Bachelor party, strip club, lying...what to do?

[k_lily]

"Before the parties, he and I had a few discussions about what was acceptable, and the strip club was on the UNacceptable list. I did not even dream that he would do this and I am having a really hard time dealing with it. I feel SO stupid for believing in him. I completely flipped when he told me yesterday, and I honestly don't know how I can get over this. I don't want to see any of his friends at the wedding, I don't want him to ever go out with his friends again, I don't know how I will ever trust him again, and I feel like his lying about this only means that there are probably other lies that he has told me."

 

First off, I have had this debate with my own mind, the whole -porno/naked chics/jealeous of what my husband sees- fight with both him and myself. Yeah, I agree that the places are kind of scummy and absolutely make me cringe, but when I found out my husband went to one (the next day) for his party, it wasn't a big deal. They went their for an hour, had a few lapdances, and went back to his friends and got drunk and then crashed my party. It was all in good laughs, and he even had the picture to show the girls with their tits in his face as proof he was there. I was paranoid at first about seeing it, afraid these women had some power over me, that they looked better or whatever. But when I saw the picture, I almost pissed myself with laughter. The fact is, the world of glamourized strip clubs, it's not really there. I think there are better things to worry yourself with, and you would be an idiot to hold this against your soon to be husband.

 

As for him lying about it... have you ever thought that he lied because he knew you would over react? Men have very simple instincts. The fact that you had the nerve to tell him what he could and couldn't do at HIS LAST NIGHT OUT, that's not really your right because the things he can't do (ie sleep with the stripper) he already knows.

 

"I just have this horrible picture in my head of some naked women grinding around on his lap shoving her boobs in his face."

 

Just remember what I said about my H's photo, the fact is we always make it out to be worse in our heads.

[mini696]

Personally I think you were being unreasonable from the beginning. Its his (and your) last days as batchellors. You shouldnt have asked him not to go.

[MrsP]

A bachelor party choice IS NO indication/guarentee of future choices. Your fiancee may be an angel from no on, but I would make SURE before you have kids! When my husband and I were engaged he went to a strip club in NYC for a friend's bachelor party. He took me to brunch the next morning with the rest of the crowd recovering and one proceeded to loudly share how my fiancee couldn't keep his hands off one girl's rear and almost got thrown out. I walked to the subway afterwards and threw up I was crying so much. Needless to say, he and his buddies chose paint ball for HIS bachelor party. I was even invited to drop by the site anytime "just to say hi". HOWEVER, sometime between month 3 and month 8 of our marriage, he started visiting strip clubs alone or with clients while on business trips. I found out four years later when we already had a child and a much smaller bank account.

Best Wishes!

[littlekitty]

This is a really old thread... she's either married or not by now.