Ex has me totally confused, help?

[Mortana]

Hello everyone, after reading many topics on this forum I kinda gathered my courage to ask for advice / thoughts etc.

 

I met my boyfriend 2 years ago and initially didn't even want to give him a chance. At that time I was still putting my life back together after some health issues (mostly resolved by then) and wasn't ready to share personal stuff with someone new. He persisted anyway, sending me messages and keeping the talk alive until I finally agreed to meet him for coffee two months later. It all went quite fast after that - we've spent a lot of time together (both liked it that way), spent most of the nights together at either his place or mine and pretty much lived together for more than a year. For some reason we really clicked and had no problems until the past few months. I've been a bit more down than usual because my therapy revealed some nasty stuff and he was busy with work so we struggled to adjust. We made plans and put in some effort and everything started to get better again (we made plans for traveling together, he told me to promise him another year and so on) until we got into a fight while I was away and broke up on spot.

 

At first I was relieved, then heartbroken and a day or two later couldn't believe we would end just like that. We talked and I told him I don't want us to be over but he thought it's better this way. he started to keep a distance which made me mad. He would say how he thinks we're better off as friends, then send me long messages saying how he's sorry I wasn't happy as that was always the most important thing for him. I would respond and he suddenly wouldn't. Another time I told him I can't do this friend thing now because it may not feel too soon to him, but it sure does for me (we've been together for 1.5 years and lived together for most of that, I can't just start thinking of him as a friend) and he responded how he's not at all over me but thinks this is the best way to go for us. I thought this made no sense since we haven't been friends to begin with, don't keep the same company... So I decided to stop initiating contact and leave him be as he pleases.

 

When we first broke up I tried to talk to him and solve the problems, but he wasn't really up for it and I wasn't thinking clearly anyway so I decided to give us both some space to think. There were a few messages back and fourth (mentioned above) but nothing much. We also met for coffee but it felt kind of obligatory check up and was over quickly. After the last few messages and him replying only when he felt like it (even if he was the one who texted first) I've decided to be done with it, put him on NC and focus on myself.

 

Two weeks later he texted out of the blue and invited me for a coffee, we met up and things were somehow different. He kept telling me how everything that bothered me before is now different and better and so on. We talked for two hours, he walked me to my bus, ended things with a long hug and told me that I should call him for coffee when I have the time because it's my turn now. I've decided to wait for a week to keep things simple but he contacted me again two days later asking about a check up I had, then went silent for a few hours and wrote back later. Talking to him seemed like we switched places, like now I'm the one working ob myself (i have a new job, few good projects, i take care pf myself) and he's lost (drinking more than usual, stuck in the same place). Since then we met up once more (I was on my way to our old cafe running errands and told him that he can meet me there if he's around and he immediately responded he will) and made plans for this week too. Problem is I have no idea what he wants, one minute he's all interested, sends me texts and wants to meet up, the next he suddenly goes silent for no reason. It's not like him to play games but this is messing with my head and I don't know what to think? I'm not opposed to trying again but since I already tried I think it has to come from him now and he's a proud ass. On the other hand I hate this halfway state and want things resolved... Thought?

Edited September 28, 2015 by Mortana