping us in love with them and to remind us they are still here. Like they are waving at us shouting: I am here, I am still around, don't forget meeee...! Try to not respond at all to his text or what ever comes your way, for the time being. Remember: He deserves a good kick in the a*s! And guess what? No contact will be doing that for him. Only thing you are supposed to do now is to re-start no contact, and keep it. Or else, you'll teach him: if anything like this ever happens again (he breaks up with you, waits a month, contacts you, you get on board, he acts wishy-washy, breaks up with you again, he waits a month, contacts you, you get on board, he acts wishy-washy, breaks up with you again - you see the pattern!) he will use the same crap/recipe knowing it worked last time. He can't emotionally blackmail you to talk to him. He broke up with you and he wont give you the space you need. How selfish of him. In the meantime you should continue having fun and moving on. Que sera, sera. Please, keep us updated! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Travelchick84 Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Welcome to the forum, Jmarie This thread is going to be so exiting! He'll squirm, and we all need to make some popcorn, because the show is about to start! Because you will kick his as*s with no contact. He'll be wondering if he pushed you too hard this time, being all wishy-washy... You wrote: After a week and a half went by, I asked him how he felt towards me because we barely talked and he seemed very distant, making me feel as if I wasn't important to him at all. ...and has lost you for EVER, when he can't reach you. Because you are in kick-a*s-no contact mode! And won’t reply to lame texts or calls or smoke signals. OR ANYTHING! So this is not the last time we’ll hear from this selfish, idiot ex-hole. Fu*k him if he doesn't want you... there are plenty of others that do, and when you don't care about getting him back... he will want you back... but will you want him? You never personally evolved, and you have just been going through the motions for a month of no contact hoping he would come back. You are treating this no contact like it was some fu*king recipe. - Wait one month, - and then reconnect 30 days is not enough time. If you feel that your ex is not responding it is probably because you, and your ex are not ready to reconnect, but you will force things anyways... won't you. And then you will wonder why it doesn't feel right. You need to really be ready to live without your ex, and prove it by evolving past the old failed relationship and not worrying about reconnecting (this is the hard part)... especially if you have already tried and failed. You usually don't get someone's attention because you want it, you usually get when you don't want it. No contact was never about making your ex love you, and come back. It was about revealing his true feelings... I guess you know now, right? If you do break no contact before you are ready, and/or just because he said: «he realized that, he didn't want to lose the most important person in his life.» 99% of the time this will happen, and we will read page up and page down on the forum the next day: «Argh! He doesn't know what he wants.» «He just wants sex, but nothing more.» Or your own: «He told me he loves me and wants a relationship more than anything with me, but he feels like he needs to connect with me again» «he's attracted to one of his friend's coworkers» Yes, maybe he'll still say all these things even after a long no contact period, and even after all your hard work on yourself, and even when you are ready. Focus on yourself, and the rest will fall into place. I have been thinking about the exes making random contact. I think it is their way of keeping us in love with them and to remind us they are still here. Like they are waving at us shouting: I am here, I am still around, don't forget meeee...! Try to not respond at all to his text or what ever comes your way, for the time being. Remember: He deserves a good kick in the a*s! And guess what? No contact will be doing that for him. Only thing you are supposed to do now is to re-start no contact, and keep it. Or else, you'll teach him: if anything like this ever happens again (he breaks up with you, waits a month, contacts you, you get on board, he acts wishy-washy, breaks up with you again, he waits a month, contacts you, you get on board, he acts wishy-washy, breaks up with you again - you see the pattern!) he will use the same crap/recipe knowing it worked last time. He can't emotionally blackmail you to talk to him. He broke up with you and he wont give you the space you need. How selfish of him. In the meantime you should continue having fun and moving on. Que sera, sera. Please, keep us updated! Omg thora-tiki you are so bloody right!!! You are awesome at this stuff! I wish you could read my post and give me some kick ass advice! It's this kinda power I need back in my life right now!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Am I just waiting around for someone who really doesn't even want me despite what he's said? Yes. Obviously. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 We were together for a year and a half before any of this. We've never had these issues until really recently in the past 2 months. Just recently, huh? Does he have a female best friend? "Just a friend", of course. Link to post Share on other sites
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