Adding Men On Facebook...???

[circlesinfinity]

I figure maybe men do not like a friend request from someone they don't know. I have been denied or ignored from so many requests.

It is not my looks because, not to be conceited, but I'm seriously a beautiful woman. I refused to believe all men in their late 20s just want only "one thing".

 

When I send out requests I make sure we have two/three things in common (like fashion...I like men that dress nice, art, etc.), just in case we start to send messages back/forth. I also say I noticed something cool about their profile and that I would like to be friends.

 

This is an example of one I sent:

Hello,

I saw your profile from the sewing group, here on facebook. I absolutely love your style, I hope we can be friends. Take care

 

I mean was that too much? The men I request usually have a lot of friends from in a group so I'm not sure why I got rejected. This guy didn't even put me on " follow". He even took off his "add friend" feature.

 

 

What am I doing wrong?

 

Men can you answer as well please? I won't bite and I will appreciate it.

[lchf]

Any particular reason you're using facebook to try to meet people instead of other more dedicated channels? I keep my facebook for people I talk to on a regular basis and close friends and family. I don't accept requests from people I don't know. I find it annoying when people add me that I've never met.

[circlesinfinity]

Any particular reason you're using facebook to try to meet people instead of other more dedicated channels? I keep my facebook for people I talk to on a regular basis and close friends and family. I don't accept requests from people I don't know. I find it annoying when people add me that I've never met.

Hi

I am actually just using it as part of many other avenues I'm taking to meet people. I do not get approached and just want to connect with men. I do communicate when I add people though if they end up not saying anything I remove them.

I guess what you says makes sense for them not wanting to add me.

[circlesinfinity]

I just found it odd that the last guy didn't even put me on "follow" he has 200 people on follow...

I don't think he gets annoyed by the requests:rolleyes: at all.

[lchf]

Hi

I am actually just using it as part of many other avenues I'm taking to meet people. I do not get approached and just want to connect with men. I do communicate when I add people though if they end up not saying anything I remove them.

I guess what you says makes sense for them not wanting to add me.

 

I see. What other channels are you using?

 

Do you do any approaching in real life? Men really do appreciate that. Only happened to me once in my life but it was a treat. You say you're a beautiful woman (which I don't dispute) yet you aren't approached. Are you making yourself approachable? Or do you come across as cold and stand-offish?

[circlesinfinity]

I see. What other channels are you using?

 

Do you do any approaching in real life? Men really do appreciate that. Only happened to me once in my life but it was a treat. You say you're a beautiful woman (which I don't dispute) yet you aren't approached. Are you making yourself approachable? Or do you come across as cold and stand-offish?

No, I'm pretty old school. I remember I gave a coworker my number once and he never called. I mean even if I just want to be friends, I am rejected as a friend...wtf...

I mean I never saw myself as unattractive maybe I'm not the look men my age go for? It the only reason I can think of...to the point that I thought about cosmetic procedures because I don't want to be put in such painful situations like this with men anymore...

 

I am really reserved and shy. If a guy, in general, even talks to me in class I'm very friendly and smiling...it just naturally happens. I definitely like the presence of men...because I don't know anything about them sense they rarely talk to me!

 

I don't show interest in public because they turn their heads or "sneak look" at me. I know this because I go places with friends/relatives, they say they are always looking at me.

I just told them not to let me know this anymore. It is not like they are going to say hi or try and talk. Never happens...

And I hate people pointing out cute guys to me. I don't want to "drool" over someone for no reason. Like I said that hurts.

[lchf]

No, I'm pretty old school. I remember I gave a coworker my number once and he never called. I mean even if I just want to be friends, I am rejected as a friend...wtf...

I mean I never saw myself as unattractive maybe I'm not the look men my age go for? It the only reason I can think of...to the point that I thought about cosmetic procedures because I don't want to be put in such painful situations like this with men anymore...

 

I am really reserved and shy. If a guy, in general, even talks to me in class I'm very friendly and smiling...it just naturally happens. I definitely like the presence of men...because I don't know anything about them sense they rarely talk to me!

 

I don't show interest in public because they turn their heads or "sneak look" at me. I know this because I go places with friends/relatives, they say they are always looking at me.

I just told them not to let me know this anymore. It is not like they are going to say hi or try and talk. Never happens...

And I hate people pointing out cute guys to me. I don't want to "drool" over someone for no reason. Like I said that hurts.

 

At some point in time you'll need to push youself to approach if you want more interaction with men. If you sit and wait for guys to approach you but it never happens, a different course of action is required don't you agree? Guys might be initimidated by you. It takes balls to approach women and can be daunting for a lot of people. Meeting people is a two way street, and I don't think it matters who opens up the line of communication. If you meet someone you're into who cares who approached? Men go through a lot of rejection (as do women of course) but I recommend you don't only rely solely on men approaching you.

 

I'm generally a very introverted person and had so really push myself very hard to go out of my way to talk to women. I did it over time and have a 3 year relationship out of it. Of course being a man it's different because there is an expectation for me to do the approaching generally, but I know that a lot of quality guys really do appreciate having a girl talk to the them. Not all interactions will be gems, but one or two may be really good which progress into something further.

Edited October 5, 2015 by lchf

[GunslingerRoland]

I've only ever had facebook friends from IRL. If some random person messaged me on there, especially a beautiful woman, I'd probably assume it was just spam.

[circlesinfinity]

I've only ever had facebook friends from IRL. If some random person messaged me on there, especially a beautiful woman, I'd probably assume it was just spam.

 

Wow I've never thought of someone thinking this, it makes sense...?

[circlesinfinity]

At some point in time you'll need to push youself to approach if you want more interaction with men. If you sit and wait for guys to approach you but it never happens, a different course of action is required don't you agree? Guys might be initimidated by you. It takes balls to approach women and can be daunting for a lot of people. Meeting people is a two way street, and I don't think it matters who opens up the line of communication. If you meet someone you're into who cares who approached? Men go through a lot of rejection (as do women of course) but I recommend you don't only rely solely on men approaching you.

 

I'm generally a very introverted person and had so really push myself very hard to go out of my way to talk to women. I did it over time and have a 3 year relationship out of it. Of course being a man it's different because there is an expectation for me to do the approaching generally, but I know that a lot of quality guys really do appreciate having a girl talk to the them. Not all interactions will be gems, but one or two may be really good which progress into something further.

 

I am really terrified of men, I mean as far as approaching them. I didn't even become comfortable being around them until I hit my late 20s.

 

But I will try to open myself up more, to get more opportunities to talk to get friends

[Stage5Clinger]

You can type in the search bar "single women" or I'm assuming "single men" works too. Try that list instead of totally random guys.

[RecentChange]

A couple of things come to mind OP - first like some others have mentioned I only friend people on Facebook that I actually know. I never accept requests from strangers just weird....

 

Secondly you say you can't even talk to men? Have you ever had male friends? Did you get along with your father?

 

I ask because I consider myself a very average looking female, yet I find I get a lot of male attention.

 

Sure I get some cat calls and looks on the street but mostly I find that guys become very interested after they get to know me a bit.

 

Unlike you, I'm very comfortable around them and enjoy their company. I usually prefer conversations with men vs women as we tend to share more interest. I have had guy friends since I was a little kid.

 

I guess what I'm getting at is I don't think you need plastic surgery!! I think you need to learn how to be comfortable around and have conversations with men.

 

My experience cool confidence really lures them in.

[circlesinfinity]

A couple of things come to mind OP - first like some others have mentioned I only friend people on Facebook that I actually know. I never accept requests from strangers just weird....

 

Secondly you say you can't even talk to men? Have you ever had male friends? Did you get along with your father?

 

I ask because I consider myself a very average looking female, yet I find I get a lot of male attention.

 

Sure I get some cat calls and looks on the street but mostly I find that guys become very interested after they get to know me a bit.

 

Unlike you, I'm very comfortable around them and enjoy their company. I usually prefer conversations with men vs women as we tend to share more interest. I have had guy friends since I was a little kid.

 

I guess what I'm getting at is I don't think you need plastic surgery!! I think you need to learn how to be comfortable around and have conversations with men.

 

My experience cool confidence really lures them in.

I have a class with all men and I found out what I'm going back to school for is a high percentage of men. This should be interesting...

 

I have had male acquaintances no real friends...I'm very close to my brother, if that counts and my father was a narcissist.

[RecentChange]

I guess I am confused why you say you are terrified of men....

 

Maybe your new classes will help? More exposure?

 

Honestly I think there must be something about the way you are interacting with them. I would say counseling before surgery! Maybe you can get some insight as to why you are "terrified" and learn to interact with men more naturally.

 

I strike up conversations with strangers every day (I live / work / commute in a very urban area).

 

Any way, I have made new friends... And more by being nervy enough to walk up to a man I have never met before and strike up a conversation.

[bluefeather]

If I am seeing someone, I will never add girls I don't know. If I am not seeing someone, I will CONSIDER adding girls I don't know, if they are near me and/or have mutual friends, and that is still a maybe. I am extremely private. This is probably the most active I've been online in a long time. I came because I needed help, but otherwise I usually only open myself up to a very small amount of people I know IRL. I don't think most people are as extreme as I am, so maybe they think you are some other person just trying to get access to their account. I've been stalked, harassed, and bated with fake accounts before so I'm even more protective and selective with that **** now.

[circlesinfinity]

I guess I am confused why you say you are terrified of men....

 

Maybe your new classes will help? More exposure?

 

Honestly I think there must be something about the way you are interacting with them. I would say counseling before surgery! Maybe you can get some insight as to why you are "terrified" and learn to interact with men more naturally.

 

I strike up conversations with strangers every day (I live / work / commute in a very urban area).

 

Any way, I have made new friends... And more by being nervy enough to walk up to a man I have never met before and strike up a conversation.

Well, I am scared because at very young age I was teased by them and ignored a lot purposely...I was actually a bold young lady but of course boys are jerks until they mature.

The most recent incident happened in my late 20s, when a guy who friend I used to date, would yell my name out across the campus. He replied calling me ugly and telling me he doesn't know who the **ck I think I am for sending that message. The funny thing is that I didn't even curse or was disrespectful. I got sick of it and told him to leave me alone via email. So this guy found me alone on campus and got in my face trying too intimidate me with fear...I had to go to the police.

 

I have been strung along and even when I try to be only friends I get ignored, they pick and chose days where they want to say hi or not be rude.

 

I have serioulsy thought "why am I here"?

 

It's true, when it comes to even small interaction with the opposite sex, they act odd toward me. It feel like its a race at times, like I better act "funny" first before I in some way get hurt or disappointed...

 

I am actually surprised guys are even replying to my threads on here....lol...as silly as that seems.

 

At lease when the day comes that I can afford procedures, I will be irresistible enough where they can't pass me up! I want to be irresistible so I don't have to get hurt anymore, so I can have a chance.

Edited October 7, 2015 by circlesinfinity

[bluefeather]

Well, I am scared because at very young age I was teased by them and ignored a lot purposely...I was actually a bold young lady but of course boys are jerks until they mature.

The most recent incident happened in my late 20s, when a guy who friend I used to date, would yell my name out across the campus. He replied calling me ugly and telling me he doesn't know who the **ck I think I am for sending that message. The funny thing is that I didn't even curse or was disrespectful. I got sick of it and told him to leave me alone via email. So this guy found me alone on campus and got in my face trying too intimidate me with fear...I had to go to the police.

 

I have been strung along and even when I try to be only friends I get ignored, they pick and chose days where they want to say hi or not be rude.

 

I have serioulsy thought "why am I here"?

 

It's true, when it comes to even small interaction with the opposite sex, they act odd toward me. It feel like its a race at times, like I better act "funny" first before I in some way get hurt or disappointed...

 

I am actually surprised guys are even replying to my threads on here....lol...as silly as that seems.

 

At lease when the day comes that I can afford procedures, I will be irresistible enough where they can't pass me up! I want to be irresistible so I don't have to get hurt anymore, so I can have a chance.

 

What the kind of procedures are you talking about? do you have some kind of scar or something? Kinda strange and off-putting that a guy would come at you like that. Sounds like you've been hanging around the wrong crowd. Sounds like bullying.

[circlesinfinity]

What the kind of procedures are you talking about? do you have some kind of scar or something? Kinda strange and off-putting that a guy would come at you like that. Sounds like you've been hanging around the wrong crowd. Sounds like bullying.

Yes, it was unfortunately

I'm not sure yet...I have a Tyra Banks forehead but it never bothered me. I'm just trying to do what gets their attention enough to not want to pass me up. When I think of features I am talking about, I'm mean Aaliyah, Mila Kunis, the list goes on.

I want to be seen as a perfect 10, I'm going to figure this out...as soon as I get into a career. Ihave a nice shape and eat very healthy, my personality is nice, I'm working very hard on my mind...but of course that is a challenge.

 

I noticed all the nerdy/nice guys want a close to perfect girl. I won't lose myself in this process but I feel that I deserve things with men to be easier for me.

[Teraskas]

Honestly, I would welcome the chance of a woman adding me on Facebook.

But sadly, that has never happened.

 

Unfortunately contrary to what you've experienced, not all guys are douchebags or straight up immature.

Only those who have enjoyed female attention all their lives are that way, while sadly genuine guys such as myself and Targetlock get passed over all the time.

 

As mentioned previously, this is but a minor taste of countless rejections which some guys go through.

Some for a short period of time, others for years until they catch a lucky break.

 

Honestly, as a good (nice depending on the situation as unconditional niceness is seen as weakness these days.) person I'm not looking for physical perfection. (Although it's always a bonus. ^^)

What matters to me is a woman who shares a same style of humour, I can relate to, isn't too overly complicated, doesn't create unnecessary drama, etc.

 

I too feel I deserve things to be easier with women...doesn't mean it's going to happen, sadly. ^^

[bluefeather]

Yes, it was unfortunately

I'm not sure yet...I have a Tyra Banks forehead but it never bothered me. I'm just trying to do what gets their attention enough to not want to pass me up. When I think of features I am talking about, I'm mean Aaliyah, Mila Kunis, the list goes on.

I want to be seen as a perfect 10, I'm going to figure this out...as soon as I get into a career. Ihave a nice shape and eat very healthy, my personality is nice, I'm working very hard on my mind...but of course that is a challenge.

 

I noticed all the nerdy/nice guys want a close to perfect girl. I won't lose myself in this process but I feel that I deserve things with men to be easier for me.

 

Ok, I didn't really know who any of those people were, so I looked them up, except Aaliyah I know from Queen of the Damned, but that's it... ok, overall, those are far from 10s for me. Those all look average to me. I would strongly advise you against having your face changed unless there is some sort of damage/imperfection you want to get rid of. From what I'm reading so far, it sounds like you are just trying so hard to get attention from really sh*tty people.

[lchf]

Yes, it was unfortunately

I'm not sure yet...I have a Tyra Banks forehead but it never bothered me. I'm just trying to do what gets their attention enough to not want to pass me up. When I think of features I am talking about, I'm mean Aaliyah, Mila Kunis, the list goes on.

I want to be seen as a perfect 10, I'm going to figure this out...as soon as I get into a career. Ihave a nice shape and eat very healthy, my personality is nice, I'm working very hard on my mind...but of course that is a challenge.

 

I noticed all the nerdy/nice guys want a close to perfect girl. I won't lose myself in this process but I feel that I deserve things with men to be easier for me.

 

I really can't understand the logic you've applied to your situation. Most men are not on the lookout for the physical embodiment of perfection. "ideal" appearance is so subjective for everyone. What makes you think changing your feautures will improve your situation? Even if men see you as a perfect 10, in my opinion, it's not really going to improve your chances of them approaching you. If anything it might make them even further intimidated by you. It would be like me working really hard to get a body like Jay Cutler in the hopes that women will not be able to pass it up. Now even Jay Cutler has girls ogling over him, but that certainly doesn't mean every girl around finds him attractive.

 

You are focusing on the wrong channels here. Rather than being concerned of your appearance, work on opening up to men rather than trying to become a beacon of which they will *hopefully* be attracted to in the future. It's not going to happen. I also wish things were easier with women in the past but the hurt and rejection are a part of life that we all need to go through.

[Alwaysthinkofme]

Well, I am scared because at very young age I was teased by them and ignored a lot purposely...I was actually a bold young lady but of course boys are jerks until they mature.

The most recent incident happened in my late 20s, when a guy who friend I used to date, would yell my name out across the campus. He replied calling me ugly and telling me he doesn't know who the **ck I think I am for sending that message. The funny thing is that I didn't even curse or was disrespectful. I got sick of it and told him to leave me alone via email. So this guy found me alone on campus and got in my face trying too intimidate me with fear...I had to go to the police.

 

I have been strung along and even when I try to be only friends I get ignored, they pick and chose days where they want to say hi or not be rude.

 

I have serioulsy thought "why am I here"?

 

It's true, when it comes to even small interaction with the opposite sex, they act odd toward me. It feel like its a race at times, like I better act "funny" first before I in some way get hurt or disappointed...

 

I am actually surprised guys are even replying to my threads on here....lol...as silly as that seems.

 

At lease when the day comes that I can afford procedures, I will be irresistible enough where they can't pass me up! I want to be irresistible so I don't have to get hurt anymore, so I can have a chance.

 

There are going to be people who are going to be nasty, rude and compelled to confrontation. I dislike being around people for a similar reason, but it is always good to remember that not everyone is the same. It actually ends up being those you choose to associate with, I wouldn't communicate online with others you may hardly know and sometimes sending an email is all it takes to stir trouble. If someone genuinely likes you, they will let you know beyond digital..you have to ignore people who choose to express their anger onto you and go one with your life.

Edited October 7, 2015 by Alwaysthinkofme

[MissBee]

Different people use Facebook differently.

 

For me, Facebook is NOT a dating website. It's not meant for you to check out profiles then message and add people on the basis of wanting to date or know them. I don't personally use FB like that and I think others are the same.

 

I generally keep FB for people I actually know, be they friends, family, acquaintances from school, people I've met at conferences, I usually know them in some fashion. I have never gone searching for people to add and I usually do not respond to requests from people who add me esp if we don't even have mutual friends. The only "strangers" I accept are people who are in the same network, like I notice we have multiple friends in common, from their profile I can see either they're in the same field as me, hence we have mutual friends, or there is something linking us. The only strangers I request are also people with whom I have mutual friends, for example, they may always comment on a mutual friends' page so we have spoken to each other in comments before for quite some time, then eventually I might request them too (and this isn't even men specifically). I don't necessarily knock folks who try to meet romantic interests on FB, but for me I find it bizarre when complete random men try to add me and message me about "liking me" or "wanting to be friends" and I just wonder how they found my page. Like did they have nothing else to do?

 

I have dated people I met through social media, about 3 times, but it was organic. One guy was someone with whom I had mutual friends so we always ended up in the same comments threads and would respond to each other, found each other funny, thought similar things, so we ended up adding each other. Another was some years ago when I used to use Twitter, I became online friends with two guys who we always tweeted and retweeted each other, so then took it to private messages then eventually exchanged numbers. But just random FB adds asking to be friends seems a little weird to me...

[bluefeather]

I don't know, MissBee. After reading a lot of threads about online dating sites, I took a look at one, and its format kind of reminded me of facebook. It seems like facebook was made for dating. It has profile pics, messaging, you can choose who to respond to, etc.. I remember when it was originally just for college students. It's only in these later years that everyone and their grandmother has facebook and uses it to stay in contact with family and friends.

[MidwestUSA]

I don't know, MissBee. After reading a lot of threads about online dating sites, I took a look at one, and its format kind of reminded me of facebook. It seems like facebook was made for dating. It has profile pics, messaging, you can choose who to respond to, etc.. I remember when it was originally just for college students. It's only in these later years that everyone and their grandmother has facebook and uses it to stay in contact with family and friends.

 

Well, you never know. It doesn't hurt to scour friends' friends lists. I added a guy with whom I shared a lot of mutual friends, based on the fact that we were commenting on a lot of the same things, and seemed to have the same interests.

 

Tonight he packed my lunch before I left for work, dear husband that he is.