stayconfused Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Hi guys, This is my first post on this forum. I will give you the background. My ex and I were together for about a year. He has always had trust issues, his ex wife cheated on him, and he has a lot of emotional issues from ptsd (he is a 12 year war veteran from Afghanistan and was in special forces so saw/did a lot of messed up stuff). He has a background of being sexually promiscuous, not really dating women but sleeping with them once, etc. He married his wife at 18 and hadn't been in an actual relationship since their divorce 2 months later (so ours was the first relationship in 11 years). When we met we fell for each other very quickly.. But I love attention and affection, and he didn't know how to give either. He would fight a lot and run away from things, then reconcile with me later and apologize saying he was just scared. Back in June, he rejoined the military. He also asked me to marry him, and I said yes. About a month ago he called off the wedding, said he wasn't ready, etc. Following that it was just a ton of him telling me it would never work, he was scared, not ready to be married, afraid of me leaving him, didn't want to be abandoned, on and on. I kept giving him chances, he was gone from home since June and I had barely seen him, I never cheated on him and he would show up and see me maybe one day out of the month. It all came to a head two weeks ago, he randomly freaked out on me and accused me of cheating and all these things I never did. I told him it was over and to leave me alone. This past weekend he came over to get his things as I gave him a present I had gotten for our wedding night, because it was special and I wanted him to remember me even if we weren't together. He threw it in the dirt at me and made a major a** out of himself, and from that point I was done. We both have bad tempers and get out of control when we are mad and say things we don't mean.. Nothing physically abusive has ever happened but we both will cuss each other out. Since Thursday I have refused to see him, won't talk, etc. I have just been done with the situation. This is normally the point that he would cuss me out, say he's leaving, and run from dealing with the situation. Instead he told me yesterday he is signing up for therapy and going to work through his problems. I woke up this morning to flowers on my porch, he is not the kind to do that and through out the course of our relationship never did anything like that. He swears he is going to change and wants to be with me. The question is, do I really watch and see what he does or just move on? Can people REALLY change? Or will he just continue down the same path. I am tired of waiting on someone who hurts me over and over. The logical answer says to stop talking to him and let him go.. But what if he does change? I wanted to marry this man and spend my life with him. There isn't another person like him I've ever met. Anyone ever deal with this situation before? I feel like maybe it's best to cut my losses and run, but I don't want to regret my life later either... Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 War related PTSD is a real thing & not something people just get over. It effects their whole life and their interpersonal relationships. If he's getting therapy that is a good start. Since you profess to love him why not give it a month or two & see if you notice any positive changes as a result of the treatments. Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted September 28, 2015 Share Posted September 28, 2015 Yes people do change, I know friends who suffered from war related PTSD that affected their lives tremendously and went back to have normal life, but I also know others that still struggle with it. If you are asking whether you have the right to just move on and leave him? Absolutely you are a free woman, But please take a second look at it, he needs you now more than any other time. He has already started therapy which is believe or not a huge step, you have no idea how hard it is to convince veterans with PTSD to see a therapist. Most of them refuse and lot of them quit after first session. He needs your help badly and you will be investing in a good man. Military experience had its cons but it also teaches us lot of great things among them discipline and loyalty, he obviously loves you I can guarantee his loyalty to you once he pass this hard period. You need to know that his accusation to you has nothing to do with you it's just his mental state. Good luck to you and him Link to post Share on other sites
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