Just found out about dad's affair

[m4p]

xOW here, probably karma biting my ass big time by having infidelity happening in my own family.

 

Parents married for about 25 years and my dad recently confessed to my mom about an affair he had 2 years ago.

 

Background: They were having some problems beginning this year, about him using a social app and commenting on this woman's photo things like "you are so beautiful" etc. He claimed it was all casual, non serious and just socializing for the fun of it. He deleted the app but somehow we managed to find out that he took it underground and was texting the woman with actual phone numbers (as opposed to using the app). It broke my mom's heart. They kinda moved past that as my dad vehemently denied anything serious going on and was mostly home accompanying my mom, bringing her out for lunch and basically being very loving towards here. I do trust him on this somehow. Call it gut feeling or what I don't know.

 

However, recently, my mom went to a fortune teller (erm it sounds all quack-ish and all but it was a very strange encounter. The guy was able to tell her very exact and accurate details about her life that she never told anyone before). So after talking about her life and kids (he guessed her number of kids + gender perfectly and we are talking about this guy in a temple at a remote place with no wifi or advanced technology.

 

Anyway I digress, he then proceeded to tell her that her husband HAD 3 affairs before. She was floored. It was creepy and surreal when she told me about it.

 

She went home, confronted him, and he outed the affair from 2 years ago. Said it was no physical, he met her (20 years younger than him) near his workplace and got her number and basically was contacting her everyday. (Talking on phone, texting or so he claimed)

 

After being on LS for a decent amount of time, I could identify that he was trickle truthing my mom a lot. Every new information or loophole in his stories, results in him revealing more details. I also do not believe that there was no PA. He is in operations so he's out a lot on job sites and has flexibility in time. I just cannot believe that there is no PA. I was in an A and I know exactly how it feels like to want someone, be in touch all the time and there's very low possibility there's no lust involved.

 

All in all, his stand is he confessed because he felt bad and didn't want to hide from my mom and wants to be wholeheartedly truthful and take care of our family.

 

They went for MC. I should be happy that my parents are staying together (from a naive, children POV). But I know that my mom holds a lot of resentment and is rug sweeping a lot of things such as forcing him to admit if there is a PA or not.

 

Somehow I just don't feel right I don't want my mom to stay with a cheater but at the same time it's my father. I'm repelled and sad all at the same time.

 

Perhaps it's really karma for me to be involved in a MM before and now this is happening to my mom. I don't know if I should advise her anything or just pretend that all's okay.

[goodyblue]

That is a very interesting dynamic for you to be sure! I think if it were me I would stay out of it. I understand they are your parents but you have to understand their relationship is separate from you. They are married, lovers, partners, friends... all that entails, and they have to work out what that means for them. I am not telling you to not be there for them, but don't guide the way it all plays out. That is theirs to do.

 

Good luck with everything and I hope they are ok. The MC is a good idea. Perhaps the therapist will drag out the entire relationship your dad had (if anything more happened). It is possible your mom knows more and is keeping it private.

 

Hang in there.

Edited September 28, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[m4p]

That is a very interesting dynamic for you to be sure! I think if it were me I would stay out of it. I understand they are your parents but you have to understand their relationship is separate from you. They are married, lovers, partners, friends... all that entails, and they have to work out what that means for them. I am not telling you to not be there for them, but don't guide the way it all plays out. That is theirs to do.

 

Good luck with everything and I hope they are ok. The MC is a good idea. Perhaps the therapist will drag out the entire relationship your dad had (if anything more happened). It is possible your mom knows more and is keeping it private.

 

Hang in there.

 

Oops this got moved to what I hope is a more relevant place for discussion.

 

I cannot deny that my parents loves each other very much. My dad is extremely protective and loving towards her and I always thought that I had the perfect family growing up.

 

It is possible that my mom might be withholding some info so as to protect my dad's image in front of us kids.

 

Problem is my mom got married at a relatively young age, and she has no support structure around her (family overseas, friends not close enough), our family is all she has.

 

I don't wanna interfere but I just wish I can get the message across to my dad, that if he loves her he should respect her- as well as boundaries etc. Their generation tends to rugsweep and I am afraid it will only lead to more similar happenings in future.

 

Oh well..

 

Thanks for your input! I think I have to trust them to be the "adults".

[road]

Oops this got moved to what I hope is a more relevant place for discussion.

 

I cannot deny that my parents loves each other very much. My dad is extremely protective and loving towards her and I always thought that I had the perfect family growing up.

 

It is possible that my mom might be withholding some info so as to protect my dad's image in front of us kids.

 

Problem is my mom got married at a relatively young age, and she has no support structure around her (family overseas, friends not close enough), our family is all she has.

 

I don't wanna interfere but I just wish I can get the message across to my dad, that if he loves her he should respect her- as well as boundaries etc. Their generation tends to rugsweep and I am afraid it will only lead to more similar happenings in future.

 

Oh well..

 

Thanks for your input! I think I have to trust them to be the "adults".

 

Ask your mom if she thinks your dad is not being honest and it was a PA.

 

 

Depending on her answer an you thinking about her having her WH take a polygraph test.

[m4p]

Mom wants a divorce now. After all the rug sweeping she finally exploded again today saying that if he loves her he wouldn't even been seeking out other women to be in contact with. I fear it'll just be another episode. Then she'll be okay. But I want her to be happy. And I wish my dad can pull his weight instead of settling back into his "mundane life".

 

This is affecting for us kids. We have work and life and having my family unstable is making my anxiety coming back.