How to answer "Why are you here?" in Online dating?

[galaxyman]

I find that on Tinder or OKcupid (or any form of online dating), I usually get asked "Why are you here?" by a girl.

 

And, I find that I don't really know how to answer that. Off the top of my head, I can only see 2 possible answers:

 

1. Honest: "I've been lonely as of late, + I'm horny." (That's it. There is nothing really "deep" at work here).

 

2. Generic: "I'm here to meet people. No one my age at work."

 

 

But, something tells me that they actually want to know if I'm interested in a) a relationship, or b) a random hookup.

 

Problem is that I really don't know how I'll feel about the girl until I actually spend time with her. Maybe I will want a relationship. Maybe I'll just want to hook up with her casually.

 

 

Has anyone else here had this experience? What do you think women mean when they're asking "Why are you here?".

[Redhead14]

I find that on Tinder or OKcupid (or any form of online dating), I usually get asked "Why are you here?" by a girl.

 

And, I find that I don't really know how to answer that. Off the top of my head, I can only see 2 possible answers:

 

1. Honest: "I've been lonely as of late, + I'm horny." (That's it. There is nothing really "deep" at work here).

 

2. Generic: "I'm here to meet people. No one my age at work."

 

 

But, something tells me that they actually want to know if I'm interested in a) a relationship, or b) a random hookup.

 

Problem is that I really don't know how I'll feel about the girl until I actually spend time with her. Maybe I will want a relationship. Maybe I'll just want to hook up with her casually.

 

 

Has anyone else here had this experience? What do you think women mean when they're asking "Why are you here?".

 

They are asking what your dating goal is -- long-term committed or casual relationship.

 

You don't change your dating goals according to the person you are dating. If you are looking for a relationship and the other person isn't, you move on or vice versa.

 

If you are looking for a relationship and you date a woman you know for sure wouldn't be a good long term candidate, you don't decide to just be casual with her while seeking other long-term candidates. That's about keeping a woman on the back burner or stringing her along.

 

If both parties are on the same page in terms of overall dating goal, great. If not, move on. Both are looking for casual or both are looking for relationship.

[kendahke]

I find that on Tinder or OKcupid (or any form of online dating), I usually get asked "Why are you here?" by a girl.

 

And, I find that I don't really know how to answer that. Off the top of my head, I can only see 2 possible answers:

 

1. Honest: "I've been lonely as of late, + I'm horny." (That's it. There is nothing really "deep" at work here).

 

2. Generic: "I'm here to meet people. No one my age at work."

 

 

But, something tells me that they actually want to know if I'm interested in a) a relationship, or b) a random hookup.

 

Problem is that I really don't know how I'll feel about the girl until I actually spend time with her. Maybe I will want a relationship. Maybe I'll just want to hook up with her casually.

 

 

Has anyone else here had this experience? What do you think women mean when they're asking "Why are you here?".

 

I get asked that, too, by males, so it's not exclusive to women asking that.

 

They may ask that for the above reasons or they're asking to find out what it is you're there to do.

 

Frankly "the same reason why you're here--what is your reason?" might be the appropriate reply.

[Fletch Lives]

Ah, the interview questions.

 

Shut down the interview by diffusing with humor. Often, they will forget the original question.

 

So tell them you are looking for signs of intelligent life, or aliens. Or tell them you are there for the free sandwiches.

 

When they ask, "What do you look for in a woman", say, "A pulse..... if there is none, we call 911!"

[Toodaloo]

Because I haven't met anyone I want to commit to yet and for some reason the men I meet day to day are unsuitable so I thought I would give this a try.

 

That is my answer...

 

Honest, simple. Not expecting anything.

 

What are you looking for is usually the next one.

[LilaMarie]

They are asking what your dating goal is -- long-term committed or casual relationship.

 

You don't change your dating goals according to the person you are dating. If you are looking for a relationship and the other person isn't, you move on or vice versa.

 

If you are looking for a relationship and you date a woman you know for sure wouldn't be a good long term candidate, you don't decide to just be casual with her while seeking other long-term candidates. That's about keeping a woman on the back burner or stringing her along.

 

If both parties are on the same page in terms of overall dating goal, great. If not, move on. Both are looking for casual or both are looking for relationship.

 

 

 

^ That is exactly why I ask that question (what are you looking for/why are you on here). They are looking for FWB or ONS ...byeeee! Delete and block

[Jejangles]

When I get asked this, I just say ultimately I am looking for a more serious relationship, but with the right person, I'm not in a big rush. Guys seem to respond well to that. If anything, I seem to attract more guys who are in a big hurry to get into something serious with someone, anyone, which I find a big turn off.

[d0nnivain]

Why are you here is a different question in my mind then what are you looking for in a relationship / dating?

 

 

The former implies that there is something wrong with being on a dating site but considering the other person is there too, it's seems obnoxious to ask.

 

 

The latter is more of an are we on the same page hook up v ltr? At which point I'd be open to stating my dating goal.

[joseb]

Why are you here is a different question in my mind then what are you looking for in a relationship / dating?

 

 

The former implies that there is something wrong with being on a dating site but considering the other person is there too, it's seems obnoxious to ask.

 

 

The latter is more of an are we on the same page hook up v ltr? At which point I'd be open to stating my dating goal.

 

I was thinking this too. But maybe they just don't phrase the question well.

[thecrucible]

I'd always be honest but give whatever I say a positive spin. Then I'd ask the same question back. I know why people ask that. It's better to know what the person wants so you don't waste your time flogging a dead horse.

[shet]

I'm male, if it isn't made clear on a profile, I always ask. What are you looking for here, is how I phrase it. The act of asking itself seems to put off 50% of women. I'm not handsome enough to pull in many casual types, who tend to be the prettier ones with faces full of makeup for obvious reasons. Even so, I can go on dates with women nearing 40 with grey hair and 2 cats who bail when I explain I'm not looking to get laid, even if we talked about it prior to the date. There's definitely a contingent of women out there, of any age, who have an iron-clad sense of entitlement to mens dicks.

[phineas]

when a woman asks me this I assume she has issues because that kind of question seems off.

i've never been wrong.

[TunaCat]

I ask the question because I want to know if the other person is looking for something serious (like I am) or just a fling. I don't beat around the bush. I'm not one to dance around the topic. I don't want to waste the other person's time if we aren't looking for the same thing.

[neowulf]

Eh, I look at the question as a bit of an ice breaker, that's all.

 

My response is usually;

 

"Well, most of my friends are coupled up, so I was looking for new ways to expand my social circle and meet people I might otherwise not cross paths with. I've never really enjoyed the club scene, so this seemed like it was worh a try"

 

I don't bother over thinking it.

[galaxyman]

When I get asked this, I just say ultimately I am looking for a more serious relationship, but with the right person, I'm not in a big rush. Guys seem to respond well to that. If anything, I seem to attract more guys who are in a big hurry to get into something serious with someone, anyone, which I find a big turn off.

 

I like your response:

"Ultimately I am looking for a more serious relationship, but with the right person, I'm not in a big rush."

 

This seems honest and clear.

 

Do you guys think that it's best for people to post their answer on their profile (on tinder, okc, etc)?