I dont know what I want anymore

[herms]

So I just broke off my 1 year relationship to the first girl I've ever gotten serious with, because I decided I needed to date some other women and see whats out there in the world before things got too long-term oriented. I should probably also mention that she was the first person I ever slept with.

 

Anyways, only a few days after breaking up with her, I met another girl at a club and ended up sleeping with her. The experience left me having some regrets, because I found that the sex wasnt as good as it was when I actually cared about the girl I was sleeping with. To be cliche, I'd say it was somewhat of a hollow experience.

 

So now im at a crossroads, I'm thinking about trying to get back together with my ex, but I dont know if I could do that without telling her about my little fling in the time we broke up (its only been two weeks since we broke up). I know she wants to get back together, but I wouldnt want to keep something like that from her, especially if she were to find out through someone else (its possible). I care about my ex a lot, but I still am not 100% positive that once I'm back in the relationship, I wouldnt start feeling the same way as before, and think the grass could be greener...

 

one partner for life is incredibly hard, I think... two, maybe I could live with, but I still think that inexperience can lead to many 'what if' questions later on in a relationship, and I'd never want to cheat on someone due to the feeling that I hadnt really experienced all I wanted to.

 

I dont want to lose this girl from my life forever, the thought of her dating someone else hurts.. and yet I'm not sure im ready to commit for the long haul.

I think I have that cursed male blood in my vains that would love to put this relationship on pause, freeze it for a bit... and then return like we never skipped a beat. I know it isnt possible, its hurtful, and selfish... but if only...

[lindya]

I still am not 100% positive that once I'm back in the relationship, I wouldnt start feeling the same way as before, and think the grass could be greener...

 

 

There's nothing like an unsatisfactory sexual experience with a new person to make you yearn for more familiar territory. Reading your post, however, it seems unquestionable that if you did get back into a relationship with your ex, the yearning for greener fields would quickly begin afresh.

[st8toftheheart]

You can't have it all.

 

You want to explore, but you don't want her out of your life? You want the relationship but you don't want to be tied down?

 

I think you're first approach of going out and seeing what the world has to offer is a good one. You felt that the relationship you were in had something lacking or had grown beyond the two of you.

 

So go forth and prosper.

 

Just be a little more conscious of the decision you make and why you are making them. Sleeping with a women you met in a bar may have not been the best thing to do in this circumstance.

[JadeStar]

Its only been 2 weeks since your break up. Its still fresh so I would give it more time before trying to go back. Its ok to explore new possibilites before settling, however not sure if meeting someone at a club and sleeping with them is the best thing to keep doing. Good luck.

 

 

Jade

[Lonestar]

Leave her alone, let her go. Don't you dare string her along until you make up your mind what you want. That's selfish and unfair to her. Don't run back for familiar sex and then break her heart because you need to bang other women. There's nothing wrong with what you're doing unless you drag your ex back into it. In the meantime, you have to deal with the very good possibility of her falling in love with someone else, and doing everything in bed with him that she did with you, from giving him head, to bending over the couch and letting him f*ck her from behind while she screams "your cock is so hard, f*ck me baby!" Then after he cums, they cuddle and kiss, and say I love you.

 

Sucks to think about it, don't it? But such is reality when you walk away from the one you love just for a little fun in other pastures. Don't think she isn't gonna have some fun too.

[reservoirdog1]

Gotta agree with Lonestar... I think you've blown it. True, you didn't cross any moral lines; you did break up with your GF before your ONS. Your GF would be justified in wanting to stay broken up -- why should she be happy being your backup just in case sex ISN'T all that great with somebody else?

 

The grass ain't always greener. I suggest you chalk this up to a life lesson learned, wish your GF all the best, and move on.

[herms]

I guess I know that im breaking up for the right reasons (there's more, that I havent mentioned)

 

briefly, things like how I was at her beck and call, the quintessential whipped boyfriend.

 

but after the other night, well, the sex was wild, a great one night stand-- but it was still meaningless, I felt pretty indifferent leaving the next morning. So now I think I'm considering jumping back into a less-than-satisfactory relationship purely for the peace of mind that the rest of my life will not be full of meaningless sex or worse, relationships that are even worse than mine was. I mean, atleast I had her loyalty, 100%. I can't prove it, but I'm sure of it.

 

Funny to preach loyalty after I took action so quickly after breaking up, I know... but hey I was born with a penis, its like being born with half a brain.

 

 

It doesnt help that I lost my virginity to this girl, and she had already slept with 7 people before meeting me. It's like the relationship was one-sided, she knew what was out there.. I have no idea. I waited for a long time so I thought that this relationship was a pretty special one, but I know that was naive now. I needed proof, some verification that we were as good as it gets. But now I dont think anyone ever gets that.

 

Thank you JadeStar, I think you are right, I need far more time to sort myself out, there's just that slight fear that I might wait too long

 

but fear is never a good basis for a relationship, that much I'm sure of.

 

I forget who said this but, you should stay in a relationship because you love them; not because they love you. I am sure she loved me, but I wasnt sure if I loved her.. better to make a break now then wait and waste both our time. I just wish the regret would go away.

 

If she became a lesbian that would be fantastic, it really would.

[JadeStar]

"If she became a lesbian that would be fantastic, it really would."

 

 

Naw that wouldn't be good, because then you would just want to join her and her friend. Unless thats what you're meaning.

 

 

 

Jade

[st8toftheheart]

Originally posted by herms

but after the other night, well, the sex was wild, a great one night stand-- but it was still meaningless, I felt pretty indifferent leaving the next morning. So now I think I'm considering jumping back into a less-than-satisfactory relationship purely for the peace of mind that the rest of my life will not be full of meaningless sex or worse, relationships that are even worse than mine was. I mean, atleast I had her loyalty, 100%. I can't prove it, but I'm sure of it.

 

You can't assume that all relationships and sex from here on in will be meaningless. Never settle.

 

I'd rather be alone than be in a meaningless relationship.

 

Just give yourself time.

[Curt]

I think you've presented some very interesting ideas.

 

You noted the following:

 

So now I think I'm considering jumping back into a less-than-satisfactory relationship

 

You know, of course, that the idea that you are considering, is neither fair to yourself nor to her.

 

... purely for the peace of mind that the rest of my life will not be full of meaningless sex or worse, relationships that are even worse than mine was.

 

As you already know, love should be a partnership between individials who share passion, committment, love, and mutual respect. To accept less than this, and "go through the motions" as you outline, is to reduce true love to a self-focused discipline, deviod of the true spectrum of emotion and devotion that makes it one of the most beautiful, life-giving elements of our world.

 

You must not only have each other's loyalty, but each other's sacrificial love as well.

 

Take time to reflect, heal, refocus, and then move on. Let her do the same.

 

Peace.

 

Curt