Bizarre:My mother enters our room without knocking & stares at my undressed husband

[Terrible situation]

My mother is here to help us with our baby and recently this bizarre experience with her has made me pretty disappointed. I don't know what to make of it.

 

A couple days ago, my husband and I were having a fight. My husband was about to take a shower and was completely undressed, while I was about to leave the room as our argument was almost finished. In the midst of this chaos, my mother entered our room without knocking and my husband is standing right there near the bathroom and she stares at him up and down before he runs and grabs a towel. But she stands there intact staring at him. It was so bizarre.

 

This experience with her has made me pretty upset. When she came in, she did not even bother to back off or say "Oh I am sorry" or anything. She just stood there and stared at him up and down. My husband and I both feel violated. What should i make of this situation? She has a knack for entering our bedroom or any room without knocking and it bothers me a lot. I have told her to knock, but to no avail.

 

What should I do in this situation? Please help.

[autumnnight]

1. Lock you bedroom door for the duration of her visit

 

2. Could she have just been so shocked she couldn't speak?

 

3. Congratulations on your new baby

[Mrs. John Adams]

lock the door from now on...and let it go

 

The situation is past...you cannot right it.

 

She was probably as shocked and embarrassed as the two of you were.

 

and stop fighting with your husband

[MrBojangles]

lock the door from now on...and let it go

 

The situation is past...you cannot right it.

 

She was probably as shocked and embarrassed as the two of you were.

 

and stop fighting with your husband

 

 

This^^^^

 

A classic case of deer in the headlights effect from your mother. If you ask her, she probably wouldn't even be able to describe how your husband looks nude. She was probably in momentary shock while he stood there buck naked.

 

Just forgive her, and let this go. Unless your mother is a perv it's not worth confronting her about.

Edited October 3, 2015 by MrBojangles

[loveboid]

Ask your mother to knock. Tell her you're locking the door because of her behavior.

[Art_Critic]

Did she hear your argument at all ?

 

Maybe she was intervening trying to the argument to stop and stared him down as she thought he was in the wrong...

 

Other than that, boundaries.. enforce them and discuss the issue with her...

[Davey L]

Did she hear your argument at all ?

 

Maybe she was intervening trying to the argument to stop and stared him down as she thought he was in the wrong...

 

Other than that, boundaries.. enforce them and discuss the issue with her...

 

If her intent was to intervene in the argument that's just as bad.

 

Having her around will be destructive for your marriage if she doesn't respect your privacy, enters without knocking and intervenes in your arguments. Staring at your naked husband is no biggie in comparison.

[Mrs. John Adams]

Good grief she was there to help them with the baby

She is no villain she walked in the room she didn't jump on top of him...

[lollipopspot]

I've caught people seeming to look me up and down and in reality I don't know what they were doing. Sometimes the eyes involuntarily do that before you even realize what they've done. I know, because I have caught my eyes going down and then up when I had no desire at all to "look someone up and down." The mom was probably just surprised. I'm sure she's seen a naked guy before.

 

Tell her not to walk in your room without knocking however.

[carhill]

She has a knack for entering our bedroom or any room without knocking and it bothers me a lot

 

Yep, some families are like that. Since she's your mother, her habits should be well-established.

 

I suppose you could instruct her to knock before entering but, knowing mothers like I do, if it's her habit for life to not do so, I doubt instructions will change that.

 

Lock the door when privacy is desired, let this incident pay the tuition at 'mom's in the house' school and move on. Nice of her to help with the new baby. Good to have moms and dads around, even if they are sometimes annoying. Good luck!

[lollipopspot]

My husband and I both feel violated.

 

I'm just curious. Is feeling violated that she walked into your room, or that you think she's pervy and checking out your husband? If the latter, is there something else that would cause you to think that? Because that's an odd dynamic.

[newlywedder]

I think she was shocked at seeing him naked for the first time. I doubt she felt any attraction to him. If I walked in and saw a naked man, I would also stare out of shock. I have only seen three men naked in my life, however. Once my dad when I was little and ran into his room without knocking, a male art model once, and my husband.

 

The day of honeymoon, I was shocked upon seeing my husband naked for the first time so stared uncomfortably at him for a long time. Does your mother also have limited experience with seeing naked men? If she has only ever been with your father and a few past boyfriends in her youth then I can understand her "in the headlights" moment.

[stillafool]

 

 

 

What should I do in this situation? Please help.

 

Start locking your bedroom door is a good solution.

[Clockwork]

It happens. My ex-girlfriend and my cousin once had a similar encounter. He had no idea my ex was naked lying on my bed (with one knee up), in fact, I'm not even sure he knew she was in the house. Anyway, he was looking for me and walked into my room only to see her in her birthday suit. Their eyes connected for a good long second. He did the same thing, he was in shock, he checked her out by habit and then turned away and was completely embarrassed. She wasn't happy, but what can you do? I was in the shower and she was lying on the bed. She felt violated but he is far from a pervert, that would be the last thing he'd have tried to do.

 

 

So unless your mother has a habit of doing this or you have some reason for concern I wouldn't worry about it. She's seen a naked man before.

[spanz1]

maybe she heard the fight, and was worried you were getting physically hurt?

[GunslingerRoland]

Maybe she was in shock... she may not have seen a naked man in a long time.

 

You should just ask her nicely to knock next time she enters.... she can't undo seeing your husband's junk.

[HereNorThere]

There's not information here to really tell your mother's motivation, but it sounds to me like she's one of those people who like to assert their dominance.

 

A shocked person would not reacted so stoically. She was purposely trying to show you that this is her domain and it doesn't matter how you feel about it.

 

It's basically how your mother would have if you were a toddler instead of an adult. You're hers and nothing is off-limits.