justwantanswers Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 (edited) 2 years ago i found out my bf had been textn a coworker ALOT. They had also stayed after work to talk and he admitted hed been to her house to apparently help her with her studies. The texts did not insinuate anything sexual except 1 where she said 'i want to kiss you' to which he said 'im smiling so much-my face hurts'. He had said stuff like 'ive never felt this way'. I was crushed. We had been together 10years. I asked him to go. He stayed the nihht at his parents but admitted she phoned him that night begging him to go to her but he didnt because he knew if he did it would be over. He since has cut off contact, changed jobs after a year of me questioning everything and allows me access to phone etc. He doesnt even turn phone on at weekends. I just still at times think back and wonder if more happened. If those visits were sexual or if he lied when he went out to sports clubs etc that he was seeing her. i couldnt bear it. He denys anything like that and as i said i didnt SEE anything of that nature in texts. He says he was lost in the moment and we were in a bad place, i caught him before it went anywhere and he realises it was a mistake. but it plays on my mind, i remember him sayn in an argument once he met her after shed been to the gym once and now out of nowhere it came to me that he must have been meeting her another time other than after work?? He says im lettn it rule me and nothing happened. He has tried to work harder at our relationship and make an effort to talk. But now when he goes to evening sports clubs etc it makes me feel uncomfortable. How do i let it go n stop dwelling. I will add at the time i was spending alot of time at the hospital visiting a relative so i had no idea what he was doing in that time Edited October 2, 2015 by justwantanswers additional note Link to post Share on other sites
Author justwantanswers Posted October 2, 2015 Author Share Posted October 2, 2015 I said he went to hers once. The rest was at work Link to post Share on other sites
Author justwantanswers Posted October 2, 2015 Author Share Posted October 2, 2015 Sorry should have made it clear Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 I wouldn't trust him. It stopped because he got caught, not because he cut it off. That's a bad sign. I also would not necessarily believe it had never become physical when he went to help her "study." Why doesn't he turn his phone on during weekends?I don't get the logic behind this. If there's nothing go on, why take this step? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author justwantanswers Posted October 2, 2015 Author Share Posted October 2, 2015 Because it was the source of the secrecy Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 The question is, do you want to move forward with your relationship? Forgiving someone is only the first step to rebuilding your relationship. You both need to go over as to what led him to that point he was having this affair, and then fix it.....things like boredom, lack of intimacy, lack of affection, lack of attention to each other and to your overall lives. Maybe you both got too comfortable and forgot to spend quality time together, like having date nights, trying new things. 10 years and still not married? Was there ever a plan to marry? and when? Who's dragging their feet on this subject. In most cases, not all, if there is a huge delay in wanting to get married, then there is a hesitation because of uncertainty. Could this uncertainty be a starting point to why it happened? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 I said he went to hers once. The rest was at work He TOLD you he went to her place once. That doesn't make it fact. He's a liar and cheater so anything he says is suspect at BEST. Just because he SAYS it doesn't make it true. In fact, cheaters LIE and minimize everything. The chances these two only 'kissed' is about zero. He's not a fool. He's not going to admit to ANYTHING you don't have proof of. That's standard liar/cheater behavior. He's not unique in any way. They all do this. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Because it was the source of the secrecy That doesn't make sense. If he wants to be so 'transparent' with you and have no secrecy, why not leave his phone ON and where you can see it? Turning it off is just giving him MORE secrecy. I don't get it. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 That doesn't make sense. If he wants to be so 'transparent' with you and have no secrecy, why not leave his phone ON and where you can see it? Turning it off is just giving him MORE secrecy. I don't get it. I was just about to post the same thing. I don't follow the logic in turning it off at all. If anything, it seems more suspect. He isn't allowing access if he shuts it off altogether. And why only on weekends? Very strange. Link to post Share on other sites
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