Can't meet anyone to save my life

[Shock148]

Ok so I tend to go out a lot with friends to either parties, lounges, bars, whatever the case. I tend to go on dating sites as well, yet I can never meet anyone. I suppose it is because I am ugly, but even if I was, I see a lot of ugly people with girlfriends. I am not shy, I have good conversations with anyone, and I am a nice guy, but for some reason I girls that I meet are never interested in me and just place me straight into the "no thank you or friends zone." Any tips of what I can do to make things different? Obviously, I am tired of constantly swinging and missing. When I meet a woman I send them a text after I got their number saying I had fun tonight, we should hang out again soon. Then I hear the regular "Sure I'll let you know or definitely" only for them to never contact me again or constantly say they are too busy. My usual thing is if I make plans for to meet up again, I text them saying how about saturday for example? They tell me sure or they will let me know. Saturday comes and I send them another text which they usually reply I am busy or something. I just delete their number and move on or if I really like them give them one more chance to at least let them reach out to me themselves or reschedule when they are free, yet of course like always it never happens. What am I doing wrong?

[BluEyeL]

You may be short, or overweight, or lack confidence, and shooting out of your league and going for girls who are on the more pretty side. We need more information. Perhaps you can ask someone in real life what they think you should do better. Or maybe a dating coach.

[d0nnivain]

Since you mention having a group of friends, are any of them women? Do you have a sister or female cousin? Ask them for some insights & ask them to possibly polish your OLD profile.

[Shock148]

You may be short, or overweight, or lack confidence, and shooting out of your league and going for girls who are on the more pretty side. We need more information. Perhaps you can ask someone in real life what they think you should do better. Or maybe a dating coach.

 

5'7 so short but I cant do anything about that, a little overweight now because I have been depressed recently (not about not finding someone, about other stuff, although not finding someone made it worse I suppose) and I mean I like who I like. I go for girls who aren't 10s all the time or I find them out of my league. I tend to go for anyone who I find attractive, some people may not and some may. I can't settle for someone I am not physically or emotionally attracted to. If I do, I will end up not interested in her after a couple of months, maybe less.

 

And no, I really don't have female friends as of now. The ones that I had from college or from a couple of years ago have either gotten married or moved in with their boyfriends so we don't talk or hang out as much as before. The friends I usually hang out with the most now are those who are single just like me. They have success with women, I dont. When I ask them what do you guys do to get females, they just say it happens to them naturally. I guess they are better charmers and better looking than I am. The best thing to do is I suppose hit the weights and get in shape, but I have been in shape before and gotten no play which is why I am like meh.

[fitnessfan365]

If a woman is interested, she'll either accept your invite or offer an alternate day. I'll let you know is BS in almost every case. That's why you need to get a bit more firm and show these women that you respect your schedule.

 

Something like "I'm a busy guy and can't plan my schedule around maybe. So if you're in great. But if you're not sure, I'd rather make plans w/someone else." Always have the mindset of walking away. Especially since you don't know these women yet. Treat yourself like an option, and that's how you'll be treated by others.

[deadelvis]

Confidence. You mentioned being depressed. Also I sense desperation. Those are the two biggest turn-offs for women. I could write out pages of different techniques I developed when I was single for approaching women or getting them to notice you, but I don't think it would help very much, because I had the confidence to put those techniques into play. You're lacking confidence in yourself and drinking all the tiger piss in the world won't change that.

 

For now, I'd say you need to stop focusing on women completely. Focus on having a good time and doing the things you enjoy. For example I used to do a lot of artwork. When I was really absorbed in my artwork I would lose interest in the constant pursuit of women. I would usually just spend my time hanging out with friends or working on my artwork. During those times it seemed like women would see that I'm focused on my own life and hobbies and that makes them interested. I'd be hanging out with friends and we'd all be sitting around painting, drinking some beers and listening to music. When girls would show up, everyone else would stop painting and start trying to chat with the girls. I usually just ignored the girls and kept working on my painting. The girls would notice that and become interested in me. When every guy in the room is competing for a woman's attention, except for one guy, who's not paying her any attention, guess which guy she takes an interest in? Does this example make sense?

 

Here's another example. I love to shoot pool. I used to go to bars and shoot pool for hours. If I completely tune out everything else going on around me and just focus on my game of pool guess what happens? I finish my game and look up from the pool table and half the women in the room are just silently staring at me. They might have 10 guys trying to converse with them and buy them drinks, but guess who they are interested in? It's the quiet guy shooting pool in the corner who hasn't even noticed them all night.

 

Confidence and independence are vital.

Desperation and neediness are absolutely your worst enemy.

[Shock148]

If a woman is interested, she'll either accept your invite or offer an alternate day. I'll let you know is BS in almost every case. That's why you need to get a bit more firm and show these women that you respect your schedule.

 

Something like "I'm a busy guy and can't plan my schedule around maybe. So if you're in great. But if you're not sure, I'd rather make plans w/someone else." Always have the mindset of walking away. Especially since you don't know these women yet. Treat yourself like an option, and that's how you'll be treated by others.

Thanks for the advice, I have never done this before but will definitely try it. I didn't want to come off as strict or stern but instead as "whatever if you are cool to hang out then great, if not fine doesnt matter" But I suppose thats not the way to go about it. At least so far for me it has gotten me nowhere.

[fitnessfan365]

Thanks for the advice, I have never done this before but will definitely try it. I didn't want to come off as strict or stern but instead as "whatever if you are cool to hang out then great, if not fine doesnt matter" But I suppose thats not the way to go about it. At least so far for me it has gotten me nowhere.

 

Yeah you just need to be a bit more assertive. But I think you're still showing an indifferent attitude by having a walk away mentality. Nothing says that you care less like telling her that you'll make plans with another woman if she passes up on the opportunity.

[impatiently_patient]

People are such goddamn flakes these days. I'm down to a two strike system. No need to even challenge them, just disconnect and move on...

[Shock148]

Confidence. You mentioned being depressed. Also I sense desperation. Those are the two biggest turn-offs for women. I could write out pages of different techniques I developed when I was single for approaching women or getting them to notice you, but I don't think it would help very much, because I had the confidence to put those techniques into play. You're lacking confidence in yourself and drinking all the tiger piss in the world won't change that.

 

For now, I'd say you need to stop focusing on women completely. Focus on having a good time and doing the things you enjoy. For example I used to do a lot of artwork. When I was really absorbed in my artwork I would lose interest in the constant pursuit of women. I would usually just spend my time hanging out with friends or working on my artwork. During those times it seemed like women would see that I'm focused on my own life and hobbies and that makes them interested. I'd be hanging out with friends and we'd all be sitting around painting, drinking some beers and listening to music. When girls would show up, everyone else would stop painting and start trying to chat with the girls. I usually just ignored the girls and kept working on my painting. The girls would notice that and become interested in me. When every guy in the room is competing for a woman's attention, except for one guy, who's not paying her any attention, guess which guy she takes an interest in? Does this example make sense?

 

Here's another example. I love to shoot pool. I used to go to bars and shoot pool for hours. If I completely tune out everything else going on around me and just focus on my game of pool guess what happens? I finish my game and look up from the pool table and half the women in the room are just silently staring at me. They might have 10 guys trying to converse with them and buy them drinks, but guess who they are interested in? It's the quiet guy shooting pool in the corner who hasn't even noticed them all night.

 

Confidence and independence are vital.

Desperation and neediness are absolutely your worst enemy.

 

Thanks man, it's funny before reading this I decided to not worry about chasing or talking to women anymore and just focus on me. I actually love to shoot pool as well and rejoined my old pool league. I am just going to work on losing weight, doing my job, and having fun playing pool. The pool hall that I go to has a lot of beautiful women, either players or waitresses, but I won't even glance at them when I am there playing pool. I am just going to take your approach and work on me.

[AD1980]

You may be short, or overweight, or lack confidence, and shooting out of your league and going for girls who are on the more pretty side. We need more information. Perhaps you can ask someone in real life what they think you should do better. Or maybe a dating coach.

 

So short men shouldn't go after attractive women?

[Mirfak]

I can actually relate to your story.

 

I've been single for the last 4 years. At first, it felt good. All the freedom and not having to give anyone's satisfactions.

 

But as the years pass by, I tend to feel a need to have more dates. I've dated since I left my ex, but it was never more than a one night stand thing. It's cool, but it's not the same.

 

Anyways, problem is: despite not being ugly, fat or short - just to refer some "stereotypes" that someone mentioned - I also dont have much confidence to approach a girl as I think a normal person should. I'm not even shy..I think i just lack the confidence.

 

And yes, I agree that the "not your league" thing is bull****. We cannot be with someone who doesnt attract us, or in other words: we like attractive people..the standards tend to differ, but I've seen lots of real ugly guys with some gorgeous women so..

[Shock148]

I can actually relate to your story.

 

I've been single for the last 4 years. At first, it felt good. All the freedom and not having to give anyone's satisfactions.

 

But as the years pass by, I tend to feel a need to have more dates. I've dated since I left my ex, but it was never more than a one night stand thing. It's cool, but it's not the same.

 

Anyways, problem is: despite not being ugly, fat or short - just to refer some "stereotypes" that someone mentioned - I also dont have much confidence to approach a girl as I think a normal person should. I'm not even shy..I think i just lack the confidence.

 

And yes, I agree that the "not your league" thing is bull****. We cannot be with someone who doesnt attract us, or in other words: we like attractive people..the standards tend to differ, but I've seen lots of real ugly guys with some gorgeous women so..

 

Exactly. That whole out of your league bs is just that bs. My ex girlfriend was a model and my ex ex girlfriend was a stripper when she was younger. They tend to hire good looking women to those kind of jobs so yeah.

[TexasMan68]

Try being an ******* once in awhile, it seems to work. I see so many guys that are *******s walking around with hot women, must be something there?!?

[Mirfak]

Try being an ******* once in awhile, it seems to work. I see so many guys that are *******s walking around with hot women, must be something there?!?

 

There's probably something yes. Hopefully, they are getting all the brainless chicks in their whereabouts

[Shock148]

I'm honestly done it happened again. Made plans with a woman to meet up around 7pm today to hang out. We made the plans on Thursday. I texted her today at 12pm to confirm if we are still on and she replies "hell yeah!" Three hours later she calls to cancel on me with a bs excuse that she had too much to drink at happy hour even though she did not sound tipsy or drunk and it was a whole 4 more hours for her to sober up before we met up. Honestly I'm just destined to be alone wtf. I have the worse luck this crap always happens to me. Gets my hopes up just to dash it hours later smh.

[CAlec]

I am in a similar boat, I never had issues getting dates years ago, but since I came out of a longer term relationship last year, I have been struggling on this front.

 

My problem seems to be that I am 30 yet living in an apartment with a roommate, on a tight budget because I am in professional school. When I decided to make this sacrifice, I had been with someone for 3 years. Its just not a good look and its likely hurting my chances at woman as of late.

 

I only have a year and 1/2 left, but its just tough not having someone in my life. I am a little taller, 5'10 and in great shape, I work out hard every morning and I consider myself handsome, but its my situation that seems to sink me.

 

I am also at a point in life were I am in a routine and hang out with the same friends, so I am not meeting an new woman.

 

I wish I had some answers or advice that would help, but I don't. I don't feel depressed and I really am pretty dedicated to maintaining a lean muscular look, yet I am in the same exact boat.

 

Obviously I am not confident when meeting woman and its an issue. I agree with what other people have said. We both need to find a way to become more confident in ourselves.

[froz]

Yeah online dating can be a real hit to the ego. I wouldn't recommend it if you're struggling with confidence.

As the first responder said better off speaking to someone who actually knows you in person and going from there.

Good luck to you.

[Protec]

I've been trying to get a date for over a month now. Cup of coffee, a movie. Nothing. Last tinder match i got over a month ago, i've been able to talk with people in whatsapp but nothing.

 

"Sure we can see someday". Is the usual answer, but i know that answer. It's a no. If someone wants to see you, they will find time for you.

 

 

 

When i met my ex, we talked for hours, and hours and hours...she came from 160km away with a train to meet me.

 

I don't think i will ever meet someone like her. God i miss her.

[Truth34]

I've been trying to get a date for over a month now. Cup of coffee, a movie. Nothing. Last tinder match i got over a month ago, i've been able to talk with people in whatsapp but nothing.

 

"Sure we can see someday". Is the usual answer, but i know that answer. It's a no. If someone wants to see you, they will find time for you.

 

 

 

When i met my ex, we talked for hours, and hours and hours...she came from 160km away with a train to meet me.

 

I don't think i will ever meet someone like her. God i miss her.

 

Dude I can relate. It sucks. I'm a rather "earthy" person when it comes to life and how fast time goes, and I just know in my heart that I've met people who will never be replaced. That's a hard pill to swallow sometimes.

[BrokenManAgain]

I've been meeting alot of women lately. None I will go home with. I am not ready but I was friends with some members of a retirement home and as a joke, I was hitting on them as a "pretend" gigalo.

 

It was damned fun and that was my point, I was having fun. I was not going to go back to their rooms and do the nasty but they were laughing their guts out ... and enjoying the attention.

 

But they did all introduce me to their grand-daughers - 15-20 years my younger. And they were all smiling when I keep hitting on their grandmothers.

 

Moral of the story - just have freaking fun. I am not ready to go home with anyone. I am still in love with my ex ... but it sure damned nice to have grandmothers being embarrassed by all these sexual attentions ... and getting their grand daughters phone numbers in return.

[LostOne1]

Dude I can relate. It sucks. I'm a rather "earthy" person when it comes to life and how fast time goes, and I just know in my heart that I've met people who will never be replaced. That's a hard pill to swallow sometimes.

I was thinking of this... all of the women in the past that did care about me.... All of them gone now... married mostly.

 

Some it just didn't naturally work out. Others... I was too stupid to see the signs that they were interested.

 

Now there is a new girl who seems like she cares a lot... except I don't know if I'm stuck as a friend now.

 

I guess the easy way to move on is to tell yourself that there has to be another one out there.