iam Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 My H and I have been married for 16 years. He has admitted to having emotional affairs over the course of our relationship and justifies this behavior by saying that "as long as he's not sleeping with anyone, there's no harm". But I can't help but feel betrayed by his behavior. I don't like it. He knows this, but he continues. We were separated once before. Somehow he let his parents get involved and I gave him another chance. Another 8 years pass, and slowly I start noticing his change in behaviors. His cell was glued to his hip, he'd turn his body in a way so that I could't see who he was texting, he kept his phone and computer locked, he'd leave the house without telling me, and he began staying out later and later. He just wasn't present in the home. When he did forget to lock his computer, I got to investigate. His history was always cleared and he surfed the web using incognito. His phone records were another giveaway, but I had no physical evidence. Whenever I confronted him, he'd get loud, call me names, and made me out to be the bad guy for "accusing" him. I felt like such an as* for years. I was pretty much alone and crazy. In 2014 I'd finally had enough. I took him to mediation, handed him separation papers, and asked him to leave the home. He refused. I was persistent. I showed him the proof I'd gathered and he finally confessed. He had nude photos of OW. He used FB and other social media outlets to find them. He also couldn't explain away over 2,000 texts a month and over 30 contacts of OW. He did admit to meeting some locally, but he swears nothing physical happened. He begged me for another chance. After admitting to everything; confronting the problem; agreeing to counseling; deleting and cutting all ties to everyone and everything causing a problem in our marriage, I agreed. Now, a year later, we are right back where we started. We've had no counseling and we have a new problem. This one is 22 years old. He gave her his number for "business purposes", but he calls and texts her everyday. Over 30 texts a day from 8:00am- 12:00am. I couldn't believe that this was happening again. I was so disappointed in myself for believing in him. He refuses to talk about any of it so last week I gave him an updated separation agreement and told hime to leave. I don't know what else I can do. It's like he looks for these opportunities. Things are good, but he goes and does this anyway. We were fine, or so I thought. I think we're doing good, I think he's happy, but then I see this in the phone records. Then he minimizes his behavior and refuses to talk about it. After a few days he apologized for giving her his number, but swears that the intentions weren't to betray me. Essentially, he blames me for not being caring and compassionate toward him. I don't "stroke his ego" or make him feel "wanted". I keep thinking that this is all my fault. Maybe I have grown cold and haven't been able to make him feel wanted. To be honest, I've forgotten how. He wants another chance. Should I even consider this? Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGypsy Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 I wouldn't consider it. You've given him numerous chances and nothing changed. What will be different this time? You deserve better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted October 4, 2015 Share Posted October 4, 2015 It is amazing how some people will lie when they have generated time stamped electronic records of their communications. You should only consider getting back with him if he is willing to go into counselling this time. He needs to understand that these emotional affairs and online sexy play are not harmless to you. He needs to understand that the emotional part is just as hurtful as the physical part (maybe even a little worse... it is easy to find someone to bump nasties with but much harder to find someone to love.) 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Chin Up Posted October 9, 2015 Share Posted October 9, 2015 I'll be blunt and to the point. He betrayed your trust and made a fool of you. You gave him a second chance and he's doing it again. He is clearly more interested in himself and other women, than you. You know what you need to do. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
starpower Posted October 10, 2015 Share Posted October 10, 2015 Sorry but him trying to put the blame on you is bogus. Don't buy into it. Your not the cause of his betrayal. If he had issues with the relationship/marriage, he should have sought to address the situation with you and within the marriage, and if that was not enough for him, he should have left the marriage. Instead he went outside of the marriage and that was his choice. If he did it now and before, he will do it again. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NoMoreJerks Posted October 12, 2015 Share Posted October 12, 2015 so in other words, he wants to have his cake and eat it too. you are not seriously considering allowing him to.... or giving him another chance...? You know what you gotta do. This person has no respect for you or consideration for your feelings. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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