Is it incest to have sex with a step brother or sister? And should I tell on him?

[Mischa101]

he's not in love with you. he wants to have sex with you and that's it.

do NOT do it.

is it incest? no because you are not biologically related. I would hold off on the sex until things get serious if he does in fact LIKE you.

 

do NOT have sex with him...

[SpiralOut]

 

 

 

So now that you understand the situation better, should I still tell on him? To me, it's a question of just how abnormal and perverted his behavior is, and does he need help. I'm concerned about HIM, not me. I feel safe, I'm just concerned that my sb is acting like a perv.

 

.

 

He is harassing you. Stop worrying about hurting his feelings. He clearly does not care about yours. Take care of yourself. Talk to an adult.

[turnera]

You realize, I'm sure, that he doesn't really love you. He's just horny and you're the most logical object of his horniness, since you can't go anywhere.

 

Yeah, just talk to your mom about it. Ask her to talk to his dad about cutting you some slack. And maybe teaching him a little more about sex.

[amywhitt99]

Hi, I just got back and read your replies.

 

Telling my real dad isn't an option. My real dad died of cancer two years ago. I apologize for not bringing this up, but it's something I don't like talking about. But, yeah, he's gone now.

 

The handwritten note idea seems very weird to me. Are you serious that I should put this stuff in writing? With all due respect, this seems like a really strange way to proceed.

 

And as far as people saying that he's going to take advantage of me, well, I know him well enough at this point to know that's not going to happen. He doesn't really drink that much, and I actually think he's a virgin, even tho he never actually told me that. But he's really very shy, I don't think he usually flirts with girls the way he does with me. I don't even think he's ever had a serious gf. He just flirts and suggests things, but I know he would never actually try to force me, like pin me down and actually rape me, or something like that. He's not a rapist.

 

Other people here have said he's in the wrong. Like he's a bad person or something, and that is why I should tell on him. I don't really think that's true. He seems very nice and he is a christian. (btw, so am I) I think that he knows the way he is acting is improper. He will even blush and get embarrassed about it when I call him on it. I will say something like, 'omg, that is so perverted!', and he will get very embarrassed, his face will get all red. And then he'll behave himself the rest of the night, but then he'll start doing it the very next day until I say something about it again. So I really don't think it's fair to blame him. I think he can't help himself, and that's why I'm confused as to what to do. If I thought it was on purpose, I'd tell on him right away. But his flirting with me seems to just be a natural reaction to him being so horny, and that is what some of my friends have told me. My oldest friend told me that ALL boys will do things like that when they're really horny, it's in their hormones. And if that is correct, then it wouldn't seem right for me to tell on him. He would get in big trouble for something he really has no control over.

 

Other people here are still urging me not to have sex with him. Again, there is no way I'd even think of doing that. Until I posted here, the mere idea of having sex with a stepbro completely grossed me out. Now I realize that it's technically acceptable and legal, but it still seems gross. Not to mention that even if it didn't, my sb does not appeal to me that way at all. I would have no interest in him sexually even if he didn't become my sb.

 

But I can relate to what donnivain said. My friends have told me this too, and I completely agree. I know I shouldn't flirt back at all and that I should be more clothed around him. But the problem is, given our situation, this is sooo difficult! You have to understand how our house is. Both of our rooms are downstairs, with our bathroom inbetween, and the rec room is like our living room, we have our own TV and game system. Plus, we have a hot tub down here and a tanning bed, both of which I use daily. So there is very little privacy, and even if I was very careful he would be bound to see me a lot in my bikini or my underwear. There is just no way around this unless our parents moved, or else I CONSTANTLY was making sure I was always covered, which would pretty much make living here like being in a prison, with him being the "guard". Even if I tried, there's no way he wouldn't sometimes see me scantily clad.

 

Plus, I admit that there is some truth in what anika? said. I DO get a bit of an ego trip when I see him 'perving' over me, but really, who wouldn't? Of course I'm going to be flattered a bit that my sb wants me so bad, just as any girl is flattered by the attention of any boy at school. Isn't that normal? Just like boys looking is normal? But I don't see what this has to do with anything. Everything I considered "normal" until he took it beyond staring. I would never have become concerned until he started OPENLY talking about my body and suggesting we actually DO things, and especially after he began taking pics of me. At that point, it began to seem "abnormal" to me, at least to some extent.

 

But yes, as anika said, at FIRST I kind of enjoyed it, and just considered it all in good fun. It was only after he started being more aggressive when it comes to tickling and wrestling around with me, and especially after he started taking pics all the time, that I started wondering that he might be perverted. Until then, it seemed like pretty normal stuff considering our situation.

[turnera]

No, I told you to ask YOUR mom to tell HIS dad about it.

[SoleMate]

OP, you seem convinced that sb would never force you into sex. I hope you're right, but you don't have the judgment and experience you would need to make that call. Just the mere fact that he's pressuring you and nagging at you with sex talk of any type is enough for you to blow the whistle on him with a trusted adult.

 

Other people here have said he's in the wrong. Like he's a bad person or something, and that is why I should tell on him. I don't really think that's true. He seems very nice and he is a christian. (btw, so am I) I think that he knows the way he is acting is improper. He will even blush and get embarrassed about it when I call him on it.

I don't think anyone here is focussed on whether sb is or is not a bad person, a Christian (?), a pervert, a blushing pervert, worthy of blame, or any of the rest of it. We are focussed on YOU and the fact that you can't be fully, physically and psychologically safe in your own house when someone is nagging at you with unwanted sex talk.

 

But his flirting with me seems to just be a natural reaction to him being so horny, and that is what some of my friends have told me.

It is, and it isn't. The feelings and interest are natural and common. The overt acts are not acceptable!

 

My oldest friend told me that ALL boys will do things like that when they're really horny, it's in their hormones.

Not the ones that are under proper parental discipline.

 

And if that is correct, then it wouldn't seem right for me to tell on him. He would get in big trouble for something he really has no control over.

He may not have control over his feelings, but he is expected to have control over his words and his actions, commensurate with his age, as are we all.

 

Also, keep in mind that if the sb can't even control what he says, then it's even more worrying to rely on him controlling what he does.

 

Anyhow, please tell a trusted adult ASAP! He needs to be made to stop. And I'm very sorry about the loss of your father.

[amywhitt99]

um, ok. I understand what you are saying. I do want to tell on him. But won't I get in trouble too? If I tell on him I know he will try to blame me. And I will get in trouble too and you don't know my mom, trust me. I might get in more trouble than he will. My mom would be VERY pissed because I let him take so many pics of me, and I swear I think she'd faint if she saw some of them! And I myself would be so embarrassed I would honestly want to die. Otherwise, at this point, I'd tell on him in a heartbeat.

 

I think I would have to find a way to permanently delete all those pics off his cellphone before I'd feel comfortable going to my mom. Until then, I will just stop letting him do it.

[Gold Pile]

You have to simplify all this

 

Although you've had moments of poor judgment (the pics), and he isn't automatically a pervert for being hot for you.....He is still harassing you for sex.

1)Be sure that you aren't flirting with him back.

2) tell him his flirting is harassment

3) see if he backs off

4) if he doesn't, go to a teacher and explain everything. If your Mom is the type to blame you, having outside authorities involved may keep her from punishing you while "they" are watching.

 

It's a terrible position to be in and good answers are hard to find. I wish you good luck.

[Lois_Griffin]

Hi, I just got back and read your replies.

 

Telling my real dad isn't an option. My real dad died of cancer two years ago. I apologize for not bringing this up, but it's something I don't like talking about. But, yeah, he's gone now.

 

The handwritten note idea seems very weird to me. Are you serious that I should put this stuff in writing? With all due respect, this seems like a really strange way to proceed.

 

And as far as people saying that he's going to take advantage of me, well, I know him well enough at this point to know that's not going to happen. He doesn't really drink that much, and I actually think he's a virgin, even tho he never actually told me that. But he's really very shy, I don't think he usually flirts with girls the way he does with me. I don't even think he's ever had a serious gf. He just flirts and suggests things, but I know he would never actually try to force me, like pin me down and actually rape me, or something like that. He's not a rapist.

 

Other people here have said he's in the wrong. Like he's a bad person or something, and that is why I should tell on him. I don't really think that's true. He seems very nice and he is a christian. (btw, so am I) I think that he knows the way he is acting is improper. He will even blush and get embarrassed about it when I call him on it. I will say something like, 'omg, that is so perverted!', and he will get very embarrassed, his face will get all red. And then he'll behave himself the rest of the night, but then he'll start doing it the very next day until I say something about it again. So I really don't think it's fair to blame him. I think he can't help himself, and that's why I'm confused as to what to do. If I thought it was on purpose, I'd tell on him right away. But his flirting with me seems to just be a natural reaction to him being so horny, and that is what some of my friends have told me. My oldest friend told me that ALL boys will do things like that when they're really horny, it's in their hormones. And if that is correct, then it wouldn't seem right for me to tell on him. He would get in big trouble for something he really has no control over.

 

Other people here are still urging me not to have sex with him. Again, there is no way I'd even think of doing that. Until I posted here, the mere idea of having sex with a stepbro completely grossed me out. Now I realize that it's technically acceptable and legal, but it still seems gross. Not to mention that even if it didn't, my sb does not appeal to me that way at all. I would have no interest in him sexually even if he didn't become my sb.

 

But I can relate to what donnivain said. My friends have told me this too, and I completely agree. I know I shouldn't flirt back at all and that I should be more clothed around him. But the problem is, given our situation, this is sooo difficult! You have to understand how our house is. Both of our rooms are downstairs, with our bathroom inbetween, and the rec room is like our living room, we have our own TV and game system. Plus, we have a hot tub down here and a tanning bed, both of which I use daily. So there is very little privacy, and even if I was very careful he would be bound to see me a lot in my bikini or my underwear. There is just no way around this unless our parents moved, or else I CONSTANTLY was making sure I was always covered, which would pretty much make living here like being in a prison, with him being the "guard". Even if I tried, there's no way he wouldn't sometimes see me scantily clad.

 

Plus, I admit that there is some truth in what anika? said. I DO get a bit of an ego trip when I see him 'perving' over me, but really, who wouldn't? Of course I'm going to be flattered a bit that my sb wants me so bad, just as any girl is flattered by the attention of any boy at school. Isn't that normal? Just like boys looking is normal? But I don't see what this has to do with anything. Everything I considered "normal" until he took it beyond staring. I would never have become concerned until he started OPENLY talking about my body and suggesting we actually DO things, and especially after he began taking pics of me. At that point, it began to seem "abnormal" to me, at least to some extent.

 

But yes, as anika said, at FIRST I kind of enjoyed it, and just considered it all in good fun. It was only after he started being more aggressive when it comes to tickling and wrestling around with me, and especially after he started taking pics all the time, that I started wondering that he might be perverted. Until then, it seemed like pretty normal stuff considering our situation.

You say one thing about being creeped out that he's become so obvious with his perverted intentions and wonder if you should tell, then you write this huge dissertation about how you enjoy the attention and question everyone's advice and defend his creepiness saying he's a nice religious boy.

 

So I'm not sure what it is you're looking for. The only reason he's getting more and more aggressive with you is that you haven't put a stop to it and encourage it JUST enough to make it keep happening.

 

Don't be surprised one day when you find this 'fat, acne faced' boy on top of you forcing his hands on you and possibly more. Your FIRST mistake is to assume you know for sure that he'd never get out of line with you.

 

That's what every date rape victim also said. Smarten up.

[Lois_Griffin]

um, ok. I understand what you are saying. I do want to tell on him. But won't I get in trouble too? If I tell on him I know he will try to blame me. And I will get in trouble too and you don't know my mom, trust me. I might get in more trouble than he will. My mom would be VERY pissed because I let him take so many pics of me, and I swear I think she'd faint if she saw some of them! And I myself would be so embarrassed I would honestly want to die. Otherwise, at this point, I'd tell on him in a heartbeat.

 

I think I would have to find a way to permanently delete all those pics off his cellphone before I'd feel comfortable going to my mom. Until then, I will just stop letting him do it.

Yeah, I kind of thought this was the way it really was.

[d0nnivain]

I know I shouldn't flirt back at all and that I should be more clothed around him. But the problem is, given our situation, this is sooo difficult! You have to understand how our house is. Both of our rooms are downstairs, with our bathroom inbetween, and the rec room is like our living room, we have our own TV and game system. Plus, we have a hot tub down here and a tanning bed, both of which I use daily. So there is very little privacy, and even if I was very careful he would be bound to see me a lot in my bikini or my underwear. There is just no way around this unless our parents moved, or else I CONSTANTLY was making sure I was always covered, which would pretty much make living here like being in a prison, with him being the "guard". Even if I tried, there's no way he wouldn't sometimes see me scantily clad.

 

Plus, I admit that there is some truth in what anika? said. I DO get a bit of an ego trip when I see him 'perving' over me, but really, who wouldn't? Of course I'm going to be flattered a bit that my sb wants me so bad, just as any girl is flattered by the attention of any boy at school. Isn't that normal? Just like boys looking is normal? But I don't see what this has to do with anything. Everything I considered "normal" until he took it beyond staring. I would never have become concerned until he started OPENLY talking about my body and suggesting we actually DO things, and especially after he began taking pics of me. At that point, it began to seem "abnormal" to me, at least to some extent.

 

But yes, as anika said, at FIRST I kind of enjoyed it, and just considered it all in good fun. It was only after he started being more aggressive when it comes to tickling and wrestling around with me, and especially after he started taking pics all the time, that I started wondering that he might be perverted. Until then, it seemed like pretty normal stuff considering our situation.

 

 

OH honey. This is part of being a grown up. YOU need to learn to exercise self control. It doesn't matter if you think it feels like a prison. You never leave your room unless you are fully clothed. If you must go to the bathroom in your pajamas or underwear buy a full length bathrobe & wear it. Do not wrestle with your step brother. Do not tickle him. Avoid touching him. Invest in a modest one piece bathing suit for using the hot tub & only use tanning bed when he's not home. He's not bound to see you in anything unless you want him to.

 

 

Again, I urge you NEVER leave your room in just your underwear.

 

 

While I would never say any woman invited a sexual assault you do have the ability to de-escalate this situation by being more prudent in your own choices. The fact that you are flattered by his attentions doesn't make it right for you to prance around half naked in front of him & enflame his already raging hormones. You have to WORK to put the fire of his libido out instead of adding fuel to an already incendiary situation.

[mrldii]

OP, here are the facts:

 

* You are 15; at 15, you are a minor.

 

* You are 15; at 15, physically your brain has not yet fully developed to make sound decisions.

 

* Because you are 15, it is your parents' responsibility TO protect and guide you; to do so, they must have all the information.

 

The not-necessarily-facts-of-the-matter, but instead 'reading-between-the-lines' of the matter indicate that for some reason(s) you are very reluctant to take the advice that has been given to you by the majority of the adults posting here...advice that you, specifically, came here to get. Instead, you keep making *excuses* and coming up with justifications as to why you can not take the advice.

 

Adults have told you to confront him and emphatically let him know that he is to back off. You reply that you "can't" do that...and your replies indicate that you'd prefer to "tease" him about it.

 

Adults have told you that you must let your parents know about this situation. You've indicated you can't, as "his father will kill him".

 

YOU came here, indicating that his behavior is bothering you and making you uncomfortable in your ownb home, but in subsequent replies, you've done nothing but back-pedal, soft-sell his behavior, and diminish and downplay what he's doing.

 

 

There can only be one of two reasons for this: either you [subconsciously] are enjoying his attentions, or you are scared to death of your mother's and/or step-father's reactions and - like many actual rape victims - fear that YOU will be deemed the guilty party.

 

If it's the latter, you've now indicated that you're a Christian. Take this issue to your minister/priest/clergy/youth group administrator. That's what they're there for. They know you, your stepbrother, and your parents much better than strangers on the internet; to boot, they are closer to you and automatically share a set of values which will lead to advice that you can respect and heed.

 

If it's the former, well then...

 

 

Either way, I'm out of this request for advice; you've already received the best [repeatedly and redundantly] this board has to offer.

 

 

Best of luck to you...

[Survivor12]

Hold on...you have encouraged him & now you're accusing him of being an aggressor? Somehow your description of him being embarrassed when confronted doesn't add up with him being brave enough to instigate without believing that his advances are welcome. It sounds more like you like the attention but are feeling guilty and are trying to blame him for what you have done and/or he has taken it further than you expected. Is that why you are so confident that he won't pressure you--because he has only responded to what you have led him to believe is ok?

 

Yes, his behavior is inappropriate, but you don't want to tell on him--because you are just as responsible as he is for participating in inappropriate behavior yourself.

 

I know you're young and it seems harmless to be a tease, you can learn an important life lesson here...encouraging boys/men sexually is not a good idea. You may not fear that your sb will attempt to force you, but there are guys who will try. Even though a woman being a tease does not justify rape, she still has to live with the trauma of it.

 

So my advice is--tell him that you want him to stop. No more pics, dirty talk & teasing....and don't be running around in your underwear. I had a brother & raised a son so I know that it's not impossible to keep yourself covered up.

 

If he continues, tell your mother.

[SoleMate]

No, Survivor12, OP is not just as responsible for the sb's behavior. That is a terrible statement to make. SB is responsible for his behavior and his aggression. Kindly rethink your victim blaming advice.

 

Back top OP........now that we learn of two very worrying factors:

 

1) That there are photos involved

 

2) That your household configuration leaves you two isolated in privacy

 

you MUST immediately go and talk to a trusted adult. I hope there is one in your life....this could be a relative, teacher, school counselor, nurse or doctor, adviser, or friend. If you do not have a trusted adult, then Call 800.656.HOPE (4673) to be connected with a trained staff member from a sexual assault service provider in your area. Or try Crisis Text Line offers help to teens in crisis through their cell phone - CBS News Get Help Now | Crisis Text Line TEXT “START” TO 741-741 FREE, 24/7, CONFIDENTIAL.

 

You are at high risk of sexual assault and/or of having your photos spread on the Internet, and the consequences can be life-altering. Your whole family needs help. Please get help now. Start with a text. I care and want you to be safe.

[amywhitt99]

Ok, Solemate, I hear you. I will call that number. And thx for the advice. This is a time when I need advice from someone older, but I don't want to talk to anyone I know. It's too weird. But you are right. Especially about him posting pics on the internet. I was just thinking about that lately, because even tho he promises me he'd never do that, he's already admitted showing them to some friends. But anyways, thank you for the 'big sisterly' advice. And thx for not judging me, or blaming me, like some others here have.

 

For the rest of you who are saying things like "No more pics, dirty talk & teasing....and don't be running around in your underwear", I don't think you really get my situation. He's the one who started taking pics of me. I never asked him to do that. I'll tell him to stop but he doesn't. I admit at first I didn't really mind and I just thought it was funny, but then I started thinking about it and wanted it to stop, but he keeps doing it. And he is the one who does the 'dirty talk', not me. And as far as him seeing me in my underwear, I really don't see what the big deal is. I was embarrassed at first, but then I realized they cover almost as much as my bikini does, so I got used to it. I mean, what difference does the material make if the coverage is the same? The only difference I see is when I wear them in the hot tub and they get wet. They are totally see-through when wet, but I try to remember to bring a towel with me so he can't see me. (tho usually I forget to )

 

But anyways, I DO try not to flirt or tease him too much, but it's hard not to with the way our house is set up. We're together all the time like we are roommates in an apt. And in such a situation sometimes it's really hard to tell the difference between being "friendly" and "flirting", you know? Sometimes, I start out just trying to be friendly with him, and then I find myself teasing him a bit. But I don't mean anything by it, it's just how I usually unconsciously respond when a guy is flirting with ME.

[Survivor12]

I was not victim blaming, but the OP is responsible for playing with fire. She said so herself. If she wants it to stop, she needs to send a clear message, not, as she says, "teasing him a bit" in response to his "flirting".

 

In fact, if I were to place blame, it would be on the parents for not considering that putting two hormonal teenagers into such close, intimate quarters may not be a good idea.

 

I'm curious why you called me out, SoleMate, when d0nnivain & mrdlii said the same thing.

[autumnnight]

Hi, I just got the chance to log back in. I really appreciate all of your advice. I know most of you are a lot older than me and probably know more about this kind of stuff than I do, so I'm listening, but I don't really think that you understand the situation entirely. I think that is my fault, as I really didn't explain everything too well.

 

I think what everyone is basically saying is tell on him because he might try something or even rape me. Someone even said he might get me while I'm drunk. Well, I can understand the concern, but he really isn't like that. He's not going to try to rape me. He just isn't that kind of person. He's not that aggressive. Actually, he's a very nice person. Plus, if he tried something like that, I would yell and scream and he'd get in trouble, and I think he knows that. Our parents are right upstairs. And I don't drink or use drugs, so I would never be in that kind of position, where I would let him do something like that. And somebody else here suggested that I might want something to happen, and that it is ok for me to do that if I want to. Let me say right now that I am definitely NOT attracted to my sb in the least. First off, he's not my type. Pretty much your typical nerdy type, always studying and doing computer stuff. And second, he's not physically attractive. He's fat and has acne really bad. Plus, legal or not, just thinking about doing something with my own sb totally grosses me out. So please don't think that about me. I was only asking about the legal part just because I was curious, since my sb told me it was all good. I didn't believe him and wanted to make sure I was right, but I guess I'm not.

 

The reason I'm thinking I should maybe tell on him isn't because I think he's dangerous and don't feel safe. It's just that the way he acts seems really weird and perverted to me, and some of my friends are saying it's "incest", even if he doesn't try anything. So I'm thinking that maybe I should tell on him just for that reason alone. I mean, if he's really perverted in some way, shouldn't somebody know about that? But if he isn't, I wouldn't want to create an embarrassing situation for both of us. I mean, I think getting our parents involved is going to make this whole situation even more uncomfortable for everyone. I don't want to tell on him unless there is really something wrong with him, and I'm not quite sure how abnormal this is. Because some of my friends have told me it's normal for even real brothers and sisters to be attracted to each other at times, only normally they don't actually talk about it like my sb has talked about it with me, nor do they usually act the way my sb has been acting lately, as far as I know. I think that normally anyone would be too embarrassed to act on it openly, but my sb obviously isn't ashamed about it. He makes comments about how I look and keeps asking me if I will do things, and he openly takes pictures of me with his cellphone. That is the kind of thing that I think is really weird and abnormal, and makes me think he's a pervert. But if he didn't act the way he does, but I knew that secretly he wanted to, then based on what my friends have told me that might be pretty normal, step or real brother.

 

So now that you understand the situation better, should I still tell on him? To me, it's a question of just how abnormal and perverted his behavior is, and does he need help. I'm concerned about HIM, not me. I feel safe, I'm just concerned that my sb is acting like a perv.

 

omg! I can't believe how late it is! I have to go now as I have school tomorrow.

 

 

First, let me say you sound like a very sweet and intuitive girl, especially for your age.

 

The above post made me think of Josh Duggar. I am sure you heard about him - the guy who touched his little sisters and such. He had issues, and he did not get the help he needed.

 

While I still think your step brother may in fact be a danger to you, I admire that you are also concerned for him. If he is repeatedly discussing this with you, even with the taboos and your lack of interest, he probably, honestly, does need some help.

 

I believe that you should talk privately to your mother about this. And when he brings it up to you again, you don't have to get elaborate. Just look him in the eye and say: I do not like this. I do not want to sleep with you. You are making me uncomfortable. Don't do it again.

[melissa7]

I was not victim blaming, but the OP is responsible for playing with fire. She said so herself. If she wants it to stop, she needs to send a clear message, not, as she says, "teasing him a bit" in response to his "flirting".

 

In fact, if I were to place blame, it would be on the parents for not considering that putting two hormonal teenagers into such close, intimate quarters may not be a good idea.

 

I'm curious why you called me out, SoleMate, when d0nnivain & mrdlii said the same thing.

 

oh my god... what difference does it make? All 3 of you need to be called out. You say you are not victim blaming, and then follow it right up with "but the OP is responsible for playing with fire"? How is that not victim blaming?

 

And then let us look at your previous post:

 

Hold on...you have encouraged him & now you're accusing him of being an aggressor? Somehow your description of him being embarrassed when confronted doesn't add up with him being brave enough to instigate without believing that his advances are welcome. It sounds more like you like the attention but are feeling guilty and are trying to blame him for what you have done and/or he has taken it further than you expected. Is that why you are so confident that he won't pressure you--because he has only responded to what you have led him to believe is ok?

 

Yes, his behavior is inappropriate, but you don't want to tell on him--because you are just as responsible as he is for participating in inappropriate behavior yourself.

 

I know you're young and it seems harmless to be a tease, you can learn an important life lesson here...encouraging boys/men sexually is not a good idea. You may not fear that your sb will attempt to force you, but there are guys who will try. Even though a woman being a tease does not justify rape, she still has to live with the trauma of it.

 

So my advice is--tell him that you want him to stop. No more pics, dirty talk & teasing....and don't be running around in your underwear. I had a brother & raised a son so I know that it's not impossible to keep yourself covered up.

 

What I have highlighted in bold makes me want to vomit. This is clearly blaming the victim, and it disgusts me as a mother. Regardless of what she is doing, let's remember that he is 17 and she is only 15. Being two years older, he should know better than to respond like that, as he is too old to even be dating her anyway, sister or not. Obviously there has been a lack of parenting here, and I find it frightening that anyone would try and put the blame on a 15 yr old girl.

 

But since you are so concerned about being the only one called out, I'll go ahead and quote the others as well:

 

OH honey. This is part of being a grown up. YOU need to learn to exercise self control. It doesn't matter if you think it feels like a prison. You never leave your room unless you are fully clothed. If you must go to the bathroom in your pajamas or underwear buy a full length bathrobe & wear it. Do not wrestle with your step brother. Do not tickle him. Avoid touching him. Invest in a modest one piece bathing suit for using the hot tub & only use tanning bed when he's not home. He's not bound to see you in anything unless you want him to.

 

 

Again, I urge you NEVER leave your room in just your underwear.

 

 

While I would never say any woman invited a sexual assault you do have the ability to de-escalate this situation by being more prudent in your own choices. The fact that you are flattered by his attentions doesn't make it right for you to prance around half naked in front of him & enflame his already raging hormones. You have to WORK to put the fire of his libido out instead of adding fuel to an already incendiary situation.

 

This one is classic victim blaming, and in the most dangerous form. I can only hope this person has no children. Since when are girls responsible for "enflaming" their aggressors' raging hormones or working to put out the fire of their libidos???

 

And this one:

 

So I'm not sure what it is you're looking for. The only reason he's getting more and more aggressive with you is that you haven't put a stop to it and encourage it JUST enough to make it keep happening.

 

This one is a gem. What she is looking for is HELP and GUIDANCE from anonymous adults on the internet! Not shaming and suggestions of self-blame. No, the reason he's getting more and more aggressive is because he has no self control or manners and obviously hasn't been taught what sexual harrassment is, nor what is proper or improper behavior with his new stepsister who is two years younger. He should be treating her like a little sister, and acting like a protective older brother, not asking her for sexual favors and taking suggestive pictures of her.

 

Amy, Solemate is right. Tell a trusted adult ASAP. Don't listen to anyone who wants to put this on you. You are not to blame for this, he is. Given the fact that your sb should obviously know better, I would definitely call his behavior perverted and it would not surprise me if he was a pedophile, or at least had tendencies in that direction. But regardless of how "perverted" or "normal" it is, his behavior is definitely self-indulgent, and reveals a real lack of self-restraint and control on his part. And this is dangerous because without basic self-control you have no way to know how he might act in the future. So please, please, tell someone you trust right away. Don't assume that because he seems "nice" or is "christian" that he won't try something. Remember, no one is perfect, everyone sins sometimes, so you can't trust boys/men, especially when they have exhibited such a lack of basic manners and self-control.

 

P.S. Sorry if I ranted too long, but given some of the experiences I had myself as a teenager, it really makes me mad when people try to blame the victim, particularly when it's a 15 year old girl! I mean, come on, let's blame the girl for being a "tease" and corrupting her poor two year older stepbrother?! Really?

 

I swear this kind of sh** makes me want to puke...

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Firstly, that was indeed indisputable victim blaming.

 

 

(even I can see that much)

 

 

 

OP... I do admit that soooooooooooo many of your point-counterpoint statements (in the "I just got back and read your replies" post) ARE somewhat mitigating, and I can even recognize the (reality) to a step brother inheriting an attractive step sister near to his age, and gaining something from showing clothed (in all cases, I should hope) photos of her to his friends.

 

However, nobody else is ever gonna stop this unless you instigate the cessation of it.

 

Look at this linked document... which is merely a sample sexual harassment policy for a workplace:

 

http://www.ilo.org/wcmsp5/groups/public/---asia/---ro-bangkok/---ilo-suva/documents/policy/wcms_407364.pdf

 

(LOL - I just took the first one on Google, and I KNOW some of you are going to be fearful of clicking on the link, just because it references some far-away places - when you want me to have referenced "Acme Company" two blocks down the road from where the OP and her step-brother live)

 

Many of THOSE VERY definitions clearly bulleted there in that document are ongoing in your shared living area... and you, OP, are the victim in most of it.

 

Any fool (even a 17yo one) should know that while to tickle a semi-tolerant 5yo can be OK much of the time, a normal and respectful male does NOT tickle a (usually-)post-pubescent fifteen-year-old female.

 

OP, I still vote that you take the sample document I linked there, and highlight things that your step brother habitually does to you, and then craft a would-be NOTE to your mother that you would give her IF the harassment doesn't stop immediately.

 

I understand that you don't want his dad to "kill him"... and that is the only reason you let the ending be (your step brother's) to decide, based entirely upon his own conduct from this point forward.

 

The sexual harassment policy is GOOD in that it allows you to put some "official"-seeming real-world definition in there, withOUT your having to go to the authorities (being your parents) right away.

 

 

Much of what you've described truly IS born of the "intimate familiarity" which is indeed fairly rare for teenagers who did NOT grow up together, and who could indeed be attracted to one another.

 

 

So yes, I want you to put it in writing...

 

 

In fact, even if you never show the result to another soul, put it in writing so YOU are made to SEE how wrong much of it really is.

 

The "step-brother" part really isn't too significant here, only for it defining the reason why you came to have this intimate familiarity with somebody who has such convenient means through which to harass you sexually with nobody else watching.

 

 

I know it is difficult to be firm... but you should do it for yourself...

Edited October 4, 2015 by SincereOnlineGuy

[SpiralOut]

OP, I think that you have "nice girl" syndrome, in which you care so much about being nice to others you put their feelings before your own. Your own feelings matter just as much as anyone else's and it's okay for you to tell someone what is happening. If you don't want to talk to you mom about it, try calling the help line number that someone else posted here.

[TX-SC]

Don't **** where you eat. If you have a relationship with a step sibling then break up, you can never go no contact. He or she will always be in your life. It's just a bad idea. PLUS, it's just kind of awkward for everyone. Just tell him no and tell him if he doesn't stop bothering you that you will tell your parents.

[Robert]

Upon review, this thread will remain closed. Moderation thanks all the members who contributed here. ~ V

Edited October 4, 2015 by Robert