DylanAtion Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 Hello! When I was younger, my girlfriend, which I met when I was 13, made a mistake. See, we started dating, well 'dating' when we were 13. Now, at the time, she had alot of parent issues, past issues. (Like sexual abuse (She was sexually touched as a child by her cousin), self esteem, insecurities, etc.) But. Basically, some time during the relationship, she sexted a guy. I found this out because it was through an old messaging program from way back when. She sexted him, said she loved him, and even used something that I bought her for valentines day as a gift to please this guy. I confronted her about it, and she was really sorry, and at the time, she seemed to be pushing me away. She was doing so because she felt guilty for what she did, she said she did it because other people said it was fun, or something along that. I know that she would never do it again, however. We ended up getting back together not too long ago, this has been well over 15 years ago, should I just let the past be there? Also, should I be upset about a mistake she made as a troubled kid? Thank you. (Note: She's a totally different person right now, for the better. ) P.S: Is there a more positive way of disregarding the past? And could this work out? I really care for this girl. (Also, she still has the monkey, how should I deal with that?) Thank you!
CarrieT Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 Of course you should forgive her! Do you believe *you* should be held accountable for things you did as a child now that your are an adult!?!? 2
Author DylanAtion Posted September 28, 2015 Author Posted September 28, 2015 Of course you should forgive her! Do you believe *you* should be held accountable for things you did as a child now that your are an adult!?!? Oh! No, totally. I forgive her. I think it's the whole, "Will the rest of the world forgive her." ordeal, I fear that if I tell people what happened, they'll just say negative things about her, or getting back together. However, from your personal perspective, does this form of love story sound cute? Just the whole getting back together as a adult after making a mistake as a kid.
qubist Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 i read your post and remember some of the things I did when I was 13 and i just laughed. of course you should hold her accountable for a childhood mistake assuming she is behaving now and treating your relationship good. but the concerning question is why are you bothered now? are you developing insecurity? is she doing things that are bothering you? are you just tired of her and looking for excuse to blame her for?
pidgeon1010 Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 Oh! No, totally. I forgive her. I think it's the whole, "Will the rest of the world forgive her." ordeal, I fear that if I tell people what happened, they'll just say negative things about her, or getting back together. However, from your personal perspective, does this form of love story sound cute? Just the whole getting back together as a adult after making a mistake as a kid. Why would you tell people about her personal business that happened over a decade ago and why does it matter if your relationship sounds cute? If you have forgiven her, no one or nothing else matters.
lonewalker Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 she is 13. important is.. can you trust her now? its been 15years. more time has passed since u guys broke up than when she was the age when she made the mistake. lol
ScienceGal Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 You're comparing a child (and an abused one at that) to an adult. Why? People grow and mature. Try to look at each person for who they are today and what you can each bring to the table in a relationship (friendship or romantic). All we have is today, my friend. Start living in it.
Rejected Rosebud Posted September 28, 2015 Posted September 28, 2015 There seems to be a big trend around here about men :confused:disparaging girls and women for things from our pasts ... why?
chapter44 Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 It is my opinion that you shouldn't hold someone accountable for what they did when they were kids. If she has been honest and caring towards you as an adult that should be all that matters.
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 (edited) Good grief, she was just a child, a kid, messing about - if this is something that happened 10 years ago - don't you think it's about time you dropped it, now?! Jeesh, move on! Have you been dating her solidly since then? there has been no-one else for either of you, and you have been exclusive all the time? Could I also ask, you posted about this very issue on the 28th of September, and received quite a few replies, so may I ask why you feel it necessary to still be asking the same question today? If as it seems, this IS in fact a disturbing issue for you perhaps the fairest thing for this angel of yours, is to let her go and find someone less hung-up and judgemental. Because I suspect "other people" have nothing to do with this. I suspect the one with the problem, is YOU. Edited October 13, 2015 by TaraMaiden2
Yksik Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Does everyone make mistakes at a young age like that? I made huge mistakes and I really really hope my future husband doesn't even think about holding those things against me after 10 years of dating... I was just wondering if you guys scold her for the mistakes shes made. I'd probably reconsider dating you if you'd scold me after 10 years! It's important to get issues sorted out, but after that much time I think she has the idea that maybe you've forgotten about it. I sure would have. people tell me not to marry her over a mistake she made when she was 13 Really? I think there HAS to be more to it maybe? Who are those people? Maybe they just don't want you to get married with her, for whatever reason and that's the only one they could think of.
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