2 years down the drain, in a matter of days. (my story)

[HowCouldShe]

I don't think that's a good idea. She is depressed and going through her own stuff. The bolded parts as well as some of your other responses indicate to me that your letter could hurt. Another poster stated that she ended a "stable healthy" relationship but I see many parts that I wouldn't characterize as healthy and that could cause someone to become depressed. But if you do write and send it and she doesn't come back, or you already have, I guess you can move on and it might help her to move on too.

 

Good luck OP. I believe you that you didn't intend to hurt her.

 

I haven't sent it yet... he wants me to send a draft to him first. I guess I should clarify. In his words, to show her that there is no anger on my part and to let her know the door is open for communication if she wants. I am so scared, but looking at it the other way around, if she rejects or whatever I guess I'm still in the same spot I am now.

[HowCouldShe]

Well my world is in an utter wreck. That letter did jack and nothing. No response from it so I reached out to txt her and see how she was last night (I hadn't reached to her since the letter) and there was a week of NC before that... she told me if I don't stop she would call the cops. Said she was "trying to be nice at first, but now this has turned into harassment"... I HADN'T TALKED TO HER IN A WEEK and the actual break up was just 2 weeks ago!

 

 

I was fed up. I said go ahead, I said I'm only human and I'm dealing with this the best way I know how. Sure enough, I get a call from Mr. officer... "Mr. ___ do you know why we're calling?"

 

 

Me: "no."

 

 

Officer: "Well, ____ says she doesn't want you to contact her."

 

 

Me: "Then why didnt she block me?"

 

 

Officer: "ugh, well... I don't really want to get into it ---

 

 

Me: "Neither do I" ::::hang up::::

 

 

 

 

I sent her one last message stating:

 

 

Just for the record this is the last you will EVER hear from me. You really hurt me ___ and I have no inclination to ever speak to you again after what you did you tonight. I found out you already got another apartment. That told me you've obviously moved on pretty quick in a week. So I guess I will too now. You will now be blocked on all avenues going forward for calling the police on me. And its not coming off. That's my life you're messing with. You got what you wanted. Have a nice life.

 

 

Then I proceeded to block her on voice, txt, fb, etc. Iam so lost and confused. It's like I NEVER knew this girl. And to call the police when all she had to do was block me just makes me sick. Treating me like i'm so sort of stalker???!!! We were best fn friends for 2 years!!!!! I'm finished!!!!

Edited October 9, 2015 by HowCouldShe

[HowCouldShe]

Hate my life right now. Shouldn't have sent that stupid letter. But if I didn't try I would have hated myself for it. Can't believe she called the cops on me for txting her.

 

 

I can't even reach out. 2 years down the drain and I'm NOTHING to her. And I'm only back to Day 3 NC. If I didn't have my son and parents and dog to lean on I'd seriously don't know what id do. I'm so lost without her and I miss her so much. God let this pain go away.

 

 

How does someone fall out of love so easily? And then just expect the other person to move on like they never existed. I can't do it... I've got too many memories rushing thru my head and it just makes me cry. Oh god...........

Edited October 11, 2015 by HowCouldShe

[HowCouldShe]

Anyone have any advice? My world is so horrible right now. God I miss her. Just trying to be kind to my self.

[Mrlonelyone]

How does someone fall out of love so easily? And then just expect the other person to move on like they never existed. I can't do it... I've got too many memories rushing thru my head and it just makes me cry. Oh god...........

 

You were in the honeymoon phase of a relationship which can last 2-3 years at most and in that state of mind one feels a chemical high. When that high comes down one can very suddenly stop caring. People have been known to have been married a couple years then just wake up one day and leave.

 

What is Love, Dr. Cookerly?False Forms of Love: Limerence and Its Alluring Lies » What is Love, Dr. Cookerly?

 

Match.com - Find Singles with Match.com's Online Dating Personals Service

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence#Limerence_and_sexuality

 

According to various psychologist and relationship guru's in most relationships at least one of you is in this honeymoon feeling. For some people when the honeymoon is over the relationship is over for them. That new spark of a relationship is what they think love is.

 

 

Another problem has to have been that two years in to a relationship is, as another poster put it, a *h1t or get off the pot moment. At that point you are either starting to think seriously about the future OR seriously think about getting out. She may have thought about it and came to the conclusion that she does not see herself with you in 10 to 20 years. It is possible the feelings didn't change but she just wants to be open to try with someone new.

 

 

The least appealing thought. She met someone new already and feels a stronger attraction to them than to you. On here and around the net they'd say she "monkey branched". That is the way a monkey will only let go of the old branch once they get a good grip on a new branch is how she left. Men and women do this who just can't stand the idea of being alone.

 

TL;DR: Either you two weren't in love it was just a really long mutual infatuation, or she reached a point of knowing while she liked you she did not see a long term future there and/or she met someone new. Those things can very suddenly turn a happy LTR into a sudden breakup or worse.

[Blanco]

A couple things stood out to me:

 

- You moved in together after dating for just six months. That's not very long to know someone before making a big step like that, especially when you have a kid of your own involved.

 

- You two did everything together; she didn't do girls nights out, etc. I actually think that's a bad thing. It sounds like maybe you two were overly dependent on each other, which is hard not to do in the infatuation stage of the relationship. After a while, though, it becomes a bit unhealthy to basically rely on each other for companionship instead of incorporating friends and family into the mix.

 

- Name-calling indicates a lack of respect. I have dealt with a short temper and impatience most of my life and it's plagued all of my relationships. But name-calling has never been part of that, because regardless of my short fuse, I still respected the person I was with. To dive into name-calling and character assassination crosses the line, in my eyes. It's not bad to fight/argue. It's bad when that degenerates into assassinating your partner's character.

 

- She threw temper tantrums when she didn't get her way. To me, that suggest she's not exactly a well-adjusted person. You haven't answered the question of how old this girl is. Please enlighten us.

 

- The letter wasn't a bad idea. Sending it was. And once you got no response, you really needed to do the tough thing and accept that you weren't going to get an answer for her actions. She overreacted by getting the cops involved, but you were borderline harassing her at that point.

 

- I don't know if there's another guy involved, but if not, then consider yourself lucky that you are free of this woman, because someone who could just shut down and cash out this quickly and decisively is someone who was bound to hurt you down the line, anyway.

[Blanco]

You were in the honeymoon phase of a relationship which can last 2-3 years at most and in that state of mind one feels a chemical high. When that high comes down one can very suddenly stop caring. People have been known to have been married a couple years then just wake up one day and leave.

 

What is Love, Dr. Cookerly?False Forms of Love: Limerence and Its Alluring Lies » What is Love, Dr. Cookerly?

 

Match.com - Find Singles with Match.com's Online Dating Personals Service

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerence#Limerence_and_sexuality

 

According to various psychologist and relationship guru's in most relationships at least one of you is in this honeymoon feeling. For some people when the honeymoon is over the relationship is over for them. That new spark of a relationship is what they think love is.

 

 

Another problem has to have been that two years in to a relationship is, as another poster put it, a *h1t or get off the pot moment. At that point you are either starting to think seriously about the future OR seriously think about getting out. She may have thought about it and came to the conclusion that she does not see herself with you in 10 to 20 years. It is possible the feelings didn't change but she just wants to be open to try with someone new.

 

 

The least appealing thought. She met someone new already and feels a stronger attraction to them than to you. On here and around the net they'd say she "monkey branched". That is the way a monkey will only let go of the old branch once they get a good grip on a new branch is how she left. Men and women do this who just can't stand the idea of being alone.

 

TL;DR: Either you two weren't in love it was just a really long mutual infatuation, or she reached a point of knowing while she liked you she did not see a long term future there and/or she met someone new. Those things can very suddenly turn a happy LTR into a sudden breakup or worse.

 

These are good points. I don't really get down with the whole Red Pill mentality, but one point I've seen and totally agree with is that you shouldn't make any major decisions while still in the honeymoon phase. Moving in with her so quickly probably prevented you from knowing her thoroughly enough to be able to make your decision in a level-headed manner.