What's my next move?

[aaforever]

So I recently reconnected with my ex-girlfriend of 8 years via e-mail. We mutually split 1 year and a half ago. We were unhappy for our own reasons and felt it was best we split. She met someone 6 months later and has since moved out of state to live with him. She still has a place in the city I am in as well that she stays at for work. She has been with him for about a year now.

 

I found an unopened letter from her grandmother that was sent during christmas time that I had completely forgot I had. I reached out to her (first contact in 9 months). I told her I had it and could give it to a friend to give to her if she’d like. I hoped she was doing well. She said it was good to hear from me. She said she found a few things of my own that she had as well. Didn’t say much else aside from 'hope things are going good for you as well'. I wrote her back and gave her an update on my life. I apologized for a lot of things I felt I did wrong in the relationship including my negative attitude and getting so caught up into my work to the point where I neglected the relationship. I told her I went to therapy for these things, have a new outlook on life and feel great. I told her I’d love to bury the hatchet and be friends someday.

 

She wrote this back:

 

"Thank you for your email, it really means a lot to hear you say those things. Sorry it has taken a little bit to respond, it has been really busy and I haven't had much time to let it all digest. It has felt unsettling this past year knowing where things left off with so much anger and I never thought I would hear any of those words from you. I am so happy to hear that you have taken those steps to create a happier, peaceful life and live life to your full potential. I always knew you had it in you. Although I am sorry to hear that you had to hit bottom to get there. I do appreciate the update, I will always care about how you are doing. I have always wanted the best for you even if we were no longer together and even after all the words that were exchanged. You deserve all the great things that will and are coming your way!

 

I hope you do truly mean that you would want to be friends someday. It seems too weird to have spent so many years together to now just pretend as if we don't exist.

 

As I conclude this, I just realized that today would have been our 9 year anniversary. So crazy how time goes by and things change, but am happy to have spent that time and learned the things I did with you. Thank you for having a huge impact on my life.

 

Again, so happy that you are doing so well!

 

All the best, “

 

I still have feelings for her. I love her and I can’t deny it. We’ve been through so much together and really feel like we belong together. I’d love to have her back in my life but want to be very careful about how I approach this as I tend to get too emotional and say the wrong things that push her away. I also can't really tell if there are even any feelings on her end at this point.

 

( Important note: We have tried to reconnect in the past. 1st time I rejected HER. 2nd time SHE rejected me. Early on after our breakup...she tried to reconnect with me at a mutual friends party. She had just started dating her current bf. She told me there was no one like me and she wanted me back. I rejected her. I wasn’t ready and I wasn’t over some of the things that led me to the mutual breakup. She was devastated. A month passes and I regretted my decision. I felt the relationship was very fixable and was worth another go at it. I reach out a month later and it’s too late. She said she was in love with her bf. She completely shut down and I could see in her eyes she was telling the truth. Now I was devastated. She wanted to remain friends, texting me here and there. I tried but told her I couldn't do it anymore since I still had feelings. I wrote her a letter saying it's stupid to throw 8 years away without even trying and basically told her good riddens. She has since moved out of state with him and that was the last I talked to her up until now. I was surprised she even wrote me back even after apologizing as I felt I offended her and pushed her away forever. )

 

If I really want to make the attempt to rekindle this, what do I do from here? What’s my next move?

[d0nnivain]

She doesn't want you back. She is with someone else. Her expression of kindness was reminiscing, nothing more.

[qubist]

you can keep hope but prepare for the worse. her email did not indicate much only respect and kindness.

[aaforever]

Thanks guys. I suspect you're right. The truth hurts.