kittenhead Posted May 18, 2005 Share Posted May 18, 2005 my bf just broke up with me. he thought i was cheating on him. but i wasn't. how could this happen? he kept asking over and over agin. why wouldn't he believe me? Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted May 18, 2005 Share Posted May 18, 2005 If a person becomes convinced of something like cheating, it is going to be very difficult to change that person's mind, maybe impossible. I suppose you need to ask yourself why he thinks you were cheating, and what proof he has. Ultimately, it is his decision if he wants to be with you or not, for whatever reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 Perhaps he is just using it as an excuse to dump you. He can't be in love and just accuse you out of the blue and break off. He is either psychotic (obsessed) or simply doesn't love you. People don't just create an assumption and break up because of it. Not just like that. He might contact you soon though. If I were you, I would wait a week or two then send him an email saying that you didn't cheat, that he should trust you, and if he loved you he would've. If that doesn't help then screw him! Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 Yeah,..............I agree with Recordproducer,............sometimes people just "want out" of a relationship and just dumping you for no reason would really make him look like the bad guy and possibly,.....he'd feel very guilty. So instead of take on all this negativity, they make YOU out ot be the bad guy by saying you cheated or something. All the "proving" to him you didnt in the world wont make him change is mind. In these situations you cannot fix what isnt really broken. There is no solution to a problem that doesnt exist. That aside,...........Im very sorry this happened to you ......I know it sux. We are here for ya !! Link to post Share on other sites
SueBee3490 Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 Kitten, I agree with what everyone has said. I think sometimes a person wants out of a relationship but doesn't know how to break up, so they try to come up with an excuse (cheating would be a good excuse to break up) to get out of the relationship. My situation was a little different and it may or may not apply to yours. My bf did the same thing - he constantly accused me of cheating. I wasn't and never did cheat on him but I couldn't seem to convince him of that. Come to find out, HE was the one cheating on me. He would rant and rave day after day that I had to be going out on him. He could never find any evidence but that didn't stop him. It really drove me crazy. I would half-heartedly tell him that he must be cheating on me but really in my heart didn't believe he was - it was just a comeback line to get him off my back. He was a good actor and liar! So by him accusing me of cheating, it must have taken some of the guilt he was feeling. I don't know. But maybe that's why your bf is acting as he is. Take care SueBee Link to post Share on other sites
Devildog Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 Originally posted by kittenhead my bf just broke up with me. he thought i was cheating on him. but i wasn't. how could this happen? he kept asking over and over agin. why wouldn't he believe me? Where you doing anything to make him think you were cheating? Spending time with another guy or maybe trying to hide things from him? You didn't provide any info here as to why he might get that impression. I don't think it is right for everyone to automatically assume your ex went psycho if there was action on your part to cause doubt. My XW could have come on here and said I was accusing her of infidelity and if she left out the part where she was having her "friend" over to our house when I left for work you might think I was being a psycho jealous jerk. Link to post Share on other sites
st8toftheheart Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 Well there may be his insecurities involved. Everytime my ex and I were a part I always had a nagging suspicion that she was with someone else. Or that she would leave me for the first guy that smooth talked her. For me that had alot to do with here past, and later because she lied about it. So the trust element dwindled and the fears increased. So in essence, I ended up acting like your boyfriend, but its was based on something real, how minor it was, and amplified by my own insecurity. I hope this shed some light on what he might be feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted May 19, 2005 Share Posted May 19, 2005 IMO it could be a number of things. 1.Hes very insecure 2. He wanted out but didn't know how to tell you, so he thought he would tell you he thought you were. (Ask him what makes him think you have, he needs to have proof to support why he feels that way.) 3. Possible he was the one cheating on you. Sometimes when someone is cheating they will transfer or shift the blame or make false accusations against the other person to ease their guilty mind for what it is they are either doing or thinking of doing. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Author kittenhead Posted May 19, 2005 Author Share Posted May 19, 2005 Well A lot happenned I think in the beginning. I wasn't very good at arguing with him. He's very good at it -- can be a bit over reactive, fixates on small things to sort of provide evidence to his insecurities. I wasn't assertive enough-- and I let him cross a lot of boundaries to allay his fears--like he misused my password for my email to read old letters from my ex-fiance. The ex fiance was the issue. And after he broke into my computer--I satred wondering what he was trying to hide. Why was he so hell bent on proving something. I started distrusting him and during the last week I was just sinking from all of it. I kind of turned into him. My exfiance and broke up years ago. He was an alcoholic and was very jealous too. It was hard for us. So I broke it off. But we have known one another for 13 years--only dated for two. So we had a strong foundation for a friendship. I didn't know he was so far gone on the alcohol though. Since the break up--he pulled himself . We became friends again. He really rose up at a time when I was down and was there for me through some hard time this past christmas. it confused his feelings for me. I didn't know that at the time. But I started dating this man I met on match. It was pretty amazing. my ex showed up at my house unexpectedly one day while my new boyfriend was there and knocked on the door for an hour. I was really shocked and a bit scared b/c it felt like "alcohol" behavior. Anyway--I told my new BF shortly after that that I would cool it with my ex until he got it togehetr. I told the ex that I thought it was best that we didn't speak until my relationship with my BF matured. And we didn't talk for months. It was his B-Day in March and I called to say hi. Then he contacted me in April b/c he was moving and some of my stuff was still at his house. We decided to have lunch. It was cool. Low key--everything looked good. I was happy to have my old friend back and didn't push it. I never went to get my stuff either b/c I thought my BF should really be there. In the meantime my BF was developing this intense distrust. And I couldn't figure out a way to bring it up. Things were volatile. I lapsed on my pills b/c I didn't have the money for the perscription and was too embarrassed to ask for money. I told him we had to switch to condoms for the month but he thought that sounded like "cheater" talk. It sucked. He wanted to look at the pills. He questioned old condoms around the house form our condom days. It was a mess. And then the password violation. The last week--all this stuff came up about his ex--he was keeping me hidden from her and it pissed me off--then I called him the next morning after this fight about his ex-and he called me Jessica while he was sleeping--apparently she ahd just called before--but i was just annoyed b/c this friend of his "made" him promise that he would sleep with her if he wasn't in a relationship. i don't know they dated before --but they didn't have sex b/c she was a virgin and stuff about there being no chemistry between them..blah blah blah. i was just in a bad spot wondering what the hell was going on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kittenhead Posted May 19, 2005 Author Share Posted May 19, 2005 you know what? nothing of this matter's anymore. it was just too messed up. i wanted to marry him!!!!!!!! i thought he was the one!!!! THE ONE!!! but it was just not going to work. too may trust issues. Link to post Share on other sites
st8toftheheart Posted May 20, 2005 Share Posted May 20, 2005 Originally posted by kittenhead you know what? nothing of this matter's anymore. it was just too messed up. i wanted to marry him!!!!!!!! i thought he was the one!!!! THE ONE!!! but it was just not going to work. too may trust issues. Well I think you're right. Too many trust issue on both sides. Also I think both of you were a bit insenative to each other. Him for doing the things he did, and you for expecting he would be ok with you being friends with an ex fiance, especially during a volatile period in your relationship. Before you do each other any more harm, you should take a break from each other. No trust = no relationship. best of luck to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Bunnylove Posted May 26, 2005 Share Posted May 26, 2005 Hello kittenhead! I have been checking this site out as i wanted to learn how to send private messages. I found a meesage from you from the end of April and tried to reply but it's not letting me. Not sure why! I just wanted to let you know i'm still here if you wanted to chat about the porn issue. I know this is a totally different discussion now but I wanted to reply to your question. I DONT go comparing myself with the girls in porn movies. I don't really see the point. And NO i'm not all that...but I feel comfortable within myself. I think I am quite pretty but I am very real looking (girl next door type). I'm not like a barbie doll like those porn stars and I wouldnt have it any other way. Those girls are just like fantasy, they are not real, and thats the way I look at porn. It's just a fantasy and I have no problem with my man fantasising to get himself off....hell...we ALL do it! You shoulnt feel threatened by those women. I'm sure guys don't really care too much about the way the girls look but care more about what they are doing. If you ask me, most of them look like plastic whores. If you still wana talk about it I am here but I can't seem to get this private message thingy working. It's been nearly a month since you wrote so i hope you are doing better these days. I know I am. I have just met a sexy spannish man for fun times and starting to love my single life. Summer is comming and brings out all the sexy men.... Much love to you xoxo Link to post Share on other sites
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