Why do I keep attracting overweight women?

[StocksnBlondes]

It is an issue because I am not attracted to these women and yet they are the only ones that seem to be willing to date me. That's frustrating. That's like going to the restaurant and ordering one thing and yet the waitress keeps bringing out something completely

 

Then send the order back! Keep sending it back until you get what you want. In OLD that means do not converse with woman who don't float your boat

 

And seriously ...join a group made up of fit people. Volunteer

 

How old are you OP?

 

What kind of pix do you have on the dating site? How are you marketing yourself? Do you have pix of you doing athletic things? Have any interesting hobbies highlighted?

Edited October 6, 2015 by StocksnBlondes

[seekingluck]

I found I didn't like the people I attracted online, and I really didn't have the mental energy to go and weed through to find people I liked. So I decided I should meet people the old fashioned way: going out to the world and doing stuff I liked.

 

I think there are a few problems with your post.

 

1. You seem to think you are entitled to a certain type of woman. That is totally the wrong attitude. Reverse that and figure out what you have to offer in a relationship. Once you figure that out, it is a lot easier to find a match. If he only thing on the list is working out 5 days a week and being decently attractive, you are doing it wrong.

2. Everyone mentioned this, but why waste your time with people you aren't into

3. Go where the people you like hang out and do something where you can get to know each other in a low pressure way. I like to go to casual bike ride meetups, because I like to ride my bike. I don't go to bike racing meetups because that isn't the type of riding I like to do.

[ZA Dater]

I found I didn't like the people I attracted online, and I really didn't have the mental energy to go and weed through to find people I liked. So I decided I should meet people the old fashioned way: going out to the world and doing stuff I liked.

 

I think there are a few problems with your post.

 

1. You seem to think you are entitled to a certain type of woman. That is totally the wrong attitude. Reverse that and figure out what you have to offer in a relationship. Once you figure that out, it is a lot easier to find a match. If he only thing on the list is working out 5 days a week and being decently attractive, you are doing it wrong.

2. Everyone mentioned this, but why waste your time with people you aren't into

3. Go where the people you like hang out and do something where you can get to know each other in a low pressure way. I like to go to casual bike ride meetups, because I like to ride my bike. I don't go to bike racing meetups because that isn't the type of riding I like to do.

 

As someone who perpetually on OLD attracts the largest people imaginable I feel the frustration of the OP.

 

The above I think is useful advice up to a point.

 

It will truly be a genius the person who figures out what exactly ladies want and in terms of what guys should offer.

 

I personally do not see any correlation between what one can "offer" as to who one attracts UNLESS ladies are admitting that money is attractive because then one needs to determine is the offering tangible or intangible and which of these is more important.

 

As for large people generally if one is fit and slim, they are easy to attract and for the most part they will chase, simply by virtue in my opinion their "options" are less.

[JasmineJones]

If you were more handsome you'd be attracting the hotter girls

[ZA Dater]

If you were more handsome you'd be attracting the hotter girls

 

Great. Now I know why I keep attracting large females.

 

I am all for advice but one cannot become more handsome, in light of that what do you suggest? Throw more money at dating perhaps?

 

I and I am sure the OP would love to know.

[losangelena]

If you were more handsome you'd be attracting the hotter girls

 

Comments like this are lame you guys, not to mention a low-blow. We don't know what OP looks like, so to say that is really unfair.

 

Besides, it's not all about looks. Being conventionally attractive doesn't assure the attention of the opposite sex. My ex, who has a great body and is very handsome (not like I'm biased or anything) got/gets very little attention from women. But he's also very withdrawn and shy and awkward in the beginning, so I don't think women try to flirt with him, because he's not outgoing.

 

Attraction is a multifaceted thing. It can be surprising and catch us off guard at times. I think most people are at their most attractive when they're engaged in something they enjoy and are feeling confident. A constellation of people get in and out of relationships every day. Even those "plump" ladies that OP doesn't care for will eventually find someone with whom the attraction is mutual; as they say, there's someone for everyone.

[StocksnBlondes]

Maybe people who complain so much about attracting people they don't like should post a link to their online profile to their friends of the opposite sex and ask for pointers. Has anyone reviewed your profile? The pix? bio written?

 

I've seen some profiles totally over done with model like pix and some with awful pix and an equally awful bio but nice looking guy. I think there's a business opp out there to write profiles for daters ...pix and all ...like a resume service ...because some people are better at marketing than others. Hmmmm any takers?

[ZA Dater]

Comments like this are lame you guys, not to mention a low-blow. We don't know what OP looks like, so to say that is really unfair.

 

Besides, it's not all about looks. Being conventionally attractive doesn't assure the attention of the opposite sex. My ex, who has a great body and is very handsome (not like I'm biased or anything) got/gets very little attention from women. But he's also very withdrawn and shy and awkward in the beginning, so I don't think women try to flirt with him, because he's not outgoing.

 

Attraction is a multifaceted thing. It can be surprising and catch us off guard at times. I think most people are at their most attractive when they're engaged in something they enjoy and are feeling confident. A constellation of people get in and out of relationships every day. Even those "plump" ladies that OP doesn't care for will eventually find someone with whom the attraction is mutual; as they say, there's someone for everyone.

 

1: I agree it is unfair but perhaps tinged with a certain degree of truth.

2: Agree people don't give guys like that the time day generally.

3: Agree, providing what you like actually attracts females. Many activities are especially male centric.

4: This makes me cringe, much like "there are plenty of fish in the sea" both statements are patently untrue, millions die alone every day.

 

Having said all of that I am starting to believe who you are determines what you can attract. The more glamorous your life the better you can attract, the more money you have the more you can attract.

[ZA Dater]

Maybe people who complain so much about attracting people they don't like should post a link to their online profile to their friends of the opposite sex and ask for pointers. Has anyone reviewed your profile? The pix? bio written?

 

I've seen some profiles totally over done with model like pix and some with awful pix and an equally awful bio but nice looking guy. I think there's a business opp out there to write profiles for daters ...pix and all ...like a resume service ...because some people are better at marketing than others. Hmmmm any takers?

 

I'd have a go at that but lets be totally honest bio's don't seem to matter too much in terms of OLD, its all in the pictures.

[StocksnBlondes]

I'd have a go at that but lets be totally honest bio's don't seem to matter too much in terms of OLD, its all in the pictures.

 

Wish I could agree on that but I know for a act it isn't true. Now if the pix aren't what someone is looking for the bio won't matter but bio matters in correlation with the physical attraction.

 

Months ago I changed my bio to be very whimsical and irreverently funny ...guys I normally didn't attract suddenly started messaging me. It was very telling. I switched it back to my rather boring bio after that. Bios can speak to someone and compel contact. Has to be some physical attraction though

[Buddhist]

Great. Now I know why I keep attracting large females.

 

I am all for advice but one cannot become more handsome, in light of that what do you suggest?

I and I am sure the OP would love to know.

 

Not to back up the low blow comment but....actually 90% of looks is health and grooming. I could show you pics of a guy who looked like a 6, back in the day. With the stuff nature gave him. But after some gym workouts, a better haircut and some decent clothes is clearly a 10. No surgery, dental work etc. Just health and grooming. There is plenty you can do to be more attractive that's within reach.

 

Overweight women won't go for a guy that looks 8 and above. They'll go for the more average looking guy every time. But getting to 8 and above isn't hard. Most of the time it's a bit of toning and a good haircut. Lose the baseball caps and t-shirts, dress in a collared shirt, buy some hair wax. Get some advice on the facial hair that makes you look best.

Edited October 6, 2015 by Buddhist

[ZA Dater]

Not to back up the low blow comment but....actually 90% of looks is health and grooming. I could show you pics of a guy who looked like a 6, back in the day. With the stuff nature gave him. But after some gym workouts, a better haircut and some decent clothes is clearly a 10. No surgery, dental work etc. Just health and grooming. There is plenty you can do to be more attractive that's within reach.

 

Overweight women won't go for a guy that looks 8 and above. They'll go for the more average looking guy every time. But getting to 8 and above isn't hard. Most of the time it's a bit of toning and a good haircut. Lose the baseball caps and t-shirts, dress in a collared shirt, buy some hair wax. Get some advice on the facial hair that makes you look best.

 

Or simply delete online dating profile and make the best of the limited real life opportunities.

 

Granted I tend to agree with you, I myself am embarking on a similar journey of self improvement.

[joseb]

 

Months ago I changed my bio to be very whimsical and irreverently funny ...guys I normally didn't attract suddenly started messaging me. It was very telling. I switched it back to my rather boring bio after that. Bios can speak to someone and compel contact. Has to be some physical attraction though

 

Why on earth did you do that?

[StocksnBlondes]

Why on earth did you do that?

 

I just wasn't attracting the guys I did want to date. It really did make a difference.

[MoreAmore]

It is an issue because I am not attracted to these women and yet they are the only ones that seem to be willing to date me. That's frustrating. That's like going to the restaurant and ordering one thing and yet the waitress keeps bringing out something completely different.

 

So uhh, in this metaphor, women are entrees and you should have your pick of the menu on virtue of not being objectionable?

 

If you don't have what you need to "pay" for the meal, you should be lucky the waitress is bringing anything at all. And, oh, that is not how dating works anyways. My stomach turned a little.

 

I don't mind anyone having preferences. I'm chubby (size 10 right now) I've been as small as a 2 and as big as a 14. My boyfriend prefers me at this size (10 to 12) to any other. Some preferred me thinner. I've even run into guys who thought I was quite never large enough. I would say most male attention I get between 6 and 10 even though that's objectively chubby.. There's no shortage of interest in us overweight girls, and even if there was, who cares. You're searching for a compatible person... That will include mutual crazy attraction. You only need one.

But the idea that someone would be bothered at the mere thought of someone they disfavor being attracted to them is a tad disgusting. It's not as if only farm animals are following you around attracted to you. If you are an adult, and someone shows interest you do not reciprocate, you say no thank you and move on.

 

Your problem is that the women you are interested in do not share your interest. You obviously have not met the woman you are attracted to who feels you have enough to offer to be interested in you verse her other options.

I frankly don't blame any one of them because the attitude you express here is difficult to hide. I would run.

 

It's a hard fact that if you are not attracting the people you want, something needs to change... Whether you find it fair or not... Or be patient for the one who does what exactly what you offer.

[Toodaloo]

I'm chubby (size 10 right now)

 

I would say most male attention I get between 6 and 10 even though that's objectively chubby.. There's no shortage of interest in us overweight girls, and even if there was, who cares.

 

 

A size 10 in US or UK is NOT "chubby".

 

This idea that people men and women have to be stick thin ubber fit and look like they have come out of a magazine is utter fallacy and the sooner people realise this the better.

 

I am a size UK 16 at the moment. (US14) which is a bit chubby.

 

I have all sorts of men attracted to me from the ubber fit studs to chubbier men... I have even been called "too thin" a few times...

 

Amazingly the chubby people tend to eat more and less healthier because they feel crap about their weight. So its an never ending cycle.

 

It is VERY easy to loose weight when you feel good and feel happy.

 

It is VERY hard to loose weight when you are feeling like a piece of turd.

 

This idea that a size 10 is "chubby" really REALLY needs to change asap.

[MoreAmore]

A size 10 in US or UK is NOT "chubby".

 

This idea that people men and women have to be stick thin ubber fit and look like they have come out of a magazine is utter fallacy and the sooner people realise this the better.

 

I am a size UK 16 at the moment. (US14) which is a bit chubby.

 

I have all sorts of men attracted to me from the ubber fit studs to chubbier men... I have even been called "too thin" a few times...

 

Amazingly the chubby people tend to eat more and less healthier because they feel crap about their weight. So its an never ending cycle.

 

It is VERY easy to loose weight when you feel good and feel happy.

 

It is VERY hard to loose weight when you are feeling like a piece of turd.

 

This idea that a size 10 is "chubby" really REALLY needs to change asap.

 

It's US, and I'm not tall. I am chubby... I can see in the mirror and at a 12 I am in the obese BMI range (though not by body fat. I've never been obese by that metric, just overfat.). I am more fit than most human beings if we are going by weight I can lift, distance I can run, etc, so I don't care. I was 30 lb thinner when I was a size 2, and being capable of losing that weight is what I would call chubby, even if I was incredibly lean at a size 2/4.

 

Saying it needs to change assumes there's something wrong with being chubby, that it's an insult, and it's not. It's a descriptor.

 

 

((Because of certain medical issues, I had to not drink or eat sugar or flour ever to maintain that weight, avoid ever eating at anyone's house or restaurant, in addition to exercising 1.5 to 3 hours each day. That might be why I got so much less interest ever than I do at 6-10 and actually even less than I did at a 12-14 when I can actually relax as long as I'm exercising every day.))

[StocksnBlondes]

A size 10 in US or UK is NOT "chubby".

 

This idea that people men and women have to be stick thin ubber fit and look like they have come out of a magazine is utter fallacy and the sooner people realise this the better.

 

I am a size UK 16 at the moment. (US14) which is a bit chubby.

 

I have all sorts of men attracted to me from the ubber fit studs to chubbier men... I have even been called "too thin" a few times...

 

Amazingly the chubby people tend to eat more and less healthier because they feel crap about their weight. So its an never ending cycle.

 

It is VERY easy to loose weight when you feel good and feel happy.

 

It is VERY hard to loose weight when you are feeling like a piece of turd.

 

This idea that a size 10 is "chubby" really REALLY needs to change asap.

 

Ya I was a little taken aback about a size 10 as chubby ...I'm a size 8 ...before kids I was a size 4 and sometimes a 6. There are some guys who prefer woman smaller than me. It's kinda strange out there and I agree about the attitudes.

[xxoo]

I agree with the post above about rigid thinking being an obstacle to finding a partner you are attracted to and love. I also agree that the person you have the best sex of your life with won't necessarily be the "hottest" person you have sex with! But these are lessons that comes with age and wisdom.

 

Nevertheless, the OP is attracted to a narrow form of woman. Those women exist, but they, of course, are equally entitled to being attracted to a narrow form of man--and not necessarily a mirror image of man (a man who is similarly trim and fit). She could be attracted to any narrow image she pleases. It only limits her, and if she's ok with that, there really isn't any reason to criticize. So my message to the OP would be to expect the women to be as narrow and particular in attraction as you are, but don't expect her expectations to be the same. Observe and learn what type of guy these women are going for and develop those traits. Or, widen your viewpoint to appreciate the attractiveness of other women.

[Redhead14]

I don’t want to insult anybody when I say this. But I am not attracted to overweight women. I like girls with thin or muscular bodies and perky butts. Absolutely, there’s decent guys out there for whom weight isn’t an issue, and I firmly believe these girls deserve to find one of those dudes who will love them for who they are. I'm just not one of them. But dammit, I’m still attracting girls who are the direct opposite of what I want. I want to find a single woman who has a nice body (plus a minimum of emotional baggage, never been married, no kids, is outgoing and has good conversation and social skills.)

 

 

 

But it seems like I never end up going on dates with those women, and they never demonstrate any interest in me. Instead, I keep finding myself on dates with girls who are overweight, have emotional problems, etc. I’m not overweight. I exercise 5 days a week, slim, and I don’t even drink soda. I don’t understand why this keeps occurring. What must I do to attract the women that are right for me and that have the traits that I desire? Why aren't I attracting those women?

 

Why do you attract women who are overweight? -- Because you ask them on dates . . . I keep finding myself on dates with girls who are overweight.

 

Why do you take them on dates if that's not your preferred body type?

[BluEyeL]

Wish I could agree on that but I know for a act it isn't true. Now if the pix aren't what someone is looking for the bio won't matter but bio matters in correlation with the physical attraction.

 

Months ago I changed my bio to be very whimsical and irreverently funny ...guys I normally didn't attract suddenly started messaging me. It was very telling. I switched it back to my rather boring bio after that. Bios can speak to someone and compel contact. Has to be some physical attraction though

 

Yes, I also noticed that what I wrote made a pretty big difference in the type of men I attracted.

[BluEyeL]

If you were more handsome you'd be attracting the hotter girls

 

Since the original post is pretty shallow, I can be blunt here. You're just shooting above your league and you don't want to admit it to yourself. Sorry.

[JasmineJones]

So uhh, in this metaphor, women are entrees and you should have your pick of the menu on virtue of not being objectionable?

 

If you don't have what you need to "pay" for the meal, you should be lucky the waitress is bringing anything at all. And, oh, that is not how dating works anyways. My stomach turned a little.

 

I don't mind anyone having preferences. I'm chubby (size 10 right now) I've been as small as a 2 and as big as a 14. My boyfriend prefers me at this size (10 to 12) to any other. Some preferred me thinner. I've even run into guys who thought I was quite never large enough. I would say most male attention I get between 6 and 10 even though that's objectively chubby.. There's no shortage of interest in us overweight girls, and even if there was, who cares. You're searching for a compatible person... That will include mutual crazy attraction. You only need one.

But the idea that someone would be bothered at the mere thought of someone they disfavor being attracted to them is a tad disgusting. It's not as if only farm animals are following you around attracted to you. If you are an adult, and someone shows interest you do not reciprocate, you say no thank you and move on.

 

Your problem is that the women you are interested in do not share your interest. You obviously have not met the woman you are attracted to who feels you have enough to offer to be interested in you verse her other options.

I frankly don't blame any one of them because the attitude you express here is difficult to hide. I would run.

 

It's a hard fact that if you are not attracting the people you want, something needs to change... Whether you find it fair or not... Or be patient for the one who does what exactly what you offer.

 

Size 6 or 8 in US sizes is not chubby unless you are really short

[JasmineJones]

Since the original post is pretty shallow, I can be blunt here. You're just shooting above your league and you don't want to admit it to yourself. Sorry.

 

That is why I was blunt. The OP seems to think he has a right to super hot women. What precisely is he bringing to the table? He's a Brad Pitt or Ryan Gosling lookalike?

[veggirl]

Wow the fact that people consider someone wanting someone who is in shape or not overweight to be "rigid" or "narrow" is absurd. It should be NORMAL to not be overweight....not some crazy pipe dream. OP as mentioned before, the reason this is happening to you is plainly because you don't know the "rules" of OLD. guys who know that in OLD only headshots typically = overweight and that curvy typically = overweight aren't responding to these girls. You are. They are likely emailing LOTS of guys...but you are biting.