smackie9 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I just put it out there to give him a think. If he wants to disagree with me, that is good I want a response from HIM. I'm sure he can defend himself on his own if he feels it's necessary. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 You weren't official so it wasn't cheating..BUT if she cared about you that much she wouldn't of been making out with other guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 (edited) I just put it out there to give him a think. If he wants to disagree with me, that is good I want a response from HIM. I'm sure he can defend himself on his own if he feels it's necessary. The problem comes from the fact you automatically assuming he would of done the same thing if he was in the same position. So how have been the last 9 months?? Great? No problems? Then drop this whole thing before it ruins what you have established. So you don't think the whole "lying" thing ruins what was established? Oh and stop snooping in your GF's messages.....so low. Not any lower then lying. Also come on now..they weren't officially together but this girls friends actually went to PULL HER OFF this other dude because of whatever kind of relationship she had with the OP. Her friends wouldn't have any reason to act that way unless they had assumed she was pretty serious about the OP. So official or not..the behavior of her friends confirms to me this guy isn't really overreacting. Edited October 11, 2015 by Spectre Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 Specter why is it I only see you posting on threads where the girl cheated but never on threads where the guy has cheated? Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 11, 2015 Share Posted October 11, 2015 The problem comes from the fact you automatically assuming he would of done the same thing if he was in the same position. I made that statement to let the OP put himself in her position, and think it over, see how it would play out. People have such tunnel vision, and over look the fact that the chances of it happening is 50/50, not never ever. People make mistakes, because we are human, we have emotions, which at times can make us weak, in turn make a poor choice. You make her out to be this serial cheating, lying heartless bitc h and you have a personal vendetta against women. I have not seen you lash out in such hatred against a guy on this forum for doing similar things....in fact you are absent from those threads. Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 (edited) I made that statement to let the OP put himself in her position, and think it over, see how it would play out. People have such tunnel vision, and over look the fact that the chances of it happening is 50/50, not never ever. People make mistakes, because we are human, we have emotions, which at times can make us weak, in turn make a poor choice. You make her out to be this serial cheating, lying heartless bitc h and you have a personal vendetta against women. I have not seen you lash out in such hatred against a guy on this forum for doing similar things....in fact you are absent from those threads. The excuses you make just don't make any sense. There was no legit reason for you to do that. I think you know that. You also just seriously trotted out that "people make mistakes" cliché? I never said she was a serial cheater so once again you are making statements without any logic behind them. I never said she was heartless. I don't have a personal vendetta against women. I also have indeed replied to threads where the guy cheated and said the same stuff about them. However, I am male and I have experience with being cheated on. Men and women think differently, so if I feel I have more to offer to men who have gone through the same thing I don't see that as some hatred for women. I can understand the male mindset better then the female mindset. I also see you making excuses for females who have cheated far more often then males so it just makes it even stranger you would make these accusations. Edited October 16, 2015 by Spectre Link to post Share on other sites
Rephinican Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 Oy Vey. This is a tough one. Okay, to begin with OP if you never had the exclusivity tlak then it wasn't cheating. That being said, if she was going that far with a guy that her firends had to physically intervene (good friends!) that's a little concerning to say the least. Also, I have no idea what your "talks" leading to a relationship means, but if that is the case then that's not good either. And regardless of whether or not you find the two above things to be cheating or related to cheating, lying to you for nine months (and at the very least once directly to your face) is certainly not a great sign. So yeah, I think a conversation is in order. Now, onto this whole "he would have done the same thing" debate. Honestly, that's bullsh*t. And here's why. Yes, people can't necessarily say that they wouldn't cheat on a prospective partner (assuming that they were not exclusive and that these so-called talks are meaningless) but all people are wired differently. I know for a fact that I would currently never pursue NSA sex. I've had it offered to me, flaunted in my face (both before and after being in a relationship with my girlfriend, and especially once I tell people it's semi-long distance) and never once considered it. I've had girls grinding up against me and asking me if I wanted to "go somewhere else" while getting waaaay too close and violating my personal space bubble. I just chocked it up to a college thing and my natural flirtatiousness, politely refused, and moved on with my life. Just because someone wants to sleep with you, wants to kiss you, wants to be in a relationship with you does not mean that you must capitulate to that person's desires. It's quite possible that the OP could be like me and not want sex outside of a relationship or desire a deeper more intimate connection with someone before doing anything sexual (possibly evidenced by these "talks" but not necessarily). It's also possible that the OP could be exactly like his girlfriend and ready to jump on the next girl that crosses his path and smiles at him. It's impossible to say which he is as every individual on this forum likely only knows him from a single post. Regardless, it really doesn't matter to the question at hand here. If the OP is uncomfortable with what happened for whatever reason he should talk to his partner. If she fixes whatever his problem is, great. They can move on in the relationship. If not, then he might want to consider what his next moves are. So, provided the OP chooses to return, would you guys mind keeping the thread related to the original issue at hand here and having any personal disputes over PMs (or better yet keeping this entire "gender war" thing out of yet another thread)? That seems like a better avenue than a place where someone is seeking advice. -Reph Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted October 16, 2015 Share Posted October 16, 2015 That is the key thing for me..the behavior of the friends. Your friends do not rush to pull some dude off you for no good reason. I also agree yeah, just not fair to label the OP and say he'd do the same. It's the cliché "all men want one thing" attitude. Link to post Share on other sites
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