pcs13 Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 I've been seeing a guy for 2 months now and made it to the point where we would spend nearly every weekend together. He is very social, used to hang out with his friends every Saturday and Sunday but now it would be a routine like this: I hang out with him and his friends on Saturday and he spends his whole Sunday with me. Usually we are busy during the week. I often find myself assuming that we will be together on weekend when making plans and I know I will feel slightly disappointed if he does something else without me. I had an ex who was too nice he would never tell me if something bothered him, since then I always feel like guys do nice things just because they know that's what they should do. I don't like to make people feel like they have to do something for/because of me (knowingly or not). So far he still makes plans with me, invite me to things and let me hang out with his friends but we aren't official, I'm afraid if he feels obligated to do those things, it will scared him away from the commitment that we might have. Should I tell him he should go out with his friends/do something on his own or just let him be?
todreaminblue Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 say something along the lines of i love hanging out with you i dont want you to feel that i dont......but if ever you want to hang out with your friends please dont feel obligated to hanging out with me all the time.......something like that..... i know how you feel, i don't like guys feeling obliged to hang out with me either....i normally say something along these lines....and the right type of guys don't or wouldnt take advantage of what i say when i say it..... i have found that if i am open and honest with the guy i am with...the right type of guy, they have been just as honest as well..with how they feel ...makes it easier for them to understand i want them to be open with how things are going and what they would like or expect ........i wish you luck anyway and hope it works out fine for you too......deb
d0nnivain Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 Talking about expectations including time spent together is important in any relationship. However, nobody should be obligated to spend time with an SO. That is a kiss of death when you have to as opposed to want to. At some point in a relationship it switches, at least for me, from you make affirmative plans to hang out vs. it's assumed your weekends will be spent together & you have to make affirmative plans/ give notice if one of you will be doing something else without the other.
Redhead14 Posted October 5, 2015 Posted October 5, 2015 I've been seeing a guy for 2 months now and made it to the point where we would spend nearly every weekend together. He is very social, used to hang out with his friends every Saturday and Sunday but now it would be a routine like this: I hang out with him and his friends on Saturday and he spends his whole Sunday with me. Usually we are busy during the week. I often find myself assuming that we will be together on weekend when making plans and I know I will feel slightly disappointed if he does something else without me. I had an ex who was too nice he would never tell me if something bothered him, since then I always feel like guys do nice things just because they know that's what they should do. I don't like to make people feel like they have to do something for/because of me (knowingly or not). So far he still makes plans with me, invite me to things and let me hang out with his friends but we aren't official, I'm afraid if he feels obligated to do those things, it will scared him away from the commitment that we might have. Should I tell him he should go out with his friends/do something on his own or just let him be? I'm afraid if he feels obligated -- You are mind-reading. If he's not mature enough to be able to tell you he wants to do something else, that's his problem. The guy is inviting you to do things and still hanging out with you. You don't need to manage him. If he wants to go out with friends, he will tell you. Unless he's inattentive or stops or slows down on seeing you, don't assume anything. I often find myself assuming -- so how does it go when you do see each other on the previous weekend? I mean, do you two talk about it or do you just show up? Do you talk to each other in between? The next time you are with him, have a conversation about plans for the following weekend or as you are parting company say, "Hey, have a great week. See you next Xday?"
Author pcs13 Posted October 6, 2015 Author Posted October 6, 2015 I know he really enjoys hanging out with me and I'm probably overthinking but it's really hard to get rid of that feeling. I feel like this with everyone, always afraid that someone has to go our of their way to make me happy. When we meet up on weekend we don't talk about it but he would ask me out the next Saturday. Or we would say something along the line "yeah let's make it sometime/wanna do it next time?" We had a lazy Sunday last week and I told him we would do more activities next time and he said "you mean next Sunday?". It sounded a bit uncomfortable i don't know.. Like "hmmm i would like to do something else but i think she thinks we will go out next Sunday so I can't".
Author pcs13 Posted October 6, 2015 Author Posted October 6, 2015 He does text and call in between dates. I would like to tell him how I feel and say something like "hey it's ok if you want to be alone or with your friends" but I feel like I have no right to say so. I'm not his gf yet.
MoreAmore Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 Don't overthink this. If you're unsure, tell him... Hey I can find my own thing Saturday if you want to have a guys only day... I just thought you haven't in a while! I do wonder why you're never making plans with your friends?
Jinx01 Posted October 6, 2015 Posted October 6, 2015 The best thing to do is just ask him about it. Really you guys are newish so he probably enjoys this as much as you do.
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