My married boss might be flirting with me, and I like it.

[Randomnameacb]

I've been working at my new job for almost a year now. I work closely with my boss and I report directly to him. A few months ago I started getting a feeling that he has been flirting with me. We are both married.

 

Some examples are, he mentions if he likes something that I'm wearing. He will fist bump with me. He mentions how he "loves" when I say something (once he said he loved that I said his name in a certain way during a meeting) or "loves that" I think a certain way.

 

He also likes to tell me that he thought about me over the weekend and will tell me why or in what context- which is always appropriate- it's usually something I've said that he'll be reminded about over the weekend but every Monday he tells me how he thought about me over the weekend.

 

 

He also always tells me how great I am at my job, how amazing it's been since I've been apart of the team And how much he likes me.

 

 

Is he just a nice guy? Or are these signs that he might be interested? We do have a lot in common and spend a lot of time together, so maybe in these past few months he has grown not only a work admiration towards me but an intimate admiration towards me as well.

 

I am actually liking the attention and might be interested, I am wondering if these signs suggest that he is interested in me so I can let him know in subtle ways that I'm interested. My marriage is perfectly fine and I know his is also, I think this is just an attraction thing where we don't want anyone to get hurt in the end.

 

I am not looking for advice on how to get over this, I am looking to find out if the signs that I think are there, are actually that of someone who is being flirtatious with me. I can always control what happens and what doesn't in the end.

[Jacob_Duluoz]

Do not initiate a romantic relationship with your employer.

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

Sounds like you guys are on a slippery slope. My take, he is infatuated with you, and you are with him. You will both try and push the boundaries, see how far you can take it w/o actually taking it to the next phase. Problem is how do you just jump off a ride that is so satisfying at this point? This is a road that leads to emotional affairs, then the next stop is a physical affair. Then the next stop is hurt and pain, followed by losing jobs and loved ones. Still sound like such a great ride? Because no matter what anyone says, at this stage, yes it does look like a wonderful ride to both of you. So go ahead and push forward on your journey through hell. Don't say nobody warned you though when you are in unimaginable pain.

 

If you were at a theme park and they had a ride that guaranteed one of the most fun and thrilling rides of your life for the first half of the ride. Then guaranteed you the second half of the ride is pure terror and will cause nothing but severe pain and emotional distress. Would you jump on that ride just to experience the first half knowing damn well the horror that is in store for you? Of course not. The damnable thing about it is the infatuation only makes you see the first half of that ride. And guess what, this is not a rollercoaster you have any control over, no matter what you try to convince yourself of. You can't stop that second half of the ride, I can't stress this enough. Even if nobody but you gets hurt in the end, you just simply can't imagine the pain you are going to feel.

 

Please make the right choice. Nobody, and I mean nobody should subject themselves or their loved ones to that type of pain and anguish. Doesn't matter how thrilling that first half may look, doesn't matter how amazing it makes you feel. It will only end in the most painful and unforgiving way imaginable.

[SoulCat]

This is a sure-fire way to tank your career.

 

 

As the old saying goes, 'don't cr@p where you eat'.

[Lion Heart]

I've been working at my new job for almost a year now. I work closely with my boss and I report directly to him. A few months ago I started getting a feeling that he has been flirting with me. We are both married.

 

Some examples are, he mentions if he likes something that I'm wearing. He will fist bump with me. He mentions how he "loves" when I say something (once he said he loved that I said his name in a certain way during a meeting) or "loves that" I think a certain way.

 

He also likes to tell me that he thought about me over the weekend and will tell me why or in what context- which is always appropriate- it's usually something I've said that he'll be reminded about over the weekend but every Monday he tells me how he thought about me over the weekend.

 

 

He also always tells me how great I am at my job, how amazing it's been since I've been apart of the team And how much he likes me.

 

 

Is he just a nice guy? Or are these signs that he might be interested? We do have a lot in common and spend a lot of time together, so maybe in these past few months he has grown not only a work admiration towards me but an intimate admiration towards me as well.

 

I am actually liking the attention and might be interested, I am wondering if these signs suggest that he is interested in me so I can let him know in subtle ways that I'm interested. My marriage is perfectly fine and I know his is also, I think this is just an attraction thing where we don't want anyone to get hurt in the end.

 

I am not looking for advice on how to get over this, I am looking to find out if the signs that I think are there, are actually that of someone who is being flirtatious with me. I can always control what happens and what doesn't in the end.

 

Ask him.

Even better ask his wife.

Ask your husband.

 

Lion Heart.

[Midwestmissy]

Agreed about not defecating where you eat. My h was that boss. What he says now is that an affair at work is like grabbing the candy from the cubicle candy jar. It's. Just. There. Just like people who take off with the nanny. You have to pass her bedroom to refill your coffee, so hey, it's there. It's not meant to be, it's easy. You could be anyone. It's also just a candy, nothing nutritious or satisfying for very long.

 

He also didn't respect her because of what she was doing behind her own husbands back. Irony. He thought it was all trashy and gross in the end. But boy do I remember when it was going on. I wished he had been treating me with so much attention. Ouch. (I was not aware. Well I sensed, but, I believed in him).

 

It's not about you, he's grooming you to get his needs met. If he respected you he would have boundaries about what's appropriate in the workplace. This is not. Think about men you respect professionally and how they have barriers that keep you from knowing personal details. Their wives are never discussed, their vacations, when they are at work, they work. Things are blurring and it's going to end poorly.

 

They thought they were bulletproof. Innocent fun. First workplace affair with no negative consequences. Meanwhile it was not special or original.

 

My h risked a family business for a 6 mo affair. His boundaries sucked because she flattered him, he could pretend to be the big boss with power etc. She was let go (I'd have preferred he left, but it's family) and she took a huge demotion. This wasn't her first rodeo. My kids knew her and were repulsed. And I haven't touched on the chaos. My son is a senior who had to explain to his college advisor that his grades were a bit wonky because of the hell in our house after the affair came to light. How his relationship with his father had changed. Horrible things for teens to read and hear.

 

You know the answer. Flirt with your husband, be classy and have self respect, boundaries and pride.

[qubist]

Slippery slope Alert!!!

be aware of 2 things;

1- almost all affairs started like this

2- like what Soulcat said: "don't cr@p where you eat" you just need to keep it professional at work

[ScienceGal]

You seem to have little concern for anything other than whether you can engage in a more than platonic relationship with him, so just go for it. Throw yourself at him and then you'll have your answer.

 

Who cares about your self-respect, career, or his wife, right?

[m.snow]

this is how almost all affairs start,a constant innocent flirting reciprocated.

you must have a firm matter of fact attitude.

 

you should inform your husband about this.

 

lack of communication between partners is the downfall of any relationship.

 

communicate to your spouse the needs unmet. and not to another person.

[harrybrown]

You really think you can control what happens in the end?

 

You are fooling yourself.

 

So be sure to tell your H about your A. You have already started the EA.

 

Would it be ok with you if your H has an EA?

 

At the end you will not have any control. Just devastation.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

If your marriage was fine & you were in love with your husband, you would be upset that your boss is attracted to you, not be thrilled about it & hoping it goes further.

[autumnnight]

Here's a question: What kind of person do you want to see looking back at you in the mirror each day, one with character or one without character?

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

I don't think OP is in an EA at this point. I don't think dual attraction means EA. She is still trying to determine if he is flirting. Let me ask you this OP, how do you know his M is fine with his wife? Have you guys discussed your Ms with each other? If not, then I bet I can guess his next move. He will look upset one day and tell you all about how him and his wife are having problems at home. This is his way of telling you he is available to you. He will tell you all kinds of things about her, how she doesn't do this or that for him. If this conversation ever comes up, run like hell!!! Just remember this post!! I can guarantee this conversation will happen. When it does, you can recognize it for what it truly is, which is not him looking for comfort. He is laying it out there that he is available to you. He is most likely lying as well. Or at least exaggerating the truths of the problems in their M to make it seem like they're on the rocks. Your best response at this point would he to shut down and withdrawal from him. I can't make this any easier for you then I just did. Watch for this move, then run like hell.

[privategal]

He can already see your an easy target and eating it all up.

These are the most generic compliments of ALL time...used plenty of times before.

Whats happening is, you feel special, he is striking your ego, giving you "highs" you haven't felt in awhile, its flattering of course. And its a turnon for him to have a subordinate all giggly, flattered, paying more and more attention and responding favorably...

I can PROMISE you its a world of pain, literally a living hell, a walking nightmare you are about to embark on.

And if you visit the om/ow forum theres a thread there titled 'if you had to choose again' very eye opening to see everyone say they wish they could go back and never get involved.

 

You can either follow the advice so far and change your mind, heart and evo and get back to professional and push away advances 100% or you can choose to ignore...but from the outside looking in your boss is a schmuck.

So tacky and corny his lines I almost laughed.

So ridiculous that you should actually feel insulted and disrespected but your blushing like a 15 year old girl.

Wake up...read up...this is a Huge mistake.

[Poutrew]

Guys, why try forestalling the inevitable? This woman is on the path to destroying her family. She will not stop - the decision to continue is written in the title to this post - "She Likes It". In a few months or years there will be another post by this individual looking for sympathy, "I threw away a beautiful marriage and destroyed my life. And my boss fired me to cover his ass with his own woman". Boo Hoo.... followed by a dozen pages of misery. Sometimes, just telling the child to not touch the stove isn't enough. You have to actually let them touch it. I really feel in my bones that this is the case with this one...

[privategal]

Guys, why try forestalling the inevitable? This woman is on the path to destroying her family. She will not stop - the decision to continue is written in the title to this post - "She Likes It". In a few months or years there will be another post by this individual looking for sympathy, "I threw away a beautiful marriage and destroyed my life. And my boss fired me to cover his ass with his own woman". Boo Hoo.... followed by a dozen pages of misery. Sometimes, just telling the child to not touch the stove isn't enough. You have to actually let them touch it. I really feel in my bones that this is the case with this one...

 

I couldn't begin to agree more...all the most thoughtful well intentioned voice of reason cant help her now. Shes already waist deep and the affair is already on. Just an ea now.

Hard to watch but necessary for her to learn her own lessons as so many of us have. Ugh. This guy has balls. He knows how to spot them.

[Bryanp]

Would it bother you if your husband engaged in an affair at work as well?

[fellini]

Well if your boss really cared about you, and thought your work was fantastic, that's great. It's a shame that male bosses cannot say the same things to male employees that they so freely say to females.

 

But if you allow yourself to think that being good at your job, being really good at something you like doing should be a good enough reason to start a romantic relationship with someone, then

 

you aren't really doing your job, you are disrupting it.

 

he cannot really "like you" as a person, because we do not DESTROY the ENTIRE LIVES of people we like to think of as our friends by having an affair with them.

[Randomnameacb]

I want to make it clear that no EA has started. What I am assuming is happening is casual flirting.

 

Another poster stated something about how he could just be saying nice things to me and knows he can say certain things because I am a woman, and those things might come off differently if I were a man. Would I be thinking now he's flirting with me if I were a man?

 

He could just be really nice to me and I'm taking it the wrong way.

[TrustedthenBusted]

bound·a·ry

ˈbound(ə)rē/Submit

noun

plural noun: boundaries

a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line.

"the eastern boundary of the wilderness"

synonyms: border, frontier, borderline, partition; More

a limit of a subject or sphere of activity.

"a community without class or political boundaries"

synonyms: dividing line, divide, division, borderline, cutoff point

"the boundary between art and advertising"

limits, parameters, bounds, confines;

ambit, compass

"the boundaries of acceptable behavior"

[Clay]

I want to make it clear that no EA has started. What I am assuming is happening is casual flirting.

 

Another poster stated something about how he could just be saying nice things to me and knows he can say certain things because I am a woman, and those things might come off differently if I were a man. Would I be thinking now he's flirting with me if I were a man?

 

He could just be really nice to me and I'm taking it the wrong way.

 

Just tell this to your husband and see how he feels. Maybe there is some really nice woman at his work he can get some extra attention from.

 

You know whats right and wrong and your playing with fire. You don't need a sign or a hand written note to tell you that this is wrong in so many ways. The sad thing about it and just like so many others have experienced when they played this game is reality sets in when your handed divorce papers and there is no turning back.

 

Tell your boss your married and he needs to keep his personal comments to himself or get a divorce from your husband so you can have your boss's attention.

 

Either way if you don't put a stop to this now nothing is going to turn out the way you want it.

 

C

[DKT3]

I want to make it clear that no EA has started. What I am assuming is happening is casual flirting.

 

Another poster stated something about how he could just be saying nice things to me and knows he can say certain things because I am a woman, and those things might come off differently if I were a man. Would I be thinking now he's flirting with me if I were a man?

 

He could just be really nice to me and I'm taking it the wrong way.

 

Or he could be flirting and your still taking it the wrong way.

 

The question has been asked several times "how would you feel if your husband was doing this with another woman?" I ask because since its you, you see if in a different light. Right NOW you feel you have it under control and you don't intend on going past this point. The problem is most people that have been in full blown affairs had this same sense of control at one point. By staying engaged with your boss on this level, slowly the limits will be pushed and the boundaires broken. At some point FEELING will get involved and you will lose that sense of control.

 

You need to affair proof your marriage and it starts with you stopping NOW. Stop taking those baby steps towards an affair. Share with your husband that you feel your boss is flirting with you. By keeping it hidden you allow it to grow.

 

Alast, I feel this thread and our warnings will be fruitless, because you enjoy the attention and look forward to it. You are already changing, soon you will be dressing alittle sexier, looking for reasons to be around him more and the worse part looking for bad in your husband and marriage.

 

You are well on your way. Those of us who have had affairs send our lives on a detour can see it coming. But its your life and marriage.

[nightmare01]

I am not looking for advice on how to get over this, I am looking to find out if the signs that I think are there, are actually that of someone who is being flirtatious with me. I can always control what happens and what doesn't in the end.

 

Give me a break. You KNOW he's flirting. You KNOW this is crossing a boundary that should be maintained. You KNOW these things, and that's why you posted here.

 

You're on a path that will destroy your marriage, and will probably cost you your job. You're heading toward wrecking other people's lives.. scarring your husband permanently. And because it feels good you don't care.

 

I'll give you some advice that you won't take. Transfer to another position within the company where you will have NO contact with your current boss. OR quit your job and find another. In either case block all avenues of communication your boss might use to contact you. AND tell your husband what happened and what you are doing to protect your marriage and him.

 

You won't do any of that of course, and that's sad for all concerned.

[bubbaganoosh]

I want to make it clear that no EA has started. What I am assuming is happening is casual flirting.

 

Really? In your first post you said your liking the attention and might be interested so it isn't casual flirting. Your looking for an excuse to push it further.

 

I think you looking for an excuse. I just wonder how you would feel if your husband did the same thing to you.

 

You claim your marriage is perfectly fine and if that's the case then why are you looking for ways to continue this nonsense? To me it seems like your looking for an excuse to stray so keep this foolishness up and when it blows up in your face then you'll be crying the blues that your husband threw you out.

 

Read some of the posts in the infidelity section. Tell you how this will end. There will be a office party, you'll get drunk, screw your boss, get caught, then blame the booze, being drunk and didn't know what you were doing when you get busted and your husband is looking for a lawyer, then whining why he left.

 

Do yourself a favor and grow up and act like a married woman and adult before you do real damage.

[Mr. Lucky]

I am not looking for advice on how to get over this, I am looking to find out if the signs that I think are there, are actually that of someone who is being flirtatious with me. I can always control what happens and what doesn't in the end.

 

OK then, yes it sounds as though he is both flirtatious with you and interested in going further.

 

There's already been plenty of discussion regarding the downside of a work-place affair with your married supervisor. What do you see as the upside of continuing as you're doing?

 

Mr. Lucky