qubist Posted October 10, 2015 Posted October 10, 2015 just curious has she noticed that you haven't being initiating sex? QUOTE] Not really, however I have been sick the last week and have been in no shape to be hitting on anyone. While it has sucked not being able to breathe and honking up green stuff all the time, it has probably come at a perfect time so that it doesn't seem like I have suddenly taken a 180 in my behavior over night. take care of yourself I hope you'll feel better. I can't imagine that she wouldn't notice that you are in a "mission". eventually she would. don't you think so?
Author oldshirt Posted October 12, 2015 Author Posted October 12, 2015 Hello again, I wanted to give a little update as it's been a week since I put my plan into effect. I've had a couple snags and bumps in the road as well as making a little progress (or so I hope) I have been sick so really haven't accomplished much in the gym although I have been eating better and I am down a couple pounds from last week. I have gotten into her Facebook, emails and phone and have not found anything fishy. I did place the VAR in the house a couple days last week when she was home and nothing suspicious turned up on that. I plan to use it some more this week coming up. I haven't tried to initiate anything sexual but like I said I have been sick. However something interesting did happen yesterday that Im not quite sure how to interpret so I'll just spell it out and you folks can give me your thoughts. About Friday she asked me if I'd feel good enough to kiss her over the weekend and I replied that I hope so since it had been awhile (we hadn't kissed or touched or anything for about 2 weeks) Sat morning I got up early and she slept in. When she woke up I came in the bed room and was just hanging out chit chatting. She was naked in bed (she sleeps naked) and I was fully dressed. She reached out and took my hand and asked if I would kiss her. I said I'd be honored and we actually made out for several minutes. Frankly, it was the first time we really kissed and she didn't just give me quick grandma kisses in a long long time. After a few minutes of making out we kind of stopped and I was still trying to hold myself back and not make any strong initiations. She really wasn't doing anything either or making any kind of overatures so I started to get up and was going to do some stuff around the house. Before I left the room she told me to wait and to shut and lock the door and come back to bed and do her between the boobs. Yes you read that right, she wanted it between the boobs. I'm going to be a bit graphic here so you get the picture and can help me interpret what this means. anyway, I shut and locked the door. Got undressed, got back into bed and started feeling her up and making out again. After several minutes of this I started gently fingering her clit and after a few minutes she had an orgasm (or did a reasonable job of faking it) Once she regained her composure she reiterated that she wanted it between the boobs so I lubed up her breasts with some lube and straddled her chest and she wrapped her boobs around my junk and we started doing that. We were both having a good time and after awhile I could tell that I was going to orgasm shortly and I asked her if she wanted me to finish that way of if she wanted me inside her. She said she wanted me to finish on her chest and we would have actual sex "later". So I finished between her boobs and she got up and took a shower and then after her shower said something again about hooking up "later." Of course "later" never came during the weekend. So what was that all about??????? Was that an initiation on her part????? Was that just a diversion to drain my tank so that I didn't try anything else?? Was she kinda horny but just didn't want to go all the way? In the past, she can and often does orgasm from doing it between the boobs. It is one of both of our favorite "alternative techniques and she has asked for that before, so it's not like it was anything shocking or anything, but I don't know exactly what to make of that. It's certainly nothing that I initiated or anything. Was this a good sign or a bad sign or was it any kind of 'sign' at all?? Any thoughts???????
DKT3 Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 Maybe she figured it was time for a release. IDK, sounds like progress. I do have a question about your plan. Do you have any fear that she could read into your sexual 180 in a different manner? Causing her to become both insecure and curious about the change? It doesn't appear to me (maybe I'm wrong) that she is open to sharing her feelings in that area with you. 1
Author oldshirt Posted October 12, 2015 Author Posted October 12, 2015 It means she does get horny. It also means it's good you two have alternative methods of orgasming. Why isn't this an option all the time? If sex is painful with penetration then just always opt for other methods. Don't 'ask for' penetration - wait until she begs you for that. By that time she may have no pain and need no lube. It is an option. I am willing to do alternative methods to a certain extent, just not sure if that is all I want to do for the rest of my life if you know what I mean. And I am still sticking to my 'no initiating' plan for the time being and seeing where things go from here.
qubist Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 Maybe she figured it was time for a release. IDK, sounds like progress. I do have a question about your plan. Do you have any fear that she could read into your sexual 180 in a different manner? Causing her to become both insecure and curious about the change? It doesn't appear to me (maybe I'm wrong) that she is open to sharing her feelings in that area with you. I'm curious about her reaction too, assuming she isn't under the influence of any fog of course, It's has to make her wonder the reasons of the sudden 180. OS: I don't know what to make of what happened last weekend. maybe the ladies here can help you better understand her behavior. to me it's a progress she promised a full sex even it didn't happen but at least she gave an indication that intimacy between the 2 of you still exists. IMO she just need to address her issue with professional help both physical and mental.
autumnnight Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 Advice from one who did this: Be careful not to get caught up in the ebb and flow rollercoaster of each day. That was something I did. Today he seemed affectionate, maybe things are better? No, no, the next two days he wouldn't touch me, so nevermind. It can be mentally exhausting. Look at trends, patterns, the big picture. Try not to over analyze each day or even each week.
Author oldshirt Posted October 12, 2015 Author Posted October 12, 2015 Maybe she figured it was time for a release. IDK, sounds like progress. I do have a question about your plan. Do you have any fear that she could read into your sexual 180 in a different manner? Causing her to become both insecure and curious about the change? It doesn't appear to me (maybe I'm wrong) that she is open to sharing her feelings in that area with you. She is not into sharing her feelings on anything. I pretty much have to go by feel or observe her actions and see how she responds to things. She'll never just come out and say something. At this point I am not afraid of her getting insecure. I think she'll appreciate the relief. If I were to stop talking to her and give her the cold shoulder and just do my own thing without regards to her, she would get angry and bitter. But I am not doing that. I am still interacting with her in a positive manner, just not hitting on her sexually.
xxoo Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 Was that an initiation on her part????? Was that just a diversion to drain my tank so that I didn't try anything else?? What's the difference? It was definitely initiation, but as you can clearly see initiation doesn't necessarily mean hot and horny. It can mean wanting connection, wanting please, or wanting to keep the peace.
Author oldshirt Posted October 12, 2015 Author Posted October 12, 2015 What's the difference? It was definitely initiation, but as you can clearly see initiation doesn't necessarily mean hot and horny. It can mean wanting connection, wanting please, or wanting to keep the peace. I guess when you word it like that, I am trying to take "keep the peace" out of the equation. If I don't make any issues out of sex, I'm hoping she won't feel the need to "keep the peace" and will only have sex if she actually wants to.
xxoo Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 I guess when you word it like that, I am trying to take "keep the peace" out of the equation. If I don't make any issues out of sex, I'm hoping she won't feel the need to "keep the peace" and will only have sex if she actually wants to. But you've made it clear that you'll divorce if sex doesn't happen. So she has a lot of reasons to keep the sex in the marriage whether she actually wants it or not. 1
Author oldshirt Posted October 12, 2015 Author Posted October 12, 2015 But you've made it clear that you'll divorce if sex doesn't happen. So she has a lot of reasons to keep the sex in the marriage whether she actually wants it or not. I don't know how long someone can keep up an activity that they aren't into though. I can see someone doing duty sex for awhile if the other spouse is pushing for it and initiating. But once that initiation stops and they are no longer striving to have it, I don't know how much longer the disinterested spouse will keep doing it if at all. If left to their own initiative, people rarely put much effort into doing what they don't want to do sexually. Some people will have sex to keep the peace and do duty sex if the other person is asking for it and initiating it. But I doubt if it happens much if at all once the other person stops initiating.
Realist3 Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 oldshirt, Sorry you are dealing with these issues, but they are not all that unusual. I think your real issue here is menopause. They don't call it 'The Change' for nothing. I ts not just physical but highly emotional as well for some women. The idea to educate yourself on the topic is very wise. I would bet there are forums that deal strictly with this issue. Being more involved, working on yourself, slowing down on the sex for the time being can be powerful. Flirting throughout the day without the expectation of sex works. You mentioned that she is not the most communicative about her feelings/emotions. That makes it tough, but you know her well enough to read her. Change it up. What works one day may work a couple of days away. She is on a roller coaster, and it is going to take some patience while she adjusts to this time in her life..
Realist3 Posted October 12, 2015 Posted October 12, 2015 Another idea you might want to try is writing her a letter. After you have taken a few weeks to see what works and doesn't. Tell her your concerns and your vulnerabilities. People sometimes forget how powerful the written word can be, plus it would take any anxieties she might have in having you state them to her face, and her having to respond immediately given her lack of communication desires.
NewLeaf512 Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 I knew this would be a point of controversy. I have debated this internally myself but for our/my situation I think it is best, at least for this point in time. Let me make a couple distinctions. We are not in a sexless marriage and she rarely rejects my sexually. In fact I really couldn't even tell you the last time she said no. I could probably get off the computer right now and sneak her down to the guest room for a quicky while the kids are outside. The issue isn't that she wouldn't do it, the issue is she would just be laying there looking at the clock and telling me to hurry up/be quiet/stop doing that etc etc. My issue isn't really the frequency of sex or that she is rejecting me. It is the quality of sex and her detachment during it. Our chronic issue over the last few years and what I had to take accountability for in counseling is that she doesn't feel supported and appreciated by me and thinks I am just in it for sex. She doesn't feel appreciated and loved and supported nonsexually. This is a different slant than the usual scenario of the guys that haven't had sex in the last year and who's wives have gotten fat and lazy and entitled because the guys are waiting on them hand and foot. This is why there are a number of guys on these two threads telling me to "grow some balls and show the bitch who's boss and make her respect you blah blah blah. " That is the standard advice for the beta boys who have been waiting on their wives hand and foot hoping they will throw them a bone now and then. I believe that for the time being, need to take the opposite approach and take the pressure off of her to have sex and to reconnect on an interpersonal and nonsexual level before the sexual issues can be directly addressed. Many men do need to get their wives to respect them and see them as a virile man that can leave them and find another woman. But that is not the universal issue and "grow some balls" is not the universal answer. I believe I need to get her to actually like me and feel safe and comfortable around me before she can respect and have a true desire for me. She already knows I want to have sex all the time. I have made that quite clear over the last 20 years. (the longest we've ever gone without is 3 weeks and that was after the kids were born) And she knows that if the sexuality completely shuts down, she knows I will leave. I don't need to say these things because she already knows it. My challenge her is not to get her to have sex. My challenge is to get her to like me enough and have enough trust and comfort with me to actually want to. How this plays in with the menopause issue is if I bring it up to seek treatment for it, she will just think I'm doing it to get more poontang and she will shove back and resist. In order to address the menopause issue in good faith, she has to miss the intimacy and closeness and actually want to seek treatment of her own accord. Just a note on menopause: I went into immediate menopause age 43 after a radical hysterectomy (ovaries out) I was easily aroused and felt sexual often prior. I can't take hormone replacement due to my cancer. Literally it was like someone flicked a switch and my libido was turned off. I don't even have a partner but I didn't think about sex. I don't think waiting for her to miss it will work. She is low on hormones so that takes the need away. It would be like having your balls cut off. Suggestion only.
Author oldshirt Posted October 13, 2015 Author Posted October 13, 2015 I don't think waiting for her to miss it will work. She is low on hormones so that takes the need away. . I am not waiting for her to miss it and have her libido magically reappear. I know that is not going to happen. The reason I have cut back on the sexual initiation is to take the pressure off of her so she doesn't think I am just a horndog who only cares about his next piece of tail. At some point in the foreseeable future I am going to bring up the topic of her libido falling off the charts and seeing if there is anything that can be done to improve it. But before I can do that I need to shore up the other elements of our relationship and have her understand that it is not just about me trying to get more sex. 2
Author oldshirt Posted October 13, 2015 Author Posted October 13, 2015 So if she gives some sort of sex but doesn't share feelings and intimacy - is that good enough for you to stay? It's not really about me staying or not staying. It's about having a healthy and happy marital relationship. "giving some sort of sex" could mean anything from reluctantly agreeing to give a hand job while she watches The Voice on TV or talks to her sister on the phone once a month which would not cut it. The bottom line is I want to have a full service relationship with someone that has some sexdrive and has an actual desire to be with me. I can go down to the corner massage parlor and get 'some sort of sex' now and then for a whole lot less work and effort than what this is. 1
TX-SC Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 I applaud you in what you are doing. In fact, I have a very similar situation and I'm doing basically the same thing. You should also read the 5 Love Languages if you haven't already.
HopeForTomorrow Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 oldshirt, after reading so many of your posts, somehow I thought you and your wife were older. But you are just now celebrating your 20th so unless you married late, I'm guessing you are both in your 40's. You have a LOT of life yet and I think that your plan depends a lot on a woman who doesn't seem to have a physical or emotional need for sex. What NewLeaf said is true - that when you have a hysterectomy and can't take hormone replacement therapy because of risk factors such as prior cancer, then it becomes really tough. Almost like a light switch. But, there are still ways to be intimate. I can't imagine not wanting to be intimate with the person you love, even if the sex drive isn't as it was in the past. My question is - do you think it is TOTALLY menopause related, or does any of her reluctance for sex relate to the relationship? I'm sorry if that is a bad question - I just don't know the answer. I think you are giving her huge opportunities that from my perspective she doesn't necessarily deserve. I'm glad you are keeping that second option in there, the possibility to find the love (emotional and physical) that you need and deserve as part of a relationship. Ongoing. I just turned 51 years old and I have not even started to experience menopause yet. My libido is as high as it's ever been (which sucks since I'm in a LDR with the only guy I ever want to be with). I could still have another baby, theoretically. By my family history I will probably be close to 60 years old before menopause, and I am a healthcare professional so you can bet that I am going to make sure the physical aspect of my relationship with my guy will be as good as ever. The point is that there are lots of solutions and if your wife really wants to be with you, then she needs to show it. It's on HER to deal with her menopause, not to use it as an excuse for ending intimacy with you. There are many ways/solutions/compromises that can happen and she needs to seek those out FOR YOU. You don't need to push her - that's HER job. If she doesn't, you won't have any problems finding what you seek. I think you have a good plan. 1
BetrayedH Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 Hello again, I wanted to give a little update as it's been a week since I put my plan into effect. I've had a couple snags and bumps in the road as well as making a little progress (or so I hope) I have been sick so really haven't accomplished much in the gym although I have been eating better and I am down a couple pounds from last week. I have gotten into her Facebook, emails and phone and have not found anything fishy. I did place the VAR in the house a couple days last week when she was home and nothing suspicious turned up on that. I plan to use it some more this week coming up. I haven't tried to initiate anything sexual but like I said I have been sick. However something interesting did happen yesterday that Im not quite sure how to interpret so I'll just spell it out and you folks can give me your thoughts. About Friday she asked me if I'd feel good enough to kiss her over the weekend and I replied that I hope so since it had been awhile (we hadn't kissed or touched or anything for about 2 weeks) Sat morning I got up early and she slept in. When she woke up I came in the bed room and was just hanging out chit chatting. She was naked in bed (she sleeps naked) and I was fully dressed. She reached out and took my hand and asked if I would kiss her. I said I'd be honored and we actually made out for several minutes. Frankly, it was the first time we really kissed and she didn't just give me quick grandma kisses in a long long time. After a few minutes of making out we kind of stopped and I was still trying to hold myself back and not make any strong initiations. She really wasn't doing anything either or making any kind of overatures so I started to get up and was going to do some stuff around the house. Before I left the room she told me to wait and to shut and lock the door and come back to bed and do her between the boobs. Yes you read that right, she wanted it between the boobs. I'm going to be a bit graphic here so you get the picture and can help me interpret what this means. anyway, I shut and locked the door. Got undressed, got back into bed and started feeling her up and making out again. After several minutes of this I started gently fingering her clit and after a few minutes she had an orgasm (or did a reasonable job of faking it) Once she regained her composure she reiterated that she wanted it between the boobs so I lubed up her breasts with some lube and straddled her chest and she wrapped her boobs around my junk and we started doing that. We were both having a good time and after awhile I could tell that I was going to orgasm shortly and I asked her if she wanted me to finish that way of if she wanted me inside her. She said she wanted me to finish on her chest and we would have actual sex "later". So I finished between her boobs and she got up and took a shower and then after her shower said something again about hooking up "later." Of course "later" never came during the weekend. So what was that all about??????? Was that an initiation on her part????? Was that just a diversion to drain my tank so that I didn't try anything else?? Was she kinda horny but just didn't want to go all the way? In the past, she can and often does orgasm from doing it between the boobs. It is one of both of our favorite "alternative techniques and she has asked for that before, so it's not like it was anything shocking or anything, but I don't know exactly what to make of that. It's certainly nothing that I initiated or anything. Was this a good sign or a bad sign or was it any kind of 'sign' at all?? Any thoughts??????? It's all a good thing as far as I can see. She initiated something actually intimate (the kissing). She re-initiated when you created some distance. She got off. She got you off. She left an open invitation for later. There are worse problems than these, my friend. 1
veryhappy Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 (edited) Menopausal Hormone Therapy and Cancer - National Cancer Institute Why would the woman of your life risk cancer to keep you aroud? And while a risk on paper is a %, once cancer becomes one's life that is the full reality and the procents don't matter anymore. You are only backing off for pr purposes. You want to negotiate tough later. It's your way or the highway. How many times does she need to put out monthly where it seems like she's into it? What your minimum to stay around? I'm mid thirties, but the most valuable and highestpaid life lesson by now is to take people as they are. Fully wrap your mind around the fact that people are who they are, they only change under severe distress and the change is lasting if it is internalized. Now for my credit here to speak to you to lead your wife alone period - I've spent my 20s sexless pleading and begging and having headaches. My guy has never, ever as in once hadsex because i pressed him and without wanting. After all the turmoil i she come to realize that it is a human right to have sex only when one wants. I have no solution for what to do to solve the issue, but i wish no unwanted sex on anybody, male or female. Sorry for the typos, it's challenging to write on my phone. Edited October 13, 2015 by cutedragon
SummerDreams Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 I have one very simple question that I'm not sure you have answered. Why do you not consider as an option or even the only option to discuss with her about this issue? Are you maybe afraid of something? What do you think she will do? Disregard you? Fight with you? Laugh at you? What are you trying to avoid? I'm always a straight person who wants problems to be addressed directly. I guess you have already talked to her in the past about this matter but the plan you have gives me the feeling that you just want to "test" her in order that you have proof of her failing the test. You create a deadline in your mind, making the rules, like playing in a secret treasure hunting that she knows nothing about and then you will accuse her of failing. It gives me the feeling you in a way wish she fails so you have every right to call it quits and say "see? I tried, I did my best and you are at fault of our marriage coming to an end". Will this make you feel relief? Are you searching for a reason to leave this marriage? I may be totally wrong but this is the feeling I get from you at the moment. 1
Author oldshirt Posted October 13, 2015 Author Posted October 13, 2015 (edited) I have one very simple question that I'm not sure you have answered. Why do you not consider as an option or even the only option to discuss with her about this issue? Are you maybe afraid of something? What do you think she will do? Disregard you? Fight with you? i did address this in my other thread but I may not have addressed in this thread. Yes we have addressed this numerous times in the past and it was one of the topics when we were in counseling a few years ago. When I bring it up, no matter how much I try to soften it and be gentle, she takes it as a personal attack and becomes very defensive and counter attacks. She sees it as just me being horny and wanting more sex and at times in the past she has felt unappreciated and that I just want her for sex. I am currently trying to take that pressure off of her and work on shoring up the other areas of our relationship. I have also put on some weight recently and have lost some muscle tone and haven't updated the wardrobe and such for awhile so I am working on polishing myself up and becoming more attractive before I bring it up for discussion again. but the plan you have gives me the feeling that you just want to "test" her in order that you have proof of her failing the test. It gives me the feeling you in a way wish she fails so you have every right to call it quits and say "see? I tried, i hate to use the word "test" but one of things it may determine is if she still does have a desire for intimacy with me and is just a matter of differing sex drives or if she truly doesn't have any desire for me. If in a couple weeks she is ready for some lovin, then it may indicate a discrepancy in our sex drives that can be worked with. But if 6 months goes by and she hasn't said a word or lifted a finger, then that is a completely different reality. Are you searching for a reason to leave this marriage? I may be totally wrong but this is the feeling I get from you at the moment. No, I am definately NOT wanting out of the marriage at this point. But I do need to know if we have something work with, or if it is a lost cause. If it is a lost cause, then I will have a decision to make in regards to do I just suck it up and live as roommates for the other benefits of the marriage or do I cut losses and move on. At present I do not believe that I am capable of living as platonic roommates but I haven't been faced with that actual choice yet. Either way I need to know the reality of the situation so I can make an informed decision. I was quite encouraged this past weekend when she wanted to make out (something we haven't done in a long time) and wanted the the boobjob. Edited October 13, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Formate quote and response 1
autumnnight Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 OS, I have discovered that for people who do not have touch as a top love language, sexual fulfillment and affection as top emotional needs, etc. (depending on which book you read), it is very hard for them to understand why you would have such angst over "just sex." For those of us who ARE wired this way, sex is infinitely more than sex. It is affirmation, it is the top channel of intimacy, it is the primary way we feel loved, it is a barometer of the relationship, and it is part of our core. When someone denies us of that, it is as if they are denying US. It is to the relationship what food is to life. And would you want to go through life waiting for FOOD until you were doubled over in hunger, begging for a meal, then eating it knowing you will not eat again until you beg again? Probably not. Sex is a constant and consistent part of the relationship, not just something that is "silly" at the beginning and not something that should be something your spouse agrees to just to get you off their back for a while. There is nothing inherently wrong with NOT prioritizing sex. But for those of us who do, that kind of person just isn't going to be compatible. Sex is one of the only marital needs that people actually expect people to ignore or suppress, and it isn't right, to put it bluntly. Just because it isn't important to Sally means there is something wrong with it BEING important. 1
Author oldshirt Posted October 13, 2015 Author Posted October 13, 2015 OS, I have discovered that for people who do not have touch as a top love language, sexual fulfillment and affection as top emotional needs, etc. (depending on which book you read), it is very hard for them to understand why you would have such angst over "just sex." For those of us who ARE wired this way, sex is infinitely more than sex. It is affirmation, it is the top channel of intimacy, it is the primary way we feel loved, it is a barometer of the relationship, and it is part of our core. When someone denies us of that, it is as if they are denying US. It is to the relationship what food is to life. And would you want to go through life waiting for FOOD until you were doubled over in hunger, begging for a meal, then eating it knowing you will not eat again until you beg again? Probably not. Sex is a constant and consistent part of the relationship, not just something that is "silly" at the beginning and not something that should be something your spouse agrees to just to get you off their back for a while. There is nothing inherently wrong with NOT prioritizing sex. But for those of us who do, that kind of person just isn't going to be compatible. Sex is one of the only marital needs that people actually expect people to ignore or suppress, and it isn't right, to put it bluntly. Just because it isn't important to Sally means there is something wrong with it BEING important. YES!!! You are right on the money in everything you said. I have come to realize and accept that I give and receive love and affirmation and acceptance through my sexuality. I simply cannot live and be fulfilled with a woman who does not desire, want me or accept me sexually. I was probably one of the guys that people love to hate on in my younger days when I wouldn't date someone once it was apparent we weren't sexually compatible regardless of what other assets they offered. I really don't care if a woman can cook or clean. As long as she is not neglectful or abusive, I don't really care how great of a mother she is. As long as she isn't a criminal or a psycho or just plain nasty, I don't care about her status in the community or how active she is in the school or community. And frankly, as long as a woman isn't deformed/disfigured, fat or unhygenic, I'm not that hung up on beauty (although my wife was a state-level beauty pageant contestant, so it certainly doesn't hurt LOL) What matters to me most, assuming a woman is a good, decent person with no major hang ups or deal breakers to begin with, is a compatible sexual chemistry. My wife and used to have that for many years. I accept that as we age, our lisp and mojo decline. I am not the man I was 10 years ago either so I get that. But what is at issue here is how fast that has dropped off the charts and the degree. What has shaken me is since I primarily give and receive love and acceptance through physical affection and sexual chemistry, it has seriously shaken my confidence and security that she loves or accepts me AT ALL. Her love language is acts of service, so she feels she is showing me love by making the house spotless, being the world's greatest mother to my children (which she is) and by being and educated, respectful professional that brings in an about 50 % of our households income. To her, she's busting her arse to be a great wife and mother. But to me, if there's no physical connection and chemistry, it's all suspect. I could live in a box under a bridge and live on ramen noodles and what left over burgers we could find in McDonald's dumpster, but if I had a hot, horny chick that had the big time hots for me, I'd be good with it. Now I want to make an important point but I will post it is a separate post so it doesn't get lost in the blah blah blah....
autumnnight Posted October 13, 2015 Posted October 13, 2015 It's funny. Your wife seems very much like my ex. Service and giving gifts were his primary two, and while I appreciated that he would wash dishes and was a pro at getting a birthday gift...I just wanted HIM to want ME. You are not at the place where I was. I hope that you never get there. I wish I had been more directly vocal and more proactive sooner. In my case, I do not believe it would have changed anything in our marriage, BUT it would have saved a lot of years and some stupid choices. 1
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