Desperately want him back, but still have doubts and he is "cheating".

[jmiller1991]

Hi. I'm new here but desperately need advice right now. Since it's a bit complicated, I'll begin from the beginning, so this might be rather long.

 

I met the love of my life 7 yrs ago, when I was 16 and still in high school. It wasn't exactly 'love at first sight', but he grew on me. He treated me better than any boy I'd ever been with, and eventually I fell completely in love with him. He is sweet, kind, understanding, and generous, and we are true soul mates. We think alike and have the same interests. Everything has always been perfect and I rarely had any doubts about him. Not to mention that he's VERY financially secure, and while I don't consider that to be of supreme importance, it does make the 'basics' of a relationship easier. I don't have to work if I don't want to, and yet I pretty much can have anything I want. So everything was there and it seemed the perfect relationship - we connected emotionally and spiritually, and financially we had no worries. We 'click' in every way. We got engaged, but have kept putting off the actual date due to various things which I won't get into right now, but I never doubted our decision.

 

Then, about 4 months ago, I did something really stupid, something I never even THOUGHT of doing - I cheated on him. I know it's seems strange that I would do that when everything was so perfect, I myself couldn't believe I did it, but it just sort of happened. My bf was out of the country for a month due to his work, and while he was gone I got very lonely. Even though we talked every day, after just a few days I began missing any physical intimacy, and I ended up having sex with an old friend of mine who happened to be visiting me at the time. There was nothing between us, we were only friends, but I guess we both were both very lonely, he was in a LD relationship himself, and I guess we both just 'broke down' for about a month.

 

When it was time for my bf to come back, I realized what I had done, how incredibly stupid it was, and I told my friend that it was all a mistake. I told him I loved my bf, we were engaged, and that I would have tell to him about us, so he might want leave town. Unfortunately, my friend had fallen in love with me, and he talked me out of coming clean. He wanted to be with me, and he convinced me that my bf would just dump me once he found out, would not forgive me, and I'd lose it all anyways. Stupidly, instead of giving my bf the benefit of the doubt, I was afraid my friend was right, that it was over no matter what I did or said, so I might as well make the best of it and move on. So my friend moved me out and we moved in with my mother, who lives about 2 hours away.

 

At first I just tried to put it all behind me. I tried to forget my mistake, and that I had screwed up the best thing I'd ever had, and I tried to fall in love with my friend. And I did. But the problem is that my friend cannot hold down a job, has no money, and my mom has to support us. So I have no idea where our relationship is going. I began thinking about how much better I had it with my bf, how much he cared for me, and how much we had in common, and then my old feelings resurfaced and I realized how much I really did love him. I saw that I also loved my friend, but I clearly saw not that it was not nearly as DEEP and COMPLETE as my love for my bf. Even tho I know I am more physically attracted to my friend, I also know that my feelings for him are just not as strong as for my bf.

 

So I eventually worked up the courage to call my bf. I told him I had made a mistake, but that i truly loved him and wanted him back. I admitted everything to him. That I cheated on him, and I told about the all the money I had taken from him before I left. I begged for his forgiveness. And I knew he wouldn't forgive me, but he did! I was shocked, I didn't really think he'd forgive me, but he did, and I knew for certain then that his love for me was strong and real. He said he knew about the cheating and the money, but he believed in forgiveness, and in me. But the caveat was that he told me he was not yet ready for me to move back in with him. He needed "time". But he promised to send my mom money until then, so I could live.

 

Well, I was happy we were "back together", but I was concerned about not being able to move back in with him. Things would not be "normal" again, IMO, until I was back. But I tried to understand his position, and I tried to make the best of it, after all, the whole thing was my fault. We currently chat on FB and phone, and I drive to see him every weekend. We haven't got intimate yet, but otherwise everything seemed fine. Except for one little thing - he has a new female "friend"!

 

I became jealous right away. Not because she's pretty or his type, she isn't, but probably because he met her while I was gone. I've always been very jealous, but my bf was always aware of this, and was very careful not to give me a reason to worry. Now, he seemed to be a bit defensive about it. It was a work colleague, and he told me that it was all strictly "professional". He said that most of their chats were about work, and that whenever they met, in which others were always present, it was "mostly" business and not social. But I still didn't like it, and the fact that he defended her a bit made me nervous. But I also reasoned that he might just be "playing with my head" a bit, trying to sort of "get me back", make me realize that he too cannot be taken for granted, which I can understand given our situation. But lately I've become more and more concerned about her.

 

I've looked at their chats, and they do seem only professional, but there are still too many. And his call logs show too many calls to and from her #. He also tells me of meetings with her, after the fact, which make me uncomfortable. Even if other people are there, I still feel uncomfortable just with the amount of contact. And I know that even if he isn't interested in the least, she probably is. That's the problem with having the perfect bf - you know every woman out there wants a sensitive caring rich guy. So no matter your relationship status you are worried, it's like being permanently on a Bachelorette reality show. And he is fully aware of this too of course, which makes me concerned that he insists on seeing her, professional or not. I mean, I have made it very clear to him how jealous I'm getting of this woman, yet he won't completely cut off contact with her, like he wants to get me back, or make me "pay" a little bit, for my previous transgression. And while I can certainly understand this, it disturbs me because that means he hasn't yet fully FORGIVEN me yet.

 

Then, yesterday, right while I'm thinking about all this, he drops it on me. He's ready for me to move back in with him, and wants to set a firm date, in about a year, for us to be married. He says he loves me and wants to be with me forever, and, much to my surprise, he said no pre-nup, which was one the few disagreements we had which were holding us back. So naturally, I said yes.

 

Now, I am reconsidering the whole thing again! It's not that I don't love him completely, I know I do and that I want to be with him forever, it's just that I'm still so jealous of this friend of his that it's eating me up inside. I just can't understand why he still sees her, knowing my feelings, business or not. I mean, isn't our relationship more important than a business deal? I trust him not to cheat, but it concerns me that in this one thing he will disregard my feelings. And another thing is... I am still in 'love' with my friend. I say 'love' in quotations because I know it's not the same kind of 'real' love like I have with my bf. It's not a romantic, deap-seated love like I have with him. It's more like the 'love' you feel for an old friend, someone who you've talked to for a long time and who knows you very well, like my friend is. But it's still 'love', and now that we've gotten physical I've grown attached to him. I mean, I think I physically am more connected with my friend, the physical attraction is definitely more intense than with my bf, but it's not enough to overcome the feelings of love I have for my bf. But I'm still concerned about my friend as he will now have nowhere to go, and he doesn't even have a job. Plus, I'm going to miss him greatly, as I obviously will have to greatly curtail any future contact with him, for obvious reasons.

 

So what should I do? Is it time to go back, or is it too soon? I love them both, but definitely in a different way. With my friend, it's more of a physical connection, he is more fun and exciting, especially in bed, but with my bf it's more of an emotional and spiritual connection, not as 'fun' but more solid and real. And I know that THAT is what is important, THAT is the kind of love I want, and that will LAST. He is definitely my soulmate, although I'm not sure it's time to go back to him permanently with this other woman now in his life. I want to make SURE I have no doubts so I can come back with no regrets. Because his still seeing this other woman, knowing how I feel about her, is like "cheating" to me. "Cheating" on my feelings, what some people call "emotional cheating". And I also feel for my friend, who has nowhere else to go and no job. Even tho he is the 'other guy' I still feel like I'm abandoning him in his time of need.

 

But at any rate, simple material considerations are at play here, and I have to decide NOW. My bf is starting to wonder why I'm hesitating, and he will not send us any more money. So I have to make a decision here. I want so much to just go back to him, I know he loves me and will take care of me, while I have no future with my friend, but I hate coming back WHILE I am still jealous of this other woman, and WHILE I still have feelings and a strong physical connection with my friend.

 

What do I do?

[sagamore]

Hi. I'm new here but desperately need advice right now. Since it's a bit complicated, I'll begin from the beginning, so this might be rather long.

 

I met the love of my life 7 yrs ago, when I was 16 and still in high school. It wasn't exactly 'love at first sight', but he grew on me. He treated me better than any boy I'd ever been with, and eventually I fell completely in love with him. He is sweet, kind, understanding, and generous, and we are true soul mates. We think alike and have the same interests. Everything has always been perfect and I rarely had any doubts about him. Not to mention that he's VERY financially secure, and while I don't consider that to be of supreme importance, it does make the 'basics' of a relationship easier. I don't have to work if I don't want to, and yet I pretty much can have anything I want. So everything was there and it seemed the perfect relationship - we connected emotionally and spiritually, and financially we had no worries. We 'click' in every way. We got engaged, but have kept putting off the actual date due to various things which I won't get into right now, but I never doubted our decision.

 

Then, about 4 months ago, I did something really stupid, something I never even THOUGHT of doing - I cheated on him. I know it's seems strange that I would do that when everything was so perfect, I myself couldn't believe I did it, but it just sort of happened. My bf was out of the country for a month due to his work, and while he was gone I got very lonely. Even though we talked every day, after just a few days I began missing any physical intimacy, and I ended up having sex with an old friend of mine who happened to be visiting me at the time. There was nothing between us, we were only friends, but I guess we both were both very lonely, he was in a LD relationship himself, and I guess we both just 'broke down' for about a month.

 

When it was time for my bf to come back, I realized what I had done, how incredibly stupid it was, and I told my friend that it was all a mistake. I told him I loved my bf, we were engaged, and that I would have tell to him about us, so he might want leave town. Unfortunately, my friend had fallen in love with me, and he talked me out of coming clean. He wanted to be with me, and he convinced me that my bf would just dump me once he found out, would not forgive me, and I'd lose it all anyways. Stupidly, instead of giving my bf the benefit of the doubt, I was afraid my friend was right, that it was over no matter what I did or said, so I might as well make the best of it and move on. So my friend moved me out and we moved in with my mother, who lives about 2 hours away.

 

At first I just tried to put it all behind me. I tried to forget my mistake, and that I had screwed up the best thing I'd ever had, and I tried to fall in love with my friend. And I did. But the problem is that my friend cannot hold down a job, has no money, and my mom has to support us. So I have no idea where our relationship is going. I began thinking about how much better I had it with my bf, how much he cared for me, and how much we had in common, and then my old feelings resurfaced and I realized how much I really did love him. I saw that I also loved my friend, but I clearly saw not that it was not nearly as DEEP and COMPLETE as my love for my bf. Even tho I know I am more physically attracted to my friend, I also know that my feelings for him are just not as strong as for my bf.

 

So I eventually worked up the courage to call my bf. I told him I had made a mistake, but that i truly loved him and wanted him back. I admitted everything to him. That I cheated on him, and I told about the all the money I had taken from him before I left. I begged for his forgiveness. And I knew he wouldn't forgive me, but he did! I was shocked, I didn't really think he'd forgive me, but he did, and I knew for certain then that his love for me was strong and real. He said he knew about the cheating and the money, but he believed in forgiveness, and in me. But the caveat was that he told me he was not yet ready for me to move back in with him. He needed "time". But he promised to send my mom money until then, so I could live.

 

Well, I was happy we were "back together", but I was concerned about not being able to move back in with him. Things would not be "normal" again, IMO, until I was back. But I tried to understand his position, and I tried to make the best of it, after all, the whole thing was my fault. We currently chat on FB and phone, and I drive to see him every weekend. We haven't got intimate yet, but otherwise everything seemed fine. Except for one little thing - he has a new female "friend"!

 

I became jealous right away. Not because she's pretty or his type, she isn't, but probably because he met her while I was gone. I've always been very jealous, but my bf was always aware of this, and was very careful not to give me a reason to worry. Now, he seemed to be a bit defensive about it. It was a work colleague, and he told me that it was all strictly "professional". He said that most of their chats were about work, and that whenever they met, in which others were always present, it was "mostly" business and not social. But I still didn't like it, and the fact that he defended her a bit made me nervous. But I also reasoned that he might just be "playing with my head" a bit, trying to sort of "get me back", make me realize that he too cannot be taken for granted, which I can understand given our situation. But lately I've become more and more concerned about her.

 

I've looked at their chats, and they do seem only professional, but there are still too many. And his call logs show too many calls to and from her #. He also tells me of meetings with her, after the fact, which make me uncomfortable. Even if other people are there, I still feel uncomfortable just with the amount of contact. And I know that even if he isn't interested in the least, she probably is. That's the problem with having the perfect bf - you know every woman out there wants a sensitive caring rich guy. So no matter your relationship status you are worried, it's like being permanently on a Bachelorette reality show. And he is fully aware of this too of course, which makes me concerned that he insists on seeing her, professional or not. I mean, I have made it very clear to him how jealous I'm getting of this woman, yet he won't completely cut off contact with her, like he wants to get me back, or make me "pay" a little bit, for my previous transgression. And while I can certainly understand this, it disturbs me because that means he hasn't yet fully FORGIVEN me yet.

 

Then, yesterday, right while I'm thinking about all this, he drops it on me. He's ready for me to move back in with him, and wants to set a firm date, in about a year, for us to be married. He says he loves me and wants to be with me forever, and, much to my surprise, he said no pre-nup, which was one the few disagreements we had which were holding us back. So naturally, I said yes.

 

Now, I am reconsidering the whole thing again! It's not that I don't love him completely, I know I do and that I want to be with him forever, it's just that I'm still so jealous of this friend of his that it's eating me up inside. I just can't understand why he still sees her, knowing my feelings, business or not. I mean, isn't our relationship more important than a business deal? I trust him not to cheat, but it concerns me that in this one thing he will disregard my feelings. And another thing is... I am still in 'love' with my friend. I say 'love' in quotations because I know it's not the same kind of 'real' love like I have with my bf. It's not a romantic, deap-seated love like I have with him. It's more like the 'love' you feel for an old friend, someone who you've talked to for a long time and who knows you very well, like my friend is. But it's still 'love', and now that we've gotten physical I've grown attached to him. I mean, I think I physically am more connected with my friend, the physical attraction is definitely more intense than with my bf, but it's not enough to overcome the feelings of love I have for my bf. But I'm still concerned about my friend as he will now have nowhere to go, and he doesn't even have a job. Plus, I'm going to miss him greatly, as I obviously will have to greatly curtail any future contact with him, for obvious reasons.

 

So what should I do? Is it time to go back, or is it too soon? I love them both, but definitely in a different way. With my friend, it's more of a physical connection, he is more fun and exciting, especially in bed, but with my bf it's more of an emotional and spiritual connection, not as 'fun' but more solid and real. And I know that THAT is what is important, THAT is the kind of love I want, and that will LAST. He is definitely my soulmate, although I'm not sure it's time to go back to him permanently with this other woman now in his life. I want to make SURE I have no doubts so I can come back with no regrets. Because his still seeing this other woman, knowing how I feel about her, is like "cheating" to me. "Cheating" on my feelings, what some people call "emotional cheating". And I also feel for my friend, who has nowhere else to go and no job. Even tho he is the 'other guy' I still feel like I'm abandoning him in his time of need.

 

But at any rate, simple material considerations are at play here, and I have to decide NOW. My bf is starting to wonder why I'm hesitating, and he will not send us any more money. So I have to make a decision here. I want so much to just go back to him, I know he loves me and will take care of me, while I have no future with my friend, but I hate coming back WHILE I am still jealous of this other woman, and WHILE I still have feelings and a strong physical connection with my friend.

 

What do I do?

 

Marry the rich guy, have a couple kids, cheat on him since you're only with him for the money, and then try to land a handsome divorce settlement.

 

...Oh wait, you wanted to know what I think you *should* do? Stay single and figure out your own life. Go to therapy. Learn how to support yourself. And then date from a place of self-knowledge and integrity.

[jmiller1991]

Marry the rich guy, have a couple kids, cheat on him since you're only with him for the money, and then try to land a handsome divorce settlement.

 

...Oh wait, you wanted to know what I think you *should* do? Stay single and figure out your own life. Go to therapy. Learn how to support yourself. And then date from a place of self-knowledge and integrity.

 

um, I came here for advice, not to be judged...

 

I am not with my bf only for the money. You don't know me well enough to say that. We've been together for 7 years, and our love is certainly not based on money. I am not that shallow. I only brought up their respective finances to illustrate my situation. The money is not THAT important, but the reality is that it does affect my situation, and it IS a relevant factor in a relationship. The main issue is my feelings for both of him, but the fact that my bf is financially secure and my friend is not is, IMO, something at least to be aware of. Because even if I decided to wait a little longer, until either my bf's "cheating" stops or my feelings of jealously subside, the simple fact is that I cannot keep my friend any longer here at my mom's. My bf is the only real income we have right now.

[justabottle]

It's not that I don't love him completely, I know I do and that I want to be with him forever, it's just that I'm still so jealous of this friend of his that it's eating me up inside. I just can't understand why he still sees her, knowing my feelings, business or not. I mean, isn't our relationship more important than a business deal?

 

My bf also has this female colleague whom he texts with and he said it is just a business deal. I believed him because isn't relationship bult on trust? Of course, if your sixth sense tells you something is not right, or there is something more than just a business deal, of cos, you can tell him about your concerns. Guys get very turn off when their gfs butt into every single friend they have.

 

but with my bf it's more of an emotional and spiritual connection, not as 'fun' but more solid and real. And I know that THAT is what is important, THAT is the kind of love I want, and that will LAST

 

Well, you've made the decision already isn't it? What you have for your friend now is just a fling, an infatuation, something that you can't get from your boyfriend.

 

Because his still seeing this other woman, knowing how I feel about her, is like "cheating" to me. "Cheating" on my feelings, what some people call "emotional cheating".

 

But when you slept with your friend when your bf isn't around, that is already cheating, isn't it?

 

 

What I feel you should do now, is to choose who you really want? A temporary infatuation? Or someone you can connect with deeply emotionally? You make the call

[S2B]

Work hard yourself - enough to be sole supporting. That way you can be independent and stand on your own no matter what situation hits you.

 

Work hard and date your BFon the weekends.

 

 

Be proud of your OWN accomplishments. That will serve you better as life moves along.

 

 

See a counselor to help you understand why you cheated and how to never cheat again.

 

Best of luck.

[jmiller1991]

Thanks for responding. I really don't have anyone else to talk with about this, but it's KILLING me. That's why I'm still up right now, and posting here. Normally I would not seek advice on the internet. But this is affecting me mentally, emotionally, and physically. I can't think well, I'm bitchy and moody, and I'm tired all the time. And all this has affected my friend, so it now has even affected me sexually. So let me first say thx, even before I read your response.

 

My bf also has this female colleague whom he texts with and he said it is just a business deal. I believed him because isn't relationship bult on trust? Of course, if your sixth sense tells you something is not right, or there is something more than just a business deal, of cos, you can tell him about your concerns. Guys get very turn off when their gfs butt into every single friend they have.

Yes, I understand. You are right. We have always had a problem with my jealously, and I know how guys are. But I have already told him my concerns and he doesn't care. It's not really that I don't trust him, or think he will actually have sex with her, it's just a bit shocking to me that he would disregard my feelings like that, because that is not like him, and he has NEVER done anything like before. I really disturbs, even frightens me, that he would keep seeing her when he KNOWS how jealous it is making me. It's like he's still mad at me, and still doesn't totally forgive me, and even wants a little REVENGE. I don't want to believe this, but I actually think he may be trying to MAKE me jealous on purpose, and I don't see how we can START OVER, like we have agreed to, if he feels like that. If he can't forgive me, then maybe there is nothing I can do? It will always linger and would ruin any future we might have.

 

Well, you've made the decision already isn't it? What you have for your friend now is just a fling, an infatuation, something that you can't get from your boyfriend.

Again, I know you are right. Yes, I have made my decision, and I know my friend is just a fling. It is purely physical. But the problem is my bf's "cheating", and the fact that I also 'love' my friend.

 

But when you slept with your friend when your bf isn't around, that is already cheating, isn't it?

Well, yes. I already admitted that. Of course I really have no right to be mad at him for his cheating, when I f*cked up first and his is cheating is only emotional, although to me that kind hurts almost as much as the physical kind. But the point is that I KNOW, especially after this nightmare I have gotten myself into, that I would NEVER EVER do this again, and if I do move back in with him my friend is out of my life FOREVER, other than perhaps some OCCASSIONAL texts, but absolutely NO physical contact - ever again.

 

However, he is STILL seeing this woman. Right NOW. And he is going to continue to do so, at least, so he tells me, until this particular "deal" is finished. How is that the same? I am COMMITTED to never again cheating on him, and to me "cheating" is doing anything in relation to the opposite sex that your SO does not approve of, but he will only commit to not seeing this "friend" in the FUTURE! What is up with that?! He is basically saying that his work is more important than me, and that I have to WAIT for him to do the right thing. He even told me once to 'suck it up' just for a few more weeks!!! What if I told him I wanted to keep having sex with my friend for a few more weeks?! He would assume I was joking, but if I wasn't he would probably walk away on the spot, and drop me like a hot potato. Why is his emotional cheating not bad enough for him to stop it right NOW? It hurts me just the same.

 

What I feel you should do now, is to choose who you really want? A temporary infatuation? Or someone you can connect with deeply emotionally? You make the call

No, bottle, just like you already said, I have already made my choice. I want the man who I connect with deeply and emotionally, and that is my bf. I couldn't care less about this temporary infatuation with my friend. He is just that - a FRIEND and nothing more. I mean, sure, I admit that the sex with him may be mind blowing, that he gives me toe curling orgasms that I have NEVER experienced with bf, and that we are sooo physically in sync that we can usually have sex multiple times a day. But that is hardly a basis for a true relationship, and my "love" for him is NOTHING compared to the kind of heart-wrenching LOVE that I have for my bf. I feel our "souls" are truly one. My emotional connection with my bf is so strong that I swear I would still love him even if he lost his dick! I swear it's true. Even if we couldn't have sex at all, I would still love him, we've been together for SO long and our connection is truly that DEEP.

 

No, what is holding me back is his "cheating", or whatever you want to call it, the way he seems to be purposefully hurting my feelings and insisting on a "need" to CONTINUE to do so. Putting money, and another woman, over my feelings. And our relationship....

[Winterina]

I don't mean to judge, but I too did get an impression that you "realised" you wanted your bf back, when your new friend could not financially support you. You said this yourself.

 

You are making your choices exclusively on financial security it seems. Your love and guy's greatness mostly equals how much money a guy has.

 

Another thing: how exactly is he cheating?? Seems he has some business to do with a woman and you call this cheating... Can you clarify if I am wrong. He has not even kissed her. Do you know if he is even attracted to her?

[justabottle]

 

However, he is STILL seeing this woman. Right NOW. And he is going to continue to do so, at least, so he tells me, until this particular "deal" is finished. How is that the same? I am COMMITTED to never again cheating on him, and to me "cheating" is doing anything in relation to the opposite sex that your SO does not approve of, but he will only commit to not seeing this "friend" in the FUTURE! What is up with that?! He is basically saying that his work is more important than me, and that I have to WAIT for him to do the right thing. He even told me once to 'suck it up' just for a few more weeks!!! What if I told him I wanted to keep having sex with my friend for a few more weeks?! He would assume I was joking, but if I wasn't he would probably walk away on the spot, and drop me like a hot potato. Why is his emotional cheating not bad enough for him to stop it right NOW? It hurts me just the same.

 

What do you mean by they are still seeing each other? Do they go out together to have dinner or lunch?

[jmiller1991]

What do you mean by they are still seeing each other? Do they go out together to have dinner or lunch?

 

Yes. It's business, and I know it is part of his work. But there were times when he admitted to me he was alone with her, at least part of the time. Like one time he told me they were alone talking at a restaurant, for "half an hour or so", before their partners got there. He will also speak of it casually, as if it was no big deal, like "Carrie and Nick are meeting me at (wherever), cya hon!", right after I've complained about it, like he is purposely trying to hurt my feelings. These meetings and dinners are also very social. I know what my bf does for a living, and the atmosphere is fairly relaxed. He mostly discusses various possible real estate deals, and like any job where sales is involved the client or investors have to be relaxed and trust you. They often get drunk and 'party' at some of these 'meetings', not usually, but it is not uncommon.

 

So you can probably see why I'm concerned as she has been involved in so many of these meetings lately. These are the kind of "meetings" where things can happen, or where relationships could develop, and the fact that she conveniently started showing up at all these meetings, and calling and texting him fairly frequently, RIGHT AFTER I cheated on him and left, well... this just makes me wonder about her. Plus the fact that he gets defensive and tells me that he she is "critical" for these meetings, at least "for awhile". WTF does that even mean?

[justabottle]

Yes. It's business, and I know it is part of his work. But there were times when he admitted to me he was alone with her, at least part of the time. Like one time he told me they were alone talking at a restaurant, for "half an hour or so", before their partners got there. He will also speak of it casually, as if it was no big deal, like "Carrie and Nick are meeting me at (wherever), cya hon!", right after I've complained about it, like he is purposely trying to hurt my feelings. These meetings and dinners are also very social. I know what my bf does for a living, and the atmosphere is fairly relaxed. He mostly discusses various possible real estate deals, and like any job where sales is involved the client or investors have to be relaxed and trust you. They often get drunk and 'party' at some of these 'meetings', not usually, but it is not uncommon.

 

So you can probably see why I'm concerned as she has been involved in so many of these meetings lately. These are the kind of "meetings" where things can happen, or where relationships could develop, and the fact that she conveniently started showing up at all these meetings, and calling and texting him fairly frequently, RIGHT AFTER I cheated on him and left, well... this just makes me wonder about her. Plus the fact that he gets defensive and tells me that he she is "critical" for these meetings, at least "for awhile". WTF does that even mean?

 

I would think that both of you need to sit and talk things through. It seems that he still has some "bad" feelings and emotions lingering after you "cheated". Has his attitude towards you changed ever since the incident?

[66Charger]

Unless I read it wrong, your "freind" who you "love" is still staying with you at your moms.

Where is he sleeping? With you?

The hypocrisy is amazing. Why would your bf leave his freind when your amazing sexual partner still "sleeps" in the same house. Stay with your amazing guy and help him get a job.

 

Give your "bf" some time and i guarantee that your bf freind will talk some sense into him and the offer will be withdrawn.

 

As it should be.

[Winterina]

It is rare to read anyone who feels this entitled.

Let me see if I get this right:

 

- He gave you everything. He was great to you.

- You cheated on him and left him when he was shortly away on business.

- Then you realised the new guy cannot support you financially as well as the first guy did and you realised how much you miss him.

- You go back to him and he takes you back for godknowswhat reason.

- In the meanwhile, he started some business negotiations that involve him talking to a woman.

- So you are pissed and you are calling it 'cheating', because the guy is doing his job. Because they talked alone for half an hour before other colleagues arrived to the restaurant.

- All this while your affair partner is living with your mother. And you are therefore still seeing him and talking to him.

 

After what you have done to your bf, you are lucky that he will even talk to you.

 

If I were you, I'd shut up and let him take his time and process your betrayal and ridiculous double standards.

 

Sorry, but you come off as incredibly entitled and selfish. And you are mostly about money and who can support you financially.

[GildedLily]

Stay with the guy you cheated with and go to school with him. Aren't you like 24? There's no reason why you can't work that I see, you had mentioned that your ex bf/fiancé was sending money to your mom to support you; I ask this in earnest are you invalid, sick or on some kind of public aid to where you can't work?

[jmiller1991]

I would think that both of you need to sit and talk things through. It seems that he still has some "bad" feelings and emotions lingering after you "cheated". Has his attitude towards you changed ever since the incident?

Yes, that's my point. Before the incident, if I complained about a female colleage, he would respect my feelings and replace her at any of these functions. Now, he says he "just can't".

 

I've tried talking to him about this several times, and he just won't admit that he still has these bad feelings of resentment. He says it "business", that's it, but obviously he isn't being honest about his feelings.

 

Unless I read it wrong, your "freind" who you "love" is still staying with you at your moms.

Where is he sleeping? With you?

The hypocrisy is amazing. Why would your bf leave his freind when your amazing sexual partner still "sleeps" in the same house. Stay with your amazing guy and help him get a job.

My friend is not an "amazing guy". He is lazy, argumentative, and rather immature. And it is not that I really "love" him. It's just that he is an old friend who I know well, and we have developed a strong intimate physical connection, that's all. We are like best friends who always argue. I really like him, but he's not relationship material. We're not soul mates. I've tried to help him get a job, but he's not very motivated. He's gotten and lost 3 of them since he's been here.

 

Yes, we are still sleeping together, but that is only because he still lives here, and has nowhere else to go. The house is small, and there is really nowhere else for him to sleep, other than on my floor. If I move back in with my bf, obviously he will have to go. He will have to find a new place, best friend or not. But obviously if we are sleeping together, we are going to continue having sex. I love my bf, and my friend understands this and knows that he is my true love, but of course it would be unreasonable for us to be sleeping together every night and not have sex. We are only human, and I cannot expect my friend to just lie there with me every night and not do anything, especially with the kind of physical connection we have. But there is no way I will ever see him again after I go back to my bf, and he is quite aware of this, and he told me he can and will "accept" this, even tho he has fallen in love with me (so he claims).

He gave you everything. He was great to you.

- You cheated on him and left him when he was shortly away on business.

- Then you realised the new guy cannot support you financially as well as the first guy did and you realised how much you miss him.

- You go back to him and he takes you back for godknowswhat reason.

- In the meanwhile, he started some business negotiations that involve him talking to a woman.

- So you are pissed and you are calling it 'cheating', because the guy is doing his job. Because they talked alone for half an hour before other colleagues arrived to the restaurant.

- All this while your affair partner is living with your mother. And you are therefore still seeing him and talking to him.

 

After what you have done to your bf, you are lucky that he will even talk to you.

 

If I were you, I'd shut up and let him take his time and process your betrayal and ridiculous double standards.

 

Sorry, but you come off as incredibly entitled and selfish. And you are mostly about money and who can support you financially.

I really feel weird defending myself here on the internet with people who do not even know me. Sorry if I came off like a gold digger, but I am really not like that at all. And if you actually KNEW me, you would know that. I am not looking for a sugar daddy, I could get a job if I needed to. I am just trying to sort out my feelings here and get advice, and decide what to do.

 

People here are saying that I only called my bf after I found out that my friend cannot support me financially, as if that means I only care about the money. Actually, that's not how it is at all. Yes, I only THOUGHT to call my bf because we had run out of money, but then, once I thought about it, when I remembered how much better I had it with him, and remembered how close we are and all the good times we had and shared, I realized how much I really do love him. I realized how much I missed him, and how deeply connected I am with him. And how deeply I love him. My relationship with him is not about the money, but it was only because of the money that I was jolted out of my slumber and realized that what I had with my friend was only a cheap and shallow infatuation. Thankfully we did run out of money, otherwise I might have never realized this, and I might have tried to stay with my friend. And then much later I would realized my mistake, but by then it would be too late to get my bf back, who is truly my real love.

[jmiller1991]

I would think that both of you need to sit and talk things through. It seems that he still has some "bad" feelings and emotions lingering after you "cheated". Has his attitude towards you changed ever since the incident?

Yes, that's my point. Before the incident, if I complained about a female colleage, he would respect my feelings and replace her at any of these functions. Now, he says he "just can't".

 

I've tried talking to him about this several times, and he just won't admit that he still has these bad feelings of resentment. He says it "business", that's it, but obviously he isn't being honest about his feelings.

 

Unless I read it wrong, your "freind" who you "love" is still staying with you at your moms.

Where is he sleeping? With you?

The hypocrisy is amazing. Why would your bf leave his freind when your amazing sexual partner still "sleeps" in the same house. Stay with your amazing guy and help him get a job.

My friend is not an "amazing guy". He is lazy, argumentative, and rather immature. And it is not that I really "love" him. It's just that he is an old friend who I know well, and we have developed a strong intimate physical connection, that's all. We are like best friends who always argue. I really like him, but he's not relationship material. We're not soul mates. I've tried to help him get a job, but he's not very motivated. He's gotten and lost 3 of them since he's been here.

 

Yes, we are still sleeping together, but that is only because he still lives here, and has nowhere else to go. The house is small, and there is really nowhere else for him to sleep, other than on my floor. If I move back in with my bf, obviously he will have to go. He will have to find a new place, best friend or not. But obviously if we are sleeping together, we are going to continue having sex. I love my bf, and my friend understands this and knows that he is my true love, but of course it would be unreasonable for us to be sleeping together every night and not have sex. We are only human, and I cannot expect my friend to just lie there with me every night and not do anything, especially with the kind of physical connection we have. But there is no way I will ever see him again after I go back to my bf, and he is quite aware of this, and he told me he can and will "accept" this, even tho he has fallen in love with me (so he claims).

He gave you everything. He was great to you.

- You cheated on him and left him when he was shortly away on business.

- Then you realised the new guy cannot support you financially as well as the first guy did and you realised how much you miss him.

- You go back to him and he takes you back for godknowswhat reason.

- In the meanwhile, he started some business negotiations that involve him talking to a woman.

- So you are pissed and you are calling it 'cheating', because the guy is doing his job. Because they talked alone for half an hour before other colleagues arrived to the restaurant.

- All this while your affair partner is living with your mother. And you are therefore still seeing him and talking to him.

 

After what you have done to your bf, you are lucky that he will even talk to you.

 

If I were you, I'd shut up and let him take his time and process your betrayal and ridiculous double standards.

 

Sorry, but you come off as incredibly entitled and selfish. And you are mostly about money and who can support you financially.

I really feel weird defending myself here on the internet with people who do not even know me. Sorry if I came off like a gold digger, but I am really not like that at all. And if you actually KNEW me, you would know that. I am not looking for a sugar daddy, I could get a job if I needed to. I am just trying to sort out my feelings here and get advice, and decide what to do.

 

People here are saying that I only called my bf after I found out that my friend cannot support me financially, as if that means I only care about the money. Actually, that's not how it is at all. Yes, I only THOUGHT to call my bf because we had run out of money, but then, once I thought about it, when I remembered how much better I had it with him, and remembered how close we are and all the good times we had and shared, I realized how much I really do love him. I realized how much I missed him, and how deeply connected I am with him. And how deeply I love him. My relationship with him is not about the money, but it was only because of the money that I was jolted out of my slumber and realized that what I had with my friend was only a cheap and shallow infatuation. Thankfully we did run out of money, otherwise I might have never realized this, and I might have tried to stay with my friend. And then much later I would realized my mistake, but by then it would be too late to get my bf back, who is truly my real love.

[S2B]

It is NOT his cheating that is holding you back.

 

It is YOUR cheating that is holding you back.

 

 

You've kept your 'friend' with you...at your Mom's house! WTH?

 

You've made a decision? That most likely because you haven't been COMPLETELY honest with the guy who provides you a cushy lifestyle.

 

Answer these please:

 

Does BF know this 'friend' gives you multiple orgasms daily that are toe curling?

 

Does he know the orgasms he participates with aren't anything compared to the friend?

 

Does he know you wish to be with him so you have financial security?

 

Does he know the friend has been staying with you at your Moms and you're both mooching off of her?

 

 

Does he know you can't be independent and stand on your own - aren't willing to provide your own source of income?

 

Does he know you're willing to use him and pretend that's love?

 

 

Is he willing to go to counseling for a solid year before he takes you back?

 

You BOTH have issues - are you two willing to get honest about what you really want from each other and what it is you individually offer to any relationship?

 

 

This could work - IF you BOTH get honest about what you've been doing, what damage you've both caused to each other - and what work you're willing to do to both change, grow and learn.

 

 

 

There are those marriages out there that are based on using others to provide what needs are expected. What do you expect? What does he expect?

 

 

What nationality are you both?

 

See if the honest expectations are in alignment.

[smackie9]

Meh, you figure it out. There is no wrong or right choice, just a different path. YOU need to talk to him honestly with him about your feelings, and about this other lady that is now in his life. We don't have any real answers for you....this is something you need to do on your own.

[frigginlost]

Jeez...

 

Why make things so flippin' complicated?!

 

Your BF forgave you for cheating and is talking marriage. (Pretty f'ing stand-up guy).

 

Your "toe curling" friend is absolute poison to anything regarding a relationship with your BF. If you can't see that and/or do something about it, it is *you* sinking the ship. Not the BF. It's quite disgusting to read about you having "mind blowing" sex with a "friend" all the while declaring your love on a soul level with your boyfriend.

 

Your jealousy is nothing more than a projection. You cheated on your boyfriend, and in return are thinking he is going to with you. (normal feelings by the way) So you are looking for red flags because of your self induced insecurities.

 

Personally, if I was your boyfriend, I would kick your arse to the curb based on your talk of sex with the friend. You cheated on him because you missed intimacy and now you talk of mind blowing sex with your friend. See the connection? You crave attention. My money is on you cheating again because of your own wording regarding sex regarding the "friend" and the missing of intimacy with the boyfriend. (sorry, just how I see it)

Edited October 5, 2015 by frigginlost

[jmiller1991]

I would think that both of you need to sit and talk things through. It seems that he still has some "bad" feelings and emotions lingering after you "cheated". Has his attitude towards you changed ever since the incident?

 

Yes, it has. Before I cheated, he would never act defensive if I complained about a female colleague. I agree that he must still have bad feelings lingering, and that is what concerns me. How can we move on if still doesn't forgive me? His feelings of resentment are bound to surface, over and over, and who knows how they will manifest the next time.

 

S2B, I really feel dumb defending myself to someone on the internet who doesn't even really know me. I don't see why you're asking me things like that, obviously you haven't read my posts, or else you are here not to give advice but to simply SHAME someone who already has made it CLEAR that they know they screwed up. But since you have somehow gotten such a wrong impression of me and my situation, in spite of the fact that I thought I have been pretty clear, I'll respond to your judgemental inquiries.

 

You've kept your 'friend' with you...at your Mom's house! WTH?

 

As I already said, he has no job, and nowhere else to go. I'm not going to throw him out on the streets like a dog! He's been my best friend since high school.

 

You've made a decision? That most likely because you haven't been COMPLETELY honest with the guy who provides you a cushy lifestyle.

 

I've been an honest as I could possibly be. Obviously I am not going to tell him my friend is here. Don't be ridiculous. It's a bad situation that we both got ourselves into, and we just can't change everything just like that. We decided to give it a try after I left my bf, and it just didn't work out. Now my friend is stuck here until I move back in with my bf. It is what it is. I want to tell my bf everything, but obviously this is one of those things that just have to be forgotten, only the lesson must never be forgotten. And it won't be. Sorry, but I honestly feel that, at least in a case like this, that what my bf doesn't know isn't going to hurt him. In fact, if he DID know he would be hurt. And so much so that he'd NEVER forgive me. He might even kill himself, who knows?

 

Does BF know this 'friend' gives you multiple orgasms daily that are toe curling?

 

Does he know the orgasms he participates with aren't anything compared to the friend?

 

Again, obviously telling him that would make him feel incredibly inadequate. It would crush his manhood. That is something you don't tell your SO, even if it's true. Plus, what would be the point? It doesn't matter. I cheated. That's bad enough. Don't be silly. Telling him something like this would be CRUEL, and no way to repair our relationship.

 

Does he know you wish to be with him so you have financial security?

 

Money is just another good attribute about him, along with many others. That is not the primary reason I want to be with him, as I already made clear.

 

Does he know the friend has been staying with you at your Moms and you're both mooching off of her?

 

Again, he doesn't know my friend is here, but yes, he knows he is supporting me. "Mooching" is not what it is called when family is helping each other.

 

Does he know you can't be independent and stand on your own - aren't willing to provide your own source of income?

 

Does he know you're willing to use him and pretend that's love?

 

This is a cheap shot. And I'm done defending myself. He knows I don't work. But I am not "using" him. He freely gives to me, and that is what people do when they're in love. There is nothing "pretend" concerning my feelings for him.

[Jacob_Duluoz]

People who are in love don't deceive those they claim they are in love with while complaining about the other person being deceptive. I hope he drops you like woah.

[S2B]

I asked for clarity. Thanks for answering...

 

You see, I do believe that relationships that are built on half truths and some form of omitting info isn't healthy for any relationship.

 

It's not right that the original BF doesn't have all the info - and is considering marriage with you. Deception in any marriage will kill any love that's there.

 

 

And I advised you to be independent, well, because it's only wise for you in the long run.

 

I should know - after 23 years married - and being financially dependent on my exH (all the while helping him make his business profitable) it was him who received the paycheck and guess who was left without a steady paycheck when we decided to divorce? Me.

 

So... You see, I was attempting to help you see a long term plan for yourself that might be helpful to you... And you took it the wrong way for what I intended.

 

 

Your intent on marrying this guy...ok, I get it. Since you plan to do that at least be smart about it and earn your own money so you can be self supporting no matter what this dude does (or doesn't do).

 

 

I'll never again put my best interest in the hand of any man. Things don't always work out as planned.

 

Be wise. Get to work.

[jmiller1991]

Yes, S2B, I know this. You are right that I need to start building some kind of career for myself. My bf has got on me about that, he says I'm too "clingy" and I need to be more independent. He wants me to go to school. And of course my mom thinks that too. I lived with her until I moved in with my bf.

 

You're right. I am afraid of being so totally dependent on my bf. Like you say, if for some reason things didn't work out, I would be totally helpless without him. I would probably have to move back in with my mom. I know I couldn't live a day without him. Not just because I'm so bad with money, but because I am so dependent on him in every way. I have to consult with him about every decision, it's like I can't decide things for myself. And without me sharing his goals, hopes, and joys, I don't think I'd have any. His dreams are my dreams. Without him, I honestly don't know if I could go on living, I would have no direction or purpose.

 

So, yeah, I do need to start college, and I'd like to be able to make my own money someday. The problem is that it's hard to get started, at the age of 24 when you've had no job before. The only jobs I could get right now would be crappy ones, like a waitressing or sales clerk at the mall. And until I need the money, there is NO way I'm going to work, just to be independent, if I'm not going to make AT LEAST $15-20 an hour. Less than that is a joke. So basically I have to finish college first before I can even begin to achieve any financial independence.

 

You see, I do believe that relationships that are built on half truths and some form of omitting info isn't healthy for any relationship.

 

It's not right that the original BF doesn't have all the info - and is considering marriage with you. Deception in any marriage will kill any love that's there.

 

Yes, S2, I completely agree. I know it's not healthy, and I know my bf has the right to know. I value honesty and consider it a cornerstone of any good relationship. But I'm also a realist. You don't tell your wife her hair looks like crap, even if it's true and she asks. Nor do you tell you husband he isn't as adequate in bed as someone else. Particularly if it is the one you cheated on him with!!! I would expect the same from him.

 

So let's get real. Obviously, telling him is not an option. We cannot always be ABSOLUTELY honest, even with the ones we love. Who can honestly say that our SOs know EVERYTHING about our past? We all have at least one "dirty little secret" in our pasts, which we would never share with anyone, not even our husbands. And my friend being infinitely better in bed and still living here will have to be one of those dirty little secrets that is swept under the rug FOREVER. Not completely innocent, but as long as I never do it again, and he trusts me again, I honestly don't think it will negatively impact anything.

 

And remember, I really have no options here anyways. My bf would never put up with him still living here, but he honestly has nowhere else to go. So my options here come down to 1) be honest and tell my bf, and lose him forever, breaking his heart, or 2) be honest and throw out my best friend on the street, knowing he will have to sleep in his car, or 3) just not mention this to my bf.

 

I think it is obvious that #3 is the only rational, and even MORAL, choice.

[frigginlost]

Yes, S2B, I know this. You are right that I need to start building some kind of career for myself. My bf has got on me about that, he says I'm too "clingy" and I need to be more independent. He wants me to go to school. And of course my mom thinks that too. I lived with her until I moved in with my bf.

 

You're right. I am afraid of being so totally dependent on my bf. Like you say, if for some reason things didn't work out, I would be totally helpless without him. I would probably have to move back in with my mom. I know I couldn't live a day without him. Not just because I'm so bad with money, but because I am so dependent on him in every way. I have to consult with him about every decision, it's like I can't decide things for myself. And without me sharing his goals, hopes, and joys, I don't think I'd have any. His dreams are my dreams. Without him, I honestly don't know if I could go on living, I would have no direction or purpose.

 

So, yeah, I do need to start college, and I'd like to be able to make my own money someday. The problem is that it's hard to get started, at the age of 24 when you've had no job before. The only jobs I could get right now would be crappy ones, like a waitressing or sales clerk at the mall. And until I need the money, there is NO way I'm going to work, just to be independent, if I'm not going to make AT LEAST $15-20 an hour. Less than that is a joke. So basically I have to finish college first before I can even begin to achieve any financial independence.

 

 

 

Yes, S2, I completely agree. I know it's not healthy, and I know my bf has the right to know. I value honesty and consider it a cornerstone of any good relationship. But I'm also a realist. You don't tell your wife her hair looks like crap, even if it's true and she asks. Nor do you tell you husband he isn't as adequate in bed as someone else. Particularly if it is the one you cheated on him with!!! I would expect the same from him.

 

So let's get real. Obviously, telling him is not an option. We cannot always be ABSOLUTELY honest, even with the ones we love. Who can honestly say that our SOs know EVERYTHING about our past? We all have at least one "dirty little secret" in our pasts, which we would never share with anyone, not even our husbands. And my friend being infinitely better in bed and still living here will have to be one of those dirty little secrets that is swept under the rug FOREVER. Not completely innocent, but as long as I never do it again, and he trusts me again, I honestly don't think it will negatively impact anything.

 

And remember, I really have no options here anyways. My bf would never put up with him still living here, but he honestly has nowhere else to go. So my options here come down to 1) be honest and tell my bf, and lose him forever, breaking his heart, or 2) be honest and throw out my best friend on the street, knowing he will have to sleep in his car, or 3) just not mention this to my bf.

 

I think it is obvious that #3 is the only rational, and even MORAL, choice.

 

You're a manipulator.

 

Your BF deserves a hell of a lot better than you.

[PaperCrane]

You have more options than the ones listed. All this rationalizing just to keep him providing for you and your cushy lifestyle while you get to go do whatever the hell you want to do. You profess your love and admiration and that his dreams are your dreams. I assume he's dreamed of a faithful and loyal girlfriend. Do you share that dream? You refuse to work unless it's "good money"? I've heard all this before. Excuses.

 

As long as he doesn't know and still trusts you, it's all good? Oh joy, that just means you'll do it again. Despite the fact you're an utter piece of human trash I'll try and help the situation.

 

If you stay with him, he WILL eventually find out. Rarely if ever does this type of thing stay secret. The only way to save what you have is to be upfront and honest with him. Be prepared to have no privacy for...well...forever.

 

Kicking your friend out doesn't have to happen, as long as you break it off with your boyfriend. This right here is probably the best option of them all. Be honest with him, break up, move back home because let's be real here: you in no way deserve what he's doing for you with your behavior. Your friend gets to keep his roof, you get NSA sex, and the bf gets to go find someone who actually values him.

 

Don't even try and play the "heartbroken" card. Broken hearts heal. If you keep this secret and God forbid you guys get married and have kids and the truth comes out, it won't just be broken hearts, it'll be broken lives.

[Silverlight]

Yes, that's my point. Before the incident, if I complained about a female colleage, he would respect my feelings and replace her at any of these functions. Now, he says he "just can't".

 

I've tried talking to him about this several times, and he just won't admit that he still has these bad feelings of resentment. He says it "business", that's it, but obviously he isn't being honest about his feelings.

 

My friend is not an "amazing guy". He is lazy, argumentative, and rather immature. And it is not that I really "love" him. It's just that he is an old friend who I know well, and we have developed a strong intimate physical connection, that's all. We are like best friends who always argue. I really like him, but he's not relationship material. We're not soul mates. I've tried to help him get a job, but he's not very motivated. He's gotten and lost 3 of them since he's been here.

 

Yes, we are still sleeping together, but that is only because he still lives here, and has nowhere else to go. The house is small, and there is really nowhere else for him to sleep, other than on my floor. If I move back in with my bf, obviously he will have to go. He will have to find a new place, best friend or not. But obviously if we are sleeping together, we are going to continue having sex. I love my bf, and my friend understands this and knows that he is my true love, but of course it would be unreasonable for us to be sleeping together every night and not have sex. We are only human, and I cannot expect my friend to just lie there with me every night and not do anything, especially with the kind of physical connection we have. But there is no way I will ever see him again after I go back to my bf, and he is quite aware of this, and he told me he can and will "accept" this, even tho he has fallen in love with me (so he claims).

I really feel weird defending myself here on the internet with people who do not even know me. Sorry if I came off like a gold digger, but I am really not like that at all. And if you actually KNEW me, you would know that. I am not looking for a sugar daddy, I could get a job if I needed to. I am just trying to sort out my feelings here and get advice, and decide what to do.

 

People here are saying that I only called my bf after I found out that my friend cannot support me financially, as if that means I only care about the money. Actually, that's not how it is at all. Yes, I only THOUGHT to call my bf because we had run out of money, but then, once I thought about it, when I remembered how much better I had it with him, and remembered how close we are and all the good times we had and shared, I realized how much I really do love him. I realized how much I missed him, and how deeply connected I am with him. And how deeply I love him. My relationship with him is not about the money, but it was only because of the money that I was jolted out of my slumber and realized that what I had with my friend was only a cheap and shallow infatuation. Thankfully we did run out of money, otherwise I might have never realized this, and I might have tried to stay with my friend. And then much later I would realized my mistake, but by then it would be too late to get my bf back, who is truly my real love.

Dude, you cheated on your supposed "perfect man" only a few days into a trip as minuscule as a month... You are in no position to make any demands of this man. You've already taken him for his emotional and financial support all this time... And responded by cheating on him, lying, abandoning him... This is just insanity. I don't even suggest you try and get with him at this point. i would be putting some energy into revaluating your priorities and start clean. I say this because after what you did, it is going to be very difficult to have a normal relationship. I mean come on... One moment everything is perfect then you're cheating? This intense love you claim to have doesn't sound genuine at all, I mean, you'd think after cheating on him while he was out working to support you, you would've chosen to fix things IMMEDIATLEY instead of throwing everything away to be in a relationship with the SAME individual you cheated with... Really, no offense, but let this man find a woman who really deserves his financial and emotional support. You've shown empathy for Jack all accept yourself. Edited October 6, 2015 by Silverlight