Hoping to stop the downhill plunge.... Update.

[oldshirt]

You're turning away with this sexual initiation gambit. It's not authentic.

Be authentic.

 

 

Give that book I told you about a try. Get two copies and read it together. Work on friendship and HONEST communication. Clearly, she's still interested in pleasing you, hence the sexual contact even when she's not particularly turned on, so you've got something there to work with.

 

I guarantee you that women want the same thing as men... a REAL emotionally intimate connection. The problem here seems to be that neither of you know how to go about getting it.

 

The problem is the quality of the sex is so bad that it's getting deleterious to our relationship and connection.

 

She's already thinking that everything I do or say is to get more sex.

 

I have to shore up the other areas of our relationship before addressing the sex issues more.

 

If she initiates, I'll give her love'n that porn stars will stand and applaud, but I'm not initiating it first for the time being.

[oldshirt]

I think this is so important.

 

One thing that I notice is that, when the sex drops off, it is often long after the above dropped off. If the man doesn't raise a fuss when the above drops off, and only raises a fuss when the sex drops off, it's too late, imo. And it really does send the message that he only cares about the sex.

 

When the above drops off, it's a big sign. It's time to dig deep and tune up the relationship, because she's checking out. By the time sex drops off, she's been checked out for a while, and she's probably built up resentment that he hasn't seemed to even care.

 

This is very wise.

 

I wish I had heard this a long time ago in my youth.

[qubist]

This is very wise.

 

I wish I had heard this a long time ago in my youth.

Oldshirt: If I understood you right, please correct me if I'm wrong, your plan of action is to be the best husband you can possibly be, and prove that to her before you can address you issue of lack of sex. what I don't understand is why are you going to stop initiating sex during this period. don't you think that sex is part of being a good husband? don't you want to send a message That Hey I want sex but I'm also a good husband?

[Ladyjane14]

The problem is the quality of the sex is so bad that it's getting deleterious to our relationship and connection.

 

She's already thinking that everything I do or say is to get more sex.

 

I have to shore up the other areas of our relationship before addressing the sex issues more.

 

If she initiates, I'll give her love'n that porn stars will stand and applaud, but I'm not initiating it first for the time being.

 

You're missing the physiological ingredient. Orgasm releases oxytocin in women and vassopressin in men... the "love hormones". Good sex helps to bond you as a couple. It's a chemical reaction that supports emotional connection and says in essence "THIS is my mate".

 

Now, if over the years you've left this woman feeling like a sperm repository.. YOU need to rectify that. And you do it by understanding and then explaining WHY good sex is paramount to the relationship.

 

Your "good husband" plan backfires because this connection is critical. And... it backfires because no matter what your actual intention might be, it comes off as game-playing.

 

She needs to understand that you're not looking for a jungle gym.. you're looking for genuine intimacy on all levels.

 

Read the book.

[GunslingerRoland]

I feel like if you are going to try to fix things, but you have a checklist of reasons you'll leave, you are pretty much doomed before you start. I get where you are coming from with what you need out of your marriage. But IMO you have to say, I'm going to fix my marriage and this is what it'll look like in the end. Rather than saying I'm going to stick around, unless....

 

But I do admire you for looking at yourself and what you need to fix for yourself.

[oldshirt]

You're missing the physiological ingredient. Orgasm releases oxytocin in women and vassopressin in men... the "love hormones". Good sex helps to bond you as a couple. It's a chemical reaction that supports emotional connection and says in essence "THIS is my mate".

 

Now, if over the years you've left this woman feeling like a sperm repository.. YOU need to rectify that. And you do it by understanding and then explaining WHY good sex is paramount to the relationship.

 

 

 

I feel like we are talking in circles.

 

I am not cutting her off and I am not going to reject her. If she wants some lovins, I will gladly give it to her.

 

I am simply saying I will not be hitting on her sexually or trying to initiate sex with her for awhile (the duration of which is yet to be determined)

 

She is not going to be deprived of anything she wants. If she doesn't want any sex, she won't initiate. If she doesn't want it, then she won't be missing it.

 

And trust me, we have discussed the importance of sex in a relationship many times and she knows fully well how important it is to me.

 

This is not something that just popped up out of the blue last Tuesday that hasn't ever been mentioned. This has been an issue to various degrees for several years. We have been through MC twice for related issues. We each know where the other stands.

[Ladyjane14]

I feel like we are talking in circles.

 

I am not cutting her off and I am not going to reject her. If she wants some lovins, I will gladly give it to her.

 

I am simply saying I will not be hitting on her sexually or trying to initiate sex with her for awhile (the duration of which is yet to be determined)

 

She is not going to be deprived of anything she wants. If she doesn't want any sex, she won't initiate. If she doesn't want it, then she won't be missing it.

 

And trust me, we have discussed the importance of sex in a relationship many times and she knows fully well how important it is to me.

 

This is not something that just popped up out of the blue last Tuesday that hasn't ever been mentioned. This has been an issue to various degrees for several years. We have been through MC twice for related issues. We each know where the other stands.

 

Well, good luck with it then.

I've seen how this one comes out... so you're gonna need it.

[autumnnight]

I feel like we are talking in circles.

 

I am not cutting her off and I am not going to reject her. If she wants some lovins, I will gladly give it to her.

 

I am simply saying I will not be hitting on her sexually or trying to initiate sex with her for awhile (the duration of which is yet to be determined)

 

She is not going to be deprived of anything she wants. If she doesn't want any sex, she won't initiate. If she doesn't want it, then she won't be missing it.

 

And trust me, we have discussed the importance of sex in a relationship many times and she knows fully well how important it is to me.

 

This is not something that just popped up out of the blue last Tuesday that hasn't ever been mentioned. This has been an issue to various degrees for several years. We have been through MC twice for related issues. We each know where the other stands.

 

It has been my experience that the stereotypical woman cannot understand where you are coming from because they do not understand how men view sex and intimacy.

 

As a sex-starved spouse, I understand what you are doing and why.

[Ladyjane14]

It has been my experience that the stereotypical woman cannot understand where you are coming from because they do not understand how men view sex and intimacy.

 

As a sex-starved spouse, I understand what you are doing and why.

 

"Stereotypical" or not... what he's planning is most likely going to blow up in his face. When you've lived with somebody for more than 20 years, you're going to recognize a mind game when you see one. And that's what this is.

 

"Stereotypical woman's" response.... "**** him. He wants to see how long he can go... fine by me." When it's a game, EVERYBODY gets to play. You see how that works? More heartache and resentment, because to his mind, his best effort has been rejected.

 

What's happened in alot of these situations is that there have been too many "unfortunate incidents", as Gottman refers to them, which have created resentment and distance. These need to be resolved where possible, and even when they are... Oldshirt will most likely still be the one initiating sex 99% of the time. But just because it might take a little extra effort to get the engine started doesn't mean it won't run.

 

Authenticity. Genuine friendship and respect. There aren't any substitutes for that. Knowing that you are understood and that another person DEEPLY cares about your feelings, that's what creates real intimacy. You can spruce up your wardrobe, whiten your teeth, or scrub the toilets, and it means you've got nicer cloths, a brighter smile, and a fresher smelling bathroom. It doesn't get you the emotional connection you crave.

[xxoo]

I agree that what is needed is genuine connection. Remember back to when you were dating, the conversations you had, the interest you took in each other. That's the sort of intimacy that fuels sex in the marriage bed. The games might provoke a desperate response, but won't fix the underlying issue. You'll soon be back in the same place.

[autumnnight]

"Stereotypical" or not... what he's planning is most likely going to blow up in his face. When you've lived with somebody for more than 20 years, you're going to recognize a mind game when you see one. And that's what this is.

 

"Stereotypical woman's" response.... "**** him. He wants to see how long he can go... fine by me." When it's a game, EVERYBODY gets to play. You see how that works? More heartache and resentment, because to his mind, his best effort has been rejected.

 

What's happened in alot of these situations is that there have been too many "unfortunate incidents", as Gottman refers to them, which have created resentment and distance. These need to be resolved where possible, and even when they are... Oldshirt will most likely still be the one initiating sex 99% of the time. But just because it might take a little extra effort to get the engine started doesn't mean it won't run.

 

Authenticity. Genuine friendship and respect. There aren't any substitutes for that. Knowing that you are understood and that another person DEEPLY cares about your feelings, that's what creates real intimacy. You can spruce up your wardrobe, whiten your teeth, or scrub the toilets, and it means you've got nicer cloths, a brighter smile, and a fresher smelling bathroom. It doesn't get you the emotional connection you crave.

 

You've never been in a sex-starved marriage where you twisted yourself into a pretzel to try to get your partner to want you, have you?

[Mr. Lucky]

I am simply saying I will not be hitting on her sexually or trying to initiate sex with her for awhile (the duration of which is yet to be determined)

 

She is not going to be deprived of anything she wants. If she doesn't want any sex, she won't initiate. If she doesn't want it, then she won't be missing it.

 

Since you've said she'd currently be satisfied living platonically, this decision on your part seems to ensure there won't be a sexual connection. While you might have the right reasons, feels like the wrong result.

 

And trust me, we have discussed the importance of sex in a relationship many times and she knows fully well how important it is to me.

 

If this is true, why embark on an approach that ensures a sexless outcome ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[oldshirt]

Ok, I knew from the start of this thread that me not initiating sex would be controversial and hard for some to understand.

 

I don't know how else to word it or explain it. I know that some will not agree with it even if they do understand it. So for those of you that don't understand it, read back through my responses to this question and try to piece it all together.

 

If you understand what I am saying but simply don't agree with me, I understand. And I accept the possibility that I may be wrong and doing the wrong thing. If I realize I am making a mistake, I will try to rectify it.

 

But I don't know how else to explain it other than what I already have. If people still don't get it, I am at a loss of how to explain so they do.

 

 

See my responses in bold below.

 

 

Oldshirt: If I understood you right, please correct me if I'm wrong, your plan of action is to be the best husband you can possibly be, and prove that to her before you can address you issue of lack of sex. what I don't understand is why are you going to stop initiating sex during this period.

 

as I have said many times before, I want to take the pressure and the emphasis off of the sex because she isn't into it and has stated she is taking one for the team. If I take the pressure off of the sex and work on other areas of myself and our relationship without it being about the sex, then I'll have more credibility than if I'm just whining about sex all the time.

 

don't you think that sex is part of being a good husband?

 

not when the sex is awkward, uncomfortable, stressful (for both parties) and leaves both people feeling dirty and less connected.

 

AGAIN, FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME PEOPLE, I AM NOT CUTTING HER OFF OR REJECTING HER. I AM NOT GOING TO BE DENYING HER SOMETHING THAT SHE WANTS. IF SHE WANTS TO MAKE LOVE I WILL GLADLY MAKE LOVE TO HER TO THE UTMOST BEST OF MY ABILITY.

 

I AM SIMPLY NOT GOING TO BE HITTING ON HER ALL THE TIME OR INITIATING IT. SHE CAN HAVE AS MUCH SEX AS SHE WANTS, BUT WE NEED TO KEEP IN MIND THAT THE ISSUE HERE IS SHE DOESN'T WANT IT MOST OF THE TIME IF EVER.

 

don't you want to send a message That Hey I want sex but I'm also a good husband?

 

 

again, her issue is that she thinks that's all I want and that it is always about sex. Her issue is NOT that she doesn't know I want to have an active marital sex life.

[oldshirt]

Since you've said she'd currently be satisfied living platonically, this decision on your part seems to ensure there won't be a sexual connection. While you might have the right reasons, feels like the wrong result.

 

 

 

If this is true, why embark on an approach that ensures a sexless outcome ???

 

Mr. Lucky

 

A few different reasons, the big one is the one I've stated over and over, to take the pressure off of her so she's not so defensive and thinking that all I care about is sex.

 

 

And I'll admit, some of it is a test for lack of a better word. If six months from now she hasn't laid a finger on me or brought it up at all, I'll have my answer and a new plan (and it won't be a plan on how to stay together and work things out)

 

I don't think that is going to be the case however. What I think is going to occur is instead of having sex every week, it will be every 2 or more weeks but with the pressure taken off of her and with her making some subtle "green light" moves, it will be occurring at times she is at least somewhat in the mood and game for it and it won't be as awkward and uncomfortable for us.

 

And if I can show that I am ok with that, she may be more willing to address some of the things that are impeding her desire and pleasure without thinking that I am just whining and notching about not getting enough sex.

 

I am willing to sacrifice quantity for better quality.

[oldshirt]

 

And I'll admit, some of it is a test for lack of a better word. If six months from now she hasn't laid a finger on me or brought it up at all, I'll have my answer and a new plan (and it won't be a plan on how to stay together and work things out)

 

I don't think that is going to be the case however.

 

 

 

What I think is going to occur is instead of having sex every week, it will be every 2 or more weeks but with the pressure taken off of her and with her making some subtle "green light" moves, it will be occurring at times she is at least somewhat in the mood and game for it and it won't be as awkward and uncomfortable for us.

 

 

 

 

I want to throw this in there, I don't think she's actually going to go endless weeks or months before she makes a move.

 

Maybe I'm being naive but I think in the next handful of days she is going to want some kind of love' n from Big Daddy Oldshirt.

 

Typically I make a hard initiation for full contact sex about once a week or so. And I'll often make some kind of play for a BJ or HJ or FJ some time in between.

 

It's been about two weeks with no sexual contact at all and she has started to get a little cuddly and made some subtle flirts in the last day or so.

 

I have been sick the last week however with green stuff coming out my nose and bubbling and gurgling in my chest when I try to breathe so I am not really counting this past week at all.

 

Part of this is just to see what her threshold is. If it 2 weeks and she is good to go and is at least somewhat enthusiastic about it and good with it - then it is simply a difference in sex drive and that can be worked with.

 

I can live with good (or at least acceptable) sex every two weeks, better than I can crappy and disengaged sex every 1 week.

 

But if it's months and months and she hasn't mentioned a word or lifted a finger, then we are dealing with an entirely different animal.

[BetrayedH]

Ok, I read the other 11 pages and the remainder of this one.

 

I have a lot I could say, most of which has been said already.

 

If there's anything missing (and you did address this to some small extent), it's that I see a medical issue here and it's not being addressed to the appropriate extent that I think it should.

 

I'm not a doctor (and that will be readily apparent here shortly) but my understanding is that with menopause, hormone changes, and age in general, the vagina loses "something." It loses elasticity, or tissue, or something and cannot handle the friction that it once did. And no amount of lube seems to be sufficient to make sex pleasurable.

 

I think your wife is absolutely doing something to care about you and her marriage by "taking one for the team." You are right to credit her for this. And the rest of the crowd here would do well to credit her also. This is not a sexless marriage. It's not one where one spouse has decided to deprive the other of a sex life.

 

Again, I'm not a doctor but I have seen advertisements of late that address this issue for women. I have no idea if they work. But I'd be researching it. Ultimately, you may need to wait until she broaches the subject (so that you're not perceived as just nagging her for more sex) but perhaps there will be a right time for you to share that you've done some research on how sex might become more pleasurable and less painful for her.

 

Again, I have a lot of other general opinions about this situation but I feel that this is one area that has been under-represented in these discussions so far. At minimum, I'd want to see what options exist to try to eliminate this one (and perhaps key) problem in your marriage. This may have NOTHING to do with you or her libido or her desire for you and everything to do with sex being downright painful for her to endure. I would want to do everything possible to eliminate that variable, for both of you.

Edited October 10, 2015 by BetrayedH

[central]

oldshirt, my impression is that you may be the smartest and most insightful poster on this entire relationship forum. If you can't figure out how to resolve your situation, it can't be. The only caveat is that you are close to the situation unlike the situations you respond to, but I think that is only a minor concern.

 

You have a plan, you have a timeline, you have criteria for a decision. Pulling back from initiating sex gives perspective and you will see if she even notices. Of course you know your wife will not initiate - if she has any desire at all, it is responsive desire, no doubt. She may only initiate out of desperation if she thinks you're leaving.

 

I'd say you are ready to leave - and right to think that - and are just giving things one last cast of the dice to be sure.

 

I was in the same situation, and since nothing changed whatever I did, I left. It was the best decision I've ever made, and I've been very happy ever since. I quickly found a fantastic woman who is everything I've ever hoped for in a relationship and a person. I think you can do as well.

[JADIE]

It has been my experience that the stereotypical woman cannot understand where you are coming from because they do not understand how men view sex and intimacy.

 

As a sex-starved spouse, I understand what you are doing and why.

 

Me too. 100% agree with OP's approach. I think any woman in a marriage or contemplating marriage should read Shaunti Feldman's book For Women Only. In it, she details research that shows just how devastating it is to a man to have his wife behave as a masturbatory receptable. No quicker way to to completely emasculate him and destroy the relationship. I think the description one of the participants gave was that he'd rather trim the backyard hedge in the rain than go through sex with his wife when she made it clear she was just laying there doing her duty.

 

Ick. I couldn't do that to somebody. Firm believer in bioidentical hormone replacement therapy...it changed my life.

[MidwestUSA]

I'll fill in a couple of blanks for BH.

 

I don't know what the latest on TV is, but there's a lot to be said for hormone replacement therapy, and estrogen cream right to the vagina helps with atrophy.

 

And, as my gyne put it to me, it's literally 'use it or lose it'. The more sex I had, the better 'condition' I was in to have sex. Blood flow.

 

That doesn't change the fact that you have to want it. I don't think OP's wife, under her current circumstances, is going to be initiating much.

 

I'm not going to address the 'pink pill'. I don't think there's enough evidence out there on it yet, approval or not.

 

2 cents, from five years out.

[oldshirt]

.

 

If there's anything missing (and you did address this to some small extent), it's that I see a medical issue here and it's not being addressed to the appropriate extent that I think it should.

 

 

I think your wife is absolutely doing something to care about you and her marriage by "taking one for the team." You are right to credit her for this. And the rest of the crowd here would do well to credit her also. This is not a sexless marriage. It's not one where one spouse has decided to deprive the other of a sex life.

 

 

 

Ultimately, you may need to wait until she broaches the subject (so that you're not perceived as just nagging her for more sex) but perhaps there will be a right time for you to share that you've done some research on how sex might become more pleasurable and less painful for her.

 

 

 

 

.

 

THANKS FOR GETTING THIS!!!!!

 

 

The menopause IS a significant factor. How much exactly I don't know yet, but it is a major player in this.

 

 

As you noted, I can't push her to continue to seek treatment for the libido and vaginal discomfort issues at present because she will just think I am trying to get her to alter her body chemistry so I can get more poon.

 

 

But if I scale back in the sex department and shore up the other areas of our relationship and home life, I will have more credibility and she will feel more secure. And hopefully she will actually want to have more closeness and bonding through sexuality and will voluntarily seek treatment options of her own volition rather than simply complying to my whining.

 

 

Thanks for understanding that piece of the puzzle and helping to explain!

[oldshirt]

oldshirt, my impression is that you may be the smartest and most insightful poster on this entire relationship forum. If you can't figure out how to resolve your situation, it can't be. The only caveat is that you are close to the situation unlike the situations you respond to, but I think that is only a minor concern.

 

You have a plan, you have a timeline, you have criteria for a decision. Pulling back from initiating sex gives perspective and you will see if she even notices. Of course you know your wife will not initiate - if she has any desire at all, it is responsive desire, no doubt. She may only initiate out of desperation if she thinks you're leaving.

 

I'd say you are ready to leave - and right to think that - and are just giving things one last cast of the dice to be sure.

 

I was in the same situation, and since nothing changed whatever I did, I left. It was the best decision I've ever made, and I've been very happy ever since. I quickly found a fantastic woman who is everything I've ever hoped for in a relationship and a person. I think you can do as well.

 

 

 

Thanks for the vote of confidence Central although I must admit, it is a little unsettling. I will confess I kind of get a little reassurance when the other posters tell me I am doing it wrong. If I'm wrong in my approach that means there may be another avenue that I am missing that might work.

 

 

However if I am right, and I do everything in my ability to do and I still fail, that means it really is all she wrote :-( And I am not sure I am ready for that yet.

 

 

But you are right, I am not a detached and disinterested 3rd party in this situation. I am chest-deep in it and not the least bit unbiased. I no doubt have a number of blind spots and people are helping me shine some light on to. It's a whole different story when you are on the other side of the computer screen.

[qubist]

Ok, I knew from the start of this thread that me not initiating sex would be controversial and hard for some to understand.

 

I don't know how else to word it or explain it. I know that some will not agree with it even if they do understand it. So for those of you that don't understand it, read back through my responses to this question and try to piece it all together.

 

If you understand what I am saying but simply don't agree with me, I understand. And I accept the possibility that I may be wrong and doing the wrong thing. If I realize I am making a mistake, I will try to rectify it.

 

But I don't know how else to explain it other than what I already have. If people still don't get it, I am at a loss of how to explain so they do.

 

 

See my responses in bold below.

First of all let me express how much I admire your logic and courage, It's soooo easy for us to sit here and type do X,Y and Z, but to actually doing it is another story. you are not just suggesting X,Y and Zs to some virtual friend, you are actually planing it for yourself and willing to take all risks that might come with it. for that I tip my hat to you and wish you all the luck.

However, I still think (and again i know it easier for me to type X Y and Z) that sex should still be there in some sort. I understand you want to take all the pressure off her shoulder but I think that you should kind of remind her of your needs in the process, you don't have to go aggressive asking for it but there are 10000s of ways to show interest, even if she wouldn't respond to them or react in a way that you would like but at least the message will be out there.

[oldshirt]

First of all let me express how much I admire your logic and courage, It's soooo easy for us to sit here and type do X,Y and Z, but to actually doing it is another story. you are not just suggesting X,Y and Zs to some virtual friend, you are actually planing it for yourself and willing to take all risks that might come with it. for that I tip my hat to you and wish you all the luck.

However, I still think (and again i know it easier for me to type X Y and Z) that sex should still be there in some sort. I understand you want to take all the pressure off her shoulder but I think that you should kind of remind her of your needs in the process, you don't have to go aggressive asking for it but there are 10000s of ways to show interest, even if she wouldn't respond to them or react in a way that you would like but at least the message will be out there.

 

Thanks for understanding that it's a little different when you are the one in the hotseat and have to make it happen.

 

 

In regards to showing interest, you need to understand that I am very sexually assertive in nature. I flirt with her. hit on her. Make little sexual innuendos and jokes, cop a feel, make sexually suggestive comments EVERY. SINGLE. DAY and I have done that daily since we have been a couple. For the last couple years I have only been making a hard initiation about once a week, but the flirting and bantering goes on daily.

 

 

We have also been to counseling twice and discussed the role of sexuality in our marriage.

 

 

She knows where I stand. She knows where she stands.

 

 

I am simply taking some of that sexual pressure off of her so I can address a variety of issues in our relationship without her thinking I am just doing it to get more poon.

 

 

I am still warm and affectionate with her. I still laugh and joke with her. We sat on the couch with my arm around her and holding hands last night.

 

 

I am not cutting her off from warmth and affection. I am not rejecting her if she wants to make love. I am just simply pulling back on the hard initiations and not trying to score with her like I used to.

 

 

On some level, it may not be the perfect strategy. It may even be wrong. But it's what I feel in my gut is the right thing to do at this point in time.

 

 

If I am wrong and you all are right, then you can say I don't you so.

[qubist]

Thanks for understanding that it's a little different when you are the one in the hotseat and have to make it happen.

 

 

In regards to showing interest, you need to understand that I am very sexually assertive in nature. I flirt with her. hit on her. Make little sexual innuendos and jokes, cop a feel, make sexually suggestive comments EVERY. SINGLE. DAY and I have done that daily since we have been a couple. For the last couple years I have only been making a hard initiation about once a week, but the flirting and bantering goes on daily.

 

 

We have also been to counseling twice and discussed the role of sexuality in our marriage.

 

 

She knows where I stand. She knows where she stands.

 

 

I am simply taking some of that sexual pressure off of her so I can address a variety of issues in our relationship without her thinking I am just doing it to get more poon.

 

 

I am still warm and affectionate with her. I still laugh and joke with her. We sat on the couch with my arm around her and holding hands last night.

 

 

I am not cutting her off from warmth and affection. I am not rejecting her if she wants to make love. I am just simply pulling back on the hard initiations and not trying to score with her like I used to.

 

 

On some level, it may not be the perfect strategy. It may even be wrong. But it's what I feel in my gut is the right thing to do at this point in time.

 

 

If I am wrong and you all are right, then you can say I don't you so.

I don't think you wrong I believe you are amazingly confident taking the " hot seat" most people won't I know for sure I wouldn't take it.

just curious has she noticed that you haven't being initiating sex? if she does I wonder if her mind leads her to any other explanation. I know if she asked a question here in this forum why her H is not initiating sex anymore , 90% of the answers would be " he is probably having an affair!!"

[oldshirt]

just curious has she noticed that you haven't being initiating sex? QUOTE]

 

 

 

Not really, however I have been sick the last week and have been in no shape to be hitting on anyone.

 

 

While it has sucked not being able to breathe and honking up green stuff all the time, it has probably come at a perfect time so that it doesn't seem like I have suddenly taken a 180 in my behavior over night.