coryleigh Posted October 1, 2015 Share Posted October 1, 2015 Hey people, this is my first post but the problems between my husband and I have been going on for years. We've been together about 4 years, married for 2. We each have children from previous relationships and one child together. Anyway our relationship moved very quickly-in hindsight too fast. He seemed like the sweetest guy ever but after we got married, I lost my job, then found I was pregnant, I found out how little money he makes. We could not live off his income and he refused to get a better job so we had to go on welfare for a while and eventually move in with his parents because he couldn't afford rent. Also he's super sensitive and has a nasty temper. He hit me once right after our son was born. I called the cops on him and he was ordered to go to anger management. Then we got marriage counseling for a while and it helped a little. Finally I got a good job 2 hours away from his parents (where we lived.) I was miserable there and desperate to get out. Even though he knew we were moving he refused to come with me and wouldn't move in for almost two months. He just stayed at his parents' working his crappy part time job. Finally he decided to quit his job and move in with me....but not without bringing his older kids to say "goodbye" and making a whole dramatic scene out of it. So stupid...We go there or they come here every other weekend so literally nothing's changed with their arrangement. So we've been living here together for a few months and I work my ass off AND go to school full time while he sits home and plays video games. He started doing less and less around the house and yesterday I confronted him about it. I told him he could at least get a part time job or do more around the house. He blew up at me, started screaming and throwing a tantrum like he always does if he's criticized at all. I went to my class and told him I don't want to be married to a freeloader and I wasn't sure if I wanted the marriage any more. He texted me back that he didn't want the marriage either. I was pissed because I feel like I've been nothing but a patient, loyal wife to him so I said "Fine get out then." I came home and he was gone. (back to his mommy's house of course) Our son is with and he took all of his clothes and stuff. He won't talk to me at all other than to tell me how our son is doing. Won't answer questions about if/when he's coming back, if we should get divorced or anything else. He does this whenever he's mad....either blows up in my face or leaves and completely ignores me. Do you guys think I should just give up already? He is really emotionally immature. I feel like I just can't get through to him or make him grow up. My only hesitation is that we have a kid together and our kids love each other and are like siblings. I don't want to break up a family but when do you know it's just never going to work? Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 he's not husband/father material. Let him go. Stop calling him and contact a family law attorney ASAP and get the legal wheels rolling to protect your access to your child. It's fine if he wants to leave and divorce. But he can't take your child and keep him from you. Get legal assistance immediately. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppyolive Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 I completely agree with above poster. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PinkElephants Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Do you guys think I should just give up already? He is really emotionally immature. I feel like I just can't get through to him or make him grow up. My only hesitation is that we have a kid together and our kids love each other and are like siblings. I don't want to break up a family but when do you know it's just never going to work? Yes. You already have kids; you don't need one more. He has no motivation to change. You take care of him or his mom takes care of him so there's no incentive to grow up. Link to post Share on other sites
Emerald_11 Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Don't let him bully you. I struggle with a bully at home too so I know it's hard. The other posters here are smart. Do what you know in your heart is right for you. Your kids can all hang out while your child visits their father at his mom's house. Someday she might lay down the law and make him do something with his life or maybe she never will...you don't need to wait that long to find out. It would be dissapointing. Link to post Share on other sites
loveboid Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 When he hits you right after your son is born. It's the oldest trick in the book. Hit you, etc. to scare you into doing what he wants. Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Why does he feel it's okay to live off you? What sort of example is he showing his sons? He is too immature and marriage isn't something he can handle. Sort out access to your son and don't let him bully you. Good for calling the cops on him as well. At least that's on record. Ask yourself if this is the kind of man you want your son to be when he grows up. You don't have to rush to divorce. Don't beg him to come back. Just see your son regularly and get your finances in order. Consult a family lawyer to see how things would look for you in the event of a divorce. The longer you earn more than him and stay married, you need to consider the possibility of paying spousal support. Unless he changes his attitude, I don't see why you'd stay married long term. Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Not every sperm donor is husband & father material. Eventually this will become common knowledge among young women. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted October 8, 2015 Share Posted October 8, 2015 Eventually this will become common knowledge among young women. My, aren't we optimistic. LOL. Link to post Share on other sites
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