Can't stop thinking about her (Not my gf)

[Ckme 'Lowodee]

In my first serious relationship, been going out with a girl for over two years. She's pretty and cute and funny. We share many interests, including a few key ones that are important to me. I love her and I think our relationship could last a long time, if not for the rest of our lives.

 

Now there's this other girl my gf is very close to. We don't share that much in common, though we do get along pretty well. I'm fairly sure if we actually did get together it wouldn't work out past the infatuation stage. That said I'm extremely attracted to her, to the point where I have trouble getting her out of my head.

 

I know plenty of other women who are arguably more attractive than her and although I'm attracted to them in the physical sense, I have no problem ignoring it and pushing them from my mind. With this girl though my heart practically skips a beat every time she talks to me and if I try to push her from my head it just makes me want her more.

 

The issue does relax over time if I don't see her for a while (she went away for three months over the summer, I was able to stop thinking about her about a week or two before she came back) but it flares right back up the moment I see her again. Pushing her out of my life isn't an option. My gf and her practically live together they're so close and there's no way I could frequently see my gf without also seeing her. I'm worried making an excuse that I can't be around her for various reasons or just telling the truth would make me a barrier between her and my gf, which would tear my gf apart emotionally.

 

I want to stay with my current gf and am happy whenever I can actually get her out of my head but even if we did break up and she shared my feelings it would be impossible to be together because of the impact it would have on the friendship of her and my gf. I just want to ignore these feelings and be happy with my gf but it's becoming hard to be with her when she is stuck in my head. I'm at the point where I can't sleep at night because I'm thinking about her and it's driving me insane! What do I do? How do I get her out of my head?

[Qboro90]

Decide within your own head if you want to be a mature and descent man. View this girl as a test to see if you have the capabilities and self control necessary along with the respect for your girlfriend to resist temptation and allowing yourself to let it progress.

 

You clearly outlined that even if this girl felt the same about you (which she doesn't and hasn't hinted to at all according to what you listed) , there would be no way you'd be able to make dating one another work due to the friendship between them and how often they're together. Hoes before Bro's man, if she's your girlfriends best friend then she's probably got the morality to never cross that line with you anyways.

 

How old are you all by the way? If you're under 20 then I wouldn't worry so much. Being that this is your first relationship, I'm sorry to tell you and you probably won't believe me but odds are that it will eventually end and you will break up. If you're young then the only way you could approach this girl is if after you broke up with your gf, you waited 10 months- 18 months before reaching out and asking the best friend on a date or started communicating with.

 

I only say that because at younger ages girls are more willing to push the moral codes and quite frankly if they like a guy enough they're immature enough to end their friendship to get the guy.

 

Now if you're over 24 then it's highly unlikely that the best friend would ever date you. As people mature they realize that their long time friendships and inner circle is more important than a crush or infatuation.

[Qboro90]

Decide within your own head if you want to be a mature and descent man. View this girl as a test to see if you have the capabilities and self control necessary along with the respect for your girlfriend to resist temptation and allowing yourself to let it progress.

 

You clearly outlined that even if this girl felt the same about you (which she doesn't and hasn't hinted to at all according to what you listed) , there would be no way you'd be able to make dating one another work due to the friendship between them and how often they're together. Hoes before Bro's man, if she's your girlfriends best friend then she's probably got the morality to never cross that line with you anyways.

 

How old are you all by the way? If you're under 20 then I wouldn't worry so much. Being that this is your first relationship, I'm sorry to tell you and you probably won't believe me but odds are that it will eventually end and you will break up. If you're young then the only way you could approach this girl is if after you broke up with your gf, you waited 10 months- 18 months before reaching out and asking the best friend on a date or started communicating with.

 

I only say that because at younger ages girls are more willing to push the moral codes and quite frankly if they like a guy enough they're immature enough to end their friendship to get the guy.

 

Now if you're over 24 then it's highly unlikely that the best friend would ever date you. As people mature they realize that their long time friendships and inner circle is more important than a crush or infatuation.

 

You're only other option to get it out of your head.... Is to smoothly and light heartily bring up or lead the conversation during/after a night of drinking to their thoughts/views on a threesome.

"You sleep in my girlfriends bed more than I do! Dinner and lunch dates together. Wow now that I think about it, you're in a committed loving relationship.... Just without the physical intimacy/sex"..... See what they say or if they laugh.... If you're lucky they'll react and give one another a look where you can pry and find out what they meant.... It's a very tricky thing to do and could totally backfire if you don't word it properly and have it cr across as something you just randomly all began talking about rather than them feeling like you've definitely thought about it before and have been wanting to ask. Leave yourself the ability to escape if it isn't received well by saying "I'm just messing with you guys hah"

[Ckme 'Lowodee]

Decide within your own head if you want to be a mature and descent man. View this girl as a test to see if you have the capabilities and self control necessary along with the respect for your girlfriend to resist temptation and allowing yourself to let it progress.

 

You clearly outlined that even if this girl felt the same about you (which she doesn't and hasn't hinted to at all according to what you listed) , there would be no way you'd be able to make dating one another work due to the friendship between them and how often they're together. Hoes before Bro's man, if she's your girlfriends best friend then she's probably got the morality to never cross that line with you anyways.

 

How old are you all by the way? If you're under 20 then I wouldn't worry so much. Being that this is your first relationship, I'm sorry to tell you and you probably won't believe me but odds are that it will eventually end and you will break up. If you're young then the only way you could approach this girl is if after you broke up with your gf, you waited 10 months- 18 months before reaching out and asking the best friend on a date or started communicating with.

 

I only say that because at younger ages girls are more willing to push the moral codes and quite frankly if they like a guy enough they're immature enough to end their friendship to get the guy.

 

Now if you're over 24 then it's highly unlikely that the best friend would ever date you. As people mature they realize that their long time friendships and inner circle is more important than a crush or infatuation.

 

I've already made the decision, I want to stay with my gf. The problem is no matter what I still can't get this girl out of my head and it's becoming an issue within myself. I genuinely think I might get some kind of mental complex if I can't resolve the situation and give my mind a rest. I'm looking for ways to just stop thinking about her, since the no contact strategy isn't possible here.

 

Also I'm 21 if that makes a difference.

[smackie9]

Your hormones are still popping at 21, so of course another female that is close is going to make you randy. And it's a reality there will be other women you meet, that will be a part of your masturbation theater. What you are feeling is normal. How to handle it? When you think of her, think of the most gross disgusting thing that makes you feel sick. You keep doing that you train your brain to relate her to this thing, and those sexual feeling will be all gone. This is a method used for over eaters, and for some it really works.

[deadelvis]

not sure what type of relationship you have but I'd just lay it out like this;

 

"Babe, lately I've been finding myself really attracted to XXXXX. I don't want to date her, but I keep fantasizing about ****ing her. What do you think? Would either of you mind if I **** her a couple times? Should we ask her to do a threesome with us? Just wanted to be honest with you about this. I don't have any feelings for her, I just want to **** her"

 

You'd be amazed how well the truth works. You might be rewarded for your honesty.

[h0000]

In my first serious relationship, been going out with a girl for over two years. She's pretty and cute and funny. We share many interests, including a few key ones that are important to me. I love her and I think our relationship could last a long time, if not for the rest of our lives.

 

I think a friendship sounds better between two people who get alone very well and share many interests, but lack physical fantasy.

[Spectre]

Some females on the forum will tell you that you are doing nothing wrong as long as you don't act on these feelings.

[smackie9]

Some females on the forum will tell you that you are doing nothing wrong as long as you don't act on these feelings.

 

 

It's not wrong or right, it just happens. Obviously the OP feels bad and just wants to know how to deal with it......stabbing his eyes out so he can't see her anymore isn't an option here.

[maturityassets]

Your hormones are still popping at 21, so of course another female that is close is going to make you randy. And it's a reality there will be other women you meet, that will be a part of your masturbation theater. What you are feeling is normal. How to handle it? When you think of her, think of the most gross disgusting thing that makes you feel sick. You keep doing that you train your brain to relate her to this thing, and those sexual feeling will be all gone. This is a method used for over eaters, and for some it really works.

I respectfully disagree with this as a proper coping method for anything. Usually such methods can lead to anxiety or the ritualizing of thought patterns. In this case specifically such methods can cause problems in the bedroom for the OP or even interfere with his relationship. Probably be healthier for him to explore what this lust for the other girl means deep down. Usually its some power dynamic linked to some insecurity he is feeling. He should sit with the feeling or thoughts and eventually they will dissipate. Even talking to his SO could help him get that relief

[Lois_Griffin]

It simply sounds as though your relationship with your current girlfriend has run its course, is all.

 

As was mentioned, you're only 21 yeas old. You're nowhere NEAR emotionally and physically mature enough to be engaged in a long term relationship. Jeez, your brain hasn't even fully formed yet and will continue developing until you're 25.

 

This is the time in your life where you're supposed to be experiencing everything, not tying yourself down.

[smackie9]

Whatever goes on in one's head is nobody's business. If we dumped our so because we had some dirty thoughts about someone else, everyone would be single.

 

An old skool comedian once said: If a woman knew what a man was thinking she would keep slapping his face. lol

 

Anyways I agree with Lois, the OP's maturity is still developing. As time goes on he will be able to cope with his desires and dismiss them. At 21 he's still a pup.....ready to hump someone's leg.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

If you were in true love with your gf, you'd barely notice the other girl. She'd probably be an annoying person getting between you & your gf.