Why do I keep attracting overweight women?

[oberkeat]

I don’t want to insult anybody when I say this. But I am not attracted to overweight women. I like girls with thin or muscular bodies and perky butts. Absolutely, there’s decent guys out there for whom weight isn’t an issue, and I firmly believe these girls deserve to find one of those dudes who will love them for who they are. I'm just not one of them. But dammit, I’m still attracting girls who are the direct opposite of what I want. I want to find a single woman who has a nice body (plus a minimum of emotional baggage, never been married, no kids, is outgoing and has good conversation and social skills.)

 

 

 

But it seems like I never end up going on dates with those women, and they never demonstrate any interest in me. Instead, I keep finding myself on dates with girls who are overweight, have emotional problems, etc. I’m not overweight. I exercise 5 days a week, slim, and I don’t even drink soda. I don’t understand why this keeps occurring. What must I do to attract the women that are right for me and that have the traits that I desire? Why aren't I attracting those women?

[Oregon_Dude]

Because you're short or have some perceived "flaw" that makes them think they can get you.

[alphamale]

many fat girls are very aggressive. its the only way they can get dates.

[RoseVille]

Your focus is misplaced.

 

Instead of focusing on what you don't want, focus on what you do. Focus on why the women you do want aren't interested in you.

[Oregon_Dude]

Simply stated: the fit, sane women (relatively speaking, of course) are in super high demand, and unless you've got model looks and a big bank account, you are not what they want.

 

The heavy girls, on the other hand, have fewer options. To them, you are one of them.

 

I am not into heavy girls either OP. I would rather be single than date someone whose body turns me off.

[StocksnBlondes]

What else do you have to offer besides exercising 5 days a week and slim Nd are "decent"?

 

What demographic like age are you seeking?

 

Why not meeting people at the gym? Biking group? Hiking group? Can't be that many overweight people vs normal weight so odds are in your favor.

[GunslingerRoland]

Yeah that's odd, you keep finding yourself on dates with overweight women... like as in you don't know how you got there?

 

They sneak up behind you, chloroform you and you wake up in red lobster?

 

If you're meeting them through online dating... I guess only meet girls with pictures that show their bodies.... but the average person in the western world is overweight in 2015... so expect that your average date will be overweight. You can probably adjust those odds up quite significantly based on single available women as well.

[StocksnBlondes]

Simply stated: the fit, sane women (relatively speaking, of course) are in super high demand, and unless you've got model looks and a big bank account, you are not what they want.

 

The heavy girls, on the other hand, have fewer options. To them, you are one of them.

 

I am not into heavy girls either OP. I would rather be single than date someone whose body turns me off.

 

Agreed. So what size do you consider "heavy"

[maysj18]

If finding that right person was easy, quick, and painless then relationships wouldn't be a big deal. You have to understand that finding the right person for you is like finding a needle in a haystack, because it's an extremely special bond that you obviously don't want with just anyone.

 

Secondly, there's not a step by step guide on attracting specific people. Each person is an individual, so there's no such thing as a one size fits all dating style. Maybe girl A sees you as someone funny and easy to talk to while girl B thinks you have a cute smile- I don't know. It's all about what that one person sees in you.

 

It's not like you're attracting only heavier women because you are doing something wrong..that's stupid. You just haven't captivated anyone that meshes with you yet. That's how dating works. Just stop putting pressure on the situation and thinking that you need to change something. All the people I've known that have made it a point to follow dating "rules" have landed flat on their face because it just comes off weird and inhuman. Just be you and be patient. Don't date people you don't want to date and approach those you find to be good looking. You'll get it sooner or later.

[Oregon_Dude]

Agreed. So what size do you consider "heavy"

I dunno. Weight that can be lost, which isn't being lost.

[kpl]

Where to begin with this. Over weight is not a negative quality when dating. It is your preference to not date over weight women...ok fine...but why do you end up on dates with them. That is crazy.

 

Emotional baggage (a bunch issue) ppl with baggage issues attract others with issues.

[kpl]

Where to begin with this. Over weight is not a negative quality when dating. It is your preference to not date over weight women...ok fine...but why do you end up on dates with them. That is crazy.

 

Emotional baggage (a bunch issue) ppl with baggage issues attract others with issues.

 

sorry meant to right a much bigger issue...

[carhill]

OP, could you explain the 'I'm attracting overweight women' part more fully? Are overweight women approaching you and asking you on dates? Etc, etc.

 

Perhaps I'm a bit oblivious to this issue because I never went out on a date with a woman I wasn't attracted to, approached and asked out on a date. Overweight women never approached me, at all. The one I married was entirely my moves, as far as dating and proposing anyway. If I had to struggle to remember an encounter where it seemed I was being approached, it would have been, during one of her chunky periods, a MW I'd had long contact with. In retrospect, I don't think that was because I was attracting her, rather I had something she wanted.

 

Why?

 

IDK. Could be demographics, could be your aura, could be no reason at all, or a million reasons. Short answer is don't date people you're not attracted to. Women had no problem rejecting my offers of dates because they didn't find me attractive and I found that instructive. Try something else if what you're doing now isn't working. You have lots of choices in this regard. Good luck!

[Ruby Slippers]

Why are you going on dates with women you're not attracted to? Are you being tricked with outdated pictures on OLD?

 

If you're going on dates with women you can see are outside the range of what you find attractive, I suggest you stop. If you try to lower your standards because of a lack of attractive options, you're just going to find prospects you're not really excited about, a warm body basically.

 

Shift your focus to the kinds of women you want to attract. Make yourself a more attractive prospect for them.

[oberkeat]

Yeah that's odd, you keep finding yourself on dates with overweight women... like as in you don't know how you got there?

 

They sneak up behind you, chloroform you and you wake up in red lobster?

 

If you're meeting them through online dating... I guess only meet girls with pictures that show their bodies.... but the average person in the western world is overweight in 2015... so expect that your average date will be overweight. You can probably adjust those odds up quite significantly based on single available women as well.

 

So, what's happening is that most of the dates I get are via online dating, and on more occasions than not, I've been dismayed and surprised when my date showed up being much more 'plump' than she presented herself in her dating profile. It's hard to tell what people's weight issues are when they're only using headshots, and when they check their body type as 'curvy'. I mean, wtf does that even mean?

Edited October 5, 2015 by oberkeat

[Oregon_Dude]

It's hard to tell what people's weight issues are when they're only using headshots, and when they check their body type as 'curvy'. I mean, wtf does that even mean?

Are you new to OLD and generally clueless about it?

 

These things you mentioned are total give-aways that they are overweight, dude. That's basically OLD 101.

[oldshirt]

It's not that you are attracting overweight women. It's that you are failing to attract the level of women you want.

 

 

young, attractive, thin, fit women are in demand from everything from high school boys to elderly billionaires. In order to attract and secure one of those, you have to beat out the rest of the competition.

 

 

You have to be in at least the league you want to play in if not even the next league up.

[maysj18]

I dunno. Weight that can be lost, which isn't being lost.

 

As a doctor, this is a dangerous way of thinking. Everyone has weight they can lose. I'm seeing more and more issues with the younger generation becoming so focused on "clean eating" and "fitness" that they are creating similar problems seen in both anorexics and those with obesity. It is NOT normal or necessarily healthy to be as low in body fat as some of today's professional "fitness" gurus. When clean-eating and exercise are of such a high priority, your entire week is surrounded by meal plans, hours at the gym, etc., then it may be a good idea to do some self-evaluation.

 

I only say this because it breaks my heart to see my patients and other young adults like me so dangerously obsessed with something toxic that is being masked as something healthy. So many of the bodies on Instagram labeled as "fitspiration" are bodies of people who spend their entire life working out, obsessing over food, making meal plans, attending personal trainer appointments, etc. Most also have a genetic component that makes them naturally leaner or bulkier. For an everyday person with a career, a family, hobbies, etc., these body shapes are unattainable (for good reason) and it pisses me off so badly when uneducated personal trainers or self-proclaimed nutritionists tell the world otherwise.

 

________________________________________________________________

 

TLDR: Body fat is normal and some body types require more fat on the frame than others. Assess what you consider to be overweight, for both you and your dates, because you may be grossly mistaken on what's realistic and what's unhealthy.

[losangelena]

Oh yeah, head shots and "curvy." Welp, now you know—make sure they have a full body shot at least.

 

I've got some meat on my bones. When I was doing OLD, I made sure to have photos that fully represented how I actually look, and I also listed my body type as "a little extra," which to my mind is more straightforward than "curvy." To do anything less would be shooting myself in the foot; after-all, isn't the point of dating to find someone who will actually be attracted to you??

 

I know not every person is that honest online, but I would not ask someone out unless/until you feel like you have sufficient info.

[stillafool]

So, what's happening is that most of the dates I get are via online dating, and on more occasions than not, I've been dismayed and surprised when my date showed up being much more 'plump' than she presented herself in her dating profile. It's hard to tell what people's weight issues are when they're only using headshots, and when they check their body type as 'curvy'. I mean, wtf does that even mean?

 

Can't you update your profile to say you only like thin women?

[oberkeat]

OP, could you explain the 'I'm attracting overweight women' part more fully? Are overweight women approaching you and asking you on dates? Etc, etc.

 

Perhaps I'm a bit oblivious to this issue because I never went out on a date with a woman I wasn't attracted to, approached and asked out on a date. Overweight women never approached me, at all. The one I married was entirely my moves, as far as dating and proposing anyway. If I had to struggle to remember an encounter where it seemed I was being approached, it would have been, during one of her chunky periods, a MW I'd had long contact with. In retrospect, I don't think that was because I was attracting her, rather I had something she wanted.

 

Why?

 

IDK. Could be demographics, could be your aura, could be no reason at all, or a million reasons. Short answer is don't date people you're not attracted to. Women had no problem rejecting my offers of dates because they didn't find me attractive and I found that instructive. Try something else if what you're doing now isn't working. You have lots of choices in this regard. Good luck!

 

Overweight women are the only ones messaging me on OLD, and when I set up dates, I show up to find that the girls are much heavier than their profile implied. IDK why either, Carhill. It's like I've got a fat magnet attached to me. It makes me feel like, "this is the best I can get? these are the only ones who find me attractive?" That really bothers me.

[oberkeat]

Couple things folks: No fat jokes or personal shots and this is a peer to peer discussion forum and the site owner prohibits members holding themselves out as professionals with regard to advice rendered.

 

If in doubt, please inquire of the thread starter what parameters they describe as 'overweight' and go with those. This is a thread to work their issue, not debate weight, though members certainly can do that elsewhere on LoveShack.org. Thanks!

 

I made a point to say at the outset that thin athletic women are just my personal preference, and that these women deserve somebody who will love them for who they are. This thread is really about why I'm not attracting the women I do desire, and what things I can do to change that.

[carhill]

Ah, that last quote underscores a great distinction and a choice you can make OP. If using OLD, consider all first personal encounters to be 'meets' not 'dates', hence if you meet someone who isn't as they presented themselves, or is and you're simply not attracted, you're not dating them, rather you met them, no go and next.

 

You definitely could and IMO should list your body type preferences in your profile, or talk about your personal philosophies in that area in the body of your profile, so any potential viewers or respondents will be disclosed. You may meet fewer women but they will be women who match up more closely with your preferences.

 

Additionally, continue to meet women socially in real life. Cover all the bases. Adapt and overcome.

[Oregon_Dude]

My last take on this:

 

fit, attractive women have plenty of opportunities to meet men IRL. Basically they can just walk out the door. Less attractive and overweight women must turn to other avenues like OLD to meet people. Men, who also are not hit on generally in everyday life, also must find ways to meet people - so they turn to OLD. Thus, it is nor a mystery, nor should it be, when twixt the two should meet.

 

I take a Groucho Marxian opinion of OLD: I wouldn't want to be part of any club that would have me as a member. Women on OLD are part of that club. I've been on and off of it for 5+ years, and NEVER met a keeper. To me, that's enough experience to write the entire endeavor off.

[One_Made_of_Silver]

What else do you have to offer besides exercising 5 days a week and slim Nd are "decent"?

 

What demographic like age are you seeking?

 

Why not meeting people at the gym? Biking group? Hiking group? Can't be that many overweight people vs normal weight so odds are in your favor.

 

Yes, OP, if you're being approached by women you aren't attracted to, why not try putting more effort into finding/approaching women you are attracted to?