My never ending story

[Arianahatz]

I've just come out a violent domestic abusive relationship, if that's what I can call it. It took me all this time to get out of it for once, I thought I can't live without him.. I didn't love him, but I had feelings for him.

 

When I first went out with him everything was good, I thought I found a guy with a nice heart who would treat me well, love me also. I was a virgin at 19.. I wasn't sure if I wanted to loose it though! Well I had sex with him for the first time.. I didn't enjoy it first I felt forced.. but it felt good afterwards.

 

He was no Brad Pitt, or a George Clooney just a old man who was 20.5 stone he first told me he was 35.. I believed that he was. When we went out for the night, after clubbing we went to Burger King, to get some french fries, this guy who was eying me up.. I looked I was tipsy and I smiled back. my boyfriend saw me do it.. the other guy wanted to come over but I looked away, next thing I know Alan walked straight out of the shop and I ran after him, asked him what's up.. he PUSHED me for the first time EVER.. he pushed and pushed me I wobbled and I stood where I was.. I felt this sharp pain as if I've just been stabbed in the heart it hurt so much I was shaking.. I ran after him he shouted GET OFF ME!! U DON'T WANT ME U WANT SOMEBODY ELSE!!! Everyone looked.. he was crying.. and kept pushing me away.. I looked the other way at a Taxi.. half of me was saying U don't need to put up with this U don't deserve this!! But I was scared I didn't want to be on my own!! The police looked twice.. he made a huge scene about things.. he was going to go in the taxi and just leave me I was just so scared.. the smile meant nothing.. it just happened. He just flipped!!

 

Then the next morning he told me to promise him something I said what ?? Can you promise me that you'll never smile at another guy ?? WELL?? I replied Yes... But I didn't mean it I thought I'll smile at who I LIKE!! he was just so paranoid!

 

I never used to feel so paranoid or insecure.. and he put his problems and baggage on to me, which made things worse.

 

I wanted to do this club job, be a cloak room assistant, just taking people's jackets, and they pay a pound. It would be working on Fridays, and Sats.. he would always see his friends on Saturday nights.. so it shouldn't matter to him.. I went on and on about it, I said there would be 2 bouncers there if there was any trouble and I laughed with a smile. He said URE NOT DOING IT!! AND THAT'S FINAL!! U WILL GET SO MUCH HASSLE (he made everything sound so bad.. and negative) he also said IM NOT GOING OUT WITH A GLASS COLLECTOR OR A CLOAK ROOM ASSISTANT IM SURE U CAN GET A BETTER JOB THAN THAT!! BAIRMAIDS ARE SLAPPERS AND SLUTS..

 

Well you know what.. I was so looking forward to it, I even bought some nice heeled shoes, to look smart with the trendy oriental uniform.. I lost interest.. I let the manger down.. he hung up on me I felt so bad.. I cried so much.. I didn't do the job and I was actually jobless.. I felt alone, while he was happy and I spent most of my time with him, he didn't want me having a job.

 

I had this friend Katy, who I met off faceparty.com where I met him. He didn't like me hanging around with her, he was very jealous.. she was a type of girl I found out, she would sleep with any guy but she was sometimes ok to chat too. Wasnt my type of girl ofcourse, but with Alan, he had friends who did the same thing but they slept with prosistitues!! which is even worse!! Then I started to ignore her and didn't see her no more, because of a incident happened.

 

I had really nice long hair, he wanted me to have a hair-cut everyother girl would of had he basically wanted me to look like everybody else he tried to change my style the way I was.. but he wouldn't loose weight. I had my hair cut, first it looked o.k but I looked like everybody else, this girl zoomed in cutting my hair really ew.. my fault I went back to her for a trim.. she cut half of the length of my hair off.. it's grown back a bit now.. but he wanted to be in control, so no one would ever look at me...

 

When I tried getting my confidence back... it was too late.. when he could tell I lost my self-esteem, I lost weight I used to be 8 stone and a half.. I was under 7st almost! I thought I was pregnant, and I got so worried, I lost so much weight.. and I'm still kinda under weight still but trying to put it back on. I was nearly 8 stone.. but I lost it again.. he just kept going on and on about weight.. and I became insecure about myself.. he would say I've lost weight in my face and stuff.. my weight would be up and down.

 

I'm gonna cut it short but.. I have been going out with him on and off.. and I have always fallen back into his arms.. this time I wont be, & I'm looking forward to getting my life back on track and moving on. We had a bit of an argument over a txt on his fone I found.. it said Hi Baby, long time no see, hope ure ok thinkin' of u love sam xx I was so shocked I cried, but confronted him about it.. he said nothing to worry about.. so we went for a drink in a pub, he said you really sound pathetic There is nothing going on he looked at me in the eye, then he looked down. I thought well I'm gonna find out what's going on sometime or later, it bothered me all the time.. because my gut feeling was saying something's not right he's lieing!! Well on sat night, I had it out with him, and he said the first words which came out of his mouth was " I slept with her" then he said I slept with her before I even knew U!! I called him a cheater and such.. because why would he blurt something out like that.. he told me not to shout at him.. and I got hit on my face!! he told me not to shout and he threatned to punch me.. I was so scared.. I thought he was going to kill me.. I still shouted and stuff.. then he told me he went out with her after his ex, and slept with her in 1 week!! He said yes I would sleep behind ure back if I wasn't going out with you!... I said why do u want to keep in touch with a slut like that ? why would a guy want to ? ! he told me all men have sex contacts.. he made me feel so sick.. I remember I rang her up.. and I left so many voice msgs when I found out about the txt, she never replied.. ever.. I left about 5.. she emailed my b/f and he got shouting at me.. BUT why did she email him ? Why couldn't she just say what have i done ? or something.. she is obviously hiding something if she emailed him. I read his old email and it said " Hi Sam, sorry that bitch has been thru my fone and ringing people, I'll sort it out babe xx" Calling her babe she's an old slag! Then I knew something wasn't right..I think he did sleep with her, and she's lying as well.

 

I also accused him of sending me an email from a unknown user, calling me a half spick greek immgrant! this person knew so much about me, and I could tell it was him, Alan is racist about Blackpeople and Asians.

 

He called me all names, what guys will try and make you believe... Neway.. I'm changing my number today.. and I've posted his key to him.. so he'll see I've beaten him to it !!

 

Well.. I have an oppitunity to put my story in a magazine & I'm thinking of writing a book about Abuse & Violent behaviour.

[ReluctantRomeo]

Whew, sounds like a match made in hell. I'm glad you're out of it

 

Out of curiousity, since it takes 2 to tango, what would your role have been in all this abuse? Why did you keep going back to this guy?

 

These are genuine questions on my part - I'm trying to understand.

[Nine]

Hi Arianahatz,

 

I'm sorry to hear about your experience with this man. Yuck, he sounds like a total control freak. I am so glad that you are moving on. Why should you waste another second on this guy?

 

I wouldn't bother contacting the other woman. Chances are she is being lied to and controlled just like you. He is the problem and the faster you can get away, the better.

 

Hopefully, this experience will help you stay away from controlling men. In any case, it wouldn't hurt to think about why you pursued this man into the taxi in the beginning of the relationship. You mentioned that you didn't want to be alone. I've been there and that can cause us to rush into situations that are very dangerous just to avoid the lonliness. Perhaps you can try practicing being by yourself and finding things that you enjoy doing for yourself.

 

Good luck and keep posting.

 

Nine