jenin Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Hi all.. I decided to share what I'm going through and may be take some advise from you cause I can't share it with people that know. I'm too ashamed for that.. After having depressions for years and unsuccesful, addicted and destructive relationships, I realized that I'm a love addict. I started to read more about love addiction and analyzed my relationships for last 12 years,, All of them has the same cycle.. In the beginning I connect with the romantic partner too fast, start to fantasize about being with the person all the time and feeling completed.. I start to build all my life around the person very quickly and loose myself.. I have a hue abandonment fear inside me.. After a short time my partner realize my unhealthy attachment and the relationship doesn't work.. Than the painful withdrawal period start for me.. I feel obsessed with the person, can't work, can't eat, obsessively check if he send message.. I feel physical pain and headaches and feel humiliated.. I feel so worthless and unlovable.. After a while I find someone else I start to obsess with the new partner.. And the same cycle happens... It's unbelievably painfull to have the same cycle as long as I know myself.. Somewhere I read that love addicts have histories of abandonment in their family and mostly one of the parent is love avoident.. I didn't get abandoned when I was child.. But all my childhood I felt that my father was never there for me.. He never really hugged me or show his love. He was never that interested about whats going on in my life and never knew my friends names.. He never really listened me.. He was a guy that watches TV all the time and doesn't have any kind of communication.. He never protected me when something happened and I was feeling so desperate and worthless.. I was loking for love and approval outside all the time.. My aim is not blaming someone because of my situation right now.. I'm just trying to analyse and see what went wrong when I was child ad I stuck in an unhealthy and painfull cycle.. I think for breaking this cycle I need to find what went wrong in the first place.. Do you think this love addiction is related to my history with my father?.. I really need some advise about how to break this cycle by myself.. I need hope and I need to know that someone hear me.. Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Yes, probably 100% You have to want to change or fix yourself. Changing core parts of your personality is not easy. You will need to put in a lot of hard & sometimes painful work. Dunno what's involved, but I'd guess it's similar to fighting other addictions. You'll probably have to stay single & do a lot of group or IC. Good luck with it & don't feel bad about yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 ...Do you think this love addiction is related to my history with my father?.. I really need some advise about how to break this cycle by myself.. I need hope and I need to know that someone hear me.. Probably. I'm pretty sure most psychologists/counselors agree that what we look for/avoid/recreate in our adult sexual relations are founded in how we were treated/valued by our opposite-sexed parent. Why do you have to "break this cycle by [your]self"? Why can't you do counseling? If you live in a big enough city, there's probably even (free) Co-Dependents Anonymous/Love Addicts Anonymous groups (they're like Alcoholics Anonymous, but for these types of issues). Years ago when my relationship turned into an LDR and I was NOT handling it well, I went to a few Co-Dependents Anonymous meetings; they were VERY beneficial in calming me down and setting my ship *right*, again. Otherwise, read as many books and/or Google as much information on it as you possibly can. Oh, and get rest. Eat well. Up your exercise. Meditate. Take up yoga. Seriously. All of these things help, not only by focusing on something else for a while, but in making you stronger, from the inside out. Best of luck, OP... Link to post Share on other sites
jphcbpa Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 You will not break this cycle by yourself...you will need help. Have you attended SLAA meetings ? I have been in AA recovery for 12 years and SLAA for 3. Currently there is a group of us working the SLAA steps out loud as a group. We have been doing this for the past 15 months or so. I would be happy to share with you the Step 1 questions we came up with (they are right out of the SLAA book). Link to post Share on other sites
froz Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Yeah these things are definitely not easy, no addiction is. Wishing you the best OP! Link to post Share on other sites
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