xxoo Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 yes, but I believe that IS the only time he went. We don't go that often. no we haven't discussed in two months, we are concentrating on positive experiences I guess. Oh! This is so confusing. Didn't realize the IC is so infrequent. I thought it was a weekly thing, which is why it would make sense to inquire monthly how it was going. So this is talking about the affairs, not talking about IC. In that case, you should talk about it when you need to, but accept that he may not have much to share. If he can't deal with your need to talk, maybe he needs to get back in IC and work that out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author katielee Posted October 1, 2015 Author Share Posted October 1, 2015 I would also ask you..how long would it really take to tell him you are still hurt? I can't blame you for feeling this way after being betrayed, but it seems like you want to make this work. about 30 seconds. and it would take about 30 seconds for him to say, "I love you so much and i appreciate you hanging in there with me, I'm so sorry and I know you're sacrificing a lot to stay with me." Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 about 30 seconds. and it would take about 30 seconds for him to say, "I love you so much and i appreciate you hanging in there with me, I'm so sorry and I know you're sacrificing a lot to stay with me." May I ask when the last time you told him you were still hurt was? And how often you think you should be informing him of this? For me I just can't help wondering..would you rather he is telling you he loves you because he just decided he wanted you to hear those words..or because you merely told him you were still angry at him? Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I really thought you had made tremendous progress....I really thought the two of you were working through all the hurt... But with this new revelation....all you have done is move past it without resolving anything...and until you BOTH resolve this....you will not make progress...you will not move forward. Burying it, not talking about it...is only pretending that healing has occurred. THIS umm Lion. So because I did it too I don't get to talk about his two affairs and how they hurt me? I dont' really need to talk about what I did. But I will if he wants to - gladly. But I also have hurt from what he did and that I need to discuss. is very revealing...and I don't like like what i hear The drama you are missing may return....because this ain't over my love..... and it breaks my heart to say this Link to post Share on other sites
Author katielee Posted October 1, 2015 Author Share Posted October 1, 2015 May I ask when the last time you told him you were still hurt was? And how often you think you should be informing him of this? For me I just can't help wondering..would you rather he is telling you he loves you because he just decided he wanted you to hear those words..or because you merely told him you were still angry at him? The last time I told him I was still hurt was when we talked two months ago, although we both said we still had bouts of anger during our discussion this am. I would rather he speak from the heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author katielee Posted October 1, 2015 Author Share Posted October 1, 2015 I really thought you had made tremendous progress....I really thought the two of you were working through all the hurt... But with this new revelation....all you have done is move past it without resolving anything...and until you BOTH resolve this....you will not make progress...you will not move forward. Burying it, not talking about it...is only pretending that healing has occurred. THIS umm Lion. So because I did it too I don't get to talk about his two affairs and how they hurt me? I dont' really need to talk about what I did. But I will if he wants to - gladly. But I also have hurt from what he did and that I need to discuss. is very revealing...and I don't like like what i hear The drama you are missing may return....because this ain't over my love..... and it breaks my heart to say this I think we ARE making progress, but at a cost, although I'm not sure what that cost is. Link to post Share on other sites
nightmare01 Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 I think that what Lion shared is deadly accurate for situations where one person in the marriage has the affair. Mad hatters.... that's a totally different animal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 What happens if you bring things up more often? You can't make him talk. But you should be able to talk if you need to. Totally unrelated to infidelity, I talked to my husband recently about something relationship-y that was bothering me. Opened my heart and soul and dumped it all out. He said....absolutely nothing. I got anxious. I forced myself to let it go for the moment and we went to sleep. The next day, in action, he showed that he had listened. He's a man of actions, not words. If I was paying attention (and I was), there was no way that his message would go unnoticed. Do you think your man is "answering" you in ways other than words? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 you are "living"....you are enjoying each other...you are even happy. I was in this same place for thirty years Katielee....and it was good enough...and YOU may have to resolve yourself that this is as good as it gets.... but i don't think that's what you want...you want it all...you want everything to be resolved... I was happy....it was John...there was something missing.....he could not describe, he could not tell me what it was...but there was something missing it took me thirty years Katielee.....30.....but i finally GOT IT.... and I am telling you...your husband just may not be capable of giving to you what you are looking for. So the decision becomes...is what you have good enough? Because that may be all you get. We have several friends who have suffered infidelity...and sadly....they have "settled" because their spouse is just not capable of giving them what they need. Now having said that...they are happy.....but there will ALWAYS be that "something" missing.... Your husband sounds like he is happy with things just the way they are....and YOU are the one who needs something more. You have to make the decision...is what he is able to give you enough? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lion Heart Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 umm Lion. So because I did it too I don't get to talk about his two affairs and how they hurt me? I dont' really need to talk about what I did. But I will if he wants to - gladly. But I also have hurt from what he did and that I need to discuss. Goodness gracious please forgive ME!!!!!! And SO MANY OTHER EXPLETIVES at myself. I am so so sorry. I did not background check your story. I was ignorant and I apologize. Most sincerely apologize. Reverse that crap I wrote! Reverse!!! Delete even! Ignore and delete! I'm shocked and sorry. My heavens you're together? You guys are marriage marathon runners. Punch me in the online nose please! I'm sorry. Gosh. Lion Heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author katielee Posted October 2, 2015 Author Share Posted October 2, 2015 "You guys are marriage marathon runners." I love this!!! Hell, we are! I'm gonna think of us as this. No harm done.,, Link to post Share on other sites
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