ConfusedWoman70 Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I have been with my husband for 25 years and married 15 years. I separated from him last year and moved out. I filed for divorce but he has yet to sign the papers. The reason I walked out of my marriage. First he cheated on me. Second, we grew apart. He was mentally, emotionally abusing me. He had a drinking problem. So after a year he is telling me that he changed and that I should try to work on our marriage instead of starting over with someone else. I really still love him, however I am tired of going back and nothing ever changes. I am torn between splitting of my family for good or finding someone who truly will complete me and love me without all the drama. Please help! Link to post Share on other sites
LoveMyCat Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 I would be very careful about believing he has "changed". Assuming he is in his forties, people don't change much at that age, in my opinion. Unless he has been in AA for a while and has not taken a drink in a significant period of time, months at least, I would not consider it. You need to find out more if you are thinking about reconciling. But if you have felt happier and safer this past year, this might be your answer. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedWoman70 Posted October 6, 2015 Author Share Posted October 6, 2015 Yes, he is in his 40's and has not been to AA at all. He's doing it on his own. What do you mean find out more? How do I go about that? I know I was happier but at the same time I miss our family functions that we used to do??? I am so confused. It maybe do to me be loney. I am not sure. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 The burden really should be on him to demonstrate that he's changed. It's not up to you to investigate that, he should be bringing that info forward. You could tell him that... Words don't mean much, it's ACTIONS, especially very different actions that would have meaning. Going to AA is an action, as are: * Seeing a counselor * Talking to a doctor * Reading a book * Changing his interaction style with you * Taking initiative to fix whatever you've asked him to fix * Writing a letter of apology * Treating you with consistent courtesy, respect and consideration however limited your interaction is * Managing his moods to avoid hurting or annoying you * Managing his behavior * Stopping hangouts with his old drinking buddies etc. That's what I'd do in his shoes if I had truly changed. OTOH, if I hadn't changed, I'd just nag at my spouse to cave and go along with my demands. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted October 6, 2015 Share Posted October 6, 2015 It is never guaranteed that you will find someone else. I always tell people that when you leave, but sure you are leaving because you will be happier ALONE than with that person. As for as him being changed, you can always propose that you two date each other for a while and see how it goes. You know like how boyfriend-girlfriends do. Have him over to your house often and/or you go to his and get comfortable being around each other. The idea is to let him get comfortable being together again and see if he reverts back to his old bad habits. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ConfusedWoman70 Posted October 6, 2015 Author Share Posted October 6, 2015 Thank you guys for all your time and input. I really appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
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