things have been going downhill, but last night about put me over

[oldshirt]

responses in bold below.

 

 

Well, dread can backfire (and so can ultimatums) if your attractiveness is below your wife's so this may be the right decision.

I honestly don't know what my market value is anymore. All I know is I was lucky to get her back when we started dating 20 years ago. I was an average joe. She was an actual state-level competitor in our state's Miss America contest. I hit one out of the ballpark with the bases loaded and then bought a winning lottery ticket on the way home from the ballpark on getting her.

She's been a good wife and mother over the years. The last several years have been rough but it has been a good ride. I had a great life.

I have no doubt I could get a 40 year old with a couple kids that isn't obese or gross and I would be happy with that.

But I don't know if I could attract a 40 year old that was anything like she was at 40 if that makes any sense.

 

But your wife is dreading you my friend.

 

I don't think she's dreading me. I think she is happy with the status quo other than my restlessness and dissatisfaction and would be perfectly happy if I were to lose my libido too.

She would be as happy as a hog in slop if I were to become a menopausal woman.

 

 

Your wife doesn't seem to think those memories are special.

 

 

I don't think that is true. She does say she misses feeling the way she used to and misses the good times we used to have. I think she is sincere when she says that.

 

 

 

 

Are they still special to you if she's forgotten them?

 

 

Definitely. Those are treasured memories and times that I will always treasure regardless of whatever ultimately happens with us.

 

We can go around and around on who would upgrade/downgrade. At some point you were close enough in attractiveness that you got married to each other. Given that, it's hard for me to understand why your attractiveness would not be substantially higher at your age, especially since you work out... No wait, I do, I thought the same as you about my wife a year ago. But I was wrong.

 

 

 

 

I admit to still having wife goggles on. I will concede that to you.

 

What you might want to do, if this is not prohibited by OKCupid, is to make a profile with a photo resembling you and one with a photo resembling your wife, with all the same background info. See how many responses a 48 year old divorcee with kids get, vs you.

 

 

realistically, I will probably do better with finding people in the 40 year old range for a LTR.

however She would blow me out of the water with opportunities for hook ups.

 

 

yes her chances of a committed, healthy LTR with a single-never married-no kids, good looking, professional man in his 30s is probably virtually nil. Where as I MIGHT be able to pull off a non-obese, not-disfigured, single, career woman that doesn't want kids, in her upper 30s if I got real lucky again.

But she would still have a million offers and opportunities for dates and hook ups.

 

 

[oldshirt]

I see now that reddit has become involved. That explains a lot to me.

 

Oldshirt, I wish you the best.

 

 

 

I haven't ever been on reddit, but I am familiar with some of the 'red pill' concepts Why1234 speaks of.

[SummerDreams]

Lets sum things up. The possible reasons she doesn't want sex anymore are:

1. She doesn't care about sex anymore, she is done with it and it has nothing to do with you.

2. She doesn't desire you anymore but she wants to remain faithful.

3. She doesn't desire you anymore but she would want another guy.

 

The first 2 are workable if she has the will to work on them. For the first she could search the reasons about her lack of desire for sex and try to solve it. Fir the second, she could agree that you work on becoming close again and working on your relationship.

 

What you can do: Ask her which one it is. Maybe it's none of them. According to what she replies, have a plan ready. Listen to her without showing any emotions. Show you support her and respect her feelings.

 

We can't decide for you whether tgis situation is ok or not. For you it seems the lack of sexual intimacy is a deal breaker. Act accordingly.

[oldshirt]

I am not sure how to say this circumscpectly in light of scrutiny, but I feel it is very important and relevant.

 

The above view, aliong with you other posts, is a view I have heard espoused by a very particular set of men. I am not saying good or bad men, just men with a very particular personality bent.

 

Men like this tend to marry a certain kind of woman. The kind of woman with whom heavy handedness, authority, "this IS how it is," etc. will work.

 

Because of old shirt's strong but kind and open type of personality (in my mind that very rare but perfect combination). I am thinking he probably did not marry that sort of woman. I know I, while very submissive by nature, am not that kind of woman. While please my partner (not just sexually) and making sure he knows I respect him is important to me....if he every came to me with the picture of man you are suggesting os present....my spine would straighten, my heart would slam shut, and I would respect him LESS for being a bully.

 

In other words, I do not think that oldshirt wants a wife who is afraid of him or subservient to him. I think that certain professions lend themselves to the type of personality that wants to "tell her how it's gonna be." But in this case, I believe with everything in me it will backfire.

 

I am a 48 year old ladylike, traditional woman with a high sex drive. I'm even one of those women who believes in that Ephesian 5 submission thing. But "bringing down a hammer" on me would result in me grabbing the frying pan and giving it back I know my own mind, and believe it or not, most other women do as well.

 

I hope as expressed that appropriately, as I believe it to be critical.

 

 

 

Actually Autumn, I was going to reply to Why1234 and other people's assertion that I am weak and need to grow a spine, but you have said it better than I could have so I will quote your statements for emphasis.

 

 

The truth is my wife is happy to be subservient and allow me to take the lead on significant matters. However she isn't weak or dumb or manipulatable (if that is a word).

 

 

She will follow my lead when she knows that what I am working towards is collaborative effort for the betterment of us as a couple or all of us as a family unit. If she detects that I am trying to manipulate her or coerce her for my own benefit at her expense, she will kill me in my sleep.

 

 

I need her to be strong and smart. She needs me to be strong and smart.

 

 

We have been through serious issues in the past and have come out the other side. We accomplished that through collaboration and defining of boundaries. Not coercion. Not manipulation and certainly not through Pick Up Artist parlor tricks like dread and chest thumping and other "alpha male" mind tricks.

 

 

I understand why Why1234 and others are getting the impression I am being passive and sitting on my hands. I also understand why many may think that I am "afraid" to confront my wife with some of these issues.

 

 

I am strategizing. I am fact finding. I am weighing options. I am testing theories. I am formulating a game plan on moving forward.

 

 

As I said the other night, we have had serious fights that have caused damage to our marriage. I am not going to chest-beat and employ parlor tricks to score a piece of tail that is going to cause more damage to our home and family in the long run.

 

 

I have the ability to fight and prevail. Therefor diplomacy is an actual option and is not a plead for mercy.

 

 

I will employ diplomacy first to the best of my ability.

 

 

If diplomacy fails, I will defend myself and my well being to the best of my ability.

 

 

If I have to fight, I need to fight smarter than in the past. not harder.

 

 

In the past when dealing with these and similar issues, things improved and progress was made when I was collaborative and supportive while still defining and defending my boundaries and stating my limits and my objectives.

 

 

I am not weak.

 

 

I am not spineless.

 

 

I am not afraid of conflict.

 

 

My goal is not to rush into battle to win the fight. My goal is to ultimately win the peace. To do that I need time, information and contemplation.

 

 

There will come a time for action. I will share that when that time comes.

 

 

Patience Grasshopper.

[xxoo]

She knows I am a passionate man. She knows a lot of our original connection was sexual. She knows I am a man that won't be content to sit on the porch sipping lemonade.

 

 

She's seen me have sex with anywhere from 2 to 5 women in a night many times with her own eyes in the past.

 

 

I try not to pressure her and I try to be supportive. But I am sure on a very basic instinctual level, she knows a lion is not a vegetarian and will not be able to subsist on leaves and grasses very long.

 

 

That's why I told Why1234 that I won't use dread. She already knows the score and knows the stakes.

 

This Dread stuff (which I googled) is SO unattractive. It reeks of insecurity.

 

On a basic, instinctual level, I know my husband is a lion and sex is extremely important to him. He's very, very masculine and has a high libido. That's why, when I've run into problems with my drive, I've tried to push through and pretty much be available to him anyway. That's why, when I've had trouble with my drive, it has really been him that needed to reassure me that he's strong enough to go without. And that's exactly how I saw it: strong. I know his lust and desire didn't disappear. I didn't even pretend it did. I felt very protected, and like I was married to an amazingly loyal LION. It hits all my lust spots. And when my health was sorted out, RAWR!

[oldshirt]

to that I also need to add that everyone's input has been valuable and has helped me organize my thoughts and given me insight and helped shine some light into my blindspots.

 

 

Everyone has been 'right' about some things and everyone has given me a piece of the puzzle.

[hudson701]

Wow that reddit story above... Took my breath away. Heartbreaking a woman would put her husband through such hell and for him to show such strength and fortitude to carry on and power through, well, good for you, sir.

[autumnnight]

Oldshirt, I just read a very long post and had myself a good cry.

 

I am immensely triggered by your thread, not because i am a middle aged wife who doesn't like sex...but because I am a middle aged woman who just wanted my husband to touch me, and I got it turned around on me as if I was dirt.

 

I know what it is like to be emotionally manipulated, frozen out, and made to crumble into the floor in tears. I know what it is to have someone declare to me "how it was going to be" and not give a damn about my feelings, completely ignoring the YEARS I spent trying to be good enough. I know what it is like to be vulnerable and have it spat back at you in a display of "manhood."

 

It nearly destroyed me, but as a silver lining, it gave me the fortitude to leave a man who did not know how to love.

 

Please....please....you are such a good man....do not emotionally bully, manipulate, punish, and corner your wife into some pitiful heap at your feet just to make a point.

 

You are better than that. You know how to love.

[xxoo]

I know what it is like to be vulnerable and have it spat back at you in a display of "manhood.".

 

Hugs, Autumn. I found that post appalling, too.

 

That's not manhood. A man protects and cares for his own. He is fierce with others when needed, but tender with his own. And that's wildly sexy.

[Mr. Lucky]

The catch 22 for you is that your wife might be better equipped to deal with the sexual issues if she thought other areas of the marriage were unchallenged, even if some of those challenges were of her own making.

 

Too bad MC is a no go. You have lots to talk about...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I think you may have some wisdom in what you are saying above, but it is going over my head at the moment.

 

My point is simply you have a lot on your marital plate and it's unrealistic to think a Chinese menu approach where you pick one issue each from A, B and C is going to work. If the sexual issue is the most important one, you may have to be willing to take a step back in terms of dealing with other things. Very few people respond well to a feeling of being under all-out assault.

 

The one dealbreaker in this whole thing for me might be a willingness to go back to MC. Given the way you describe your wife's defensive nature, not sure things can improve without help.

 

Do you have a clear sense of what your wife wants to have happen?

 

Mr. Lucky

[underpants]

To be completely honest this thread terrifies me! I have cancer & I'm about to go through surgeries including hysterectomy. Is this my future? At the time in my life that I desperately need safety, security, love & understanding all I'm thinking is 'Is this the end then?'. On a really bad night, panic attacks, shaking with fear, thoughts of leaving my young children motherless I created a regrettable panic post here.

How does a woman get through this kind of nightmare without loosing everything? I completely understand the need for a passionate sex life. Should we just get divorced now? Why have "In sickness & health" in marriage vows when it can severely effect the "To have & to hold"?

Serious medical conditions are so overwhelming. Is it unreasonable to expect any person, regardless of history & promises, to be burdened with something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy?

 

How many marriages end in misery & divorce when menopause hits? Half of the human race goes through this. I need to learn more about how some marriages stay strong & secure....I dread ending on the trash heap. Loosing my ability to have more children, loosing my hair, loosing, loosing, loosing....looser

 

Why would you put yourself on a 'trash heap'. Your marriage is killing you. This is the hill you have chosen to die on. Okay.

 

Let go? You won't though, like so many, you will stay and passively complain, as will Old shirt.

 

Wanting but scared of true freedom I guess?

[oldshirt]

 

 

. I know what it is like to be vulnerable and have it spat back at you in a display of "manhood."

 

Please....please....you are such a good man....do not emotionally bully, manipulate, punish, and corner your wife into some pitiful heap at your feet just to make a point.

 

.

 

Don't let the posts about, "grow some balls," and "drop the hammer down" and "make her respect you" etc etc bother you. Some of that is just how guys talk to each other and the verbiage that we use amongst ourselves.

 

 

the base message being relayed is " stand up for your interests and don't be BS'd or pushed around" and that is 100% valid advice.

 

 

"neither pushed around nor push-arounder be" is the common ground I am going to strive for.

[Ruby Slippers]

I read the whole thread. And I'm wondering - are your swinging days over? It seems that the biggest problem is that you feel undesired and unfulfilled with the sex you're having. Both of you have had the fortitude to weather outside sexual involvements before. Are those days over?

[oldshirt]

I read the whole thread. And I'm wondering - are your swinging days over? It seems that the biggest problem is that you feel undesired and unfulfilled with the sex you're having. Both of you have had the fortitude to weather outside sexual involvements before. Are those days over?

 

Yeah pretty much.

 

 

We haven't been active in that lifestyle for several years.

 

 

We still maintain a few friendships with some of our old swinger friends but we haven't had any kind of sexual contact with them for several years.

 

 

Every now and then we'll still get an invitation to a party or an event or something and we'll mention it, but there always seems to be some kind of kid activity going on that night or something else going on.

 

 

We've kind of left it as we'll consider it on a case-by-base bases and if the stars all line up and everything is falling into place, we'll play it by ear.

 

 

Maybe the best way to put it is we haven't ruled it out as an actual policy but we haven't lifted a finger to do anything in that world in a long time and perhaps never will.

[oldshirt]

Yeah pretty much.

 

 

We haven't been active in that lifestyle for several years.

 

 

We still maintain a few friendships with some of our old swinger friends but we haven't had any kind of sexual contact with them for several years.

 

 

Every now and then we'll still get an invitation to a party or an event or something and we'll mention it, but there always seems to be some kind of kid activity going on that night or something else going on.

 

 

We've kind of left it as we'll consider it on a case-by-base bases and if the stars all line up and everything is falling into place, we'll play it by ear.

 

 

Maybe the best way to put it is we haven't ruled it out as an actual policy but we haven't lifted a finger to do anything in that world in a long time and perhaps never will.

 

 

.....part of me would like to revisit it just so I could have the possibility of being with a woman that still has a sex drive and wants to be with me and has some enthusiasm for it, even if just for a night.

 

 

But my wife is so disinterested in it I assume it wouldn't be worth it.

 

 

And I'll admit, a part of me is a bit insecure that it's just me she's not interested in and that someone else may trip her trigger better and then it will be over at the drop of a hat.

 

 

But at this rate, it may be over for me anyway before too long so maybe I should pursue it just to shake things up and move things along a bit.

 

 

But that is just a fantasy. I'm not really going to do that.

......but I should (picture my devil grin)

[Ruby Slippers]

When I mentioned swinging, I was thinking more of you having a sex buddy on the side. But I suppose that's not really swinging - more an open relationship. Is that not something you would consider? I guess my assumption is that two people who have comfortably mixed with other partners before would be more open to this idea.

 

It sounds to me as though you're seriously considering getting divorced over this. It seems extreme to me to divorce after 20 years of marriage because your wife is going through the temporary roller coaster of menopause. But then I can understand how frustrating it must be to have lots of sexual mojo and no good outlet for it.

 

I'm sure it's easier said than done, but I'd try not to take the flirtation with the neighbor personally. I imagine that with her very weak sex drive these days, she's probably grasping at straws to find anything that will get her even a little excited. Science has shown that novelty, an outside partner, is especially exciting to both men and women. But I'd guess that former swingers are aware of this!

 

(edit: I have no idea why there's a giant smilie at the top of this post - I guess I clicked that accidentally)

[oldshirt]

When I mentioned swinging, I was thinking more of you having a sex buddy on the side. But I suppose that's not really swinging - more an open relationship. Is that not something you would consider? I guess my assumption is that two people who have comfortably mixed with other partners before would be more open to this idea.

 

It sounds to me as though you're seriously considering getting divorced over this. It seems extreme to me to divorce after 20 years of marriage because your wife is going through the temporary roller coaster of menopause. But then I can understand how frustrating it must be to have lots of sexual mojo and no good outlet for it.

 

I'm sure it's easier said than done, but I'd try not to take the flirtation with the neighbor personally. I imagine that with her very weak sex drive these days, she's probably grasping at straws to find anything that will get her even a little excited. Science has shown that novelty, an outside partner, is especially exciting to both men and women. But I'd guess that former swingers are aware of this!

 

(edit: I have no idea why there's a giant smilie at the top of this post - I guess I clicked that accidentally)

 

You make several good points. Here's a few random factoids in particular order.

 

- I'm not contemplating divorce because she's going through menopause. Check I'll probably be going through MANopause myself here before too long. I'm very frustrated and dissatisfied because she doesn't talk to me unless it's something about the kids or something that needs fixing in the house. She rarely has any warmth or affection or any warm feelings for me. She has no desire for me and when we do try to make love, she is detached and looking at the clock, telling me to hurry up and at times does not even lay a finger on me or touch me (and that is a literal fact and not a figure of speech).

 

- I do want to put in a full faith effort to rekindle some of her desire for me and I do want to remain married to her. But if my efforts fail or I find she has someone on the side or is simply just done with me, I will consider amicable divorce as an option.

 

- I would consider a FWB and would be OK with it as a concept. I imagine she would be fine with it as well. However I am a 51 year old bald guy that is not any kind of rich executive or millionaire or playing etc.

 

The chances of finding a real life FWB that is good with just a weekly hook up is small and I myself would probably want more eventually since my ultimate goal is a full service relationship.

[Ruby Slippers]

I'm very frustrated and dissatisfied because she doesn't talk to me unless it's something about the kids or something that needs fixing in the house. She rarely has any warmth or affection or any warm feelings for me. She has no desire for me and when we do try to make love, she is detached and looking at the clock, telling me to hurry up and at times does not even lay a finger on me or touch me (and that is a literal fact and not a figure of speech).

Ugh, this sounds bad. Do you think she's going through a spell of depression? My mom and a mom-like friend I know who went through menopause both told me that it wreaked a lot of havoc on their nerves and mood, much more than they expected it would.

 

I would consider a FWB and would be OK with it as a concept. I imagine she would be fine with it as well. However I am a 51 year old bald guy that is not any kind of rich executive or millionaire or playing etc.

 

The chances of finding a real life FWB that is good with just a weekly hook up is small and I myself would probably want more eventually since my ultimate goal is a full service relationship.

It might be fun to just look and see if you get lucky. You're not getting lucky at home, so even if you don't, nothing's changed. It could alleviate some of your frustrations.

 

In any case, I hope you can work it out. From your writing here in the past, I've gotten the impression you have a strong relationship that can weather a lot.

[spanz1]

bioidentical seeds would bring back her libido, AND help with her vagina wall soreness.

 

 

there is a book "healing painful sex" you can get her to read.

 

 

you are right to use LOTS of lubricant. a lot of women feel hey do not need it, then complain left and right about painful intercourse! I guess its some sort of denial mechanism.

[oldshirt]

 

 

It might be fun to just look and see if you get lucky. You're not getting lucky at home, so even if you don't, nothing's changed. It could alleviate some of your frustrations.

 

 

Here is kind of a bitter irony of the world. Getting no-strings FWBs on the side for married women is the easiest thing in the world. If some gal wants some extra on the side, darn near every man on the planet raises his hand and does the Pick Me! Dance.

 

It's completely different or married men. Women are funny, they will stab their sisters in the back and cheat with a married man if they think they can "win" in the end.

 

But they want nothing to do with a man who has his wife's blessing to get some on the side. It is actually a lot easier for a married man to cheat behind his wife's back than to get a FWB with his wife's blessing.

 

But that aside, here's my current thoughts on an open marriage arraingement. For me to get a somewhat attractive FWB that I would want to be around, I would have to look sharp, be fit, be nice and charming and take her out and do things and be a generally fun and sexy guy and establish a good rapport with her.

 

If I have to do those things anyway, I might as well try it first on my wife because if I can catch her interest I may be able to score and not have to leave the house LOL ;-)

 

In otherwords I have to exhaust the whole dance with my wife before I turn those attentions to other people.

 

If I do everything I can to be as desirable as I can to the best of my ability and my wife still has no interest, then I will consider other options.

[oldshirt]

Just bumping this back up so I can refer back to it for background.

[Hopeful714]

Hi Oldshirt,

 

I just spent a few hrs reading this entire post and figured I'd throw my two cents in.

 

I am a 50 year old single woman in the midst of the change of life and I'm here to say it's a pretty awful and difficult time. A time of change for sure.

 

Throughout the years, I have maintained well, or so I am told. Regardless of that, and that I exercise regularly and eat healthy, this hormonal change is just kicking my as#!

 

I, like your wife have experienced pms/pmdd. I have read that the women who do, may experience an even rougher hormonal transition. Everyone's experience is different.

 

Aside from the daily tiredness and exhaustion, there is the mood shifts, body aches, bloating, depression, vaginal dryness, low libido, headaches, and hot flashes. Combine this with the visible signs of aging we see in the mirror and the pressure we feel to be "our old self" when we really want to,,,,,but can't because we have all this going on,,,, and feel crappy most the time, and it makes for one heck of a difficult time in life. If only you men could understand...and I say that respectfully. Unfortunately, at this time many women just don't feel sexy. Period.

 

What I write of is pretty much the norm as all of my friends who are around my age feel some, if not all or more of the same symptoms I described. So I'm sure your wife at 48 feels something similar, if not heightened as she still needs to play the role of mother and wife at this time when MANY, MANY women say they just want to be left alone for a while. To sort themselves out, find relief from the symptoms, and yes, come to terms with the fact that it's nearing lemonade time....very quickly.

 

Let me tell you that right now, I'd guess your wife is not thinking of other men at all. She is most likely trying and fighting to stay afloat amidst this sea of hormones (and lack of them) that are stealing her body, thoughts and mind. Her encounters with the neighbors (although disrespectful) were most likely a fleeting moment where she was swept away and feeling like her old self again. I'm sorry these moments with you are not as frequent right now.

 

There is no cure for this. Antidepressants don't really work because it's a hormone thing and hormone therapy can be costly, may or may not work, and may even be dangerous for some women. The truth is Oldshirt, your wife is aging. She will never be the same, but hopefully, she can emerge into a stronger, positive, more energetic and different woman, who has much love for you, once this transition is complete. That takes time though, maybe several years, (which you don't appear to have) and depends entirely on her and how she views herself, her life, and you, as she gets set for her third, and final act in life.

 

I hope this helps you somewhat in trying to understand what she may be feeling. But wow...you guys really need to talk, and you will need to remain supportive if you wish to stay together. Any type of tough guy antics won't be tolerated by a menopausal woman! Trust me.

 

I do believe that you have every right to be validated however. She OWES you the right to have an open discussion with her, to explain to you how she feels, hear you out, and to make you feel wanted and desired, and not just with sex ...if she still wants this relationship for the long haul.

 

That's all I can say for now as this rollercoaster ride is far from over, but I do know that many women have crossed to become better women. And, I have been told by MANY that it DOES get better! I hope your wife is one who transitions well, and that you can accept some new changes. You seem like a really decent guy. Good luck!

 

P.S. at 50, you may feel ok NOW, but your no spring chick yourself! Wink!

[oldshirt]

Hi Oldshirt,

 

I just spent a few hrs reading this entire post and figured I'd throw my two cents in.

 

I am a 50 year old single woman in the midst of the change of life and I'm here to say it's a pretty awful and difficult time. A time of change for sure.

 

Throughout the years, I have maintained well, or so I am told. Regardless of that, and that I exercise regularly and eat healthy, this hormonal change is just kicking my as#!

 

I, like your wife have experienced pms/pmdd. I have read that the women who do, may experience an even rougher hormonal transition. Everyone's experience is different.

 

Aside from the daily tiredness and exhaustion, there is the mood shifts, body aches, bloating, depression, vaginal dryness, low libido, headaches, and hot flashes. Combine this with the visible signs of aging we see in the mirror and the pressure we feel to be "our old self" when we really want to,,,,,but can't because we have all this going on,,,, and feel crappy most the time, and it makes for one heck of a difficult time in life. If only you men could understand...and I say that respectfully. Unfortunately, at this time many women just don't feel sexy. Period.

 

What I write of is pretty much the norm as all of my friends who are around my age feel some, if not all or more of the same symptoms I described. So I'm sure your wife at 48 feels something similar, if not heightened as she still needs to play the role of mother and wife at this time when MANY, MANY women say they just want to be left alone for a while. To sort themselves out, find relief from the symptoms, and yes, come to terms with the fact that it's nearing lemonade time....very quickly.

 

Let me tell you that right now, I'd guess your wife is not thinking of other men at all. She is most likely trying and fighting to stay afloat amidst this sea of hormones (and lack of them) that are stealing her body, thoughts and mind. Her encounters with the neighbors (although disrespectful) were most likely a fleeting moment where she was swept away and feeling like her old self again. I'm sorry these moments with you are not as frequent right now.

 

There is no cure for this. Antidepressants don't really work because it's a hormone thing and hormone therapy can be costly, may or may not work, and may even be dangerous for some women. The truth is Oldshirt, your wife is aging. She will never be the same, but hopefully, she can emerge into a stronger, positive, more energetic and different woman, who has much love for you, once this transition is complete. That takes time though, maybe several years, (which you don't appear to have) and depends entirely on her and how she views herself, her life, and you, as she gets set for her third, and final act in life.

 

I hope this helps you somewhat in trying to understand what she may be feeling. But wow...you guys really need to talk, and you will need to remain supportive if you wish to stay together. Any type of tough guy antics won't be tolerated by a menopausal woman! Trust me.

 

I do believe that you have every right to be validated however. She OWES you the right to have an open discussion with her, to explain to you how she feels, hear you out, and to make you feel wanted and desired, and not just with sex ...if she still wants this relationship for the long haul.

 

That's all I can say for now as this rollercoaster ride is far from over, but I do know that many women have crossed to become better women. And, I have been told by MANY that it DOES get better! I hope your wife is one who transitions well, and that you can accept some new changes. You seem like a really decent guy. Good luck!

 

P.S. at 50, you may feel ok NOW, but your no spring chick yourself! Wink!

 

 

 

Thank you for taking the time to read the whole thread and for your thoughtful and insightful post.

 

 

You bring up a lot of good points and there are a number of things I am working on in regards to making sure I am doing the best that I can to deal with some of these issues.

 

 

I am not sure if you have read my other thread but I have detailed the topics I am working on in the thread titled "Hoping to Stop the Downhill Plunge...." and I will be updating that at a later point today.

 

 

Some of the things you have brought up in this post, I have addressed or am addressing in that other thread.

[underpants]

Just yucky... I can't imagine.