Lovetoohard Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Thank you for the advice. We are both happily married. Not sure why we have such a strong connection - emotional and physically. He has better boundaries than me and told me that we can't be alone when drinking. We worked together but we don't see each other everyday. Reading the posts really help! I'm not good with boundaries so have to remind myself ! Yep! That's how mine started... Link to post Share on other sites
Artie Lang Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Reading the posts really help! I'm not good with boundaries so have to remind myself ! you really needed a bunch of posters on an anonymous forum to remind you how wrong this is? i feel really sorry for your husband. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Bendy_willow Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 For me, I knew the day it started it had an expiration date. I still carried on anyways because it felt so good at the time, and I thought I could control my emotions, have my cake and eat it too. Boy, those feelings escalated faster than you can blink and before you know it so have your expectations. That's when I started to experience the roller coaster. Anyways, I cut off cold turkey because in the end I started feeling really bad about myself and the people I was hurting. I felt like an awful person and it started to hurt my self-esteem. It's surprising how much it affects your confidence... Being guilty and ashamed. Honestly, I don't regret it because it wasn't time lost in the sense of personal growth. I mean I wish it never happened, but I don't regret it. In fact, I learned so much about myself, what type of life I want to live, and what type of woman I want to be. Going cold turkey was inspiring because I never knew I had the strength to persevere like that - fighting off addiction! It's amazing how powerful ours minds are. Also, it pushed me to dig deep on why something like this ever happened and/or what was exactly feeding my ego to throw all my morals out the window. In my case, it was never about the MM. It was all about me. I don't have wishful thinking or what ifs either. Instead, I focus on what my voids were and how to build and grow from there. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Southern Sun Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Thank you for the advice. We are both happily married. Not sure why we have such a strong connection - emotional and physically. He has better boundaries than me and told me that we can't be alone when drinking. We worked together but we don't see each other everyday. Reading the posts really help! I'm not good with boundaries so have to remind myself ! Bedek, I really do hope you take all of this to heart. You say you are both happily married. You are happy! Please do not destroy what you have for what will ultimately be a pointless, fleeting relationship. Actually, I'll revise that. It will be worse than pointless and fleeting, because most likely you will get caught. And even if you don't get caught, you will be forced to live with yourself and the guilt of what you've done. You know going into it that it will go nowhere. Affairs don't go on forever. I suppose it's possible, there ARE cases where that's happened. But is that how you want to live? Are you entering into it with that as your end-goal? If not, then there will be an end. Thus, you WILL have pain. You will have this relationship, and then it will end. All for what? You might think you can just enjoy it. I can promise it doesn't usually work out like that. If no one finds out, then you will suffer at the end and months or years beyond all by yourself. Assuming others discover what you've done - his wife, your husband (are there children too?) - then the damage will be more than you can imagine. Truly - you can't fathom all the suffering you will create by this indulgence. I am a fWW. I thought I was in love, I felt all the feelings. It is the worst, most god-awful pain I have ever gone through. I would never in a million years do it again. I wish I could turn back time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
yodelwithyu Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 Don't do it. Seriously. My situation was a little different, because I didn't know, and then a few weeks after he told me, he got caught and insisted on an open marriage. I was already in love with him, so I tried. It wrecked me. Anyone can say I wasn't the other woman, but I was, as I wasn't his wife or the one living with him, or the one that he did everyday life things with. Even knowing that they had reached an agreement, and he said he would do his best to give me time and all that, it was never enough and it always hurt. Also, I was single, so I don't really know how you would balance all those emotions with a husband/family? If not to save yourself, do it for someone you say you are happy with. Because the misery that this relationship will bring you, WILL bleed over into your marriage and make it unhappy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eagle's-bargain Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 (edited) Thank you for the advice. We are both happily married. Not sure why we have such a strong connection - emotional and physically. He has better boundaries than me and told me that we can't be alone when drinking. We worked together but we don't see each other everyday. Reading the posts really help! I'm not good with boundaries so have to remind myself ! It sounds like you've been in this position before? What's wrong with your marriage? @Poppy47 If you do you will probably have many regrets but I assume you are a grown up and capable of making a decision. Do a bit more reading here. The stories are very similar.... believe what you read about the consequences. Poppy I'm going to have a beer tonight in honor of this statement. Edited October 4, 2015 by Eagle's-bargain Honor 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 The only regret I have about my M is that it began as an affair. Would I do it all again? Hard to say as I am so happy and content now, and I really don't know if he would have left had I not been in the picture. I just wish we had started after he had left. But tbh... it doesn't really have any influence on where we are now. I think I went through a LOT less heartache than the women on LS but the few couples I know irl who began as an affair and stayed together were like me... not a lot of heartache, working for a common goal. I regret only that we were so indulgent of the xBW. If I were to "do it again", that's the only thing I'd change. I'd listen to the kids when they said they wanted nothing to do with her, and not encourage them to keep a R with her that they clearly didn't want. But the R itself - no regrets there. Link to post Share on other sites
lemondrop21 Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 This is going to sound really sick, but sometimes lately I've found myself having fantasies of getting into another A with a guy at work who I have a hunch just might go for it - only for the sake of getting over/distracting myself from the pain of the first A. That said, these are weird twisted fantasies and I recognize them as such. I will never do this again. He has no idea what I've been through during all of this. Even the SECOND DAY after the A started I hit such a huge low, realizing what I had done. I can't imagine feeling terrible about a healthy relationship on day two. Link to post Share on other sites
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