"I" don't exist...

[Inflikted]

I don't believe that for one second. Whack a guy in the head long enough and he learns to duck.

 

The good is there. You just won't admit it. You're the toughest SOB you know. Nobody else but you had gone through the crap you went through with your handicaps.

 

Darwin Awards.

 

Those guys ain't here complaining. He is. Obviously, he learned how to duck.

 

Again I ask, though, where has that gotten me? What has that truly done for me? I'm almost 27, I've accomplished nothing of value in my life, I have a bare minimum type of job that could be performed by a high schooler, I have no social life whatsoever, I can't connect with people or the world around me, I feel extremely naive and out of touch with the world around me and I can't ever seem to grasp it no matter how hard I try to, I have no real personality, no talents or skills, no affinities for anything useful to the world. If anything, I think I'm a prime example of a person who SHOULDN'T have survived this long, because I serve no purpose. I'm a waste of space, a waste of resources, a waste of life.

 

To think, everything that's wasted on me, even right down to the air I breath, could be going to someone else, someone that's more worthwhile, someone that actually has things worth contributing to the world, someone that has a reason to exist...

 

Ok, I have read all of your posts in this thread now. I suggest therapy. And I know you say you cannot afford it, but I still suggest it. Maybe that could be a goal to try for. I don't know. But from what I have gathered so far, this is not an issue that any words here will be able to fix. If I couldn't afford it, I might consider looking out of the local area. Maybe there are more affordable ones elsewhere. Maybe a therapist in training would charge less. Since you seem to be speaking so openly, I will return the privilege in saying that I think I can relate to you in some way. I don't agree with your words, but I might be able to understand them on a certain level. From this level of thinking, these are the words I can offer. Therapy wouldn't necessarily be "do x and you'll get better." It would most likely be an on-going process to add to your life. Also, have you gotten into any kind of spirituality? Therapy and some kind of spirituality would be my only two suggestions. A therapist would be easier to follow, and God would be easier to afford. Just my unprofessional opinion.

 

Eh... Honestly, the whole process and cycle of therapy seems like a total drag, to me, and the fact that it's not guaranteed to truly help me or change me or anything like that, that just makes it more difficult for me to see it as something of value for myself. I don't want to spend years, "spinning my wheels" to a therapist. Sure, I'm "spinning my wheels" here, but at least it's not costing me money that I don't have to begin with.

 

Call it laziness or stubborness, or whatever, but I have no interest in therapists that would require a long commute (or especially relocating completely), and I highly doubt that a less skilled, less experienced therapist would be able to do anything for me.

 

If I had a better job, with a higher level of income, I might be more open to it. But as it is, it's a "luxury" that I don't have the resources for, and even if I did, I don't believe I'd have the patience to stick with the regimine long term.

 

More than that, if I had a better, more personally satisfying job, I think I'd generally have a happier life, and wouldn't need therapy, to begin with. In my personal opinion, my issues are reactionary to the world around me. I'm unhappy because I can't get the results in life that I desire. Even if I'm in therapy, if I'm still failing to get the results I desire, I'm going to remain unhappy. My happiness and my personal satisfaction would be derived from attaining the results I desire in life. In a way, I'd say I'm a very "results" driven person. Sure, therapy can help to alter the way one internalizes things, but at the end of the day, I'm still focused on the results. If the results continue to be the same, then I'll continue to react to them the same way, therapy or not.

[clia]

Well, you received a lot of advice here over the years. Based on that, what do you think you can do to achieve the results you want? And "I don't know" is not an acceptable answer at this point.

[Inflikted]

Well, you received a lot of advice here over the years. Based on that, what do you think you can do to achieve the results you want? And "I don't know" is not an acceptable answer at this point.

 

I realize and completely agree that "I don't know" is not an acceptable answer, but unfortunately, it's the only answer I have, because that's the only answer that accurately describes how I feel and what I believe.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

I guess. I dunno. I have a complicated relationship with my mom, and my childhood wasn't bad, per se, but it wasn't particularly special, either.

 

As a child, my mom was probably overly attached to me, and babied me a lot, and at the same time, she planted a lot of ideas in my head about being scared and paranoid of people and the outside world. I never made friends, I never socialized, I never went to sleepovers or birthday parties or that type of thing.

 

I was a scared, timid, shy, weak child that kept my head down and tried to just fly under the radar. Unfortunately, I never really "grew up". I wouldn't necessarily say that I'm "scared" or "paranoid" of people and the outside world, anymore, but I just feel so completely out of touch with it, that I just can't figure out how to interact with people and the world around me. I don't comprehend those things.

 

In other words, the emotions and feelings aren't the same, but my physical response is the same. People, and the world, don't make me nervous or anxious or scared, but instead, I just feel lost, confused, aimless, apathetic.

 

What exactly do you mean by complicated?

 

 

What was your dad like?

 

 

Are you an only child?

 

 

Was your mom normal or did she have issues?

[bluefeather]

Eh... Honestly, the whole process and cycle of therapy seems like a total drag, to me, and the fact that it's not guaranteed to truly help me or change me or anything like that, that just makes it more difficult for me to see it as something of value for myself. I don't want to spend years, "spinning my wheels" to a therapist. Sure, I'm "spinning my wheels" here, but at least it's not costing me money that I don't have to begin with.

 

Call it laziness or stubborness, or whatever, but I have no interest in therapists that would require a long commute (or especially relocating completely), and I highly doubt that a less skilled, less experienced therapist would be able to do anything for me.

 

If I had a better job, with a higher level of income, I might be more open to it. But as it is, it's a "luxury" that I don't have the resources for, and even if I did, I don't believe I'd have the patience to stick with the regimine long term.

 

More than that, if I had a better, more personally satisfying job, I think I'd generally have a happier life, and wouldn't need therapy, to begin with. In my personal opinion, my issues are reactionary to the world around me. I'm unhappy because I can't get the results in life that I desire. Even if I'm in therapy, if I'm still failing to get the results I desire, I'm going to remain unhappy. My happiness and my personal satisfaction would be derived from attaining the results I desire in life. In a way, I'd say I'm a very "results" driven person. Sure, therapy can help to alter the way one internalizes things, but at the end of the day, I'm still focused on the results. If the results continue to be the same, then I'll continue to react to them the same way, therapy or not.

 

You did not respond to the spirituality part, but ok. Judging from your reply, I would think that you do not want help very much. I believe that if you did, you would not feel so unwilling to do this kind of work. You haven't tried therapy, yet are already thinking it would be a waste. Your pessimism seems stronger than your desire to feel better.

[BrokenManAgain]

I don't think it's that black and white, but to each, his own.

I so stand corrected.

[Inflikted]

You did not respond to the spirituality part, but ok. Judging from your reply, I would think that you do not want help very much. I believe that if you did, you would not feel so unwilling to do this kind of work. You haven't tried therapy, yet are already thinking it would be a waste. Your pessimism seems stronger than your desire to feel better.

 

I wasn't trying to dodge the spirituality part, it just slipped my mind at the time. I don't have anything against spirituality; I'd consider myself "agnostic", though I lean closer to atheism. I grew up with a very loose Catholic upbringing, and I went to Catholic grade school and high school. I was never super into religion, and especially in high school, they seemed to really try to force it on everyone. Generally speaking, the ideas presented in religion are nice and I'd like to believe in them, but I just don't.

 

As for therapy, I actually did try it, a while back, but when I realized I couldn't afford it, I stopped. And again, the process of it just didn't feel right, to me, and it felt like a thing I was dreading going to, and looking for an excuse to get out of, rather than something I genuinely believed in and wanted to continue pursuing.

 

To an extent, you're right in that I don't want "help". Call it stubbornness or whatever, but I don't want "crutches" to rely on. I want to be smart enough and strong enough and capable enough to fix my own problems and be a normal person and have a satisfying life. The vast majority of people can live their lives and be happy, normal people without needing therapy or other factors to carry them through life. That's what I want. Again, my issues are so very reactionary. Let's say I go to therapy for a while, and get to an okay place, but then I continue to be unable to socialize, continue to not find a good job, continue to have nothing going on in my life. Then I'm unhappy all over again, and right back at square one.

 

What was your dad like?

 

My dad is a lot like me, in that he's quiet, awkward, and doesn't really know how to connect or interact with the world. He has no passions, no real interests in things, I've never seen him have an active social life, he's never had friends that I've seen. I can tell he's unhappy with my mom (and for good reason, which I'll get to shortly), but I can also tell that he doesn't want to stand up to her or leave her because he feels like he has no other options and would have nothing, otherwise.

 

Are you an only child?

 

I have an older sister from my mom's previous marriage, though she and I aren't very close anymore. She never really got along well with my mom, and me being a "momma's boy" kind of put us at odds fairly often. We get along okay, I guess, but we're not very close, and she's just another relative I only see very rarely, usually around the holidays, and that's it.

 

What exactly do you mean by complicated?

 

Was your mom normal or did she have issues?

 

Like I said previously, my mom babied me and coddled me a lot, and trained me to be paranoid and scared of the outside world. What she wanted, though, was someone to hold onto super tight. So, she molded me into a shy, timid boy that would never ever leave her.

 

Much like my dad, my mom has never had any kind of active social life or friends that I've ever seen. She hasn't worked since she had me. She has no real "passions".

 

She constantly acts sad and pitiful and depressed, and acts like a defeated victim of the world, which I know is where I get it from, and it sickens me how much I remind myself of my mom.

 

My mom has two faces, however. Behind her act, she's a selfish, antagonistic, spiteful, unfaithful monster. She browbeats my dad pretty frequently, and years ago, I discovered that my mother was cheating on my dad. I could never bring myself to tell my dad, and I didn't have it in me to confront my mom, either. For a while, I started eavesdropping on my mom after I found this out, and I heard so many sick things... I heard her say how she hated being married and wanted to spend the rest of her life having sex with as many different men as possible, I heard her talk about a bunch of weird fantasies with her lovers, I once even overheard her actually having phone sex.

 

It bothered me for such a long time, and I felt telling my dad would completely break him and possibly drive him to suicide. And my mom, it's a no-win situation trying to argue or debate or call her out on anything. She'll pretty much yell and argue to hell and back to get her way and win any argument, she always has to have her way and get the last word in and be right about everything.

 

I stopped eavesdropping years ago, though, and I've gotten to this weird place where I just can't bring myself to care anymore. I still live at home because I don't have the income to move out, and it's just easier and less stressful if I act like everything is okay and that she's the nice loving mom I grew up with.

 

What bothers me, too, is that I can't ever really talk to her about anything. If I have a problem in life, she blows it off and tells me about how she has it so much worse and blah blah blah. If I try to do something to improve my life, she heavily discourages me and nags me and practically begs me not to.

 

For example, years ago, some coworkers invited me out to have drinks, and I jumped at the opportunity. My mom spent the next several days trying to convince me not to go, whining about being worried about me, and how unsafe it is, and whatnot. I still went, of course, but this is the type of thing she does.

 

Or even a couple months ago, when I had a job interview somewhere else, for whatever reason, she fully admitted to me that she was rooting against me getting that job. I don't even remember why, but she kept telling me that she hoped I didn't get it. Which, I didn't, unfortunately.

 

It's not so much that I actually listen to her and do what she tells me, but just the fact that she has to discourage me so heavily for everything I do. It's so tiresome.

[BrokenManAgain]

What the freak?

 

You've had a home and you've a loving family and you're complaining?

 

Know what, I have a solution for you. JOIN THE FREAKING ARMY! Normally, I do not recommend people joining the military if they don't want to because it causes a freaking headache and heartache to the rest of us who wanted to serve.

 

But in your case? If you want to learn how to be a man, than there is no better place. BUT BE FREAKING PREPARED TO BE A MAN! The Army will NOT ALLOW YOU ANY OTHER CHOICE.

 

Or be the wimp you're showing me to be.

 

In case, you don't get the message. It is your choice to be a man or be a wimp.

 

It looks to me that you've made your choice.

[Inflikted]

What the freak?

 

You've had a home and you've a loving family and you're complaining?

 

Know what, I have a solution for you. JOIN THE FREAKING ARMY! Normally, I do not recommend people joining the military if they don't want to because it causes a freaking headache and heartache to the rest of us who wanted to serve.

 

But in your case? If you want to learn how to be a man, than there is no better place. BUT BE FREAKING PREPARED TO BE A MAN! The Army will NOT ALLOW YOU ANY OTHER CHOICE.

 

Or be the wimp you're showing me to be.

 

In case, you don't get the message. It is your choice to be a man or be a wimp.

 

It looks to me that you've made your choice.

 

I don't see how you got "loving family" out of what I wrote, but whatever. I can say with certainty that I would not last long in the military, and really, I feel like there has to be a better middle ground than "Be a wimp or join the army".

[whichwayisup]

Eh... Honestly, the whole process and cycle of therapy seems like a total drag, to me, and the fact that it's not guaranteed to truly help me or change me or anything like that, that just makes it more difficult for me to see it as something of value for myself. I don't want to spend years, "spinning my wheels" to a therapist. Sure, I'm "spinning my wheels" here, but at least it's not costing me money that I don't have to begin with.

 

What you put into therapy is what you get out of it. You have to be ready to be open and honest, face your pain, and want to change to have a happier and healthier life. Yes it's scary but well worth it.

 

Therapy can help you learn to love and respect yourself. Build confidence and be the amazing person you're meant to be. Past hurts, childhood pain, insecurities, depression/anxiety all have a way of messing with the head. Now is the time to get help. You already did the first step, posting here for help. Please push yourself into counseling.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

Baby steps. Focus 100% of your energy on doing whatever it takes to move out. Once your independent, you should naturally start to come out of your shell. Your relationship with your mom is stunting your growth. Don't throw away your youth.

[Inflikted]

Baby steps. Focus 100% of your energy on doing whatever it takes to move out. Once your independent, you should naturally start to come out of your shell. Your relationship with your mom is stunting your growth. Don't throw away your youth.

 

I'd love to move out, but I need a better income to be able to afford it, and I need a better job to have a better income.

 

I've been trying to find a better job for several years now, to no avail. Heck, I've even been applying to other, more local retail jobs (as much as I hate retail and want out more than anything), and despite them having positions open to fill and me having seven years experience in retail, they're all rejecting me for whatever reason.

 

That's what I mean when I say that it feels like nothing I do matters. I try as hard as I can, I bite the bullet and look for work in a field I don't want to be in, and I'm just not good enough, and I'm stuck exactly where I am.

[bluefeather]

Call it laziness or stubborness, or whatever, but I have no interest in therapists that would require a long commute...

..........

I try as hard as I can...

[Inflikted]

..........

 

I was speaking specifically about finding a job... I've been job searching for over 18 months, and the results have been far less than desirable. Just because I'm not interested in therapy doesn't mean I don't "try" or "work" at things.

[bluefeather]

I was speaking specifically about finding a job... I've been job searching for over 18 months, and the results have been far less than desirable. Just because I'm not interested in therapy doesn't mean I don't "try" or "work" at things.

 

I'm not denying that you don't try. I was doubting that you try as hard as you can. at anything.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

Christmas shopping season is almost here. Plenty of easy retail work. You can get a 2nd job. I'm sure you spend a lot of money on unnecessary stuff. Learn to live within your means or get serious about making more money. There's legal ways to make money without working a job. You gotta have a desire to make money & put in the effort.

[Inflikted]

I'm not denying that you don't try. I was doubting that you try as hard as you can. at anything.

 

And I disagree with that. I will admit, I'm a bit "handicapped" by my general ineptitude of the world, so it's quite likely that there are things I could do that I'm just not intelligent or perceptive enough to think about. But I feel that I do as much as I can with what I have to work with.

 

Christmas shopping season is almost here. Plenty of easy retail work. You can get a 2nd job. I'm sure you spend a lot of money on unnecessary stuff. Learn to live within your means or get serious about making more money. There's legal ways to make money without working a job. You gotta have a desire to make money & put in the effort.

 

Well, again, I've been applying to retail places that say they're currently hiring and have positions to fill, but I'm getting rejected by all of them, despite having seven years of retail experience. So, for whatever reason, I'm not what they're looking for.

 

I don't know what you're talking about when you say "legal ways to make money without working".

[BrokenManAgain]

I don't see how you got "loving family" out of what I wrote, but whatever. I can say with certainty that I would not last long in the military, and really, I feel like there has to be a better middle ground than "Be a wimp or join the army".

I'm sorry what? You won't last long in the military? Why? Because we demand you to be the man that we know you are?

 

Get a clue. The military demands you to the best you can be. If you're the best commando, then be the best commando. If you're the best clerk, then be the best clerk.

 

But stop giving me your stupid excuses. If you want to be the man, then be the man!

 

I know your story. You can have a woman. You want the perfect woman. No such thing. Don't tell me that no woman doesn't want to go home with you. You just don't want to go home with them!

 

You want the models, the hot girls, at the very least the girls on playboy! You can get them. Pay for them.

 

But if you want a woman for life, go out with women, all of them, even as friends. When you make a connection, then you proceed to dates. But at this point, don't even think of them as dates but rather, as friends who enjoy the same **** you do.

Edited October 16, 2015 by BrokenManAgain

[BrokenManAgain]

Ok. I was military.

 

You have a freaking choice. Man Up or Shut Up.

[BrokenManAgain]

Actually, you just told me you wimped out. I told you I was military. Either man up or shut up.

[Inflikted]

I'm sorry what? You won't last long in the military? Why? Because we demand you to be the man that we know you are?

 

Get a clue. The military demands you to the best you can be. If you're the best commando, then be the best commando. If you're the best clerk, then be the best clerk.

 

Because I wouldn't be "best" at anything. I'd be a bumbling clumsy idiot that would get chewed out and punished by the superiors, and bullied and made fun of by colleagues. I don't have the "spirit" to get knocked around a bit by the military and pick myself up and be a better person from it; I'm more the type that would just want to get out as soon as possible.

 

I know your story. You can have a woman. You want the perfect woman. No such thing. Don't tell me that no woman doesn't want to go home with you. You just don't want to go home with them!

 

You want the models, the hot girls, at the very least the girls on playboy! You can get them. Pay for them.

 

But if you want a woman for life, go out with women, all of them, even as friends. When you make a connection, then you proceed to dates. But at this point, don't even think of them as dates but rather, as friends who enjoy the same **** you do.

 

I don't know where you've drawn these conclusions from, but they're not correct. Like, at all. I don't desire "supermodels"... Looks are far from the most important qualities to me in a partner.

 

I simply don't connect well with people in general, let alone women in a more than platonic way. And even if I did connect, I have nothing to make me an attractive person. I don't have a worthwhile career, I don't have an active social life, I don't have a personality, I don't have good looks. I think I'd need at least 2-3 of those qualities to even get on a girl's radar, but at this point in my life, I'll be shocked if I ever have one of those qualities, let alone 2-3 of them.

 

Ergo, I don't anticipate that I'll ever experience dating, romance, love, intimacy. Not because I'm holding out for some hot supermodel, but because I don't connect with people and because I have nothing going for me to make me attractive, anyway. To me, dating is pretty much a lost cause.

 

Actually, you just told me you wimped out. I told you I was military. Either man up or shut up.

 

Hey, did I not label myself as "weak" and "inept" earlier in this thread? You sit here saying I "wimp out" as if it's meant to be some kind of insult that I take offense to, but I fully admit that I'm a weak, pathetic person. I've never argued against that, and I never will, because that's exactly what I am.

[BrokenManAgain]

Because I wouldn't be "best" at anything. I'd be a bumbling clumsy idiot that would get chewed out and punished by the superiors, and bullied and made fun of by colleagues. I don't have the "spirit" to get knocked around a bit by the military and pick myself up and be a better person from it; I'm more the type that would just want to get out as soon as possible.

Why would you think that we would allow you to get out? Once you signed on the dotted line, your ass is ours.

 

I don't know where you've drawn these conclusions from, but they're not correct. Like, at all. I don't desire "supermodels"... Looks are far from the most important qualities to me in a partner.

You didn't get the point. There are no supermodels and the ONLY reason you're not getting women is because you're not trying.

 

I simply don't connect well with people in general, let alone women in a more than platonic way.

HORESE PUCKEY! You're holding a conversation with a retired Canadian Officer.

 

And even if I did connect, I have nothing to make me an attractive person. I don't have a worthwhile career, I don't have an active social life, I don't have a personality, I don't have good looks. I think I'd need at least 2-3 of those qualities to even get on a girl's radar, but at this point in my life, I'll be shocked if I ever have one of those qualities, let alone 2-3 of them.

For freak sakes, stop being a freaking wimp! Stop selling yourself and just start having fun! How about ping pong? How about pool?

 

How about $200 an hour! Well, it will cost you more than that. Get laid the first time and the second time, ask the girl to teach you how to pick up women!

 

Ergo, I don't anticipate that I'll ever experience dating, romance, love, intimacy. Not because I'm holding out for some hot supermodel, but because I don't connect with people and because I have nothing going for me to make me attractive, anyway. To me, dating is pretty much a lost cause.

What does dating mean to you? To me, it means spending time with a person I want to spend time with. It does not mean sex and most times, it doesn't. It means that I have the resturant in mind and I want your opinion. I love this movie, watch it with me. Fantastic scotch tasting, I dare you to join me!

 

I'm meeting my RSM, a guy friend in two weeks, for a scotch tasting. In 3 weeks, I'm going with an ex-girlfriend (she has a boyfriend) to an arts gala (he hates that kind of thing). In December, I'm hiring an escourt to goto my Regimental Reunion just because I want a hot date.

 

 

Hey, did I not label myself as "weak" and "inept" earlier in this thread? You sit here saying I "wimp out" as if it's meant to be some kind of insult that I take offense to, but I fully admit that I'm a weak, pathetic person. I've never argued against that, and I never will, because that's exactly what I am.

The ONLY INSULT is that YOU'RE NOT WILLING TO TRY! Edited October 23, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Inflikted]

Why would you think that we would allow you to get out? Once you signed on the dotted line, your ass is ours.

 

Okay... But again, ultimately, I wouldn't be able to handle that.

 

HORESE PUCKEY! You're holding a conversation with a retired Canadian Officer.

 

There's a world of difference between coming to an anonymous internet forum and writing about what's bothering me, and actually socializing and interacting with people face to face. What we're doing here, right now, is not "socializing". We're not establishing a friendship, we're not going to hang out together and do stuff together.

 

For freak sakes, stop being a freaking wimp! Stop selling yourself and just start having fun! How about ping pong? How about pool?

 

I don't even know what it means to "have fun". I don't know that I'm wired that way. I'm more of a "practical" person than a "fun" person.

 

What does dating mean to you? To me, it means spending time with a person I want to spend time with. It does not mean sex and most times, it doesn't. It means that I have the resturant in mind and I want your opinion. I love this movie, watch it with me. Fantastic scotch tasting, I dare you to join me!!

 

I still don't know where you're getting the impression that I'm looking for sex, and more so, only sex with the most beautiful women. Yes, to me, dating means spending time and doing things with someone you like and care for.

 

But again, I don't connect with people. And I assure you, it's not for a lack of trying. It's not like I purposely go out of my way to avoid any and all human contact. I just don't connect.

 

The ONLY INSULT is that YOU'RE NOT WILLING TO TRY!

 

 

As I said, I strongly disagree that I "don't try".

Edited October 23, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[SpiralOut]

 

 

 

Well, again, I've been applying to retail places that say they're currently hiring and have positions to fill, but I'm getting rejected by all of them, despite having seven years of retail experience. So, for whatever reason, I'm not what they're looking for.

 

Is there an organization in your city that has a career center? A place where they can help you with your resume, and help you to practice your interview skills?

[Inflikted]

Is there an organization in your city that has a career center? A place where they can help you with your resume, and help you to practice your interview skills?

 

Not really sure how to go about finding something like that. I wonder, how does something like that work? I imagine there must be some type of fee? Do they take a cut of the money you make from any job they'd place you at?

 

The only things I've come across in my searches have been a couple temp agencies, but I really don't want to do temp work, in which I'll have to be changing jobs every so often. I'd rather just find something consistent and stable.

 

I did find an opening at a place that's much more local to me, doing about the same thing I do right now. I applied, and actually got interviewed twice at the beginning of this week for it. It's not the "step up" or "change" that I'd like, but at the very least, I wouldn't have to deal with the commute anymore.

 

That said, I'm not expecting to get the job. They said I'd hear something either yesterday or today if I were going to be offered the position. I didn't hear anything yesterday, and I imagine if they really wanted me, I'd have heard something from them ASAP. Which really sucks, as this was probably the most "perfect" position for me that I could reasonably hope for right now; it's very local, and it's something that I actually have enough experience doing to be able to reasonably perform the job. Can't imagine I could find something better than that...

 

I continue looking through local job listings, but so many of them seem like things I wouldn't really be competent enough at. I've been applying to the low tier positions I can find (as in, ones that don't require high levels of education or experience), but I'm still not really getting any responses. It's disheartening to know that the experience I do have doesn't seem to matter, and even if I can get an interview, I still end up not being good enough, anyway.

 

On top of that, I continue to feel stressed out about my current job, as the commute wears me down so much... I thought maybe after having been there for a month, I'd get used to it and it wouldn't be so bad anymore, but nope.

 

Why the heck can't I find a way out...? u_u