Question to ponder

[Dragonflys]

I ponder this sometimes..It seems to me as time goes on that relationships are becoming more difficult to cultivate and keep. It seems to me everyone has an increasing freedom to do what they 'feel' is right, to follow what 'feels' good. On paper, that seems terrific and logical.

 

However, when two people meet these days it seems they have to 'click' on every level. i.e. have common interests, common beliefs and desires, be attracted to each other, and not have 'issues' in the way. If some of these aren't compatible (which would occur in the large majority of cases) then either nothing happens, or a casual relationship develops and then fizzes away when the 'chemistry' dies down and the though of having responsibilities comes into play.

 

What happened to the idea of two resonably compatible people meeting, giving a but of themselves emotionally to each other, learning new things together to create common interests, and creating understanding and respect for each other beliefs?. The reason I ask this is because I have dated a few ladies in the last few months and I have been astounded at how free spirited they are, how little time they have for a man in their life, and what they say about the types of guys they want. They describe the 'perfect' man..it's as if they want everything on a platter and don't want to put the effort in to cultivate anything.

 

I'm not being critical or bitter here, merely stating what I am observing.

[Miss Mojo]

hi oliver,

 

i just thought i'd let you know you're not alone in thinking this....

 

I ponder this sometimes..It seems to me as time goes on that relationships are becoming more difficult to cultivate and keep.

 

What happened to the idea of two resonably compatible people meeting, giving a but of themselves emotionally to each other, learning new things together to create common interests, and creating understanding and respect for each other beliefs?.

 

why? i have no idea. when i meet someone i really like, i expect that we won't have everything in common, but in my eyes, that's what makes for a good relationship. you can learn from a person, learn about them and i actually think it is quite healthy to not have EVERYTHING in common.

 

i do remember my grandmother saying to me not long ago, "the young people of today are so selfish".

 

it's weird because when i look at some of my friends in relationships, i can see what she means, but i can honestly say thankfully, i am not like that.

 

The reason I ask this is because I have dated a few ladies in the last few months and I have been astounded at how free spirited they are, how little time they have for a man in their life, and what they say about the types of guys they want. They describe the 'perfect' man..it's as

 

if they want everything on a platter and don't want to put the effort in to cultivate anything.

 

it kind of irks me to hear people say "the perfect partner". hooley dooley!

 

it's one thing to have some basic prerequisities e.g. someone with respect, someone who wants the same kind of relationship as you, someone you can have a good conversation with.....but when it gets to the stage of "dark hair, dark eyes, 6'2" no less, salary of $xx, house at north shore, must love sushi and hate cats...." it gets a bit ridiculous. i don't think some people realise just how much they are limiting their options with their definition of the "perfect" person and how many people they let down (including themselves) trying to find "perfection".

 

frankly, i don't ever want perfect. how boring would that be? not to mention, the pursuit of the perfect person is neverending (because perfection doesn't exist) and when you're "perfect person" shows they have a flaw - well, heaven help us then!!!

 

what i don't understand oliver, is why relationships just seem so hard for so many people out there???? what is so hard to maintain????? relationships have become a bit of an enigma for me at the moment.

[Tony T]

People may say they want this or that. But when each finds the right person, it may be entirely different.

 

Talking about what you want and finally finding the right person are often very different things.

 

I do believe our world culture has, in general, skewed slightly to the selfish, self centered side but this is only an evolutionary thing that will play itself out. Everything turns around and generosity, compassion and benevolence will reappear.

 

Life and love are constantly reinventing themselves. In many ways, that is good.

 

When all is said and done, each of us makes our own determination of what we want in a relationship and once we clear out all the psychological hurdles to our attaining that, it appears.

[Dragonflys]

Hi Miss Mojo

 

Thanks for your detailed response, I'm glad you cottoned on to some of it so I know I'm not rambling nonsense.

 

I just think people are asking too much sometimes, and we are so complex as people that it may be incredibly hard to find one that fits that.

 

I think a lot has to be said for compromise. But I cannot speak for everyone of course.

 

Oliver

[Miss Mojo]

hi oliver,

 

'compromise' is the key word here, and i will never understand just what is so hard about it for some people. i actually find it very satisfying making a compromise, because the end result is generally satisfaction for both parties.

 

i think there is a lot to be said about the ability to compromise and to find a middle-ground. unfortunately, there just seems to be a lot of people out there who are too selfish to to do this, or just simply can't be bothered *sigh*, which is actually a real shame.

 

miss mojo