Weezy1973 Posted October 5, 2015 Share Posted October 5, 2015 Hi everybody - this is more for women in their 40s plus. I'm 42 and have recently started dating a woman that I'm pretty head over heels about. We've been extremely honest and open with each other almost from date one, and seem to have a real connection. That being said, I've seen pictures of a few of her exes (just through random sharing of pictures and memories) and they are VERY traditionally handsome, chiseled etc. I, on the other hand, am not. I'm fit, but I'd say overall average. About a 6. She tells me that she's no longer interested in those types of guys, and now finds good guys like me to be attractive. Can this happen? And if so, is it a real change in what a woman finds attractive? Or is it just the logical part of her brain telling her what she should find attractive, even if it's not her type? I'm of the mind that nobody should settle and I certainly don't want to be settled for. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Oh, so you think that at this point in her life, she is "settling"? I've been with different guys who - some differ. I've been with fit guys, thin guys, guys with a bit of belly. I've been with broke guys, guys with money for sure, tall guys, short guys. Thing is, when I meet someone - yes, I have certain things I'm looking for but with each RL I weigh the pros/cons and make up my mind if the "over all" picture is worth it. Now, IMO, women are more forgiving of looks and/or physical appearance if there's a real connection with the guy. I think it goes back to biology. Women are more interested in an "emotional" connection over a physical one. Men are more visual and visually appealing women is what usually is a priority for them. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Weezy1973 Posted October 6, 2015 Author Share Posted October 6, 2015 Oh, so you think that at this point in her life, she is "settling"? No, I don't think so at this point. But it's the early, "honeymoon" stage. When reality hits that I'm just a regular dude compared to her usual hot boyfriends, will she be disappointed? If attraction really can change, and indeed I now am her type, not a problem. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 No, I don't think so at this point. But it's the early, "honeymoon" stage. When reality hits that I'm just a regular dude compared to her usual hot boyfriends, will she be disappointed? If attraction really can change, and indeed I now am her type, not a problem. Well, sorry, the only way to figure out if this is just a phase or something is to actually "date" her. That's what dating is all about. We take time and spend with another person to see if we are a "match". That takes like 1 1/2 to two years of "dating" (not friends, co-workers, shack-ups). Cuz in that time, you two will experience different things together and if this is just a "phase", you'll find out in 1 1/2 - 2 years cuz people can't hide their fangs for long. Give her a chance. I hate guys who cut me off at the pass cuz they think that they're not my type. On OLD, months ago, a guy gave me his tel - but he included a little statement that he felt I was "out of his league" well, guess what? Since he already is starting this off with a defeatist attitude, I didn't even bother calling him. Cuz, I don't have time to be with someone always doubting "why" I'm with him. Link to post Share on other sites
LuckyLady13 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 This might be helpful. I'm about the same age and if you saw my ex's, two are blonde and the strange thing about that is, blondes aren't my type! I ended up with them because of the people they were, not their hair color. One was a Chippendale (bangin' body!) but he seriously was not my type. And I'm sitting here now thinking...maybe that's why it didn't work out with them in the end? I do think women are as visual of creatures as men (don't want to date a guy if he isn't sexy) but a difference between men and women, I think, may be that women are more open to dating someone who isn't their "type" if he's a really cool guy and he can become her type over a short period of time because a great personality is so attractive! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
newmoon Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 what makes you think the 'hot dudes' weren't also great people? it sounds like you think she's dropping her standards for you. let see pics... maybe you're also hot Link to post Share on other sites
xxoo Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 No, I don't think so at this point. But it's the early, "honeymoon" stage. When reality hits that I'm just a regular dude compared to her usual hot boyfriends, will she be disappointed? If attraction really can change, and indeed I now am her type, not a problem. I bet she thinks you're hot. Hot men is about SO much more than appearance. Probably she finally figured that out. Good for her! And you! Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 She may simply be maturing in her tastes, so that she cares more about substance than flash. If you were talking about changes in attraction within a relationship, then I'd say it's far easier to lose it than build or rebuild it - but that's not the scenario here. However, in a nod to another thread on wild sex, if she won't engage in sexual acts with you that she engaged in happily with those prior chiseled guys, then she may be settling for the safe choice rather than the exciting one! Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 This might be helpful. I'm about the same age and if you saw my ex's, two are blonde and the strange thing about that is, blondes aren't my type! I ended up with them because of the people they were, not their hair color. One was a Chippendale (bangin' body!) but he seriously was not my type. And I'm sitting here now thinking...maybe that's why it didn't work out with them in the end? I do think women are as visual of creatures as men (don't want to date a guy if he isn't sexy) but a difference between men and women, I think, may be that women are more open to dating someone who isn't their "type" if he's a really cool guy and he can become her type over a short period of time because a great personality is so attractive! Well, looks are still important to me. I still have to find a guy attractive for him to get his foot in the door for me to look at the over all picture of "him". But no, he doesn't have to have chizzled abs, or baby blues. I mean, I go ga-ga over blue eyes - but am I gonna diss a handsome guy cuz he doesn't have blue eyes? Not... And yes, I've had hotties who cuz of their personalities - were "notties" Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 (edited) Just as for men, its not easy to be with someone who is traditionally good looking...I think men get less jealous about it, but I dont know if thats even true.. I mean there are lots of women who will drive themselves crazy when they see every woman in the room sizing up their man, and throwing darts at her at the same time..Even if he doesn't have a wandering eye, unless the woman has 1000% self confidence, she is gonna feel a bit insecure.. Seems like if another guy sees a guy with a hot woman, they give the guy the thumbs up...With women, it s more like "yuck, what does that guy see iin HER"!.... If a guy has a great body and maybe she doesn't, perhaps she then is going to wonder if he is judging her, even if not verbalizing it... So they settle for the average Joe with the average looks,,,,And then they wind up feeling much better about themselves and more secure as they then have less to be concerned about.. As always...Y-M-M-V TFY Edited October 6, 2015 by thefooloftheyear Link to post Share on other sites
seekingluck Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Attraction is built of more than just looks. If you are connecting, you can guarantee that makes you more attractive in her eyes. Keep doing what you are doing and building a connection with her. Don't worry about her exes. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 Yes, it can change. Just like it can change for men. Link to post Share on other sites
2.50 a gallon Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 (edited) Yes attraction can change. Two examples: Ex-fiancé told me from the start I was too old (she 22 me 27), to short, too poor, (I am a T-shirt and blue jeans guy, she liked her men to wear business suits, and too white, she being Hispanic. I tried to get a date with her for 3 months, with no luck. She worked in a sporting goods store. One day I was told no work the next day, so when buying worms I asked her if she wanted to got fishing with me the next morning. Was shocked when she said yes. She had never been fishing and wanted to try it and knew I was a good fisherman. She had never been to the river and saw it as a way to improve her tan for her two hot dates that weekend. Caught fish, took her to my place for a fish fry, a bottle of wine, and hours later I took her home after a shower. It must have been good sex because 12 hours later she was back at my door, wanting a repeat and both boy friends were history. Current GF, taller than me, I like long legs, she is out of my league in the looks department. She too liked her men taller, and with lots of muscles. Ex husband of 15 years was a military guy. When me met she had been living with and in love with her then BF, a semi-pro light heavy weight boxer, who just happened to be a dead ringer for her favorite bad guy actor Steven Segal. A couple of years later BF got into drug problems when he retired from the ring and left town to dry out. The plan was that they would reunite 6 months later when he got clean. She chose me as her first date, because I was short and skinny and would not crush her if we eventually had sex. Next week we will have been lovingly together for 20 years Edited October 6, 2015 by 2.50 a gallon Link to post Share on other sites
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