New to the forum..

[Stuck101]

So I don't know how this is going to go so I guess I will just give it a shot. I'll start off by saying I've had some very bad luck with past relationships and childhood, so I do suffer badly from severe depression and trust issues. I doubt myself a lot, which is why I am coming here as I just want to know where I am or am not going wrong.

 

I've recently entered a LDR with my partner for 6 months now. I didn't want to be in a relationship as I just got out of one, but he was an old friend I met online who I just clicked with. And everything went absolutely perfectly- the distance didn't matter because he was there. I'll add here that I am American living in the UK, and he is living in the US

 

3 months into the relationship he managed to save up enough money to fly me over, and it was just so perfect. Until I had to leave. Normally I'm very proud and refuse to cry in front of people, but the entire 16 hour journey home I cried almost non-stop.

 

And things just haven't been the same since. My depression really only kicked in 3 weeks after I got back home. As soon as I arrived back in the UK he has been very distant, and it just hasn't gotten better. I feel very detached and distant from him physically and emotionally, and already suffering from depression I just don't know what to do anymore. I've been trying to talk to him through things, but I just feel like I'm either being a nuisance or pathetic (he's not done anything to warrant that, as far as I'm aware). Because of the time distance it makes things difficult, especially with shift work patterns. I'm in a lot of financial strain at the moment so even though it's my turn to buy the airline tickets, I can't afford them and its just making me feel hopeless..

 

A part of me is wondering if it is even worth it. But I don't know which side of me is really thinking that; the rational side or the depressed. And I love this man... I just want the him from before the visit back.

 

Thank you in advance for reading.

[justwhoiam]

So I don't know how this is going to go so I guess I will just give it a shot. I'll start off by saying I've had some very bad luck with past relationships and childhood, so I do suffer badly from severe depression and trust issues. I doubt myself a lot, which is why I am coming here as I just want to know where I am or am not going wrong.

 

I've recently entered a LDR with my partner for 6 months now. I didn't want to be in a relationship as I just got out of one, but he was an old friend I met online who I just clicked with. And everything went absolutely perfectly- the distance didn't matter because he was there. I'll add here that I am American living in the UK, and he is living in the US

 

3 months into the relationship he managed to save up enough money to fly me over, and it was just so perfect. Until I had to leave. Normally I'm very proud and refuse to cry in front of people, but the entire 16 hour journey home I cried almost non-stop.

 

And things just haven't been the same since. My depression really only kicked in 3 weeks after I got back home. As soon as I arrived back in the UK he has been very distant, and it just hasn't gotten better. I feel very detached and distant from him physically and emotionally, and already suffering from depression I just don't know what to do anymore. I've been trying to talk to him through things, but I just feel like I'm either being a nuisance or pathetic (he's not done anything to warrant that, as far as I'm aware). Because of the time distance it makes things difficult, especially with shift work patterns. I'm in a lot of financial strain at the moment so even though it's my turn to buy the airline tickets, I can't afford them and its just making me feel hopeless..

 

A part of me is wondering if it is even worth it. But I don't know which side of me is really thinking that; the rational side or the depressed. And I love this man... I just want the him from before the visit back.

 

Thank you in advance for reading.

 

Hi Stuck,

 

Welcome to the LS LDR forum.

 

I know what it feels like. I never experienced that after a visit, but between visits, yes. Usually, it's not a shared feeling, but it can end up that way, if one person keeps being unhappy, unsatisfied and constantly nagging.

 

First of all, stop feeling overwhelmed about money. You don't need that kind of stress right now. So stop feeling the pressure about that.

 

Let him look for you to the point he needs to get in touch with you. You'll have to deal with loneliness and the feelings that he's not in love with you, but maybe you really need to go through that stage to see things with new eyes.

 

Thirdly, work on yourself and your depression. Pick something you might like doing for fun, go out with friends, have loving people around you, you will feel more supported and less alone. Maybe you can see a pshychologist for free, not sure how that works in the UK. Maybe you can find a time bank or something, and can get help to get out of your situation and work on your feelings and issues without wasting money you don't even have right now.

 

When you start feeling better about everything and you start seeing the light after the tunnel, you'll think about meeting again, saving money, etc.

 

There's no pressure about planning right now. Give yourself a few months.