buck3200 Posted October 3, 2015 Share Posted October 3, 2015 Anyone grow up with one of these? Mine banned me from my father's house at the age of nine and pressed for no contact for the rest of his life. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 Lets stick with your past dilema, what do you consider this persons adult reason for making such a restriction? Have you had the opportunity as an adult to speak with this person? What was your fathers take on this? ( and yes , I was blessed with two foster moms who made Sybils mom look like a angel. Took a bit of therepy to understand they were ill.. and i didnt own their illness or actions). Link to post Share on other sites
Author buck3200 Posted October 4, 2015 Author Share Posted October 4, 2015 Lets stick with your past dilema, what do you consider this persons adult reason for making such a restriction? Have you had the opportunity as an adult to speak with this person? What was your fathers take on this? ( and yes , I was blessed with two foster moms who made Sybils mom look like a angel. Took a bit of therepy to understand they were ill.. and i didnt own their illness or actions). Well...when I was about 7 I was visiting my dad....she had a daughter that was almost 3yrs older then me. The daughter took me into a bathroom and decided to play hair styleist on me and wasted a hole can of hairspray. When her mother came in the bathroom, she slapped us both across the face. This left a hand print in red on my face. When my dad took me home, my mom seen it and asked what happened. I told her that she had slapped me. Somehow my mom made it outside before they left, broke the antenna of the car, pull her out, and beat the crap out of her with it. As soon I this step-mother got pregnant...I was banned. I could make this a much longer story, but let's just say I didn't find out my father died till after he was buried. My dad was the type that tried to keep everybody happy... Link to post Share on other sites
Author buck3200 Posted October 4, 2015 Author Share Posted October 4, 2015 I should add that when my father was in the hospital dying...I showed up with my adult daughters to see him. She told the hospital staff he had no son and tried to have us thrown out... Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 Well...when I was about 7 I was visiting my dad....she had a daughter that was almost 3yrs older then me. The daughter took me into a bathroom and decided to play hair styleist on me and wasted a hole can of hairspray. When her mother came in the bathroom, she slapped us both across the face. This left a hand print in red on my face. When my dad took me home, my mom seen it and asked what happened. I told her that she had slapped me. Somehow my mom made it outside before they left, broke the antenna of the car, pull her out, and beat the crap out of her with it. As soon I this step-mother got pregnant...I was banned. I could make this a much longer story, but let's just say I didn't find out my father died till after he was buried. My dad was the type that tried to keep everybody happy... But wrong priorities. I would never allow anyone to come between me and my children. (And good for your mother ) 5 Link to post Share on other sites
melissa7 Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 Well...when I was about 7 I was visiting my dad....she had a daughter that was almost 3yrs older then me. The daughter took me into a bathroom and decided to play hair styleist on me and wasted a hole can of hairspray. When her mother came in the bathroom, she slapped us both across the face. This left a hand print in red on my face. Yep. The evil stepmother. I knew one of them growing up, as evil as any classic stepmom character you see in the movies. It was my own mother. She treated my two younger stepsisters worse than dogs. Never for sure why, but their father died right after she married their father, and the abuse didn't begin until after she was with another man. I always felt it had something to do with my new sd resenting them. But whatever it was, it was AWFUL. Fortunately, my brother and I didn't have to endure anything, as we were the favorites. But the two of us watched so many whippings that the image of the 'evil stepmom' is ingrained in my mind whenever I think of my mother, and to this day I will not speak to her. But thankfully, justice was eventually served. She ended up getting in trouble for it, and even did a few months in jail. I was there when she was sentenced, and I didn't feel sorry for her one bit! Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 My dad was the type that tried to keep everybody happy... Except you, apparently. She shouldn't have done that, but she's not the problem. Your DAD shouldn't have let that happen. I pretty much figure all step parents are evil until proven otherwise. I have stories of my own (evil step mother and step father), and many people I know have them too. I think that step parents are often jealous of the parent's relationship with their child, and don't want it to get in the way of THEIR relationship. This is one of the reasons why I think parents, especially of younger children, need to stay together if there is any way possible. They very often end up subjecting their children to lousy step parents when they hook up with someone else. There are some good stories, but I think more bad than good. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author buck3200 Posted October 4, 2015 Author Share Posted October 4, 2015 Except you, apparently. She shouldn't have done that, but she's not the problem. Your DAD shouldn't have let that happen. I pretty much figure all step parents are evil until proven otherwise. I have stories of my own (evil step mother and step father), and many people I know have them too. I think that step parents are often jealous of the parent's relationship with their child, and don't want it to get in the way of THEIR relationship. This is one of the reasons why I think parents, especially of younger children, need to stay together if there is any way possible. They very often end up subjecting their children to lousy step parents when they hook up with someone else. There are some good stories, but I think more bad than good. I don't think she was very happy either...this went on for 40yrs...my father told me they hadn't slept together in years ..this was about MONEY...my father was pretty well off....funny thing, I never have hated her....just thought it was equal parts of stupid and sad. While I'm not religious...I do believe there is a reckoning that takes place, and she will have to answer for her actions 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author buck3200 Posted October 4, 2015 Author Share Posted October 4, 2015 ....and one other thing...I can't count how many customers and friends of his told me what a straight shooter he was...he always did the right thing. He was very well regarded by many people... Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 I don't think she was very happy either...this went on for 40yrs...my father told me they hadn't slept together in years ..this was about MONEY...my father was pretty well off....funny thing, I never have hated her....just thought it was equal parts of stupid and sad. While I'm not religious...I do believe there is a reckoning that takes place, and she will have to answer for her actions After the first marriage, it usually is about money or security. Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 ....and one other thing...I can't count how many customers and friends of his told me what a straight shooter he was...he always did the right thing. He was very well regarded by many people... He allowed his 'wife' to ban his 9 year old son from his house. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author buck3200 Posted October 4, 2015 Author Share Posted October 4, 2015 He allowed his 'wife' to ban his 9 year old son from his house. Actually, it was much worse than that...this woman campaigned for 40yrs to have me disowned. When my father first went into buisness, he gave me a key and told me to get some friends together to assemble shelving. She showed up and called the police, told them that my father did not have a son...we were almost all arrested. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 Actually, it was much worse than that...this woman campaigned for 40yrs to have me disowned. When my father first went into buisness, he gave me a key and told me to get some friends together to assemble shelving. She showed up and called the police, told them that my father did not have a son...we were almost all arrested. Eh, not surprised here... My mom, everytime my dad would give us a verbal or physical abusive "lashing" - she didn't try to stop him. Afterwards sometimes she'd only say "oh, don't pay him any mind". Thanks Ma - for doing nothing. You'd be amazed on what some parents will put up with so they can keep some guy/gal around. They'll easily sacrifice their kids. That's why I have days my RL with her is strained. I just try to give her the basics out of compassion (roof over head, food, medicine) - but sometimes all the resentment of her putting some "penis" (cuz he sure was not a dad) over us makes me hate her sometimes and it rears its ugly head in our daily interactions. Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 No offense, but your dad was the real issue there. I don't have kids, but if I was in his shoes I would have shaved her head bald & tossed her and all her crap out the door. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Loved ones always have a tendency to blame the OW or stepmother, etc. But yes, the father was of primary responsibility. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author buck3200 Posted October 5, 2015 Author Share Posted October 5, 2015 Loved ones always have a tendency to blame the OW or stepmother, etc. But yes, the father was of primary responsibility. Just as you could say I bare some for not making a bigger thing of it. What can I say....I really loved the guy. Saddest thing is, as well as he did, we ALL could have done even better if I had been involved in the buisness like in normal families. Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 (edited) Just as you could say I bare some for not making a bigger thing of it. What can I say....I really loved the guy. Saddest thing is, as well as he did, we ALL could have done even better if I had been involved in the buisness like in normal families. My sons were involved in the business. Became accomplished diligent skilled workers in the trade. Father (bus owner) became sick w leukemia. Step mother actually had the power to influence him to write his only biological children out of his Will - and replacing with her offspring. So don't blame yourself for not becoming involved in the business. For the most part though, I have been able to stay ahead of the evil stepmother in some important aspects. (Now she is tearing her way through another family). I think this kind of stuff is more prevalent than when I was a kid, so thank God I didn't have to deal with it - until latter years on behalf of myself and sons. Edited October 6, 2015 by UpwardForward 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author buck3200 Posted October 6, 2015 Author Share Posted October 6, 2015 My sons were involved in the business. Became accomplished diligent skilled workers in the trade. Father (bus owner) became sick w leukemia. Step mother actually had the power to influence him to write his only biological children out of his will - and replacing with her offspring. So don't blame yourself for not becoming involved in the business. For the most part though, I have been able to stay ahead of the evil stepmother in some important ways. (Now she is tearing through another family). I think this kind of stuff is more prevalent than when I was a kid, so thank God I didn't have to deal with it - until latter years on behalf of myself and sons. I was involved,but it was always hidden. I was paid through other associates and buisnesses that he was part owner of. The worst part was my father had to work much harder and longer(even into his late 70's)than if I had been openly involved. All of his employees had neither the ability or initiative to do a good portion of the needed work. And forget about troubleshooting. And my dad was a union contractor (IBEW) these are supposed to be the best of the best... Link to post Share on other sites
UpwardForward Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 (edited) I was involved,but it was always hidden. I was paid through other associates and buisnesses that he was part owner of. The worst part was my father had to work much harder and longer(even into his late 70's)than if I had been openly involved. All of his employees had neither the ability or initiative to do a good portion of the needed work. And forget about troubleshooting. And my dad was a union contractor (IBEW) these are supposed to be the best of the best... There can be other aspects as well Buck. For one thing, with divorce and new marriages, many times people have to work longer (or play 'catch-up') because they loose assets through divorce and then with added expenses afterward. Edited October 6, 2015 by UpwardForward Link to post Share on other sites
Author buck3200 Posted October 6, 2015 Author Share Posted October 6, 2015 There can be other aspects as well Buck. For one thing, with divorce and new marriages, many times people have to work longer (or play 'catch-up') because they loose assets through divorce and then with added expenses afterward. My parents divorced in'65...he remarried in '68...my father would get out of bed to go on troublecalls at between 11:00pm and 3:00am many times per month (And then work all day) that I could have handled if not for her nonsense. Link to post Share on other sites
casey.lives Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 (edited) My step mom was not evil. she was scared of my sister (one of two step daughters) because my sister was extremely needy and... passive aggressive. that came between her and my father .. my step mom's gossipy friends also put a wedge between her and my father. Soon after, she clung to another man and bolted. As a kid i always saw things clearly. Edited October 6, 2015 by casey.lives Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 The issue is the dad. That he allowed this behavior, perimeters, etc. is unbelievable. I am sorry you have dealt with that. As a stepmother I am there to support what mom and dad have mandated and to be a responsible adult in their lives. They are always welcome, always encouraged and we have made every attempt to make sure that our house is seen as their house as well. Shoot we got the two dogs mainly for them. I couldn't imagine disrespecting them and my husband by being anything more than as supportive as possible. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 The ADULTS are accountable. Each is accountable for their poor choices, and sometimes negligence. I am so sorry Buck , that this is happened and formed in such young years. It leaves a scar...emotionally ..at least. As kids we tend to justify our parents reasonings...as adults we tend to regroup , understand, and somehow accept the reality of what truly happened. Doesn't absolve the persons...for we each carry poor choices and actions in our lives.... we come away from it with a clearer understanding that ill deeds do exist and ppl sometimes change...in not the best of ways... 3 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Mine made my dad tell me when I turned 16 that, since I could now drive, I knew where he lived and his visiting days were over because I could drive to see HIM if I wanted. She made him adopt her son, and gave him boats and jet skis and a truck out of my dad's money (he had hundreds of thousands saved up and a beach house and a lake house, while my brother and I lived under the poverty level since he wouldn't help with anything. He wasn't allowed to help me pay for anything in my wedding. He DID give me a $100 hotel room for the honeymoon. For one night. That was my wedding present. She turned us into CPS twice to try to get me to divorce my husband. She took my H out of my dad's will ('cos he had a good job') and later took me and our daughter out of it because I cut them off after she started a rumor about my H molesting our daughter and it got us literally run out of town. The one thing he DID do was apologize to me on his deathbed, said he 'needed' her to take care of him. After which she pushed us out of the room so we weren't there when he died. Good riddance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 Just as you could say I bare some for not making a bigger thing of it. What can I say....I really loved the guy. Saddest thing is, as well as he did, we ALL could have done even better if I had been involved in the buisness like in normal families. Of course you loved him. Seeing his faults and errors doesn't erase that. Actually, realizing someone's faults is part of truly loving them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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