My married boss might be flirting with me, and I like it.

[Randomnameacb]

Actually, I just wrote a similar post elsewhere just asking if he was flirting with me. The response was "that's hardly flirting, but I think you want him to flirt with you."

 

So maybe it is all in my head. Maybe I just want him to flirt with me because I want the attention and I like it.

 

Other than that, my marriage is perfectly fine, I have no complaints. I get compliments daily from him. I also know that my husband wouldn't stray because he doesn't work with any women. And no he will never be with a man.

[CarrieT]

This is very confusing. Here it seems as though you have had sex:

He just wanted sex.

 

But I'm ok with that.

 

So that's what we did.

 

And here it does not seem as though you have:

Actually, I just wrote a similar post elsewhere just asking if he was flirting with me. The response was "that's hardly flirting, but I think you want him to flirt with you."

 

So maybe it is all in my head. Maybe I just want him to flirt with me because I want the attention and I like it.

 

Other than that, my marriage is perfectly fine, I have no complaints. I get compliments daily from him. I also know that my husband wouldn't stray because he doesn't work with any women. And no he will never be with a man.

 

Which is it?

[Randomnameacb]

I was frustrated before because everyone just assumed I'm going to sleep with the guy so I gave everyone what they wanted.

 

The truth is, nothing has happened and now that I go through everything in my head maybe he's not even flirting with me. Maybe it's all in my head.

[BlueIris]

Other than that, my marriage is perfectly fine, I have no complaints. I get compliments daily from him. I also know that my husband wouldn't stray because he doesn't work with any women. And no he will never be with a man.

 

It's not fine, though, since you're getting excited about another man. You could say that your marriage is fine for you, but it already isn't for your partner. He just doesn't know yet. So sad.

[Randomnameacb]

My original post was a question asking if my boss is flirting with me.

 

Clearly he's not. I'm just someone who likes attention from someone else that I know I can trust. If a stranger were flirting with me I'd think they would be a creep.

[Mr Blunt]

My original post was a question asking if my boss is flirting with me.

Probably

 

Clearly he's not. I'm just someone who likes attention from someone else that I know I can trust. If a stranger were flirting with me I'd think they would be a creep.

 

 

almost everybody likes attention, you just have to be careful what that attention can lead to.

I am a man and I would not be giving a woman that much attention unless I wanted more. Maybe he is one of the rare exceptions. My guess is that you like the attention so much that you are putting an innocent spin on every possibility. Am I right?

 

 

 

 

 

You seem to evade answering questions about your husband would your husband be alright with what is happening? Are you going to tell him? Would you be happy if he was getting that kind of compliments and attention from a woman that he is not married to? Be honest.

[66Charger]

You asked a question. You got answers.

 

You just answered your own question.

 

So what are you doing here.

 

Besides f/#@jing with people's head, woman with no honor

[Mrs. John Adams]

I was frustrated before because everyone just assumed I'm going to sleep with the guy so I gave everyone what they wanted.

 

The truth is, nothing has happened and now that I go through everything in my head maybe he's not even flirting with me. Maybe it's all in my head.

 

no one assumed you were going to sleep with the guy....we all WARNED you that it could LEAD to having SEX with your boss. and NO ONE here wanted you to do it.

 

You are the one who told us the story...you are the one who asked for advice or help....

 

Everyone here believed that you were being honest and upfront with the information you shared...

 

If you were not...shame on you.

[privategal]

I was frustrated before because everyone just assumed I'm going to sleep with the guy so I gave everyone what they wanted.

 

The truth is, nothing has happened and now that I go through everything in my head maybe he's not even flirting with me. Maybe it's all in my head.

 

Maybe you need to get your story straight in your head.

And maybe if theres only "innocent" flirting you need to ask yourself why your not posting on the friendship board but rather the Infidelity forum.

And this guy is so much in your head that now your admitting to posting on multiple sights for advice on if he likes you and is flirting. Your an adult married woman.

You need advice on THAT?

Your in deep. Otherwise this would be a passing thing.

Its very very strange you gave a group of strangers who are trying to help you a lie that you had sex. It seems you aren't thinking clearly. Thats really very strange.

[pinkpositive]

You seem to have little concern for anything other than whether you can engage in a more than platonic relationship with him, so just go for it. Throw yourself at him and then you'll have your answer.

 

Who cares about your self-respect, career, or his wife, right?

 

Hahahaha crazy!!!! this made me laugh lol.

[fellini]

First of all, to an extent, yes, it is in your head - as I said earlier, he might have made the same kinds of remarks to male workers, but he doesn't.

 

It is "in your head" to the extent that EVERYTHING is "ultimately in our head, because we interpret. It is what we do, we cannot not put a spin on things.

 

The question is his intent, not how you took it.

 

Some men, and I knew how to be this way in the past, know how to just throw out the right kind of complements that say, "hey, I was just being friendly". They know how to throw out a flirt that looks like a complement. This way we don't put ourselves at risk of being rejected. It's a game.

 

And sometimes the game gets going - like it will in your case if you continue to be receptive to and display a particular body language to him - and sometimes it goes nowhere so we stop doing it, with that woman, and seek another.

 

So THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL anyone in an online forum can tell you what his intentions were: only he knows that, and he won't even admit it himself.

 

I'd say more about how this actually passed between my WW and her AP years ago but there are some BS's in me here who have abused me to no end so for saying it, so Ill say to you that it is quite possible that the groundwork is being laid, whether he even admits it to himself or not, and you should put an end to it on the NEXT encounter.

 

If he should try to up the stakes in the compliments area, and to me, he already has by talking about you "off worksite" - you should give him the cold shoulder. THEN go tell your husband that you think your boss is hitting on you and keep him informed.

 

I do not agree with any of the comments here that you have to find a new job, get away from him, etc. etc. I suspect there are other men in any new job you face and you will be right back where you are today.

 

This is very hard test of your boundaries. You need to pass it with your BOSS because moving away from him is not solving the problem, it is DELAYING your learning how to deal with workplace tension when it arises.

 

And it will continue to arise in any context you chose to work or live so you might as well deal with it now.

 

Which person do you want to be? That is the question before you, NOT: Is he flirting with me?

[Randomnameacb]

You were the nicest person on this thread. Thanks.

 

I'm moving on from this website now. I won't be checking this thread again.

 

Thanks to everyone.

[Clay]

Its not the web site. Its the this forum you chose to be in. This is the infidelity thread. You could have always gone over to the OM/OW section and get the support you wanted. People that are trying to recover from infidelity or reconcile are in this thread. People that want support engaging in a affair are in that sections.

 

Everything you have wrote gives the impression that you are not really in love with your husband and your looking for support to engage in this banter with your boss.

 

I think your lack of really engaging some of these people that actually are trying to get you to see how dangerous this is really speaks volumes to where your at on this.

 

I hope at least you will divorce your husband and set him free to find someone that will truly love him and respect him the way he is doing to you.

 

Good luck.

 

C

[fellini]

I think this is an unfair representation of this thread. Her posting here is based on the topic, not the people who "inhabit" this space. There are many many very active OM/OW in this section just as there are many many BS's in the OW/OM section.

 

I too am a BS, and still going through reconciliation, but this does not give me the right to over react to an OP who is posting in "my forum" as though BS's own this place and anyone who presumes to post should do some kind of previous assessment of its active members.

 

I think individual posters should take responsibility for their reactions, for their words, and the OP should not be told they somehow deserve to be maligned because they have entered into a world of "wounded people".

 

Its not the web site. Its the this forum you chose to be in. This is the infidelity thread. You could have always gone over to the OM/OW section and get the support you wanted. People that are trying to recover from infidelity or reconcile are in this thread. People that want support engaging in a affair are in that sections.

 

Everything you have wrote gives the impression that you are not really in love with your husband and your looking for support to engage in this banter with your boss.

 

I think your lack of really engaging some of these people that actually are trying to get you to see how dangerous this is really speaks volumes to where your at on this.

 

I hope at least you will divorce your husband and set him free to find someone that will truly love him and respect him the way he is doing to you.

 

Good luck.

 

C

[Mrs. John Adams]

Oh mylanta.......seriously?

No one treated this woman any differently than they treat anyone else who comes to this forum.

 

I believe she got what she came for.....

[autumnnight]

no one assumed you were going to sleep with the guy....we all WARNED you that it could LEAD to having SEX with your boss. and NO ONE here wanted you to do it.

 

You are the one who told us the story...you are the one who asked for advice or help....

 

Everyone here believed that you were being honest and upfront with the information you shared...

 

If you were not...shame on you.

 

I feel bad so I must confess...I did and DO assume she will sleep with this man. I believe she will continue to flirt, will sleep with him, and will hide it from her husband.

 

And she will not feel an ounce of remorse

[Mrs. John Adams]

Autumn....if the story is true...you could be right.

[Bendy_willow]

Ouch. Honestly, I understand where OP is coming from - she just voiced her true feelings and doesn't realize that she's on the precipice of a full blown affair. Maybe we interpreted the tone of her post wrong. I think the LS community is responding realistically in that it is a slippery slope, but some of the comments were super antagonistic. Like damn.

 

I think her situation was very similar to mine. Older man in power showering me with compliments. First related to work, then eventually how beautiful I was, then I love you, blah blah blah. Looking back there were plenty of red flags, but my mind wasn't too concerned at that time. I was thinking, "Hell yeah! I'm the *****. I can have my cake and eat it too. YOLO!!!!" So, I think that is where she is at now. Unfortunately, the pleasure outweighs the pain for her at the moment so there really isn't much we can say or do right now. It's only a matter of (wasted) time, but I'm not judging. It gets the best of us.

[merrmeade]

In the interest of fleshing out the real issue—what’s really going on and what OP may be distorting—I’ve done my list thing, grouping essential remarks in categories. IMO, seeing remarks of a certain kind grouped by dominant theme helps separate facts from fantasy. Lists under category headings are direct quotes.

 

To me, this makes it harder to claim

 

Background:

- working at new job for almost a year

- work closely with boss; report directly to him; spend a lot of time together

- have a lot in common

- feeling that he has been flirting

 

State of the marriage(s):

- both married

- marriage is perfectly fine

- no complaints

- husband wouldn't stray because he doesn't work with any women

 

OP examples of boss’ flirting behavior:

- boss’ affirmative remarks sort of job related:

o how great I am at my job

o how amazing it's been since I've been a part of the team

o "loves" when I say something

o "loves that" I think a certain way

o every Monday he tells me how he thought about me over the weekend, … will tell me why or in what context- which is always appropriate

- boss’ personal compliments:

o get compliments daily from him

o loved that I said his name in a certain way during a meeting

o likes something that I'

m

wearing

o how much he likes me

- fist bump

 

OP conjecture, vacillations, doubts:

- not only a work admiration towards me but an intimate admiration

- just an attraction thing where we don't want anyone to get hurt in the end

- could just be really nice to me and I'm taking it the wrong way

- Maybe I just want him to flirt with me because I want the attention and I like it.*

- I'm just someone who likes attention from someone else that I know I can trust

- Is he just a nice guy?

 

OP reaction to the flirting:

- liking the attention

- might be interested

- can let him know in subtle ways that I'm interested

 

OP justifications:

- can always control what happens and what doesn't in the end

- no EA has started

- casual flirting

 

OP request/question to LS:

- wondering if these signs suggest that he is interested in me

- are these signs that he might be interested?

- find out if the signs that I think are … actually that of someone who is being flirtatious with me

- not looking for advice on how to get over this

[William]

I reviewed the starting post and will apologize for this remaining as miscategorized in our Infidelity area as long as it was. It should have been in CFJ since no affair was active and the starter identified as single.

 

In any event, they've indicated they're moving on and, between all the moderation work here and the number of members moderated for violating our guidelines, I think it's time to close it up and call it done.