Christos Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Christos! If this is true: then this cannot be true I don't understand where is the contradiction? Here's the thing... if someone loves you romantically, and you don't love them back, it doesn't feel valuable. If you let them go, you don't feel like you've lost anything, except for maybe a burden you were carrying. Who talked about how they feel? I don't say they will feel they lost something good, i said they lost something good. The village idiot who doesn't get the value of a gold bar, and drops it on the ground, doesn't feel he lost something, but he DID LOSE something of value... Love never works when it is a one-way street, whether you're giving or receiving. What the dumper wants, and what the dumpee wants, is the same thing. A mutually loving relationship. They just want it with different people, that's all. If you think through your assumptions, and what that must mean about relationships, you'll see that your conclusions about dumpers are completely wrong. I never said it works. I said that the dumper lost something of far more value than the dumpee, if the dumpee was a loving person. And seriously, love is not that hard. If you are in a commited relationship with a person who truly loves you, you can love him back if you make the commitment. If you have GIGS you won't, but it is not because it is impossible, but because you don't put boundaries on yourself, minimize the importance of the other person's love for you, and take him for granted. There is no reason to want love from another person, unless you are selfish and think you "deserve better" in material terms. Link to post Share on other sites
StocksnBlondes Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I'm sorry I just don't believe it's that black and white, life is full of grey areas. We'll just have to agree to disagree. I agree singme. And how are you doing today? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author singme2sleep Posted October 6, 2015 Author Share Posted October 6, 2015 I agree singme. And how are you doing today? I'm doing ok so far, haven't cried yet but it's only noon. I feel like Bella in Twilight: New Moon. It's like he left me alone in the woods, abandoned. I'm sad but I'm trying to move forward. I just want to understand why this happened to me. Link to post Share on other sites
SOB86 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I'm tired of hearing about what a great, loving, caring, funny, amazing, most awesome person in the universe I am right after they rip my heart out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Meli22 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I don't understand where is the contradiction? Who talked about how they feel? I don't say they will feel they lost something good, i said they lost something good. The village idiot who doesn't get the value of a gold bar, and drops it on the ground, doesn't feel he lost something, but he DID LOSE something of value... I never said it works. I said that the dumper lost something of far more value than the dumpee, if the dumpee was a loving person. And seriously, love is not that hard. If you are in a commited relationship with a person who truly loves you, you can love him back if you make the commitment. If you have GIGS you won't, but it is not because it is impossible, but because you don't put boundaries on yourself, minimize the importance of the other person's love for you, and take him for granted. There is no reason to want love from another person, unless you are selfish and think you "deserve better" in material terms. I'm with you (for once) on this last part. My ex didn't feel the same towards me towards the end. And why? I honestly feel it's because he took me for granted, got bored and wanted that honeymoon phase to last. All the signs for his reasoning were pointing to these sort of reasons and he himself couldn't explain it. It was all very grey and in the end I walked away because whilst I hung around waiting for him to decide what he wanted, he was treating me like SH*T. And in his own words "I can't treat you properly until I know for sure my feelings will come back." Go figure. Anyways... what did I lose? Someone insecure and overly jealous who constantly accused me of things, who picked at my flaws, who ruined special days such as my birthday, who argued with me for days on end on a regular basis because I had glanced in the same direction as a male (that I couldn't ever recall), who doubted his feelings for me for no logical reason, who never put the effort in and never wanted to do anything besides watch TV and then had the nerve to complain the spark had gone.. I could go on. He has lost someone who has imperfections but was able to see beyond all of his and love him for the person he was, who stayed by his side for months of his doubts and awful mistreatment and still braved a smile despite dying inside, who always considered his needs and wants in every situation and accommodated to them. My ex before him left me for no reason, but I later found out it was to play the field. Of course that didn't work out for him and he still regretted it six years later (I know this because he contacted me). So.. In those circumstances. I don't feel like it's me who's lost out. Of course I'm not perfect! And this isn't me being big headed either. But I just know that I have a lot of love to give, and I don't give up easily, so whoever I end up with will have my full commitment. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author singme2sleep Posted October 6, 2015 Author Share Posted October 6, 2015 I'm with you (for once) on this last part. My ex didn't feel the same towards me towards the end. And why? I honestly feel it's because he took me for granted, got bored and wanted that honeymoon phase to last. All the signs for his reasoning were pointing to these sort of reasons and he himself couldn't explain it. It was all very grey and in the end I walked away because whilst I hung around waiting for him to decide what he wanted, he was treating me like SH*T. And in his own words "I can't treat you properly until I know for sure my feelings will come back." Go figure. Anyways... what did I lose? Someone insecure and overly jealous who constantly accused me of things, who picked at my flaws, who ruined special days such as my birthday, who argued with me for days on end on a regular basis because I had glanced in the same direction as a male (that I couldn't ever recall), who doubted his feelings for me for no logical reason, who never put the effort in and never wanted to do anything besides watch TV and then had the nerve to complain the spark had gone.. I could go on. He has lost someone who has imperfections but was able to see beyond all of his and love him for the person he was, who stayed by his side for months of his doubts and awful mistreatment and still braved a smile despite dying inside, who always considered his needs and wants in every situation and accommodated to them. My ex before him left me for no reason, but I later found out it was to play the field. Of course that didn't work out for him and he still regretted it six years later (I know this because he contacted me). So.. In those circumstances. I don't feel like it's me who's lost out. Of course I'm not perfect! And this isn't me being big headed either. But I just know that I have a lot of love to give, and I don't give up easily, so whoever I end up with will have my full commitment. I think both people lose something, but realize it at different times. Link to post Share on other sites
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