Why do I keep attracting overweight women?

[kendahke]

Women are going to contact you whether or not they meet your specifications. That's a quirk of OLD. They may have entered in a search parameter that put you on their list. There is really nothing you can do to stop that outside of blocking them when they contact you or getting off of OLD altogether and sticking to in-person introductions. Plenty of men who are out of my preferences contact me, but I take a look at their profile and if I'm turned off by what I see, I block them and keep it moving.

 

I see nothing wrong with stating up front that you want a woman of a specific look and carriage. Everyone is entitled to their preferences. I certainly don't want men with small children underfoot, a bunch of ex-wives/girlfriends/babymamas, bad teeth, men who are drunks or who physically turn me off. If they do nothing for me, I pass.

 

Tis my preference.

[Shining One]

OP, maybe you need to employ the filters on your OLD site, or switch to one that provides filtering.

I've often wondered why OLD sites don't provide a greater level of detail in this area. You can precisely set things like height and age, but you can't specify weight or measurements. Instead, you are stuck with a vague "body type" that is often abused.

 

I've seen a few profiles with "Match Verified" watermarks in the pictures. I wonder if the demand is high enough to verify other physical attributes as well.

[Revan32]

Here's the thing. I am a slim, toned, gym-going woman and yet I found your post pretty shallow. I can see why others were offended.

 

Of course its shallow. The thing is, the entire human race is shallow in at least one way or another. There is not a single person on here who can seriously claim that looks don't matter at all to them. Everyone has somewhere they draw the line. Be it at bad teeth, horrid acne, shortness, baldness, or yes, fatness. Who's to say which of those is more or less shallow than the others? Just because you may be fine with someone who is fat, doesn't mean every one else does too. Maybe you don't like guys who are bald, yet some girls are fine with that. Would you like it if they started calling you shallow for your reasonable preferences? I don't it.

[empresario]

I'm going to just put this here, and it's not meant to be offensive:

 

It's simple economics. Supply and demand. The type of girl you're describing is actually somewhat rare these days. And there is a high number of men that want that. So, they have their pick of the litter.

 

Essentially, you have to ask yourself...in what area are you willing to compromise?

 

If you want a thin woman...does it matter if she has full on acne? Does it matter if she has an abused past?

 

What you want is stereotypically what most men want. So unless you're in that top 10% of what you have to offer...you may just need to adjust your standards a bit.

 

I was once in your boat. The top prospects didn't want me. Now that I'm successful, attractive, confident, and in shape, they do. Living, breathing proof that vanity is still a thing, and that you have to be the complete package to attract the complete package.

[BluEyeL]

Of course its shallow. The thing is, the entire human race is shallow in at least one way or another. There is not a single person on here who can seriously claim that looks don't matter at all to them. Everyone has somewhere they draw the line. Be it at bad teeth, horrid acne, shortness, baldness, or yes, fatness. Who's to say which of those is more or less shallow than the others? Just because you may be fine with someone who is fat, doesn't mean every one else does too. Maybe you don't like guys who are bald, yet some girls are fine with that. Would you like it if they started calling you shallow for your reasonable preferences? I don't it.

 

I remember a thread that a woman opened here a while back that was just the mirror image of this one. "Why do I attract only fat, short and bald men?". It was similarly heated and she was accused of the same as the guy in the OP.

 

Basically, his question is not a question, is a rant that basically says "I'm INSULTED that overweight women would even THINK that they can get me". Same as the woman a while back. So, IMO it's not a "preference" or a "question" but a rant and a somewhat hateful message towards those unattractive types who dare to think they can get his highness. Thus, not nice.

 

The same issue could be nicely rephrased in "what can I do to attract the type of women I am attracted to and that are attractive to a lot of other men? What did others do that helped?".

 

 

I say if you are not attracting the hot women, you are not hot enough. Simple. Be better instead of hating those who are not as awesome as you are at this time. Their weight may be their personal failure, but it is definitely not their fault for your failures.

Edited October 6, 2015 by BluEyeL

[Revan32]

I remember a thread that a woman opened here a while back that was just the mirror image of this one. "Why do I attract only fat, short and bald men?". It was similarly heated and she was accused of the same as the guy in the OP.

 

Basically, his question is not a question, is a rant that basically says "I'm INSULTED that overweight women would even THINK that they can get me". Same as the woman a while back. So, IMO it's not a "preference" or a "question" but a rant and a somewhat hateful message towards those unattractive types who dare to think they can get his highness. Thus, not nice.

 

The same issue could be nicely rephrased in "what can I do to attract the type of women I am attracted to and that are attractive to a lot of other men? What did others do that helped?".

 

 

I say if you are not attracting the hot women, you are not hot enough. Simple. Be better instead of hating those who are not as awesome as you are at this time. Their weight may be their personal failure, but it is definitely not their fault for your failures.

 

I get what you're saying, but OP asked in as pretty much polite way as possible. And this is the perfect place to ask such questions as saying this stuff in real life is considered rude. But thats why we are all here. Your way may have been a better way to ask, but hindsight is 20/20.

 

To be honest I do understand what he's complaining about. Bigger women usually are the most aggressive. Which I don't really have a problem with, but sometimes you kinda think to yourself "what is she thinking?" when a morbidly obese women makes a pass at you. And believe me, its happened more than once. OP just wishes all the skinny women would come on to him as hard as the bigger ones. Its a nice dream, but its also lazy. If you want a hot chick you gotta go out and get her.

[oberkeat]

Basically, his question is not a question, is a rant that basically says "I'm INSULTED that overweight women would even THINK that they can get me". Same as the woman a while back. So, IMO it's not a "preference" or a "question" but a rant and a somewhat hateful message towards those unattractive types who dare to think they can get his highness. Thus, not nice.

 

I never said anything like that in my post, Blu. That is what you read into it.

[StocksnBlondes]

While the OPs thread may be a bit of a rant out of frustration ...he's got a conundrum on his hands and really trying to figure it all out.

 

If you're an average looking guy in a sea of other guys ...what do you have to offer??? Please answer the question.

[fitnessfan365]

So, what's happening is that most of the dates I get are via online dating, and on more occasions than not, I've been dismayed and surprised when my date showed up being much more 'plump' than she presented herself in her dating profile. It's hard to tell what people's weight issues are when they're only using headshots, and when they check their body type as 'curvy'. I mean, wtf does that even mean?

 

Haha..welcome to my world man. I try to keep a sense of humor over the irony because I'm a personal trainer.

 

But it has happened to me so many times, I've lost track by now. My preferences are on my profile, and I make it clear once again on the phone when bad online dating stories come up. Yet even though these "athletic and toned" and "curvy" women claim they're fit and love to exercise, they show up being massively obese. I remember once I arranged to meet up w/a massage therapist who worked out of a gym. From her pics, she looked really athletic. When I show up, I see this land mass off in the distance dressed like how she described. I could just feel a wave of disappointment wash over me..LOL I was tempted just to turn around and walk back to my car. But I walked over, was honest about it not being a good fit, and I walked out.

[losangelena]

To be honest I do understand what he's complaining about. Bigger women usually are the most aggressive. Which I don't really have a problem with, but sometimes you kinda think to yourself "what is she thinking?" when a morbidly obese women makes a pass at you. And believe me, its happened more than once. OP just wishes all the skinny women would come on to him as hard as the bigger ones. Its a nice dream, but its also lazy. If you want a hot chick you gotta go out and get her.

 

OK, I agree with your assertion that OP's stance is a bit on the lazy side and he could do more to be making things happen ...

 

But, "what is she thinking?!" Who says a morbidly obese person isn't entitled to at least try and get what they want? I'd say good for them for having the confidence to approach someone they find attractive. Isn't that more than what can currently be said about the OP? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

This is exactly the kind of attitude people are perceiving OP to have (whether or not he feels that way), this notion that, "OH NOES, LE FATS DARED SPEAK TO ME! FAT B*TCHES BE CRAY"

 

Well, excuse the fat lady for f*cking living.

[BlueIris]

While the OPs thread may be a bit of a rant out of frustration ...he's got a conundrum on his hands and really trying to figure it all out.

 

If you're an average looking guy in a sea of other guys ...what do you have to offer??? Please answer the question.

 

Yes.

 

Ok, OP, so filter by looks. Absolutely. But understand that many many women reject men because they bore them or annoy them. I won’t go into detail on this because it’s mean, just as mean as going on about the inadequacy of a woman’s physical appearance. Suffice it to say that just as many men are highly attuned to physicality, many women are highly attuned to personality and whether a guy seems to be someone we might want to spend, eh, 50+ hours per week with indefinitely. Men who write this off as unimportant automatically dump themselves into the not-interesting pool and very few women are going to bother to debate it with them because men who do not respect that it is important to lots of women are dismissive, stubborn, inflexible, myopic... aka boring.

 

An analogy is the dead-fish in bed, people who are just not engaged and interactive having sex. In the same vein, there are people who are dead-fish thinkers or conversationalists. It really is important to many people, many women.

Edited October 6, 2015 by BlueIris

[jay1983]

I was listening to Tom Leykis one day he was saying fat women are for poor men and the more money a man made, the thinner and more his wife would be.

 

When I drive out to higher end areas hang out or go shopping or anytime I walk into a fancy hotel, there's just nothing but beautiful women everywhere,

[BC1980]

Yes.

 

Ok, OP, so filter by looks. Absolutely. But understand that many many women reject men because they bore them or annoy them. I won’t go into detail on this because it’s mean, just as mean as going on about the inadequacy of a woman’s physical appearance. Suffice it to say that just as many men are highly attuned to physicality, many women are highly attuned to personality and whether a guy seems to be someone we might want to spend, eh, 50+ hours per week with indefinitely. Men who write this off as unimportant automatically dump themselves into the not-interesting pool and very few women are going to bother to debate it with them because men who do not respect that it is important to lots of women are dismissive, stubborn, inflexible, myopic... aka boring.

 

I've realized that as a general rule, men and women look for different things in relationships. Pretty much all of my guy friends say they would rather have a woman who they feel to be average looking if she has a perfect body. I've found that a lot of women are more interested in a guy they perceive to have an attractive face but with a little pudge. I think women are also interested in job security and personality to a higher degree than men.

 

And to the OP, if you are doing OLD, realize that it is basically set up to sell yourself based on outward appearances. People are going to put pictures up where they look the best. The best angles, ect. No one is going to put a terrible picture of themselves up. So just go into it realizing that the person is not going to look exactly like the picture. And guys do it too. When I was doing OLD awhile back, I met a guy who was at least 20 lbs. heavier than his pictures indicated. And he had a lot of pictures posted, full body pics too. I was kind taken aback when I saw him, but, personally, I didn't care. He was a good conversationalist with a nice smile. But that's just me. I'm not overly concerned with weight. But I've found that most guys are highly concerned with a woman's weight and body.

 

Like I said, women are usually more interested in conversation, loyalty, intelligence, and, often, if you have a steady job. That is a big deal for many women because it shows stability. I also went on a few dates with a guy from OLD who I was physically attracted to but who had no career or any personal goals. He job hopped and had been out of work for a few months here and there his entire life. He said that is why his wife had eventually divorced him. He couldn't provide for their kids. For me, that was the biggest turnoff. He was a nice guy with similar interests as me, but I have realized that career and job stability are big for me.

[Eighty_nine]

Here's the thing. I am a slim, toned, gym-going woman and yet I found your post pretty shallow. I can see why others were offended.

 

Exactly. I consider myself an attractive woman with a nice body and still felt sorta appalled at your post. You don't know if you -gasp- could be attracted to a woman with some curves because you've already decided they're "below" you! No one is telling you to be attracted to obese women. But it's obvious that your thoughts about what you could and could not be attracted to are super narrow and rigid.

[normal person]

I feel like the OP's post is a red herring. He writes "why do I keep attracting overweight women?" when he really just wants to know "why don't I have success with thin women?"

 

OP, overweight women are just going to message you, I don't see why it's an issue -- you can just ignore or politely decline if that's not your thing. You're entitled to your own preferences but your preferences seem to be incongruent to the type of girl you're actually able to attract. So I think the actual issue is "what could you do to get a girl you like?"

 

Are you successful? Different? Unique? Interesting? Exciting? Funny? What is it about you that you're expecting these women to be so attracted to? Or are you just another face in the crowd? A hot girl can be with pretty much any guy she wants so if you're in the market for her you're going to have to pay a premium for her with some aspect of you that's equally as desirable. What is it? If you don't have anything, then that's the answer to all your questions here.

[xxoo]

I love the double standard here. Women won't even look at you if you're not a certain height. But it's shallow that a man wants someone who isn't overweight, which is something that CAN be changed.

 

There is no double standard. It is highly likely that the thin women not dating the OP also have their own standards, which he does not meet.

 

Everyone is allowed to have their standards. If your own standards prevent you from finding suitable dates, you personally have a problem--but it doesn't make it generally wrong to have standards.

[40 Fonzarelli]

There is no double standard. It is highly likely that the thin women not dating the OP also have their own standards, which he does not meet.

 

Everyone is allowed to have their standards. If your own standards prevent you from finding suitable dates, you personally have a problem--but it doesn't make it generally wrong to have standards.

 

That's not what I was referring to. It seemed like the OP was being attacked and labeled as shallow for having this preference.

[xxoo]

That's not what I was referring to. It seemed like the OP was being attacked and labeled as shallow for having this preference.

 

Well, it is shallow, but that's not an attack. It's just reality, and a good thing to recognize if you're struggling. He may be overlooked for shallow reasons, as well.

[William]

Under our new gender berating policy, labeling members personally with derogatory labels is actionable so, when in doubt, discuss the topic rather than labeling. This is a gender-neutral policy so the parameters apply to everyone.

 

Since this is my second appearance here, I'll make it a directive. If the best you can do for a 'why' is 'shallow', move on. Thanks!

[kendahke]

I was listening to Tom Leykis

 

 

that explains everything.

[LilaMarie]

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-sports-mind/201507/when-men-arent-good-looking-they-think

 

 

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v291/PublicNewSense/a3kxdt.png

Edited October 6, 2015 by LilaMarie

[carhill]

So, overweight women are attracted to the thread starter because he overestimates his attractiveness to women?

 

I'd love to work this angle but other matters intrude. Please elaborate as more information on this phenomenon is discovered!

[40 Fonzarelli]

I was listening to Tom Leykis one day he was saying fat women are for poor men and the more money a man made, the thinner and more his wife would be.

 

When I drive out to higher end areas hang out or go shopping or anytime I walk into a fancy hotel, there's just nothing but beautiful women everywhere,

 

Generally speaking, this is true. This is the reason you see old, fat celebrities with hot women.

[PrettyEmily77]

I have my own preferences but I like to keep it to myself bc I don't like to offend anyone and bc they're just that; preferences. I used to have a type too, until I met the BF, and he looks nothing like it - just a ton better.

 

A lot of women (of any weight) are put off by the mere mention of a physical preference, bc it's alienating a whole bunch of ppl. If you already show inflexibility from the off, it's not looking very engaging. Again, feel free to have your preferences, but given that stating them has lead you nowhere, try to appear as open-minded as poss and maybe, jyst maybe, you'll show yourself to be a better, more attractive prospect for your target match.

[EngnimaticResponse]

If you were more handsome you'd be attracting the hotter girls

 

I have to rebut this. And maybe shed light on the OP's question. One of my jobs has me working along side black women, some Very Large black women. I don't recall how we got on the subject one night, but one of them informed me it was because I was, as she put it, "Big Girl Hot". Meaning I was a good looking guy, but had enough "flaws" as to be considered attainable. I do manage to get pleanty of flirtation with women I consider attractive, but any time I've tried to take it further, they inform me they're seeing someone.