40 Fonzarelli Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 So I think we can conclude that one should not state their physical preferences because it might offend someone. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author oberkeat Posted October 6, 2015 Author Share Posted October 6, 2015 (edited) Since the original post is pretty shallow, I can be blunt here. You're just shooting above your league and you don't want to admit it to yourself. Sorry. It's incredibly presumptuous to say that I'm not getting the women I prefer because I have nothing to offer them. Nothing? I know that not to be true. I'm a good catch, successful, educated, employed, healthy, independent, and I really don't need to justify that here. Nor do I need folks telling me the women I want are too good for me and have better options and that I should 'lower my expectations' or 'aim low'. There's nothing you can say to make me think that about myself. I can be shy sometimes, but other than that I'm the best version of me that I can be, and I think that's pretty damn good compared to much of what's out there. I think there's something to the supply and demand argument. Everybody wants slim, smart, interesting women, and there's more men seeking those gals than there are on the market. They're certainly a rare commodity in the online dating world. I'll just have to put more effort into meeting and approaching them in real life, not online, until I find one who is receptive to my advances. Edited October 6, 2015 by oberkeat 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Oregon_Dude Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I was, as she put it, "Big Girl Hot". Meaning I was a good looking guy, but had enough "flaws" as to be considered attainable.Well OP, just be glad that you, me and this guy are all at least Big Girl Hot. That counts for something, right? Try having a sense of humor. I hear women like that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I don't know if this will help, but these practical things might help? 1. Before you meet a girl, Skype with her, real time 2. If she has a hobby ask about it. Ask if she has any pictures. Sometimes you can get a fuller body shot in those kinds of pictures 3. If all else fails, just ask if she has a photo with all of her in it, and ask her when it was taken. I mean let's get real. Anyone who has even heard of OLD knows that bigger people tend to use shots from 5 years ago or 10 years ago. Just be up front about it and ask 4. In your profile, say something like: I have an active lifestyle and having a fit, healthy lifestyle is important to me. It's essential that my match have the same kind of lifestyle so we can enjoy it together. I mean, if I read that I would KNOW it mean "If you shop at Lane Bryant and ice cream is your hobby, don't message." I am "curvy." You would not be attracted to me. And that is fine. Everyone is different. I don't feel put upon or belittled. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Nor do I need folks telling me the women I want are too good for me and have better options and that I should 'lower my expectations' or 'aim low'. There's nothing you can say to make me think that about myself. I can be shy sometimes, but other than that I'm the best version of me that I can be, and I think that's pretty damn good compared to much of what's out there. :lmao: That's right Ober, don't take any sh*t. That is messed up. Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I think there's something to the supply and demand argument. Everybody wants slim, smart, interesting women, and there's more men seeking those gals than there are on the market. They're certainly a rare commodity in the online dating world. I'll just have to put more effort into meeting and approaching them in real life, not online, until I find one who is receptive to my advances. This thread does seem to show that many people agree thin women are more attractive than overweight women, and I think society sends that message, too. Overweight women know this, of course. If you're getting attention exclusively from overweight women, it is likely because they judge (apparently correctly) that a man of your attractiveness is not getting attention from thin women, so they believe they have a better shot. In this way, increasing your attractiveness may increase the attention you get from thin women relative to overweight women. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Much of this unfair and uncalled for. So unless I date people I'm not attracted to, I'm a bad, rigid, or shallow person? If I were a good person, I would be dating women who do not turn me on? That's a truly incredible thing to say. I have a right to have my own preferences, and I can't just change what I want with a snap of my fingers. I am pretty stunned at the turn this thread has taken. I am a slim, toned, gym-going woman and yet I found your post pretty shallow. I can see why others were offended. So am I, but I didn't. And I can't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Maybe there is something that just doesn't attract the slim ones. I don't mean to sound mean but I have become aware that, well, some of your posts on here are not 'attractive' personality wise (if it makes any difference I'm slim). Maybe some of that comes across to those you chat with. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I think what the OP was attempting to do was point out how deceptive some women can be w/OLD. I actually make a thread awhile back dealing w/photo trickery..LOL Let's say a HUGE woman (250-300lbs) takes pictures from weird angles or uses Photoshop to make herself look smaller. Then she says she's got an "athletic and toned" or "curvy" body frame. This has WAY less to do w/her weight, and much more to do w/her being deceptive and wasting somebody's time. I've actually dated women that were larger (180-200lbs) who I found to be extremely sexy. However, they owned their body type and were confident. So that was a big part of the attraction. Since OLD is essentially blind dating, the least people can do is provide accurate photos and descriptions to give everyone an informed decision of what they're getting into. If someone makes it clear what they're looking for and it's not you, don't portray yourself in a false way to deceive that person. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
losangelena Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I think what the OP was attempting to do was point out how deceptive some women can be w/OLD. I actually make a thread awhile back dealing w/photo trickery..LOL Let's say a HUGE woman (250-300lbs) takes pictures from weird angles or uses Photoshop to make herself look smaller. Then she says she's got an "athletic and toned" or "curvy" body frame. This has WAY less to do w/her weight, and much more to do w/her being deceptive and wasting somebody's time. I've actually dated women that were larger (180-200lbs) who I found to be extremely sexy. However, they owned their body type and were confident. So that was a big part of the attraction. Since OLD is essentially blind dating, the least people can do is provide accurate photos and descriptions to give everyone an informed decision of what they're getting into. If someone makes it clear what they're looking for and it's not you, don't portray yourself in a false way to deceive that person. He may partially be saying that, but his issue is more that he can't seem to get the attention of women he is attracted to. The fact that he has not been more diligent in verifying the true nature of some of the women he's met is not all the fault of LE FATS. Who cares if heavy ladies message him, that doesn't mean he has to date them. Lest we all be so naive, I'm pretty sure most people know that headshots + curvy = fat, just as Netflix + chill = sex. Please, we do not need another thread about how "deceptive" those evil, fat fatties are. If you want to keep windging about that, we can resurrect your thread. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 It's annoying when people deceive you. But after spending a bit of time with online dating you soon learn to recognise the signs. It's something everyone goes through. I read on Evan Marc Katz's blog something which I'll paraphrase as such - "You don't attract a certain type; you accept a certain type". So no-one is uniquely getting singled out by a particular type, it's just that those are the type they choose to interact with, accept into their lives and choose to date. And no it doesn't matter what you look like either. If you don't want to date a certain type, then don't. You have every right to exercise your free will. I think people are mainly trying to say "make sure you realistically assess your options" but we don't know what you look like behind a computer screen so don't let those comments affect you. Everything is just guesswork since no one on her knows you or your real life. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Please, we do not need another thread about how "deceptive" those evil, fat fatties are. If you want to keep windging about that, we can resurrect your thread. First of all, you know for a fact that I stressed repeatedly in my thread that it was never about weight. It was about deception. Secondly, I also said repeatedly in that thread that I've dated larger women and even find a few extra lbs attractive. Especially when they're confident and own their actual body frame. But read the post he made here : So, what's happening is that most of the dates I get are via online dating, and on more occasions than not, I've been dismayed and surprised when my date showed up being much more 'plump' than she presented herself in her dating profile. It's hard to tell what people's weight issues are when they're only using headshots, and when they check their body type as 'curvy'. I mean, wtf does that even mean? This makes it seem like his main gripe is that the women he meets online are misrepresenting themselves which is why I was reminded of my thread back in the day. Link to post Share on other sites
PrettyEmily77 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I just don't get why ppl make things more difficult than they have to be for themselves. This thread is really depressing. Stop doing OLD if it's not working for you. There. Simple. If all you get is ppl you don't want, don't go back. It's not about your own level of attractiveness or how ppl abuse OLD and present themsrlves in a false light, it could really just be that the women you do want aren't actually on there. Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 And I thought this was the point of the thread: I don’t understand why this keeps occurring. What must I do to attract the women that are right for me and that have the traits that I desire? Why aren't I attracting those women? Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 The answer is pretty simple: Stop dating people who aren't attractive to one and start approaching those who are and keep at it until tired of it or success is achieved. Do what nearly all males on the planet do, in nearly all aspects of life, challenge and adversity. Adapt and overcome. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
h0000 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 lol I don't get all the hate in this thread. "You can't attract them because you are not good enough yourself." Come on, OP is just asking for a healthy, fit woman. Not a Victoria Secret model. It's not that much to ask for. I am sure he is good enough to get what he wants. OP is just a little naïve when it comes to OLD. If she is real skinny, she will list herself as "slim". If she is fit, she will list herself as "slim". If she has some good curves, she will list herself as "slim". If she is chubby, she will 50% chance list herself as "slim". If she is fat, she will list herself as "curvy". Keep looking. It can be a long process for some people 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 .... Come on, OP is just asking for a healthy, fit woman. Not a Victoria Secret model. It's not that much to ask for. .... No, he’s not JUST looking for a skinny, healthy and/or fit woman. He wants a woman he does not see as overweight AND has a cute butt, who is educated, never married, childless, outgoing, non-smoker, without emotional problems, who is a good conversationalist about books, films, politics and art. Drug addicts can be very skinny. He is not considering drug addicts. He does not even drink soda. Let me tell ya… all of those other traits are equally as limiting as weight and probably more so. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thecrucible Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 No, he’s not JUST looking for a skinny, healthy and/or fit woman. He wants a woman he does not see as overweight AND has a cute butt, who is educated, never married, childless, outgoing, non-smoker, without emotional problems, who is a good conversationalist about books, films, politics and art. Sounds like me minus the emotional problems lol 2 Link to post Share on other sites
BlueIris Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Sounds like me minus the emotional problems lol :laugh: Me too! But I frolic in the garden of gloriously mad women. All of my best friends are crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 lol I don't get all the hate in this thread. "You can't attract them because you are not good enough yourself." Come on, OP is just asking for a healthy, fit woman. Not a Victoria Secret model. It's not that much to ask for. I am sure he is good enough to get what he wants. OP is just a little naïve when it comes to OLD. If she is real skinny, she will list herself as "slim". If she is fit, she will list herself as "slim". If she has some good curves, she will list herself as "slim". If she is chubby, she will 50% chance list herself as "slim". If she is fat, she will list herself as "curvy". Keep looking. It can be a long process for some people Yes, but who is he "asking" for that? Us? He should better ask women who he IS attracted to, to go on dates with him, instead of asking WHY the fatties message him. Really! I mean, stop your whining and go figure out how to do better. Never in any situation in life is productive to blame others and/or circumstances for your lack of success. You don't have money? "They" or Obama or your parents, or your husband/wife/co-workers are not to blame, it's you. Do something about it! You can't find someone you're attracted to for dating? Stop blaming the fatties, it's NOT their fault, it's still on you to do something to change that. I personally always metaphorically roll my eyes at anyone who whines and complains about "others" instead of taking charge. Very immature. It's always you. Ask out women you like. Or be more attractive (and I don't necessarily mean good looking). You know what I'd do first? I'd change my profile to say something like "I love being active and one of the things I enjoy most in a relationship is going for a run/bike ride/gym workout with my life partner every day of the week". "Fatties" will not go for that. Then message all hot women and delete all messages from non-hot women. And stop your whining. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 that explains everything. Yeah, that's what came to mind when reading through all replies. Thin women are in high demand, you gotta stand out and bring so much to the table just to date a girl with an athletic figure. Like damn. Lol Link to post Share on other sites
Mrlonelyone Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 So, overweight women are attracted to the thread starter because he overestimates his attractiveness to women? I'd love to work this angle but other matters intrude. Please elaborate as more information on this phenomenon is discovered! I think that is a bias against "overweight" women. Now he names a weight range at some point. I think he says he'd be good with even a 200 lb woman. So he's talking clinically obese women. The question in my mind is why would people think that overweight or obese women would have different preferences than women who are thin? What looks good, looks good. Science can quantify it with numbers and social scientist have crunched those numbers. The result is that on average people who are more similar tend to pair off with eachother. The more similar people are the more they are likely to pair off marry and be happy with the match. SO if the OP is a thin fit man and he wants a thin fit woman he's just a normal person. Link to post Share on other sites
Maxtor Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 I dated some women that were overweight, not extreme overweight, a little bit chubby. I wont do it again, because I am extremely disciplined regardings training and eating. I wont settle for anyone who doesnt do the same. Eating crappy stuff is for people without discipline. Link to post Share on other sites
LilaMarie Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 I've heard smokers are thin (I don't know how true that is).... might want to try that dating site www.smokersingles.com www.petitedatingsite.com Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted October 7, 2015 Share Posted October 7, 2015 They got so offended that they're ganging up on him trying to discredit him and make him feel bad. They do that all the time on here. Every girl wants a catch, the best looking and best all around guy they can get. Someone they can show off to their friends, maybe make them jealous. For a big girl, he's a catch. For a thin, kinda cute girl, the bar is set higher. That's why they're single. Link to post Share on other sites
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