Why do I keep attracting overweight women?

[road]

Agreed. So what size do you consider "heavy"

 

 

 

 

Anything above a size 2!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Lois_Griffin]

OP, it may be very true that you're lean and muscular and intelligent and well bred and live a healthy lifestyle and you're well-read and have a ton of positive character traits that women look for in a man.

 

But I have to be honest.

 

If your face is not attractive, most women aren't going to message you or reply to your messages. And while being attractive is subjective at best because we all have our own preferences, I lost count of the male profiles I looked at where they'd describe themselves as 'attractive' and I'd immediately think, "someone lied to this poor soul.'

 

I had many, many men message me while I was doing online dating and while they may have had a lean physique and many good qualities, if they were bald or they had faces only a mother could love, I wasn't interested. Period. I find bald men repulsive physically and NO amount of good qualities was going to change that.

 

They didn't HAVE to be an Adonis and they didn't HAVE to be rich, contrary to what a lot of guys here on LS claim. But they had to have a decent looking or attractive face and a full head of hair if I was going to be LOOKING at them for hours at a time over dinner or whatever the date entailed. And I didn't want to be sitting across the table from Uncle Fester from the Adams Family all night.

 

It is what it is.

[kpl]

Wow the fact that people consider someone wanting someone who is in shape or not overweight to be "rigid" or "narrow" is absurd. It should be NORMAL to not be overweight....not some crazy pipe dream. OP as mentioned before, the reason this is happening to you is plainly because you don't know the "rules" of OLD. guys who know that in OLD only headshots typically = overweight and that curvy typically = overweight aren't responding to these girls. You are. They are likely emailing LOTS of guys...but you are biting.

 

What these girls look like does not matter. Not everyone is attracted to thin women and weight is only an attraction issue for some. Preferences vary so much and simply saying overweight or size 10 or 14 has not a good reference because everyone carries weight differently and looks differently at different sizes. I would bet most guys don't know what a size 10 looks like anyway they just see that number and think overweight.

 

Other commenters and the OP focusing on weight are really missing the point. Most ppl do not allow ppl they are not attracted to to determine their own self worth...meaning if I am attracting overweight ppl that is gross, i.e. there is something wrong with me. Mature and confident person would be flattered and go out for what they wanted.

[kpl]

OP, it may be very true that you're lean and muscular and intelligent and well bred and live a healthy lifestyle and you're well-read and have a ton of positive character traits that women look for in a man.

 

But I have to be honest.

 

If your face is not attractive, most women aren't going to message you or reply to your messages. And while being attractive is subjective at best because we all have our own preferences, I lost count of the male profiles I looked at where they'd describe themselves as 'attractive' and I'd immediately think, "someone lied to this poor soul.'

 

I had many, many men message me while I was doing online dating and while they may have had a lean physique and many good qualities, if they were bald or they had faces only a mother could love, I wasn't interested. Period. I find bald men repulsive physically and NO amount of good qualities was going to change that.

 

They didn't HAVE to be an Adonis and they didn't HAVE to be rich, contrary to what a lot of guys here on LS claim. But they had to have a decent looking or attractive face and a full head of hair if I was going to be LOOKING at them for hours at a time over dinner or whatever the date entailed. And I didn't want to be sitting across the table from Uncle Fester from the Adams Family all night.

 

It is what it is.

 

Attraction is so subjective. HAHA I love bald men. My ex had the George Costanza which I would tell him all the time i loved it. He did keep it cut close though, but I used to rub his head when the hair would grow in hahahaha.

[road]

It's not that you are attracting overweight women. It's that you are failing to attract the level of women you want.

 

 

young, attractive, thin, fit women are in demand from everything from high school boys to elderly billionaires. In order to attract and secure one of those, you have to beat out the rest of the competition.

 

 

You have to be in at least the league you want to play in if not even the next league up.

 

 

True most of the times though I have seen some hot women with ugly men, fat men, and ugly fat men.

 

 

Why?

 

 

Is it because they have great social skills, or rich, both.

 

 

Or is it their nickname "Tripod" or "Kickstand".

[kendahke]

What must I do to attract the women that are right for me and that have the traits that I desire? Why aren't I attracting those women?

 

You need to go where you so far have not--you need to make this the very first sentence of your profile:

 

 

************MUST BE SIZE 2 OR LESS!!!! ABSOLUTELY NO FAT-AZZ, OVERWEIGHT WHALES WITH EMOTIONAL ISSUES NEED CONTACT ME***************

 

Go in for some really good weigh shaming and insulting in your first paragraph so that the women you find beneath you will be repulsed by it. You may get a lot of hate mail, but that's the price you'll have to pay for culling the herd.

[road]

OP, it may be very true that you're lean and muscular and intelligent and well bred and live a healthy lifestyle and you're well-read and have a ton of positive character traits that women look for in a man.

 

But I have to be honest.

 

If your face is not attractive, most women aren't going to message you or reply to your messages. And while being attractive is subjective at best because we all have our own preferences, I lost count of the male profiles I looked at where they'd describe themselves as 'attractive' and I'd immediately think, "someone lied to this poor soul.'

 

I had many, many men message me while I was doing online dating and while they may have had a lean physique and many good qualities, if they were bald or they had faces only a mother could love, I wasn't interested. Period. I find bald men repulsive physically and NO amount of good qualities was going to change that.

 

They didn't HAVE to be an Adonis and they didn't HAVE to be rich, contrary to what a lot of guys here on LS claim. But they had to have a decent looking or attractive face and a full head of hair if I was going to be LOOKING at them for hours at a time over dinner or whatever the date entailed. And I didn't want to be sitting across the table from Uncle Fester from the Adams Family all night.

 

It is what it is.

 

 

So you would not date Bruce Willis?

[kendahke]

Attraction is so subjective. HAHA I love bald men. My ex had the George Costanza which I would tell him all the time i loved it. He did keep it cut close though, but I used to rub his head when the hair would grow in hahahaha.

 

I love bald men, too.

[road]

Ah, that last quote underscores a great distinction and a choice you can make OP. If using OLD, consider all first personal encounters to be 'meets' not 'dates', hence if you meet someone who isn't as they presented themselves, or is and you're simply not attracted, you're not dating them, rather you met them, no go and next.

 

You definitely could and IMO should list your body type preferences in your profile, or talk about your personal philosophies in that area in the body of your profile, so any potential viewers or respondents will be disclosed. You may meet fewer women but they will be women who match up more closely with your preferences.

 

Additionally, continue to meet women socially in real life. Cover all the bases. Adapt and overcome.

 

 

Work on the profile and meet for Saturday afternoon coffee dates. You like her, things are going well you then can say look how time flies by when having a good time, let's get diner, on me.

 

 

She is not for you, 20 minutes later you say it was nice to meet them and for them to have a nice day.

[road]

My last take on this:

 

fit, attractive women have plenty of opportunities to meet men IRL. Basically they can just walk out the door. Less attractive and overweight women must turn to other avenues like OLD to meet people. Men, who also are not hit on generally in everyday life, also must find ways to meet people - so they turn to OLD. Thus, it is nor a mystery, nor should it be, when twixt the two should meet.

 

I take a Groucho Marxian opinion of OLD: I wouldn't want to be part of any club that would have me as a member. Women on OLD are part of that club. I've been on and off of it for 5+ years, and NEVER met a keeper. To me, that's enough experience to write the entire endeavor off.

What sites did you use?

Why did you not use the other sites?

[road]

You make a good point. I do encounter the types of thin, fit women I prefer in yoga class, gym, etc, but I'm not in the habit of approaching gals in these places. I guess I could do more to get to know them, but I'm not sure women particularly like being approached at the gym?

 

 

I have read that women do not want to be hit on during their workout. So you can get their early before the class starts to throw out a few hellos, ask them how they like this class. Class is finished now time to converse, say that instructor made us work hard today. She may then engage in some small talk so your opportunity to say I could use a drink, would like one, my treat. She says no. You follow up with next time, maybe say the offer for a drink always stands. Then say have a good day and walk away.

[htmshsj]

Haha--I think people are making this more complicated than it really is.

 

Ok so in really life, have you been able to date fit, attractive women? Online dating doesn't change the quality of people you can date, it just gives you more options. Maybe you're having problems screening out these women.

 

My experience has been: "Curvy" = fat. A lot of times "average" = fat. No body shots = fat. The funny camera-tilted-above-the-head angle = fat. The best thing you can do is facebook/google/instagram somebody after you start talking to them to see more pictures that aren't carefully selected.

 

I understand that everyone is trying to put their best foot forward, but I think that about 80% of women are less attractive/older looking/heavier than their photos suggest. Enough so that I'm usually a little disappointed and think, ugh, this wouldn't happen if I could just meet more people IRL. I'm usually pretty happy if their pics suggest they look good and they actually do (20%, maybe). There have been a few times where the woman was super attractive but had garbage pictures up--but that's rare. Great surprise though.

 

I don't know what the men do, but I can't imagine we're as crafty with our pictures.

[stillafool]

I can't believe how people are getting angry with OP because of his weight preference in a woman. He can't help what he is attracted to and for some to suggest he change what he likes is unfair.

 

OP just keep looking and you will find that special lady. You sound like a nice guy with alot going for you. Good luck.

[Disconnect]

I don't think he sounds nice.

[BlueIris]

I don’t want to insult anybody when I say this. But I am not attracted to overweight women. I like girls with thin or muscular bodies and perky butts. Absolutely, there’s decent guys out there for whom weight isn’t an issue, and I firmly believe these girls deserve to find one of those dudes who will love them for who they are. I'm just not one of them. But dammit, I’m still attracting girls who are the direct opposite of what I want. I want to find a single woman who has a nice body (plus a minimum of emotional baggage, never been married, no kids, is outgoing and has good conversation and social skills.)

 

 

But it seems like I never end up going on dates with those women, and they never demonstrate any interest in me. Instead, I keep finding myself on dates with girls who are overweight, have emotional problems, etc. I’m not overweight. I exercise 5 days a week, slim, and I don’t even drink soda. I don’t understand why this keeps occurring. What must I do to attract the women that are right for me and that have the traits that I desire? Why aren't I attracting those women?

 

Honestly, I am looking for the same traits that I feel I have. I really don't think there's anything wrong with me. I've never been married, no kids, I'm educated (finishing a masters degree), I exercise frequently, don't smoke, not overweight, can carry on a conversation about books films and politics and art. Aside from an occasional pimple, I don't have any physically off putting features. That's why it baffles me that I can't find someone like me who is single.

 

Lots of women (and probably men too) choose by personality. Like opinions about physical attractiveness, opinions about personality and connection are individual.

 

Maybe assess how attractive your personality is in the same way someone might assess how attractive their physical appearance is. Then work on developing those personality traits that more people consider attractive. Are you warm, engaging, curious, light-hearted, positive, happy with your life, self-aware, comfortable with who you are, or other positive personality traits that people tend to enjoy? Lots of people I met while dating were very dull or rigid to converse with even though they were ok on paper. I have no idea if that applies to you but it might be worth looking at.

Edited October 6, 2015 by BlueIris

[kpl]

Lots of women (and probably men too) choose by personality. Like opinions about physical attractiveness, opinions about personality and connection are individual.

 

Maybe assess how attractive your personality is in the same way someone might assess how attractive their physical appearance is. Then work on developing those personality traits that more people consider attractive. Are you warm, engaging, curious, light-hearted, positive, happy with your life, self-aware, comfortable with who you are, or other positive personality traits that people tend to enjoy? Lots of people I met while dating were very dull or rigid to converse with even though they were ok on paper. I have no idea if that applies to you but it might be worth looking at.

 

Perfect! focus on what you want to attract not what you are attracting. that is the #1 point not random overweight women online. You don't want them don't worry about them...focus on getting what you want.

[jay1983]

The OP has stepped on a lot of toes here. Lol

[oberkeat]

Gosh, this post is so sad. I'm surprised no one else has pointed it out. I feel sad for you, OP.

 

First, I'm curious as to what "overweight" is. Is any woman without a "hard body" overweight? You're aware that women are meant to have breasts, hips, right?

 

But more important than any weight related issue is the way you make this blanket statement. "I am not attracted to ____. Period" fill in the blank with anything. It doesn't matter. When you make such a statement, you're really missing everything about what makes good romantic relationships so wonderful. And I'll tell you, looks are such a tiny part of falling in love. AND such a tiny part of having really great sex

 

I'm a fairly pretty girl. And I've been a size 2 and a size 14. I'm a size 8 now- very average and really the size I've found most comfortable. But I was still sexy at my heaviest. I've dated men you could consider hot and men that when I first met them, I had no physical reaction to. And that changes SO so dramatically when you connect with another person. That connection. THAT is what makes them sexy. I know most 20-something guys don't get this. But you will- someday- and you might regret saying "I'm not attracted to _____." This is called rigid thinking, and rigid thinking is never helpful. Probably most men think they're only attracted to tiny girls because that's what society tells them anyway.

 

I promise you'll have the best sex of your life with the girl you're most connected to, NOT to the hottest. Promise.

 

But yeah, common sense question; if you're going to have strict weight requirements, why would you ever go on a date with someone before you've verified through several photos that they meet your requirements...?

 

Much of this unfair and uncalled for. So unless I date people I'm not attracted to, I'm a bad, rigid, or shallow person? If I were a good person, I would be dating women who do not turn me on? That's a truly incredible thing to say. I have a right to have my own preferences, and I can't just change what I want with a snap of my fingers.

[oberkeat]

The OP has stepped on a lot of toes here. Lol

 

Apparently so. I said right from the start that a slim woman is just my preference, there are dudes out there for whom weight isn't an issue, and that I want to understand why I'm attracting the exact opposite of the types of girls I want so I can change it. But some of these replies are like, "How dare he find fat women unattractive. What a jerk!" This thread isn't about a fat vs slim debate. That's not the point here, and it's unhelpful.

[Toodaloo]

It's US, and I'm not tall. I am chubby... I can see in the mirror and at a 12 I am in the obese BMI range (though not by body fat. I've never been obese by that metric, just overfat.). I am more fit than most human beings if we are going by weight I can lift, distance I can run, etc, so I don't care. I was 30 lb thinner when I was a size 2, and being capable of losing that weight is what I would call chubby, even if I was incredibly lean at a size 2/4.

 

So you are basically much healthier... despite being "fatter"

 

Saying it needs to change assumes there's something wrong with being chubby, that it's an insult, and it's not. It's a descriptor.

 

((Because of certain medical issues, I had to not drink or eat sugar or flour ever to maintain that weight, avoid ever eating at anyone's house or restaurant, in addition to exercising 1.5 to 3 hours each day. That might be why I got so much less interest ever than I do at 6-10 and actually even less than I did at a 12-14 when I can actually relax as long as I'm exercising every day.))

 

Well I can tell you I get plenty of attention. From a range of guys. Some just want sex some want more... Most are the classic 6ft+ hot guys... Sadly for them I tend to judge on more than just looks...

 

Personally I really don't think you need to consider yourself "tubby", "chubby" etc.

 

By the description of what your life was like skinny - you sound like you were as dull as.

 

I am glad you appear to have a better quality of life now even if you do consider yourself to be fat. Which by the way... you are not.

[JasmineJones]

Apparently so. I said right from the start that a slim woman is just my preference, there are dudes out there for whom weight isn't an issue, and that I want to understand why I'm attracting the exact opposite of the types of girls I want so I can change it. But some of these replies are like, "How dare he find fat women unattractive. What a jerk!" This thread isn't about a fat vs slim debate. That's not the point here, and it's unhelpful.

 

Here's the thing. I am a slim, toned, gym-going woman and yet I found your post pretty shallow. I can see why others were offended.

[Mrlonelyone]

Simply stated: the fit, sane women (relatively speaking, of course) are in super high demand, and unless you've got model looks and a big bank account, you are not what they want.

 

The heavy girls, on the other hand, have fewer options. To them, you are one of them.

 

I am not into heavy girls either OP. I would rather be single than date someone whose body turns me off.

 

ONLY READ THE OP BUT.

 

There is the old somewhat misogynistic and also somewhat true statement. "The hotter they are the crazier they are." Trying to find a thin/muscular/in shape woman who hasn't been married by say age 30 and has no emotional baggage (daddy issues, ex boyfriend or baby daddy issues, etc. is basically impossible.)

 

INSTEAD.

 

The op should look for a reasonable looking woman, effable, who has the least baggage or has baggage comparable to his own.

[clia]

Why do you think you aren't attracting thin women? What types of men are the women you want attracted to? (Think about the whole package, looks, job, income, personality, social life, etc.). What can you do to be like those men? Do you have the most flattering pictures of yourself on your OLD profile and a nicely written profile?

 

Are you friends or coworkers with any women whose brains you can pick about this, who might be able to suggest where you are going wrong? Because honestly, if you aren't attracting the types of women you want, you might be aiming too high. You have a lot of competition for fit, attractive women, so you need to stand out.

[40 Fonzarelli]

I love the double standard here. Women won't even look at you if you're not a certain height. But it's shallow that a man wants someone who isn't overweight, which is something that CAN be changed.

[central]

OP, maybe you need to employ the filters on your OLD site, or switch to one that provides filtering. Set the body type parameters, for example, to limit who can contact you or contacts are flagged if they exceed your parameter selections and of course that limits your search results. Avoid women with only head shots unless their stats say they're slender. Read profiles for clues about activities, and attitudes towards health and fitness. There will always be mismatches - smile and move on. It is a numbers game, to find someone. Meeting many who are unsuitable is the price of entry.

 

When I was actively dating, once I learned to filter effectively and communicate before meeting, very few didn't meet my physical preferences. It then became the much harder - and important - task of determining compatibility in other areas.