lil hoodlum Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 He was probably upset about your being 10 minutes late because it was time for you to change his diaper. What a baby!!!! 5 Link to post Share on other sites
HurtOfGlass Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Big surprise OP, your husband is part of the ever growing population of ridiculous men Yeah, embolden her to gaslight her husband even further. She has already history of lying to her husband. But hey, who cares if she lies? She must have her reasons. Because the man is always the pig and abuser. And if he questions the questionable activities of his wife, he is a controlling @$$hole. So he deserves being lied to. P.S. - OP hasn't come back since I called her on her "cheque"statement. He only response was "I shared my location" which proves squat Link to post Share on other sites
HurtOfGlass Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 He was probably upset about your being 10 minutes late because it was time for you to change his diaper. What a baby!!!! Even men buy into such BS No wonder they cry and say they didn't see it coming when they get cheated Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Yeah, embolden her to gaslight her husband even further. She has already history of lying to her husband. But hey, who cares if she lies? She must have her reasons. Because the man is always the pig and abuser. And if he questions the questionable activities of his wife, he is a controlling @$$hole. So he deserves being lied to. P.S. - OP hasn't come back since I called her on her "cheque"statement. He only response was "I shared my location" which proves squat Where is her history of lying? Is there another thread I haven't read? I can completely see the credit card. She's trying to maintain control of a small portion of money that SHE earns. And she was going to buy HIM a birthday gift. As for the check, so what? Not only does USPS still exist, there's this thing called auto deposit. Wow, there are some jaded people here. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 ...No wonder they cry and say they didn't see it coming when they get cheated OP's husband didn't get cheated before started to cry...it was her paycheck she neglected to pick up before rushing to get home to him... ...empty handed (i.e., without her money to hand over to him). 2 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Where is her history of lying? Is there another thread I haven't read?... Ummmm. She said she'd be home by 3:15PM; she wasn't. That is Lie #1. (Having no control over traffic is no excuse.) She said A reason for going to the out-of-town meeting with the client was to pick up her paycheck. She returned home without it, meaning Dear Hubby has been shorted money for the weekend. Lie #2. (Being rushed by bullying hubby who doesn't want to miss his haircut appointment to take the dog to the vet is no excuse.) She told him she'd gotten rid of a debit card [NOT a credit card...huge difference] which she had not; instead, she returned clothes and received a credit on it, which she was going to use to buy him a ~ *surprise* ~ birthday present. Lie #3. (The fact that he takes all her money and only doles it out when and IF he wants to is no excuse.) Of course, he also said that he would love, honor, and protect her (or words that effect) and he's been lying every single minute of every single day for the past how long have you two been married, OP? Signed, Another *Emboldener* of Pretty Little "Liars" Who Don't Know Their Place 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 OP's husband didn't get cheated before started to cry...it was her paycheck she neglected to pick up before rushing to get home to him... ...empty handed (i.e., without her money to hand over to him). And she did say she was 'hoping' to get the check. Not 'I will absolutely have this money and hand it right over to you so you can go buy some liquor'. And texting her during her meeting complaining that he might not make his haircut appointment? ROFLMAO! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HurtOfGlass Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 As for the check, so what? Not only does USPS still exist, there's this thing called auto deposit Yes it matters. She said there would be a physical cheque and it wasn't there. Who takes all the hassle of going 2.5hr away and comes back empty handed? And as for the credit card, if it was a H people would be calling it money laundering and scolding him to give full control of money to the wife. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Thanks for clarifying, mrdlii. I think I married the wrong guy. We seem to be lacking in the drama department. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Yes it matters. She said there would be a physical cheque and it wasn't there. Who takes all the hassle of going 2.5hr away and comes back empty handed? And I'll repeat. She said she 'hoped' to get paid on the spot. If she hadn't been badgered by him to conform to his timeline, she may have walked out of there with it. The 'hassle' of a 2.5 hour drive was to conduct business. If the business portion ran over, again, auto deposit. Hopefully to an account that she'll set up in her name only. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
HurtOfGlass Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 She told him she'd gotten rid of a debit card [NOT a credit card...huge difference] which she had not; instead, she returned clothes and received a credit on it, which she was going to use to buy him a ~ *surprise* ~ birthday present. Lie #3. (The fact that he takes all her money and only doles it out when and IF he wants to is no excuse.) Do you really believe a working woman will hand over all of her money? If her H was that controlling he would not even let her work. She is lying. To make her H souns bad. But ofcourse you would. Because only men lie, women don't. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Do you really believe a working woman will hand over all of her money? If her H was that controlling he would not even let her work. She is lying. To make her H souns bad. But ofcourse you would. Because only men lie, women don't. Well, it seems we're going off topic by getting into your personal demons and insecurities, so I'll let you go. Nice chatting. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mrldii Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Do you really believe a working woman will hand over all of her money? If her H was that controlling he would not even let her work. She is lying. To make her H souns bad. But ofcourse you would. Because only men lie, women don't. She stated he makes her hand over all the money; he proved it by demanding the check when she returned home. Remember? That's what got him uber-pissed...and one of the reasons you agreed he should be uber-pissed. Wait. You KNOW she's lying? How do you know this? Are you her Dear Hubby? Or, are you also a Dear Hubby who's always right and knows everything? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Why are you allowing this? You shouldn't. He's controlling and makes you feel terrible - marriage is supposed to make each person feel amazing. He looks abusive. Please get help in getting out of this terrible Union. His behavior is not kind or loving! He should have OFFERED to take the dog! He should be grateful you are willing to work hard! Why are you allowing him to treat you so poorly? We train others how to treat us - and you need help by not allowing him to treat you this way any longer - or get out and away from him. Make a decision - but please get help otherwise you're likely to choose the next man the same type. I'm impressed at the finesse with which you have managed to make his bad behavior her fault. You don't advise men this way. Do you consider any of her husband's behavior something HE should be accountable for? Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Yeah, embolden her to gaslight her husband even further. She has already history of lying to her husband. But hey, who cares if she lies? She must have her reasons. Because the man is always the pig and abuser. And if he questions the questionable activities of his wife, he is a controlling @$$hole. So he deserves being lied to. P.S. - OP hasn't come back since I called her on her "cheque"statement. He only response was "I shared my location" which proves squat No it doesn't. It proves you have a chip on your shoulder. I wonder if she's ever been to a brothel..... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author shootingfromhip Posted October 2, 2015 Author Share Posted October 2, 2015 I absolutely never promised to have a check. I said I wanted to make a good impression and hoped to get the money. And my goodness, I feel like my husband is posting here. I went to try to keep my client. The part I left off is that I am losing this client because a friend of my husbands (who I recommended for another part of business) is completely bailing. So I have tried to ease the client. My husband admitted he recommended a bad person (not on purpose). But his response to me was "f 'em" Yes it matters. She said there would be a physical cheque and it wasn't there. Who takes all the hassle of going 2.5hr away and comes back empty handed? And as for the credit card, if it was a H people would be calling it money laundering and scolding him to give full control of money to the wife. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted October 2, 2015 Share Posted October 2, 2015 Of course he's accountable. But no one is forcing her to stay with him. That decision is on her. She can't change him - she can only change what she does. Maybe he should have some consequences..... Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 I think you are in an abusive, dysfunctional relationship with a controlling man. The healthy thing to do is get out as soon as possible for your health and well-being. That is, get out NOW!! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 WTH!!!!! Move out until he can fix himself. If not move on. No one needs a life like this. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
trippi1432 Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Should I have done something differently? Shootingfromhip: What do you feel you could have done differently? Do you think that if you love him more than you love yourself that he will change, soften over the years? Become the man that you "thought" you were getting instead of the "controlling tyrant" you have now? It doesn't change, it only gets worse. I can tell you that after 15 years of that type of behavior from a man, what you lose is your own self-worth. Believe me when I say, if a village in a remote country somewhere were destroyed, my husband would lividly look at me and tell me I probably had something to do with it. You can't stop asinine behavior like this, you can't point it out to them, you will always be wrong. And you will destroy yourself trying to please someone who can't be pleased. Myself, I wouldn't even bother with marriage or couple counseling with someone like this. Something in HIS past makes him this man today and he will be like that with anyone he is with. It's not YOU, it's HIM and until he is willing to see the damage this does to even try to have a healthy relationship and get the help he needs, this behavior won't change even if you do everything in your power to change FOR him (to your own detriment). What would a healthy relationship look like to you? Is this something you can see yourself in with this man? 4 Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 (edited) shootingfromhip. [commentary on other posts redacted] Don't give up without an effort. Counseling, reading up on ways you can turn him around, talk to him... lots of things you can do. You don't say how long this behavior has lasted, but if short term, it should be solvable. If it's been since you married him, perhaps you made a mistake. But you obviously loved him enough to marry him, and spend 4 years with him. Don't give up until you exhausted every possible solution. Edited October 3, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 (edited) shootingfromhip. [commentary on other posts redacted] Don't give up without an effort. Counseling, reading up on ways you can turn him around, talk to him... lots of things you can do. You don't say how long this behavior has lasted, but if short term, it should be solvable. If it's been since you married him, perhaps you made a mistake. But you obviously loved him enough to marry him, and spend 4 years with him. Don't give up until you exhausted every possible solution. Totally disagree with this advice. When someone is in a dysfunctional relationship with a man whose character is so warped as to create situations like the ones described, no amount of reasoning will have the slightest effect. There comes a time when you cannot 'go gentle into that goodnight.' You have to roll up your sleeves and do what is best, and right now, extrication form the situation is both urgent and paramount. Sometimes, staying with someone for 4 years, isn't love. It's emotional entrapment. Edited October 3, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 8 Link to post Share on other sites
Just a Guy Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Hi Shooting, Just wanted to know as to how you got together with your husband and how long did you date him before marrying him? If you dated him long enough before marriage then you would have seen signs of his behaviour during that period. It should have forewarned you. Also, was this your second marriage? How old are both of you? Link to post Share on other sites
Grumpybutfun Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 As a man who has been married for 21 years...I find your husbands behavior to be controlling, gaslighting and abusive. You can try marriage counseling but he will most likely use his gaslighting to make you the culprit and he the victim. I would invest in individual counseling to figure out what in your past made you drawn to someone so dysfunctional and controlling. Also, do not neglect your job for him ever again...this is your livelihood and he is compromising your career...and your ability to take care of yourself so you will be financially dependent on him. He is a jackwad. Time to take care of your one life...marriage should be about equal partners....he has made you a child in your marriage. Move on, Grumps 4 Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 (edited) shootingfromhip. [commentary on other posts redacted] Don't give up without an effort. Counseling, reading up on ways you can turn him around, talk to him... lots of things you can do. You don't say how long this behavior has lasted, but if short term, it should be solvable. If it's been since you married him, perhaps you made a mistake. But you obviously loved him enough to marry him, and spend 4 years with him. Don't give up until you exhausted every possible solution. He accuses her of lying when she is stuck in traffic, he blows up her phone with stupid whiny messages while she is trying to conduct a business meeting, he takes her money and doesn't even give her access to it. Does this sound like a man who can be reasoned with? A man who would be willing to examine his own flaws, admit his wrongs and put in the hard work to change. I can tell you from experience that men like this are not fixable and it makes me ill that you would suggest that it's the OP's responsibility to somehow make him better. Men like him steal the soul of their partner, they suck every bit of joy out of life. The OP can't help him , especially if she can't even help herself. He's got her to where she doesn't even know which way is up anymore. He is breaking her will and her spirit. How the hell is she supposed to help him when she herself needs help? She needs to leave to save herself and if he wants help he can damn well go see a professional, which he won't because he thinks there is nothing wrong with him. Edited October 3, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2 Link to post Share on other sites
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